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Etiquette, Health and Beauty. 

A HAND-BOOK FOR POPULAR USE, 



COMPRISING 



THE USAGES OF THE BEST SOCIETY, 
A Manual of Social Etiquette; 



AND 



TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS ON HEALTH 
AND BEAUTY, 

Containing Chapters upon the General Care of the Health and 

the Preservation and Cultivation of Beauty in 

the Complexion, Hands, etc., etc. 



V 










FRANCES STEVENS 


and FRANCE 


M 








NEW 


YORK: 


A. L. 


BURT, 


PUBLISHER 




<^--C7 







a 



Copyright 1889, by A. L. Burt. 



PREFACE. 



Society, like any other complex organization, must ad- 
opt a code of rules for its proper management and mainte- 
nance, and these laws must find their authority in their per- 
fection of adaptability for attaining certain ends. The laws 
of etiquette, though they may sometimes appear trivial, all 
have a firm basis in some consideration of good taste, de- 
cency, modesty or common sense; and every refinement of 
ceremony which fashionable society can invent tends to 
increase the security and stability of the social system. 
Whatever enjoyment we obtain from society, from that ag- 
glomeration of morning calls, breakfasts, dinner parties, 
luncheons, evening entertainments, prolonged visits, rides, 
drives, operas, theaters, and all which go to make up the 
business of gay life, and some portion of which enters into 
all life; whatever enjoyment we obtain from our daily inter- 
course with others, is possible only through our obedience 
to the laws of that etiquette which governs the whole ma- 
chinery, keeps every cog and wheel in place, at its 
own work, which prevents jostling, and carries all things 
along comfortably to their consummation. Instead then of 
regarding the understanding of these laws as a trivial thing, 
we should rather look to see if observance of them will not 
lead the way to a still higher level of life and manners. For 
we may rest assured that etiquette, placing every individual, 
as it does, on the plane of sovereignty, never forgetting his 
rights and dignities, giving him his own place, and keeping 
others out of it, regarding always, as it will be found to do, 



4 PREFA CE. 

the sensitiveness of the most sensitive, destroying the ago- 
ny of bashfulness, controlling the insolence of audacity, re- 
pressing the rapacity of selfishness, has something to do 
with morality, and is an expression of the best that civiliza- 
tion has yet accomplished. 

There are fundamental principles of good breeding which 
all persons must observe in their intercourse with their fel- 
low-beings, or be cut off as entirely from such intercourse 
as if they existed on another planet. And besides, there 
are details in the arrangement of certain social occasions, 
as weddings, dinners, receptions, teas, etc., etc. which give 
the desired air of fashionable righteousness, without which, 
in many people, the pleasure of social communion would be 
but legendary. Most of our social laws are copied after 
those of the English, but the democratic character of our 
institutions has naturally largely modified them. We allow 
precedence to but two classes: — to women and the aged — or 
at least we do in theory; but considerations of station, cul- 
ture, and, we are sorry to say, even wealth are largely rec- 
ognized. 

Nothing is given in the following pages that has not the 
sanction of observance by the best society, best not merely 
in the sense of the most fashionable, but the most cultivated 
the most natural, and the most worthy of imitation. We 
shall go back to the alphabet of the subject, and if you, dear 
reader, are annoyed by the detailed description of customs, 
you and your friends have observed for ages, remember that 
these pages have been written for less perfect humanity, 
and be glad with the pharisaical rejoicing, "that you are not 
as they are." F. S. 

New York, 1884. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

PAGr.. 
Introductions and Salutations, ...... 7 

CHAPTER II. 
Visiting Cards and Visiting, 13 

CHAPTER III. 
Strangers and New-comers, 23 

CHAPTER IV. 

Engagements and Weddings - . . 28 

CHAPTER V. 
Receptions and Debuts, 50 

CHAPTER VI. 
Private Balls and Germans, 61 

CHAPTER VII. 
Fancy Dress and Masquerade Balls, with a few 

suggestions for costumes, 75 

CHAPTER VIII. 
Opera and Theater Parties, 85 

CHAPTER IX. 
Dining and Dinner Giving, 90 

CHAPTER X. 

Table Decorations and Table Etiquette, . . :oo 



6 CONTENTS. 

PAGE. 

CHAPTER XL 
Luncheons, Breakfasts and Teas, 113 

CHAPTER XII. 
The Art of Entertaining, and Entertaining 

on a Small Scale, 124 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Letter Writing and Written Invitations, . . 136 

CHAPTER XIV. 

Musical "At Homes" and Garden Parties, . 142 

CHAPTER XV. 
Traveling Manners, 147 

CHAPTER XVI. 
Etiquette of Mourning, 151 

CHAPTER XVII. 

Wedding and Birthday Anniversaries, with sug- 
gestions concerning presents for all occasions, 156 

CHAPTER XVIII. 
New Years Day Receptions 163 

CHAPTER XIX. 
Driving and Riding, 166 

CHAPTER XX. 

Important General Considerations— Chape- 
rons, 170 

CHAPTER XXL 
Brief Hints for Every Day Use 179 



He Usages of tie Best Society. 

CHAPTER I. 

INTRODUCTIONS AND SALUTATIONS. 

One who speaks with authority says "that per^ 
sons who have been born and reared in the best 
society never make a hasty presentation or intro- 
duction." 

In introducing the individuals, it should be 
first ascertained, if possible, whether the intro- 
duction be mutually agreeable; a gentleman 
should not be introduced to a lady unless her 
permission has been previously obtained. The 
proper form of introduction is to present the gen- 
tleman to the lady, the single lady to the mar- 
ried lady, the inferior in social standing to the 
superior, the unknown to fame to the famous, 
or the younger to the elder. In introducing, you 
say: "Mrs. A., allow me to introduce to vou Mr 
B. Mr. B., Mrs. A." 

When the difference in social standing between 
two ladies introduced is a debatable one, say, 
"Mrs. L., this is Mrs. M. Mrs. M.. Mrs. L." 
Always give a gentleman his appropriate title, 



8 THE USAGES OF 

for instance: the Rev. Mr. Smith, the Rev. Dr. 
Jones, Governor Brown, of Texas, Mr. Raphael, 
the artist, Mr. Shakespeare, the author of Hamlet. 
If he be a member of Congress, introduce him as 
the Honorable. 

If several persons are to be introduced to one 
individual, mention first the name of the one 
person, and then name the others in succession. 
A slight bow is all that courtesy demands as an 
acknowledgment to an introduction, hand-shak- 
ing having almost fallen into disuse, although 
two ladies may extend hands, and so also may 
gentlemen. 

If the married lady be glad to know the gentle- 
man presented she says so, with frankness and 
cordiality; the young lady simply bows and 
smiles. 

If there be any pleasure expressed, it is by tha 
gentleman, who seldom fails to say some com- 
plimentary thing. A married lady should al- 
ways extend her hand and express a cordial wel- 
come to the stranger brought to her home by 
her husband, or by a friend. 

At receptions, the hostess, unless requested, 
does not introduce her guests. In these days 
when society opens wide its doors, not only to 
the select few, but to the very many, the onus of 
doing the agreeable to a room full of people is 
felt by a hostess to be somewhat of a tax upon 
her powers, and she shrinks from making intro- 
ductions and prefers to allow the guests to 
amuse each other. Introductions should be con- 
sidered wholly unnecessary to a pleasant conver- 
sation. Every person should feel that he is, at 



THE BEST SOCIETY. g 

least for the time being, upon a social equality 
with every guest present. A lady or gentleman 
must conduct himself or herself, while remaining 
in the house, as if there were no more exalted 
society than that which is present. To converse 
above the comprehension of a temporary com- 
panion is an unpardonable rudeness, and to convey 
to a fellow guest the impression that surround- 
ings superior to the present are the only ones 
with which the speaker is familiar, is incontro- 
vertable testimony to the contrary. If pol- 
ished people were his only customary soci- 
ety, unpleasant comparisons would be im- 
possible to his tongue. Genuine excellence is 
never compelled to arrest or explain itself, if it 
happens to be thrown among a people with less 
polished formalities of manner. A nobility of 
sentiment compels its possessors to be agreeable 
to simpler folk whom they meet, and an intro- 
duction to an inferior in breeding and position, 
will never be met with other than a kindly ac- 
knowledgment. If they meet again, however, no 
recognition follows. At dinners, dances, etc., in- 
troductions are a social necessity, although it is 
well for young ladies to dance only with gentle- 
men of their own party, or with those they have 
previously known, it is the lady's privilege to 
determine whether she will recognize a gentle- 
man to whom she has been thus introduced. 

If while walking with a friend, you stop for a 
moment, to speak with another, the two are not 
introduced, but when you separate, the friend 
who accompanies you gives a parting salutation. 

After an introduction, it is the privilege of the 



io THE USAGES OF 

lady to determine whether she will recognize a 
gentleman, and he is bound to return her bow. 
It is not enough that he touch his hat — it should 
be lifted from his head. Between intimate 
friends it is immaterial who bows first, the lady 
or gentlemen. The lady may be distant or cor- 
dial in her salutation, and the gentleman must 
be responsive to her manner. 

It is said that " you should never speak to an 
acquaintance without a smile in your eyes," but, 
as a rule, for a lady upon the street, her smiles 
are few and her bows formal, but not discourte- 
ous. The body is not bent in bowing, the in- 
clination of the head is all that is necessary. 

The fashion of bowing, says an English writer, 
has undergone great changes since the days of 
the Georges. Now, the body must not be bent, 
only the head inclined, cordially or otherwise, 
according to circumstances; genuflections are 
relegated to dancing and posture masters, whose 
palmy days are now a thing of the past. In the 
time of the " merrie " monarch, the plumed and 
jeweled hat was doffed with a sweeping grace to 
the very ground and there held until the lady so 
saluted had passed or retired; now the hat is sim- 
ply raised in recognition of a fair acquaintance, 
who must give the initiative by a slight inclina- 
tion of the head, and we are informed by an aris- 
tocratic authority in matters of etiquette that "a 
gentleman returning the bow of a lady with 
whom he is slightly acquainted would do so with 
a deferential air, but if there were an intimacy, 
he would raise his hat with greater freedom of 
action, and considerable higher." 



THE BEST SOCIETY. n 

In France, it is the gentleman who bows first, 
and there too, the bow is the signal of recogni- 
tion between members of the sterner sex; in 
England, a nod suffices. A lady's obeisance to 
royalty fifty years ago, was an acrobatic feat. 
The knees were bent and the body slowly 
brought forward in graceful and reverent guise, 
the equilibrium being recovered by a backward 
movement, very difficult to perform with ease. 
But the monarchy waxes old, and republican 
manners, assertive of independence, make high- 
flown courtesy ridiculous; now a courtesy to roy- 
alty is merely a deep dip, a sudden collapse as if 
on springs, and as sudden a reattainment of the 
perpendicular. 

A well-bred woman will never be capricious in 
her public recognitions of gentlemen, nor will 
she be demonstrative. Self-respect will prevent 
her from expressing any private sentiments of 
dislike in her public greetings, although she may 
refuse to recognize an acquaintance for good and 
sufficient reasons. Her greetings will be fully 
polite, or they will not be given at all. She will 
not insult an acquaintance by a frigid salutation, 
which may be observed by strangers. 

A gentleman may ask a lady's permission to 
turn and accompany her, if he is a particular 
friend of her family, but he must not stand still 
in the street to converse with her. 

A gentleman walking with a lady touches his 
hat and bows to whomsoever she salutes in pass- 
ing. 

A gentleman always lifts his hat when offering 
a service to a strange lady, or when asking par- 



12 THE USAGES OF 

don for some heedlessness. She bows her ac- 
knowledgment, but does not speak. 

As it is not convenient for a gentleman when 
driving to lift his hat, etiquette permits a bow, 
with which the lady must be satisfied. If riding, 
he may lift his hat or touch it with his whip. 

When a gentleman enters a drawing-room for 
a short call, he always carries his hat leaving his 
overshoes, overcoat aad umbrella in the hall, if 
it be winter time. The lady, unless an invalid 
or advanced in years, rises to receive him, and 
extends her hand or not as she chooses; if she 
does so, the gentleman does not remove his 
glove, as of old. At his departure, the lady bows 
her adieux, but must not again extend her hand. 

A lady does not accompany a gentleman to the 
door of the parlor unless he be an elderly per- 
son, or some one whom she particularly desires 
to honor. 



THE BEST SOCIETY, 13 



CHAPTER II. 

VISITING CARDS AND VISITING. 

The texture of the card should be fine, and its 
engraving in plain script; written or printed cards 
are not used, the cost of engraving being trifling. 
Colored or glazed cards and the ornamentation 
sometimes seen, is in the worst possible taste. 

Only the recently-married have their names 
engraved on one card; this is of the largest size. 
Somewhat smaller is the one for the married la- 
dy, and smaller still the one for a gentleman. A 
young lady during her first season in society has 
her name engraved on her mother's card; if the 
mother is not living, the daughter's name is 
printed beneath that of her father on the usual 
lady's visiting card, but not on the smaller cards 
used by gentlemen. A brother and sister, if liv- 
ing alone, would have their names on the same 
cards. 

The name is in the center of the card, the ad- 
dress in the lower right-hand corner, the recep- 
tion day on the left hand-corner, as: 

Mrs. James Dash. 

Thursdays. 7 J 5 2 Fifth Ave?iue. 

or, 



14 THE USAGES OF 

Mrs. Dash. 

Miss (or Misses) Dash. 

7152 Fifth Avenue. 
For a gentleman: 

Mr. Richard Dash. 

Union Club. 29 E. 191st Street. 

The prefix "Mr." must always be used, or the 
professional or military title, as: 

Genera/ Dash. 

Rev. Charles Dash. 

Charles Dash, M. D. 

A widow may use either her own Christian 
name upon her card, or retain that of her husband. 
In New York society, etiquette allows each 
lady to decide this matter for herself, although 
in London it is not permissable for a lady to use 
other than her own Christian name. No lady 
ever suggests by her card her husband's occupa- 
tion, his civil or ecclesiastical rank or military 
position. If both names are engraved upon the 
same card, the following is the proper form: 

Gen. and Mrs. Dash. 

Rev. and Mrs. Dash. 
but never 

Mrs. Gen. Dash. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 15 

A lady may be mentioned as Mrs. Judge Dash, 
but she herself never assumes her husband's title. 
The custom of turning down the corners of cards 
is dying out. A plain card not turned down is 
the accepted style for every purpose, but for the 
benefit of very young ladies, who think it one of 
the pleasures of life to pinch down the corners 
of a card, the following rules may be of value: 
The right-hand corner turned down denotes a 
call in person. The left-hand lower corner, sim- 
ilarly mutilated, congratulation. The left-hand 
lower corner, condolence. 

Letters of introduction are not now so fre- 
quently used as formerly, the acquaintance to be 
formed between strangers being arranged by 
card. The person introducing writes upon the 
upper half at the left-hand corner of his or her 
own visiting card: 

Introducing^/^ 

Mrs. Carlos Dash. 

This card, with that of the lady introduced, is 
enclosed in an envelope, and either sent by post 
or messenger. The lady receiving the two cards 
must call in person, or if this be impossible some 
member of her family must call, or a letter be 
sent to explain the omission. A card of intro- 
duction requires especial and immediate atten- 
tion. When a lady announces upon her card 
that she is at home upon a certain day in the 
week to receive her friends, it is more consider- 
ate on their part to call upon that day than at 
other times. Among intimate friends this strict 



16 THE USAGES OF 

regard is not paid to times and seasons; it would 
indeed be distressing if informal calls were not 
allowable, if one could not run in of a morning 
in plain walking costume and indulge in a little 
gossip, if it be not "of unkind intent." 

Formal calls are made by ladies between three 
and five o'clock in the afternoon, half-past two 
and six being the earliest and latest allowable 
hours. The lady calling does not give her visit- 
ing card to the servant if the mistress of the 
house is at home. On leaving the house she 
leaves two of her husband's cards on the hall 
table, one card for the master and one for the 
mistress of the house. Having seen the lady 
she would not leave one of her own cards. If 
the person called upon is not at home, three 
cards are left; one of her own and two of her 
husband's, unless their names are engraved on 
one card, in which case only one of the gentle- 
man's is left. A lady leaves a card for a lady 
only, while a gentleman leaves for both the lady 
and gentleman. Cards are left for the daugh- 
ters of the family. If there are sons a lady 
would not leave her card but her husband's card 
or cards for them. If the lady and gentleman 
call and the mistress is at home, the gentleman 
leaves a card for the master of the house; but if 
both are at home, no cards are left. Etiquette 
now graciously permits a card to answer the per- 
pose of a call between persons moving in the 
same circle who wish to be on very ceremonious 
terms. 

A card must be returned by a card, a call by a 
call. After cards have been left once in the sea- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 17 

Son, they need not be left again, except after an 
entertainment, when the cards of all who have 
been invited must be left the day after or within 
the week, upon both host and hostess, and also 
for any one for whom the entertainment may have 
been given. It is almost more essential to leave 
cards when obliged to refuse an invitation than 
after having enjoyed the hospitality of friends. 
Provided an invitation is necessarily declined 
after having been accepted, cards are sent by 
messenger the same evening, followed by an ex- 
planatory note the following day. Ladies do 
not stay at home after an entertainment to re- 
ceive calls unless they have issued cards for a 
day. The best plan is for a lady to include with 
her invitation a card informing her friends when 
she will be at home to receive them 

If a young lady calls unaccompanied by her 
mother, she leaves her mother's card, on which 
her own name is also engraved, and draws a pen- 
cil through her mother's name. When a son has 
entered society, his mother leaves his card with 
her husband's and her own, which is an intima- 
tion that it is expected he will be included in fut- 
ure invitations, and after one invitation has been 
received from a lady by the young man, he can 
then undertake the management of his own so- 
cial affairs, by making his party calls and leaving 
cards. It is correct for strangers in town to 
send cards by post to those friends whom they 
wish to acquaint with their presence in town. 
This rule, however, hardly applies to a country 
village, wheie a lady, in common with the entire 
community, knows when a friend has arrived and 



18 THE USAGES OF 

hastens to call. When a lady changes her resi- 
dence, she must leave her card upon those to 
whom she is indebted for a visit; to other friends 
she may send her card by post. When leaving 
town for the summer, or for a trip abroad, cards 
with P. P. C. written in one corner are sent by 
post or messenger. 

Upon again returning to town, cards are 
sent out with or without an " At home " day up- 
on them. To leave a card at the house of a 
friend, after a private wedding or the formal an- 
nouncement of an engagement, is a recognition 
of the felicitous event, but it is not strictly de- 
manded of etiquette. After a death in the fam- 
ily of a friend, it is becoming more and more the 
custom to leave cards at the door as an express- 
ion of sympathy. Only an intimate friendship 
allows one to send a note of condolence. This 
card requires no acknowledgment. Cards of in- 
vitation and reply may go by post, but those of 
congratulation or condolence must be left in per- 
son or sent by special messenger, as a more defi- 
nite recognition of the grave event. This act is 
one of gentle kindliness and demands no ac- 
knowledgment whatever. It is compelled by too 
delicate a sentiment for the sympathizer to de- 
sire a reply. 

It is a gracious courtesy to send cards of in- 
quiry to acquaintances during their illness. On 
the visiting card above the printed name is writ- 
ten " To inquire." This little civility is acknowl- 
edged by a card with " Return thanks for ki?id 
inquiries" also written above the printed name. 
When persons who have been in mourning, again 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 19 

feel equal to receiving visitors, they leave their 
cards on their friends, as an intimation that they 
are prepared to receive and make calls. Cards 
returning thanks must be sent to all who have 
called or sent cards of inquiry. 

If a gentleman is invited by a lady to call, he 
is bound to do so in person and soon, and after 
an invitation, he must call or leave his card. If 
he scorn this formality, he must not be aston- 
ished if society henceforth regards him as a sav- 
age, and treats him accordingly. If invited by 
a recent acquaintance, cards for both host and 
hostess must be left the day following the en- 
tertainment. If invited by a friend, cards may 
be left within the week, but the earlier the cards 
are left the better. If a bachelor acquaintance 
gives an entertainment, the same rule applies as 
to card leaving. 

A gentleman may not leave a card for a young 
lady to whom he has been introduced, unless her 
mother or chaperon invites him to do so. For a 
gentleman to ask if he may have the pleasure of 
calling, shows that he is ignorant of the best so- 
cial usages. A gentleman never makes a formal 
call without asking to see all the members of 
the family. He sends in or leaves his card for 
each individual. 

If he is calling upon a young lady who is a guests 
of those with whom he has no acquaintance, he 
must ask to see her hostess at the same time and 
also send her his card. This hostess of his friend 
may decline interrupting his call with her pres- 
ence, but it is considered hospitable for her to 
enter the room before his visit terminates, to as- 



20 THE USAGES OF 

sure him that her guest's friends are welcome at 
her house. If a gentleman is able to command 
leisure, he calls at the strictly conventional time, 
between three and five o'clock; but if he cannot 
command the hours of the day, he calls between 
half-past eight and nine o'clock in the evening. 
When making evening calls, gentlemen should 
appear in full dress. 

A gentleman does not turn down the corners 
of his card, indeed that fashion has become al- 
most obsolete, except perhaps when a lady 
wishes it distinctly understood that she has call- 
ed in person. The plainer the card the better. 

If a gentleman receives an invitation to dinner 
or to a ball from a stranger, he is bound to send 
an immediate answer, call the very next day, 
leave his card, and then to call after the enter- 
tainment. 

A lady should not take a gentleman's hat and 
coat when he calls; he must take care of them 
himself. 

If a lady is not sure that she is known by name 
to her hostess, she should not fail to pronounce 
her own name. 

A young lady should introduce herself as 
" Miss Brown," never without the " Miss." 

Nothing is more vulgar than that a caller 
should ask the servant where her mistress is, when 
she went out, when she will be in, how soon she 
will be down, etc. All that a well-trained serv- 
and should say to such questions is: 

" I do not know, madam." 

Regarding the length of a call it is better to 
stay too short than too long a time in a friend's 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 21 

house. There are some guests who never know 
when the proper moment has arrived for them 
to take their departure. 

This evident inability to get away, when a vis- 
itor has made a sufficiently long call makes the 
hostess, as well as the guest, very uncomfortable. 
To many callers, the thought that they must, in 
ten minutes time or so, rise up and take their 
leave is a dreadful bugbear. The thought that 
he must soon leave weighs down his conversa- 
tion; he cannot venture upon any wider subject 
than the weather, for fear of missing an oppor- 
tunity to depart, and his uneasiness communi- 
cates itself to his hostess who does all in her 
power to give him the occasion he requires. 
But when the time comes that the visit may be 
naturally concluded he cannot make up his mind 
to go; he feels as if something had been unsatis- 
factory, and he dashes recklessly into a fresh 
subject in the hope of leaving a better impress- 
ion. 

Such visits are misery to both parties. The 
most equably-minded hostess may well lose her 
self-possession as she sees the ill-concealed anxi- 
ety of her vis-a-vis, the longing looks toward the 
door, the wavering attention and random 
answers. Perhaps in such an emergency it 
would be a real act of kindness to seize the hes- 
itating guest by the hand and say warmly "Well, 
good-by, I am very sorry you must go," etc., etc., 
meanwhile piloting the guest toward the door 
and leaving him very little else to do but to go 
out of it If the old quotation, " Welcome the 



THE USAGES OF 



coming, speed the parting guest," were more lit- 
erally acted upon, there would be much less dif- 
ficulty about and dislike of paying calls. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 23 



CHAPTER III. 

STRANGERS AND NEW-COMERS. 

" Ought We to Visit Her ?" was the title of 
one of Mrs. Edwards' best novels; but this ques- 
tion was put by the county in reference to the 
antecedents of the heroine; and the same doubt- 
ful query is sometimes expressed with regard to 
the actual social position of ladies who have no 
pretensions to be considered heroines, and whose 
husbands bear little resemblance to heroes. 

The question of knowing and not knowing 
people, of calling and not calling on them, in re- 
ality refers only to country society. 

Any one acquainted with country society does 
not require to be told that the question, "ought 
we to, call," is one that is very easily set at rest, 
and is by no means the bugbear or nightmare 
that some suppose it to be, neither are the new 
residents in a town victims of despair and mel- 
ancholly, through not being called upon. 

There are, as every one is aware, two distinct 
classes of new-comers in a neighborhood, and 
this makes all the difference as regards the treat- 
ment they receive at the hands of the inhabi- 
tants, and if their feelings render it. 

Let us take for instance, those who merely 
rent a place in the country for the summer 



24 THE USAGES OF 

months. It may be that these temporary sojour- 
ners in the land desire to enter society or it may 
be that they are quite satisfied with the society 
of the friends invited by them to enjoy a little 
country air, and who arrive in constant success- 
ion during their term of occupation. 

These families who come into the country, for 
the brief period before mentioned, may leave it 
knowing as little of the inhabitants as on their 
first arrival. On the other hand, they sometimes 
make several acquaintances in the immediate 
neighborhood. 

It is a mistake to suppose that the people of a 
town hold aloof from new-comers on account of 
pride, prejudice, hauteur, arrogance and every 
other quality expressive of aristocratic exclusive- 
ness; on the contrary, the ideas conveyed by 
these expressions have often very little to do with 
the matter. There is a fear that their visits may 
be taken as an intrusion, and a call would be as 
unwelcome to one, as embarrassing to the other. 

To turn from summer neighbors, as they may 
be termed, to new residents, the aspects of af- 
fairs in this latter case, bears a different complex- 
ion. A new resident either takes a place for a 
term of years or better still, buys one, in either 
case, his advent is interesting. He may prove a 
very pleasant neighbor or the reverse. This is a 
matter worth investigation. 

In some towns, the event is of more impor- 
tance than in others; it of course depends on the 
strength of the neighborhood. If it is a good 
one, one neighbor, more or less, is of little mo- 
ment, but if it is a poor one, the advent of a new 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 25 

neighbor gives rise to pleasant speculations 
among the ladies, and they call as a matter of 
course, the calls are returned, and the family of 
the new neighbor is in due time initiated into 
the society of the place. 

This is taken for granted, that the new neigh- 
bor is neither too old nor too great an invalid to 
care for society. Should she be either of these, 
the fact becomes known, and the calling is con- 
sequently the reverse of brisk, for fear of intru- 
sion on the quiet and privacy often preferred. 

In these days, people who have any social qual- 
ities to recommend them, apart from their wealth 
or perhaps joined with it, usually makes their 
way, sooner or later, in some cases, it is later, 
rather than sooner, but it generally follows that 
those who have stood aloof longest, succumb at 
last to the general verdict in their favor, and 
when the contrary is the case, and the residents 
continue to hold aloof, it maybe salely surmised 
that the residents are right after all. 

The first call must be returned within three or 
four days. If the new-comers do not wish to 
form an acquaintance, they would return the 
calls by leaving cards only. If the resident does 
not care to continue the acquaintance, after the 
first meeting, it will be discontinued by not leav- 
ing cards, or by not calling again. If strangers 
who have come to reside with us, or even to visit 
our locality, bear credentials of respectability, 
courteous and hospitable residents should call 
on them, after sufficient time has elapsed for the 
recently arrived to have adjusted themselves to 
their new positions. 



26 THE USAGES OF 

No introduction is necessary is such a case. A 
lady calls between three and five o'clock, and if 
she finds the strangers disengaged, a brief and 
cordial interview ends the first visit. This, as 
has been said, must be returned within three or 
four days, or a week at the longest, or a note of 
apology and explanation for the omission is sent, 
and the return visit is then paid later on. 

A gentleman should not make a first call upon 
the ladies of the family of a new-comer without 
an introduction or an invitation. A lady friend, 
or kinswoman may leave his card, and she may 
receive an invitation, verbal or written, to make 
the new acquaintance. Under such circumstan- 
ces, the usual formality of introduction may 
be made by his second visiting card, which 
he will send in to announce himself at the time 
of his call, provided he pays his respects to the 
new household unaccompanied by a common 
friend. The sending of his card to the strangers 
was an unmistakable request to make their ac- 
quaintance. If his visits be undesirable, the way 
is opened for an easy method of declining them. 
His card must not be noticed. This refusal of 
friendliness is far less awkward and unpleasant 
for both parties, than to ask permission verbally 
to become a visitor and be verbally rejected. 
Sometimes there are unfortunate family compli- 
cations or conditions which compel a refusal of 
gentleman's society, but which are explainable. 

A stranger can make no overtures for acquaint- 
anceship to older residents, but as frequently hap- 
pens in larger towns, two people may have de- 
sired each other's society for a long time, but th§ 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 27 

formalities of an introduction have been beyond 
easy reach. They meet at the house of a friend, 
and conversation, either with or without present- 
ation, often leads to a wish for further inter- 
course. This desire is expressed, and a mutual 
interchange of kindly interest and addresses 
takes place. The question then arrises, "Who 
shall pay the first visit ?" This is one of those 
matters which settle themselves. Mutual liking 
and sincere expressions of regard prepare the 
way for either one to make the initiative call. If 
one lady be the younger by many years, she 
should call first. This etiquette is based upon the 
supposition that the elder lady belongs to a lar- 
ger circle of friends and has more pressing social 
duties than the younger one. If the two are 
equal in age and position, the one whose recep- 
tion dav arrives earliest should receive the first 
call. 



28 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER IV. 

ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS. 

The gentleman presents the lady with a ring 
as soon as they are engaged. Almost any style 
of ring may properly be used as the symbol of 
betrothal, but those who wish to conform to the 
ordinary usage, select either pearls or diamonds. 
If the person can say with Lothair that "there is 
a reserve about pearls that I like, something soft 
and dim," he chooses a single-stone pearl ring; if 
he looks beyond that, a solitaire diamond, al- 
though three-stone rings are very often used. A 
tasteful ring is one set with a pearl in the center, 
and a small diamond on either side. The setting 
should be of a very simple style, but good. A 
newer style for an engagement ring is a ruby 
and a diamond, or a sapphire and a diamond, set 
at right angles or diagonally. The Germans 
have a poetic formality about an engagement 
ring, which is likely to become a general custom. 
A plain gold circlet, inscribed within with the 
date and some such tender sentiment as "This 
and the giver are thine forever," is given at the 
time of betrothal, and the same ring is used to 
complete the marriage ceremony; the groom re- 
moving it at the altar and passing it to the clergy- 
man. As soon after the service as is convenient, 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 29 

a jeweled ring is added to guard the one which 
is honored as the wedding ring. 

There is no prescribed form for the announce- 
ment of an engagement, although a writer on 
the social etiquette of New York says: "The socie- 
ty newspapers are expected to gazette the engage- 
ment very soon after it is made known to kins- 
people and intimate friends. Acquaintances are 
thus informed of the new relation, and the proper 
felicitation are expressed in the usual manner. 
The propriety of adopting this method of com- 
munication with society at large is approved by 
our highest authorities in polite affairs." 

This sounds very well, but the young lady of 
delicate sentiments would shrink from this meth- 
od of communication, and prefer to make known 
the engagement to friends alone, in some pleas- 
ant manner. A dinner-party may be given by 
the family of the bride-elect; just before rising 
from the feast, the host announces the engage- 
ment, when a general outburst of good fealings 
and congratulation follows, or the engagament 
may be made known by note from the mother 
of the bride-elect or by the lady herself to inti- 
mate friends. Notes and calls of congratulation 
immediately follow. If the families of the be- 
trothed have been previously strangers, it is for 
the gentleman's family to call first. It is very civil 
and proper for friends who entertain generously 
to show the engaged couple some attention in 
the shape of a dinner or a dancing-party given 
especially for then. The young lady does not 
make ceremonious calls after the announcement 
of her engagement, which is usually made but a 



30 THE USAGES OE 

short time before the date fixed for her mar- 
riage. 

It is the exclusive privilege of the mother to 
name the wedding day for her daughter. 

It is strictly demanded by etiquette that the 
bride-elect leave her visiting card in person at 
the doors of her friend's residence a few days be- 
fore sending out her wedding invitation, but she 
does not enter, except it be to visit an invalid or. 
an aged friend. These ceremonious calls before 
marriage must not be omitted. 

After the invitations are issued, the young lady 
does not appear in public. Her wedding cards 
are sent out at least two weeks before the cere- 
mony is to take place. Invitations to friends 
residing at a distance are forwarded somewhat 
earlier. 

The invitations are not answered save by a card 
enclosed in an envelope and sent by mail, unless 
the ceremony occur in the morning and the guests 
are requested to attend the breakfast, then the 
answer should be explicit as for a dinner. It 
must be a very urgent reason, indeed, that leads 
one to decline an invitation to a wedding, the 
summons being considered but a shade less im- 
portant in England than one from royalty itself. 
The invitations are issued in the name of the 
bride's parents, parent, or nearest relative. If the 
bride stand in the relationship of granddaughter, 
niece, cousin, or simple friend to the persons or 
person issuing the invitation, this is noted in the 
formula in place of the word "daughter." A 
wedding invitation, as well as all others, should 
be engraved in script, Fashion having long ago 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 31 

decreed that Old English and German text, 
although perfectly harmless and respectable, have 
no longer any claims worthy of recognition by an 
aristocratic world. 

The invitation is engraved on one sheet of 
paper, which must be of creamy daintiness, and 
shaped so as to fold once. If cipher, monogram 
or crest is used upon the paper, it should not be 
in color for weddings; the center of the top of the 
page is the place for it. The fashionable world, 
at present, often has the cipher or monogram 
upon the envelope, omitting it from the note, but 
if it appear on the note, it must also be used on 
the envelope; the quality and tint of the invita- 
tions, envelopes and reception cards enclosed, 
should be the same, and not each possess a hue 
of its own. 

The following is the proper formula : 

Mr. and Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker 

request your presence 

at the marriage of their daughter^ 

Caroline Mati/da, 

to 

Mr. Wouter Van Twiller, 

on Wednesday, October seventeenth^ 

at three o'clock. 

Grace Church, 

Broadway and Tenth Street. 



32 THE USAGES OF 

If you are bidden to the reception, a card enclos- 
ed conveys the intelligence. This card should 
be square, the size of the invitation note paper 
once folded. 

Mr. and Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker 

At Home, 

Wednesday, October seventeenth, 

from half past three until six o'clock. 

32 West 1 gist Street. 

Another less elaborate style is the following: 

Reception 

from half past three until six o'clock. 

32 West i gist Street. 

Generally, only half an hour intervenes between 
the ceremony and the reception. 

The admission card (to the church), a less 
romantic than practical affair, can happily be 
dispensed with in a rural town, but it is an abso- 
ute necessity in cities, where the church would 
otherwise be filled with sight-seeing strangers. 

The card of admission should be long and 
narrow, and engraved with either of the two 
following forms: 

Grace Church. 

Ceremony at three o'clock. 
or, 

Grace Church. 

Please present this to the usher. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 33 

One or more of these cards is enclosed. They 
are intended for distribution to personal friends 
of the invited, and also for the use of servants 
who may accompany guests to the church. 
These cards, with the note of invitation and the 
reception card, are enclosed in the same envel- 
ope, superscribed with the name only of the person 
invited, then put in another envelope, on which 
is written the full name and address, and sent by 
mail. 

For weddings at home, the form of invitation 
is the same as for one at church, with the single 
exception of the street and number being sub- 
stituted for the name of the church. 

A church wedding is a beautiful affair, and also 
a complicated one, as the almost countless details 
testify. The bridesmaids, from two to eight in 
number, are chosen from among the intimate 
friends of the young lady about to be married. 
The bride's sisters and those of the bridegroom, 
when it is possible, are usually invited to act as 
witnesses of the marriage, for that is the theoreti- 
cal use of bridesmaids. The dresses for the 
occasion are given to them by the bride, if their 
circumstances are such as to make it necessary, 
but not otherwise. When the bride is young, the 
maids should be young, but it is not wise for a 
single woman of uncertain age to surround her- 
self with blooming girls. 

Upon her wedding day, it is customary for the 
young lady to present some souvenir of the occa- 
sion to each of her bridesmaids; the gift may be 
either a ring, or bracelet, or a fan, but it need 
not be costly. The bouquets of the maids and 



34 THE USAGES OF 

the boutonnieres of the ushers are also the gift of 
the bride. 

A scarf-pin of unique or quaint device, or some 
other article, useful as well as ornamental, is 
given to each of the ushers, by the bridegroom, 
as a slight acknowledgment of their services. 

The groom chooses the ushers from his circle 
of relatives and friends; he also selects a single 
friend, whom he calls by the English title his 
" best man," and to him is intrusted the arrange- 
ments of the various social and business formali- 
ties of the wedding. 

No one ever loses interest in the " divinity 
which doth hedge" a bride, and the typical 
marriage toilet is always expected to be one of 
irreproachable taste and elegance. During the 
last two years a great effort has been made by 
leading modistes to break in upon the "regulation" 
character of wedding dresses and to some extent 
the attempt has been successful. The orange 
blossoms, formally an inseparable part of the 
bridal gear, are no longer considered an absolute 
necessity, although most brides prefer them for 
the wreath; and combine them with white heath 
and lilies of the valley; the bouquet, which seems 
rather an awkward addition, should be of the 
same kind of flowers as those used for wreath, or 
white lilies and roses may be used. Persian lilies, 
jasmines, snow-drops, water-lilies, and even white 
hyacinths are used to decorate bridal toilettes, 
although the latter is considered an unlucky 
flower not to be worn defiantly before the fates. 
As to fabrics, cream white satin is the invariable 
choice of brides who respect tradition, and have 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 35 

rare laces worn by ancestral dames. Brides 
adhere to white suede gloves of extravagant 
length for the wedding occasion. When a col- 
ored costume is worn, the gloves are of some 
harmonious shade, or she can if she choses, go to 
the altar with uncovered hand; — fashion favors 
this, although it is entirely a matter of taste. 

No jewelry of any description should be worn 
for when a young lady goes up to the altar, she 
is, as the French say, encore jeune fill e. If, how 
ever, the groom's wedding gift be something in 
diamonds, the bride cannot very well do other- 
wise than wear the ornament, which may possibly 
be a crescent for the neck and diamond stars to 
fasten the veil. When there is any display of 
jewels, the marriage veil of simple tulle is scorn- 
ed, and for it is substituted one of rich point de 
Venise lace. 

The dresses of bridesmaids are not as elaborate 
as that of the bride. They may be white or of 
delicate colors, and are made with trains. 

Fans and baskets of flowers are preferred to 
bouquets for bridesmaids. When a bouquet is 
carried, it is attached to a chatelaine or bridle of 
satin ribbon at the left side. Veils may or may 
not be worn, but if used they must be shorter 
than that of the bride. It is not uncommon at 
present for the ladies of bridal parties to copy an 
historical picture by their garments and coiffures. 

If the wedding is by day, the bridegroom and 
ushers wear full morning dress, which consists of 
a frock coat of dark cloth, vest of the same, tight 
trousers and a light necktie; white neckties are 
not worn with frock coats. If the wedding is in 



36 THE USAGES OF 

the evening, full dress is demanded of the groom, 
and of all the gentlemen in attendance. The 
groom must wear gloves of some light shade : 
The ushers wear gloves of some delicate color. 
All the gentlemen wear favors, except the groom. 
He always wears only a flower. Favors should 
be made of white ribbon and silver leaves. 

For the occasion the church is decorated with 
rare plants and flowers. 

A large canopy of flowers may occupy the 
space between the pews and the chancel steps, 
and a bell of white flowers be suspended above 
the chancel. Within this bell a peal of silver 
sounding metallic bells may be secreted, and as 
the bridal party approach the altar, silken cords 
held by some little maiden setthe peals in mo- 
tion, simultaneously with the organ notes. The 
kneeling stool covered with white should be 
looked at and properly adjusted by one of the 
ushers, who has been selected to act as master of 
the ceremonies. He is early at the church and 
having been made acquainted with the number 
of guests expected to be present he places the 
ribbon or arch of flowers far enough back from 
the altar to give ample room for every invited 
guest, or either for the relatives of the bridal 
pair, other guests occupying the lower part of 
the church. If any friends are in mourning they 
usually enter the church quietly and hide them- 
selves in some obscure nook. No one should at- 
tend a wedding reception in a mourning dress, 
which gives place to gray or lavender with a 
flower on the corsage, otherwise the person had 
better stop at home and not cast a shade of 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 37 

gloom over the festival. The ushers stand by 
the inner entrance to the church, to be in readi- 
ness to escort ladies to their proper seats. If a 
lady be accompanied by a gentleman he follows 
her to her seat. The usher offers a lady his right 
arm, and if unacquainted with her, asks if she is 
a friend of the bride or groom, the bride's friends 
being seated upon the left of the main aisle, and 
the groom's upon the right. After the service the 
ushers act as cavaliers of the bridesmaids, at the 
reception. The organist should be early in his 
place as he is expected to play during the arrival 
of the audience. The bridesmaids and other 
members of the family set off first in carriages. 
The bride, who meets the groom at the altar for 
the first time that day, goes last with her mother 
and father. 

The groom with the best man, ought to be 
waiting in the church. When the bride and her 
attendants have arranged themselves in the vesti- 
bule, the groom with the best man comes from 
the vestry and watches for the coming of his 
bride, the organ meanwhile playing some melody 
chosen by the bride. The ushers, who usually 
equal the bridesmaids in number, walk in pairs in 
advance of the ladies, and arrange themselves at 
the right of the two awaiting gentlemen. 

Sometimes the bridesmaids, noiselessly and 
demurely, precede the bride, or they may follow 
her and always stand at her left; if they enter in 
advance, two or four little boys, young brothers 
or relatives of the bride, dressed as pages, bear 
her train, or carry baskets of flowers which they 
scatter in her path as she leaves the church. If 



33 THE USAGES OF 

the maids follow the bride, she is sometimes 
preceded by two or, four little girls, who strew 
her path to the altar with flowers. Sometimes 
garlands of flowers, that have been somewhere 
hidden, are suddenly stretched across the aisle at 
brief intervals by little maidens who stand on 
the seats at the ends of the pews and lift their 
pretty arms high in the air to swing their roses 
over the pathway of the bridal party as it passes 
down the aisle. The bride is supported by her 
father or by the person who represents him and 
is to give her away. The groom comes forward a 
few steps to meet her, takes her hand and places 
her at the altar to his left. The father waits at 
her left, and a step or two back of her; he gives 
her away by bowing when the question is asked, 
which is a much simpler form than stepping 
forward and placing his daughter's hand in that 
of the clergyman. The service then begins. As 
at present, all churches use the ring, the bride 
removes the glove from her left hand and gives 
it to a bridesmaid to hold, and sometimes to keep 
as a good omen. While the bride and groom are 
making the responses, the organist plays softly, 
and after the blessing the clergyman congratu- 
lates the husband and wife, who are the first to 
leave the church, the bride taking the groom's 
right arm; the bridesmaids follow, each escorted 
by an usher, and just behind the bridal company 
are the father and mother of the bride. Two of 
the ushers usually hurry from the vestibule to 
the residence of the bride to be in readiness to 
receive the newly wedded. It is now the cus- 
tom to have a highly illuminated parchment 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 39 

certificate signed by the newly married pair with 
two or three witnesses, the best man, the father 
and mother, and so on, being the attesting parties. 

The bridal party, with half the maids at the 
right of the lady, and half at the left of the 
groom — the first bridesmaid retaining the place 
of honor — arrange themselves for the usual con- 
gratulations; the parents of the bride stand at a 
little distance upon her right, and those of the 
groom at his left. As the guests arrive, the ushers 
offer their right arms to the ladies to conduct 
them to the married pair. The gentlemen attend- 
ing the ladies follow. If the usher is not acquaint- 
ed with the lady he is escorting, he inquires her 
name on the way, presenting her and the gentle- 
man to the bride and groom and then to the 
parents. The bride should always be addressed 
first and receive the good wishes of her friends, 
and the groom the congratulations. 

If ladies are present without gentlemen, an 
usher attends each to the supper-room or provides 
an escort. 

If it be a morning wedding and breakfast is 
served, the host sits at one end of the table and 
the hostess at the other, he with the bride at his 
right, she with the groom at her right hand. If 
healths are drunk, the father proposes the health 
of the bride and groom, the bride bows, smiles, 
and raises the glass to her lips, while the groom 
is expected to reply. 

Wedding cake is now put up in small boxes 
and given to the guests to take home. 

After the breakfast, or in case of a reception, 
before the guests disperse, the bride and groom 



4Q THE USAGES OF 

retire to their dressing-rooms quietly, taking no 
leave of any one, and prepare for their departure. 

They don their traveling attire and only a few 
especially invited friends remain with the ushers 
and bridesmaids to throw rice and worn slippers 
after their carriage. No one askes them whither 
they are going, although it is no longer considered 
necssary to maintain any secrecy regarding the 
honeymoon tour. The traveling dress of a bride 
should be of silk or of some fine fabric like a 
handsome dress for morning calls, and the style 
of the very best. At private weddings the bride 
is sometimes married in traveling costume and 
the pair at once set out upon their journey. 

If there has been no wedding reception upon 
the return to town of the couple, it is customary 
for the mother of the bride to give one for which 
she sends out invitations like the following: 

Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker, 

Mrs. Wouter Van Twiller, 
At Home, 

Thursday, November eighth, 

from four until ten d clock. 

31 West 1 gist Street. 

If the reception is in the evening, the form is: 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 41 

Mr. and Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker 

At Home, 

Thursday Evening, November eighth, 

from nine until eleven d clock. 

3 2 West 1 gist Street. 

Enclosing a card of: 

Mr. and Mrs. Wouter Van Twiller. 



If the wedding has been private or informal, 
during the absence of the newly married, the 
family of the bride sometimes issue an announce- 
ment of the marriage to friends and acquaint- 
ances. This is an intimation that the marriage 
received the parents' full sanction. 

These notes are engraved in the following 
manner: 



Mr. and Mrs. Diedrich Knickerbocker 

Announce the marriage of their daughter, 

Caroline Matilda, 

to 

Mr. Wouter Van Twiller, 

Thursday, November first, 1883. 

32 West 1 gist Street, New York. 



42 THE USAGES OF 

The recipients of these cards must, at once, 
ransack their brains for something fitting and 
complimentary, weave it into a note, and despatch 
it to the parents of the bride; and if the intimacy 
of the parties warrants it, a note is also sent to 
the bride. When a marriage takes place during 
seasons of family mourning, or of a misfortune, 
it is the custom for the bridegroom to make the 
announcement of the marriage, which is on 
square cards, in form as follows: 

Mr. and Mrs. Wouter Van Twiller, 
75 Blank Street. 

Engraved on a smaller card is the maiden name 
of the bride, as: 

Miss Caroline Knickerbocker. 

Both cards are enclosed in double envelopes 
and sent to friends by mail. 

If the wedded pair commence life in a house of 
their own, it is usual to send out " At Home" 
cards for a few evenings, soon after their return 
to the city. Only such persons are invited as the 
two wish to keep as friends. It is a capital 
opportunity for rearranging one's social list, and 
as the custom is admitted as a necessity, no one 
must be offended. These reception cards are 
neither large nor small; a note may be used if 
preferred, but the card is considered less ostenta- 
tious. The following is the correct style: 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 43 

Mr. and Mrs. Wouter Va7i Twiller, 

At Home, 

Tuesday evenings in December ; 

from eight to eleven o'clock. 

75 West Blaiik Street. 

At wedding receptions in the evening, guests 
should wear full evening dress; at a morning 
reception, a street costume is worn. 

It is no longer usual for a bride to remain at 
home to receive callers, unless, of course, she has 
an " at home " day. Friends call and take the 
chance of finding her at home. When there has 
been a reception after the ceremony, which the 
invited guest has attended, and has left a card in 
the card-receiver, a subsequent visit may be 
omitted. But if the invited guest has been una- 
ble to attend the wedding reception, a call or a 
card is strictly necessary within ten days after 
the wedding. No one must think of calling on 
the bride who has not received an invitation to 
the ceremony at church, or cards after the estab- 
lishment of the couple in their new home. 

For brides who prefer the good old way of 
their grandmothers, another formality for the 
entrance of the bridal party to the church might 
be described. 

For a ceremony of this kind, the bridesmaids 
first pass up the aisle, each with a gentleman on 
whom to lean (the groomsmen by name); they 
turn at the altar, the ladies going to their left 



44 THE USAGES OF 

and the gentlemen to their right, and the groom 
follows with the mother of the bride. This lady 
he takes pleasure in seating as speedily as possi- 
ble in a convenient front pew at his left. The 
bride, with downcast eyes, follows, clinging to 
the arm of her father, or to the arm of a near 
relative. At her left, and just a step or two back 
of her, her father waits to give her away, which 
he does by bowing or by taking her right hand 
and placing it in that of the clergyman. After 
this, he joins the lady who entered with the 
groom, and becomes her escort. 

If there are no bridesmaids, the ushers walk 
into church in pairs, just in advance of the 
groom, and, parting at the altar, half stand at 
one side and half at the other. While the cler- 
gyman is congratulating the bride, they pass out 
in pairs, a few yards in advance of the married 
party. 

When there are no bridesmaids nor ushers, the 
order of the ceremonies is as follows: The 
members of the bride's family set off before the 
bride. She follows with her mother. The bride- 
groom awaits them and gives his arm to the 
mother. They walk up the aisle to the altar, 
the mother falling back to her position on the 
left. The father, or relative representing the 
father, conducts the bride to the groom, who 
stands at the altar steps with his face turned to^ 
ward her as she approaches, and the father falls 
back to the left. The relatives follow, those of 
the bride standing at the left, those of the groom 
at the right. At the close of the service, the 
bride and bridegroom pass out first, the mother 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 45 

and father following, the relatives bringing up 
the rear. A marriage ceremony of this descrip- 
tion may be very convenient and easily ar- 
ranged, but it is not an especially interesting 
spectacle. 

Wedding breakfasts have all the form and cer- 
emony of a dinner, although it must be borne in 
mind that it is not a dinner. Flowers may be 
skilfully arranged in fine glass vases, or in silver 
epergnes, with flowers on either side of the wed- 
ding-cake, which stands in the center of the ta- 
ble. Generally, the viands are cold, consisting 
of poultry and game, salads, game pies, salmon 
a la mayonnaise, tongues, hams, savory jellies, ices, 
fruit, sweets of every description, and wine. 
Dishes should vary with the seasons of the year. 

For weddings at home, about, the same for- 
malities are observed as for a ceremony in 
church. An altar — if it can be so called — is 
usually a high railing, entirely concealed by 
flowers, and placed in an arbor of evergreens, 
with a true lover's-knot of red and white flowers 
over the entrance, or a marriage-bell can be sus- 
pended from the ceiling on a wire rope, hidden 
by smilax. Foliage plants and banks of moss 
fill the window recesses, with tall palms in con- 
venient corners, and a profusion of hanging- 
baskets and smilax, with perhaps a Cupid's 
bow and arrow of white, red, and purple flowers 
over a mirror, or in any place suitable. 

The orchestra is stationed in the hall. Only 
relatives are admitted into the parlor where the 
ceremony is to be performed; when it is con- 
cluded, the party turn in their places and face 



46 THE USAGES OF 

their friends, who come forward to congratulate 
them. If space be of importance, the kneeling- 
stool and even the floral altar may be removed a 
little later, without observation. 

When a widow marries, her notes of invitation 
are engraved with her whole name; for instance: 
"Margaret Fuller Smith," her maiden and her 
married name. It would be shocking for her to 
call herself " Mrs. Margaret Smith." She may 
be married in white if she chooses, but etiquette 
strictly prohibits a veil and orange blossoms 
a second time; widows and ladies not young are 
usually married in bonnets, which should be of 
the most elegant description. A widow may 
have her maids at the altar, a liberty which has 
only been granted to her within the last few 
years, and everything may be arranged with a 
vast deal of ceremony, but simplicity is better. 

If she have sons or unmarried daughters at the 
time she becomes again a wife, she prefixes the 
last name of her children to her new one on all 
ceremonious occasions in which they are inter- 
ested in common with herself. 

When bridal presents are given, they are sent 
to the bride some days before the marriage cer- 
emony, and are acknowledged as soon after that 
event as possible by a note written with the 
bride's own hand. 

Sometimes the bride carries, or is followed, on 
her wedding tour by a list of her presents, so 
that she may return thanks as early as practica- 
ble. As the custom of sending bridal presents, 
formerly so universal, has fallen into disuse, if 
immediate friends and relatives desire to make 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 47 

presents, it is very kind and proper for them ^o 
do so, but it should not be considered obliga- 
tory. These gifts are seldom exhibited, and the 
few chosen friends who are permitted to look at 
them do so after the cards of the donors have 
been removed. It is not considered at all the 
correct thing to talk about these contributions, 
or rather gifts. Relations may present useful 
articles, while others give only such costly gifts 
or works of art and beauty as shall be a compli- 
ment to the cultivated and refined tastes of the 
recipients. 

Such gifts as linen, silver, etc., are marked, if 
at all, with the bride's maiden name. The pres- 
ents for the bridegroom are inscribed either with 
his cipher or initial. 

An attempt has been made to introduce the 
English fashion of a wedding-breakfast. The 
breakfast has all the formality of a dinner, and 
seats are, of course, very important. On arriv- 
ing at the house where the breakfast is to be 
held, the gentlemen leave their hats in the hall, 
but the ladies do not remove their bonnets. 
After greeting the bride and groom, and the fa- 
ther and mother, the company converse for a 
few moments until breakfast is announced. 

Then the bride and groom go first, followed 
by the bride's father with the groom's mother, 
and the groom's father with the bride's mother; 
then the best man with the first bridesmaid; 
then the bridesmaids with attendant gentlemen, 
and then the other invited guests. Coffee and 
tea are not offered, but bouillon, salads, birds, 
oysters, and other hot and cold dishes, ices, jel- 



48 THE USAGES OF 

lies, etc., are served, together with champagne 
and other wines, and finally the wedding-cake is 
set before the bride, and she cuts a slice. 

Wedding presents are sent any time within 
two months before the wedding — the earlier the 
better. All persons who send gifts should be in- 
vited to the wedding and to the reception, al- 
though the converse of this proposition does not 
hold true, for not all who are asked to the wed- 
ding are expected to send gifts. 

For weddings in families where a death has 
recently occurred, all friends, even the widowed 
mother, should lay aside their mourning for the 
ceremony, appearing in colors. It is considered 
inappropriate to wear black at a wedding. Pur- 
ple silk or velvet can be worn. 

Should there be dancing at a wedding, it is 
proper for the bride to open the first quadrille 
with the best man, the groom dancing with the 
first bridesmaid. It is not, however, very cus- 
tomary for a bride to dance, or for dancing to 
occur at an evening wedding, but it is not a bad 
old custom. 

For wedding decorations, houses are filled 
with palm trees in pots, and orange trees in full 
bearing. Mirrors are covered with vines, 
wreaths and climbing roses, trained across a trel- 
lis of wire. 

It is a very pleasant custom for the bride 
to announce with her wedding-cards two or more 
reception days during the winter, after her mar- 
riage, on which her friends can call upon her. On 
these occasions she does not wear her wedding- 
dress. She wears a dark silk, which may be as 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 49 

handsome as she chooses As for wearing her 
wedding-dress to balls or dinners after her mar- 
riage, it is perfectly proper for her to do so, if 
she divests herself of her veil and her orange 
blossoms. 



*Q THE USAGES OE 



CHAPTER V. 

RECEPTIONS. 

Ladies are more and more inclined to use the 
post as a medium for sending invitations to re- 
ception days and teas. The post is sure, and 
the card is almost certain to reach its destina- 
tion. If the cards are sent by mail, two envel- 
opes are required, the outer one sealed; but if 
they are left by special messenger, the one en- 
velope is unsealed. 

It is not at all the correct thing to invite older 
persons to one's house until after the first call of 
the season has been made, nor can you invite a 
lady until you have first called on her in a for- 
mal manner, and the visit has been returned. 
Calls made on reception days, where a guest is 
staying, are not binding upon the guest to re- 
turn, and no separate card is left for a guest on 
a reception day, although a card is left for the 
hostess by each person present to serve for an 
after call, and the card is also necessary for the 
reason that it would be too much to expect that 
a hostess could remember all who called. She 
is obliged to sit down the next day and count 
her cards. Gentlemen should not expect to re- 
ceive invitations from ladies with whom they 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 51 

are only on terms of formal visiting until the 
autumnal call has been made, or until their cards 
have been made to represent themselves. 

Invitations to a ball, to an "at home," a tea, 
or a garden party are usually given in the name 
of the hostess. The invitations to dinner are in 
the name of both host and hostess. 

It is never the custom for very young ladies to 
invite guests, especially gentlemen, in their own 
name. If the mother is not living, all notes of 
invitation should be written in the father's name, 
although an elderly sister at the head of the 
house can issue invitations in her own name. 

Numerals for dates, hours, and street numbers 
are always permissible on cards of invitation, 
also for the months, if space or the lack of it 
make such abreviations necessary. No abrevia- 
tions of names are allowed, although initials may 
be used. 

Invitations to day or evening receptions are 
now generally made on "at home" cards, or the 
lady's visiting card is used with the simple in- 
scription "At home, Tuesday, October 16th, 
from four until seven," written beneath the 
printed name. If a series of receptions are to 
be given, the following is the form: 

Tuesdays in November, 
front foiw to six d clock. 

There are many reasons for the popularity of 
the afternoon "at home." It can be given in a 
large or a small house, by the wealthy, or by 
those who are the reverse; it can be arranged on 



52 THE USAGES OF 

a grand scale, or on a very moderate one of ex- 
pense. 

When an "at home" is given once in every 
week of a season, it is rather with an idea of be- 
ing at home on a certain day to all who may 
call, than of giving a special entertainment, but 
many consider that to give up one afternoon in 
each week is too great a tax upon their time and 
engagements, and prefer giving one or two large 
receptions during the winter. Many ladies pre- 
fer the evening party to an afternoon reception. 
A number of gentlemen renders the former a 
more enviable affair, and then the supper, which 
follows, contributes a certain amount of festivity 
to the gathering which is lacking at an afternoon 
"at home." On the other hand, numerous are 
the upholders of the simpler forms of entertain- 
ment. The question of dress operates in favor 
of it, as the usual afternoon visiting toilet is 
that worn at an "at home," which toilet can be 
as plain or as elaborate as the taste or means of 
the wearer may dictate. 

These small and unpretending receptions are 
very appropriate in winter, when people are glad 
of somewhere to go and something to do on cold, 
dark afternoons. No doubt, they promote and 
further much pleasant intimacy between those 
moving in the same circle, and are the means of 
ladies enjoying themselves in a quiet way. 

In the summer, for an out-door entertainment, 
the words "lawn tennis" or "garden party" are 
engraved or written in the left-hand corner of 
the visiting card. No answers are expected to 
these " at home " invitations, unless an " R. S. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 53 

V. P " (letters which are less and less frequently 
used) is written at one corner. A lady may be 
sending out so many invitations that she does 
not care for an answer, but if she makes the re- 
quest (in the case of an "at home," all other in- 
vitations requiring replies), it is most hopelessly 
ill-bred not to send an immediate reply. No 
such word as "regiets," " accepts," etc., should 
be written on a card. A full regret or accept- 
ance should be written on a sheet of note paper 
or a card made for the purpose. 

If you attend an " at home " reception, a call 
is not necessary; if, however, you are unable to 
accept the invitation, you call or leave a card as 
soon after as possible. If the lady has a weekly 
reception day the call must be made on that day. 
Gentlemen may send their cards by post, when 
they cannot attend nor even find time afterward 
to call. It was considered shocking to inclose 
cards and send by post or messenger, but it is 
now permissible for elderly ladies, invalids, or 
those in mourning who receive invitations, to 
send their visiting cards upon the day of the re- 
ception. If cards are sent by a footman, it 
should be remembered that it is not allowable 
to put them in an envelope, or, if so inclosed, the 
servant should be told to remove the envelope 
before delivering the cards. 

Receptions in New York and other large 
cities are in order from October until the com- 
mencement of Lent. The "kettle-drum," form- 
erly so high in favor, is now replaced by the 
afternoon tea. The " at home " is of the most 
informal style of reception; the hours are usual- 



54 THE USAGES OF 

ly from four until six. They are intended as 
a social meeting of ladies by daylight, and 
have for their principal object conversation, 
so that in the selection of guests, youth and 
beauty are less considered than talent and 
distinction. Guests are not expected to appear 
in full dress; a lady wears a visiting costume, 
which is richer than the ordinary walking-dress, 
and a bonnet is in order. 

The hostess receives her guests standing, aid- 
ed by members of her family or friends, whose 
special duty it is to relieve her, that she may be 
free to welcome each new-comer. Few remain 
over the conventional half hour, unless detained 
by music. The formality of bidding the hostess 
adieu is dispensed with. A table, set in the din- 
ing-room, is supplied with a coffee or chocolate 
equipage at one end, and a tea service at the 
other. There are sandwiches, cakes, claret 
punch, ices and fruit. 

Full-dress receptions are given afternoon and 
evening, the afternoon being more particularly 
designed for elder acquaintances and the even- 
ing for younger ladies and gentlemen. 

The invitations should be from engraved 
plates on square cards or note sheets — they are 
sent out about two weeks before the reception 
day — and are preceded by a call by card upon all 
acquaintances to whom the hostess is indebted 
for formal civilities. The invitation is issued in 
the name of the hostess, with the addition be- 
neath it, if she chooses, of a daughter or friend. 
The following is the correct form; 



or 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 55 

Mrs. John IV. Brown 

requests the pleasure of your co?npany 

on Thursday, November eighth, 

from five until ten o'clock. 

7195 Madison Avenue. 

Mrs. John W. Brown. 

Miss Brown. 

Thursday, November eighth, 

from five until ten d clock. 

7195 Madison Avenue. 

If there is to be dancing, the word is engraved 
at the left of the card. The reply should be 
formal, and written on appropriate cards, as fol- 
lows: 

Mr. and Mrs. Julius C. Jones 

accept with pleasure 

{or decline with sincere regret), 

Mrs. John IV. Brown's 

i?ivitation for Thursday, 

Nove77iber eighth. 

During the hours of reception, an awning and 






56 THE USAGES OF 

carpet to the carriage-way are indispensable. A 
serving man, in dress suit and fresh white thread 
gloves, opens the door of each carriage (provided 
there is no footman), and assists the ladies to 
alight. This man provides each lady with the 
number of her carriage, as it is fixed in the order 
of her arrival, and the same is given to her 
driver, so that he shall know when she asks for 
him, and he is called for by this very useful at- 
tendant. Another man, or it may be a woman, 
awaits at the door, which she opens without the 
bell being touched. This servant receives the 
cards of the guests and directs them to the dress- 
ing-rooms. A lady guest enters the drawing- 
room at the gentleman's right side, preceding him 
by a step or two. She does not take his arm; or 
if a young lady is accompanied by a chaperon, 
she enters the room with her charge at her 
right. Ladies in escorting each other, never 
offer or take the arm. The host and hostess re- 
tain their post of reception during the entire 
evening. After a very brief interchange of salu- 
tations, the guests pass on to give place to oth- 
ers; they do not engage in conversation with 
those receiving. 

The hostess rarely introduces people at these 
large receptions, two hundred guests being some- 
times present; it is not the custom to introduce 
people, even if the hostess were not too closely 
occupied in receiving her guests. It is not neces- 
sary for gentleman to wear gloves, the practice 
being to omit them on all social occasions. 

If there is dancing, as is often provided, and 
sometimes mentioned on a corner of the card of 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 57 

invitation, it usually commences after the hour 
named for the close of the reception. If the re- 
ception is until ten, the dancing commences 
about half past ten, with supper from eight until 
one o'clock. The hostess cannot leave her post 
to dance, but her daughters may do so during 
the latter part of the evening. It is not etiquette 
for young ladies to dance more than once at their 
own receptions with the same gentleman. When 
the word " dancing " is not engraved on the 
cards, it is not uncommon for the hostess to in- 
vite a few young people by special note to re- 
main and dance after the hours mentioned in the 
invitation, or she may, if she likes, make the re- 
quest during the reception. 

If the reception be a grand and full-dress af- 
fair, after-calls are necessary. 

When a reception is given by a gentleman to 
meet some distinguished person, the form is as 
follows: 

Mr. Hamilton Post, Jr., 

requests the pleasure of t\e company of 

Mr. 

on Tuesday evening, January tenth, at eight o'clock, 

to meet 

Captain Kydd, 

76 South Street, 

R. S. V. P. 

(Or, the favor of an answer is requested?) 

The latter form being in better taste. 



58 THE USAGES OF 

DEBUTS. 

Debuts take plaec, for the most part, at the 
private balls which are usually given for the pur- 
pose. Previous to the formal presentation or 
debut of a young lady, her mother and her elder 
unmarried sisters — if she have them — make cer- 
emonious calls or leave their cards, with those 
of the father and brothers, for all acquaintances 
whom they propose to invite to be present at the 
debut. About ten days before the event, en- 
graved invitations in script are sent out. The 
special purpose of the party is stated, with the 
name of the debutante, or the card of the young 
lady is inclosed in the envelope containing the in- 
vitation, this being considered in better taste 
than to have the name printed upon the invita- 
tion. For those, however, who prefer this style, 
the following is the formula: 

Mr. a?id Mrs. Robinson Crusoe 

request the pleasure of 

presenting their eldest (or second, etc.) daughter , 

Miss Ethelfrida Urania % 

to 

Mr. and Mrs. Napoleon Bonaparte, 

on Thursday evening, January seventeenth, 

at half past eight o'clock. 

Dancing at n. 71 West Street. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 59 

The reply, written and forwarded directly, is 
as follows: 

Mr. atid Mrs. Napoleon Bonaparte 

accept with pleasure 

Mr. and Mrs. Robinson Crusoe s 

kind invitation for Thursday evetiing, January ijth. 

No. 5 Sussex Place. January yth. 

If the invitations for the debut are sent by 
post, an extra outer envelope incloses all the in- 
vitations that are directed to one family. If they 
are delivered by messenger, the outer wrap is 
not used. One envelope is directed to Mr. and 
Mrs. B. If there are more daughters than one, 
the address is " Misses B.," or " The Misses B." 
Each son receives a separate invitation, while 
the daughters are not individually bidden to the 
entertainment. 

Replies to these notes are sent in the names of 
the parties addressed on the envelopes. All 
friends interested in the occasion may send flow- 
ers on the day of the young girl's presentation 
to society, if they wish to do so, and in the even- 
ing, when greeting the young lady, who stands 
at the left of her mother during the reception of 
the guests, some congratulatory remarks are 
offered to her by each person. 

When supper is announced the father escorts 
the debutante to the table, and the mother fol- 
lows at the last with the gentleman whom she 
particularly wishes to honor. If there be a 



60 THE USAGES OF 

brother, the father leads the way with the eldest 
or most distinguished lady of the party, while 
the brother accompanies the sister, placing her 
at her father's left hand. 

The gentleman who is her artner for the first 
dance is usually a kinsman, and is selected by the 
mother. He may dance but once with her, nor 
is it proper for any other young gentleman to 
ask for this honor a second time. 

Visits of ceremony follow this entertainment, 
and are paid not only to the hostess, but to the 
young lady; but, as has been before stated, she 
has no card of her own during her first season in 
society, nor is she allowed to pay formal visits 
alone, neither may she receive gentlemen visit- 
ors without a chaperon. If her mother be una- 
ble to receive with her she declines the visit. If 
a chaperon other than the mother introduces and 
accompanies young ladies into society, her visit- 
ing card and theirs are left together, to show 
that they are inseparable for the season. The 
following winter the young lady may, if she 
chooses, have her own card, which she may leave 
for friends either alone or with those of other 
members of her family; but her card should not 
be engraved with her address; when necessary 
the street and number can be added in pencil. 

Previous to her debut a young girl is never 
seen at a party that is composed of mature peo- 
ple outside of her father's house, nor is she pres- 
ent at festivities given at her own home, except 
it be on birthday anniversaries, holiday gather- 
ings, or marriages. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 61 



CHAPTER VI. 

PRIVATE BALLS. 

Any number over a hundred constitutes a large 
ball; below that number it is simply a ball, and 
under fifty, a dance. Formal calls precede the 
notes of invitation for a ball, which are sent out 
ten days or two weeks before the day appointed. 
The invitations may be written, but they are 
more frequently engraved. The sheets of note- 
paper should be small, or, if cards are used, they 
must be large and square. These are inclosed 
in two envelopes and sent either by post or the 
lady's own servant. It is not considered proper 
to inclose one card of invitation to several per- 
sons, addressing them as Mrs. Blank and family, 
but each person whom you wish to invite must 
receive a card. 

The following form is used: 

M?-s. JoJm Bright 

requests the pl.asure of your company 

on Thursday evening, December 6th, 

at half past nine o clock. 

Dancing. 29 North Street. 



62 THE USAGES OF 

The word " ball " is never used on a card. 
Dancing or cotillion in one corner is all that is 
necessary. From nine to half past ten are the 
usual hours named in notes of invitation to balls, 
and it is the duty of each person to arrive as 
soon as possible after the hour designated. This 
invitation must either be accepted or declined 
at once. 

Mr. and Mrs. William K. Smith 

accept with pleasure 

{or decline with sincere regret) 

Mrs. JoJm Bright' s 

kind invitation for Deceniber 6 th. 

St. James Square. 

A rule that has no exception is the one which 
requires that should anything occur at the last 
moment to prevent the attendance of a person 
who has accepted an invitation, a regret shall be 
sent immediately. 

A married lady often asks for an invita- 
tion to some dance, to which she herself is 
invited, for a young lady staying with her, 
either a relative or a friend, and the answer is 
generally a card or a written permission to 
bring her. In the case of asking for invitations 
for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she 
can, without hesitation, ask for cards of invita- 
tion for one or two gentlemen friends of her 
own, mentioning their names in the note. In 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 63 

this case, also, the answer is generally in the 
affirmative, as men, if they dance, are always ac- 
quisitions at a ball. Invitations are constantly 
asked for by people for their friends, and some- 
times they are given, and sometimes they are re- 
fused on the plea that there is not a card to 
spare. If the giver of an entertainment wishes 
to oblige the petitioner, she will stretch a point 
to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of 
excuse. It is thoroughly understood that peo- 
ple do not ask for invitations for themselves, 
whatever they may do for their friends, and that 
they would not do so unless they were them- 
selves invited. 

Persons giving balls should be careful not to 
invite more than their rooms will accommodate. 
A few years ago a ball was not considered a suc- 
cess unless it was an over-crowded one; the pop- 
ularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests 
scarcely being able to find standing room. To- 
day a crowded ball-room is styled a " bear gar- 
den." A lady is, however, usually safe to invite 
a fourth more than her rooms will hold, as that 
proportion of regrets are apt to be received. 

The requisites for an agreeable ball are good 
ventilation, good arrangement, good floor, good 
music, and a good supper. A ball-room should 
have light paper, pale yellow is the best, and the 
light should come from the walls, as chandeliers 
throw a downward shadow. Dress and beauty 
are enhanced by proper colors and good light- 
ing. Few residences have ball-rooms attached 
to them, and where there is none, the drawing- 
room is used instead. All unnecessary furniture 



64 THE USAGES OF 

should be removed, and the room decorated with 
growing flowers and cut blossoms, which add 
color and beauty to the scene. Upon the floor, 
of course, depends much of the enjoyment of the 
evening. An ingrain or Brussels carpet, covered 
with heavy unbleached muslin, makes the best 
surface for dancing, the next best to an oak floor 
well polished with beeswax. A "carpet dance" 
is never as good as a floor. A velvet or Turkey 
carpet, even with the best of covering, has too 
soft a surface, and, if possible, it should be re- 
moved; but if it is not convenient to do so, a lay- 
er of heavy paper should be placed between it 
and the muslin or canvas. 

About the music — four pieces are enough — the 
violin, piano, cornet, and violincello. Should a 
larger number be desired, the selection should 
be left to the leader of the orchestra. The musi- 
cians should be placed where they will be heard 
to the best advantage, but always put them out 
of the way. 

An awning to shelter the guests from the car- 
riage to the vestibule, and a carpet laid from the 
curbstone to the hall, are provided at all balls 
and parties, and, indeed, whenever ladies in full 
dress are expected. Upon the hostess devolves 
the duty of receiving the guests, although the 
host must remain within sight until after the ar- 
rivals are nearly over; the same duty devolves 
upon the sons, who that evening must share their 
attentions with all. Neither sons nor daughters 
should dance until their guests are supplied with 
partners. While the hostess is receiving, no one 
should remain near her except the members of 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 65 

her family, as she is not expected to enter into 
conversation with each guest. 

After the usual greetings with the hostess, the 
guests occupy themselves with conversation un- 
til the young ladies have accepted partners for 
the dance. An applicant for this pleasure is al- 
ways careful to recognize the authority of the 
chaperon when making his request. No chap- 
eron who dances can do so, or make any engage- 
ment, until the young lady under her care is pro- 
vided with partners. In a ball-room, introduc- 
tions without a previous permission are allowa- 
ble, and a chaperon may present a gentleman to 
her charge, as she must provide her with all the 
partners she can. At the end of every dance a 
gentleman offers his right arm to his partner, and 
takes, at least, one turn around the room before 
consigning the young lady to her chaperon, or 
he may leave her with any lady whom she 
knows. 

At a private ball, a young lady cannot very 
well refuse to dance with any gentleman who in- 
vites her, unless she has a previous engagement 
or declines from weariness, and after she has re- 
fused one, she cannot accept another invitation 
for the same dance; she must be very careful not 
to forget her ball-room engagements. A gentle- 
man should invite the daughters of the house to 
dance, or any lady, if she dances, for whom the 
entertainment may have been given. It is also 
the duty of a gentleman to have himself pre- 
sented to every member of the family whom he 
does not know, if not upon the evening of the 
party, as soon after as is convenient. 



68 THE USAGES OF 

issued about a week or ten days previous to the 
appointed evening, and sent in a single envelope. 
The invitations are sent out in the name of the 
hostess, and are in form the same as those for a 
large ball, though in event of a small dance only- 
being given, the words "small" or "early" are 
written or printed in one corner of the card. 
The person invited is requested to appear at nine 
and to depart at twelve; for instance, Mrs. Etc. 
requests the pleasure of Etc. on Tuesday even- 
ing, February fifth, from nine to twelve o'clock. 
If there is to be dancing, the word is written (or 
engraved, as the case may be) at the left-hand 
corner. 

Young men are not always as polite as they 
should be at balls. They ought, if well-bred, 
to look about and see if any lady has been left 
unattended at supper; to ask if they can go for 
refreshments; if they can lead a lady to a seat, 
go for a carriage, etc. It is not an impertinence 
for a young man thus to speak to a lady older 
than himself, even if he has not been intro- 
duced. 

Well-bred young men always say to the host- 
ess, at a ball, that they beg of her to introduce 
them to ladies who may be without partners, as 
they would gladly make themselves useful to 
her. After dancing with a lady and walking 
about the room with her a few times, a gentle- 
man is at perfect liberty to take the young lady 
back to her chaperon and plead another en- 
gagement. 

A young lady must not forget her ball-room 
engagements. She must be careful not to offend 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 69 

one gentleman by refusing to dance with him, 
and then accept the offer of another. Such 
things prove that the young lady has not had 
the training of a gentlewoman. 

A hostess should move about during the even- 
ing, and contrive that her guests shall not be 
rooted to one chair. 

A hostess must not be fussy. She must never 
apologize for any shortcomings, nor regret that, 
her rooms are small, or that her floor is poor, or 
say that she wishes they were richer and could 
entertain better. 

Let a simple entertainment be offered modest- 
ly, not apologized for. 

In places outside of the fashionable circles of 
the cities it is customary to have several moder- 
ate parties during the winter, instead of inviting 
every one you know on the same night. 

The invitations are usually given verbally, by 
a servant, two or three days before the one ap- 
pointed for the party. The hour of assembling 
— eight o'clock — is stated, and guests should 
take care to arrive as early as possible. 

Parties with verbal invitations and simple ar- 
rangements need cost but little, and as every 
one knows, they are usually very enjoyable. 

Ice-cream, cake and coffee are sufficient for a 
small entertainment. They can be improved, if 
necessary, with sandwiches, neatly cut and thin, 
ices, jellies and lemonade. To decorate the 
room with flowers, nature comes to the rescue. 
The mantel can be covered with moss, with a 
few flowers placed here and there; evergreens 



7o THE USAGES OF 

can be used to ornament the hall and wind about 
the stair-railings. 

As for music, a man to play on the piano and 
another to play on the violin, will provide all that 
is necessary in this respect. If the hostess wishes 
something a little unusual, let her get up one of 
the new fancy dances, in costume, now so fash- 
ionable. 

At a dancing party, the ladies of the house de- 
cline joining in it, out of politeness to their 
guests, till toward the latter part of the evening, 
when the company begins to thin off and the 
dancers are fatigued. Ladies who are strangers 
in the place, are, by courtesy, entitled to partic- 
ular attention from those who may know them. 

It is the daughter's part to keep the dancers 
going, to see that there are no awkward pauses; 
she must do nothing that is unkind or neglect- 
ful to her guests, and take care that every other 
girl has a partner. 

In the apartment prepared as a dressing-room 
for the ladies, a maid should be all the evening 
in attendance. The room must be well warmed 
(in winter), well lighted, and furnished with all 
that may be requisite for giving the last touches 
to head, feet and figure, previous to entering the 
parlor. In this room, besides the toilet glass, 
well lighted, let there be a hand-mirror, to ena- 
ble the ladies to see the back of their heads; an 
ample supply of pins, combs, brushes, hair-pins, 
etc., and a work-box containing needles and 
thread. Let there be bottles of fine eau-de-co- 
logne, and camphor and hartshorn, in case of 
faintings. 






THE BEST SOCIETY. 71 

Among the furniture, have a sofa and several 
footstools for the ladies to sit on if they wish to 
change their shoes. 

The woman attending must take charge of the 
cloaks, shawls and overshoes, rolling up together 
the things that belong to each lady, and putting 
each bundle in some place they can easily re- 
member when wanted at the breaking up of the 
assembly. 

It is the custom for the lady of the house to 
be dressed rather plainly, showing no desire to 
eclipse any of the guests. But her attire, though 
simple, should be handsome, becoming, and in 
good taste. 

At large gatherings in the country it is proper 
for the mistress to introduce her guests to each 
other, and it is perfectly proper for her to do 
this without asking permission of either party. 

A mother always introduces her son or daugh- 
ter, a husband his wife, or a wife her husband, 
without asking permission. 

GERMANS. 

As its name suggests, this dance originated in 
Germany, where it is known by its proper appel- 
lation, the cotillion. 

It is the most fashionable dance in society, and 
usually ends every ball. 

The german differs very little in its etiquette 
from that of the party. Generally the early part 
of the evening is spent in waltzing, and after 
supper the german commences. The couples 
are seated around the sides of the room or rooms, 
leaving the center free for dancing. The con- 



72 THE USAGES OF 

trol of the affair is in the hands of a gentleman 
called the leader. All being seated, the leader 
gives a signal to the musicians, who strike up a 
waltz or gallop. He then designates certain 
couples, who rise, as called upon, and dance; 
these couples are then said to be " up." After a 
certain interval the leader gives a signal, and the 
couples dancing choose others, each lady a gen- 
tleman, and each gentleman a lady. This, of 
course, doubles the number on the floor. The 
leader then directs those dancing through some 
figure, for instance, an ordinary quadrille. At 
another signal from the leader the figure 
" breaks up," and a general waltz follows, in 
which one dances with the partner last chosen. 
At still another signal all on the floor return to 
their original seats, all the ladies being first con- 
ducted to their own seats by the gentlemen. 
The leader then has " up " another set of coup- 
les, who follow the lead of the preceding ones, 
and so on until every couple has been up and 
gone through the same forms. 

In most figures of the german, favors are used. 
During a favor figure, at some time indicated by 
the leader, and generally when those " up " in- 
vite those not " up " to dance, the favoring is 
done by gentlemen giving favors to the ladies 
and by ladies similarly complimenting the gen- 
tlemen. When the leader hands the favors for 
distribution to those dancers who are on the 
floor, the conferring of them on others who are 
not up is an invitation to dance. It is sometimes 
the custom to distribute them during every sec- 
ond figure, while in others they are an accom- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 73 

paniment of almost every figure put upon the 
floor. In choosing favors it is necessary, above 
all, to have a sufficiency of them. They should 
be chosen with taste, always avoiding an osten- 
tatious display. Besides the conventional german 
favor, usually certain combinations of colored silk 
and tinsel, worked into pleasing forms and devices, 
are given; there are also many toys and trinkets, 
which add very much to the fun of the occasion. 
Flowers can always be used; then there are fans, 
gilt charms, fancy baskets, decorated tambour- 
ines, painted silk sachets, and embroidered satin 
bags filled with bon-bons. For the gentlemen, 
decorations, St. Nicholas pipes, and lanterns 
filled with .eau-de-cologne, etc. The more 
unique the favors the better. As the last favor 
of the evening, each lady can be presented with 
a basket of flowers. 

Of course, almost any sum may be expended 
for favors; very pretty ones may be procured by 
expending one to two dollars for each couple, 
while for three or four dollars for each couple, a 
very elegant german may be given. 

Figures "with properties" require especial 
preparation in the way of providing the neces- 
sary articles, such as flags, parasols, tapers, 
scarfs, aprons, fans, mirrors, or Japanese lan- 
terns. The figures that are styled " simple " re- 
quire no properties, or only such as can be found 
in the room, as chairs, handkerchiefs, etc. 

A leader of the dance should be a person who 
is familiar with your household appointments. 
One who understands the art of leading and the 
necessary requirements, says: " The leader 



74 THE USAGES OF 

should have a fair amount of energy and a good 
temper, with a genius for invention, so that he 
may introduce new and pleasing figures. If peo- 
ple are stupid, he must take them by the hand 
and help them, that each and every figure may 
' run on ' in order. Do not allow this or that 
couple to drop out of the figure and waltz. Do 
not permit Mr. A. to slip off and dance with Miss 
C, when he rightfully should dance with Miss 
B. This sort of thing must not be permitted, 
because it breaks up your figures and destroys 
your german. If you lose your temper, you must 
fail. Keep your temper perfectly and always." 
It is customary for the leader to stand with the 
hostess to receive the good-byes of tjie guests. 

The card of invitation is the same as that for 
a party, " the german " being engraved on the 
left-hand corner, with the hour when the dance 
is to commence. In making out the invitation 
list for a german, much more care should be ex- 
ercised than is required for an ordinary dancing 
party. Try and have an equal number of ladies 
and gentlemen. Where there is an excess of la- 
dies at a german, failure is a foregone conclu- 
sion. The invitations are sent out a week or ten 
days in advance; they should be at once accept- 
ed or declined, as it is very important for the 
success of a german that the hostess knows how 
many are coming. If you cannot go, send a re- 
gret immediately, that your place may be filled. 
Calls are made on the hostess on the first of her 
reception days; if she has no fixed time for re- 
ceiving, a call should be made, or cards left, 
within ten days. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 75 



CHAPTER VII. 

FANCY DRESS AND MASQUERADE BALLS, WITH A 
FEW SUGGESTIONS FOR COSTUMES. 

The invitations for a fancy dress party or a 
masquerade ball are usually issued from three 
to four weeks in advance to give ample time for 
preparing a costume. 

The invitation is the ordinary one for a party, 
with the words fancy dress or bal masque written 
at the usual left lower side. If, however, the 
party is to be an elaborate one, this announce- 
ment may be stated in a line of its own, extend- 
ing through the center of the invitation. Some- 
times the words, ordinary ball dress permitted, are 
added to the invitation. 

To give a ball of this kind requires much pre- 
arrangement. The rooms should be decorated. 
Often the servants are put into the costumes of 
family retainers of the mediaeval period. The 
host and hostess should appear in costume and 
receive their guests near the door, with their 
family also in fancy dress. It is the custom of 
late for the mistress to arrange two or three sets 
of quadrilles. These should be rehearsed or 



76 THE USAGES OF 

practiced in full costume before the night of the 
ball. 

The dancers in these quadrilles must arrive 
early, as their dance begins the ball. They may 
be attired as shepherds and shepherdesses, as a 
Louis Quinze hunting party, in the hunting 
dress of that period, or a quadrille of all nations 
may be arranged, the ladies and gentlemen 
wearing costumes of the same country dancing 
together. 

But the less fortunate one whose costume has 
not been arranged for her, and who has accept- 
ed, " with pleasure," a card of invitation to a 
fancy dress ball — she must turn her thoughts at 
once to the momentous question of costume, and 
many probably will be the misgivings as to the 
successful issue of the reflections and ultimate 
decision on the all important subject of dress. 
To each and all the great desideratum is origi- 
nality, a very difficult — nay, almost impossible 
object to attain in these high pressure days of 
art, culture and design, leaving out of the ques- 
tion the infinite vanity of fashion in form, color 
and material. 

There is, of course, the wide range of histori- 
cal and mythological characters to select from, 
all more or less well known and available for 
reproduction with the aid of existing wood-cuts 
and intricate printed descriptions; but to many 
the portrayal of these personages is undesirable 
when one considers the subsequent uselessness 
of the ornaments and other appropriate adjuncts 
to such characters. These costumes are only 
procured with trouble and expense, and cannot 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 77 

afterward be fashioned over into wearing appar- 
el, owing to the peculiar cut of the garments 
worn by our ancestors in various periods, were 
they "serf or peasant, mighty lord or dame of 
high degree." A fancy, equally with an histor- 
ical dress, to be thoroughly successful, must be 
well thought out, and great attention given to 
minute details. 

A domino worn at masque balls is sometimes 
worn as a fancy dress. It is made in plain cot- 
ton goods, or in silk or satin, Princess shape, 
having often a Watteau pleat with cape, large 
hood and wide sleeves. It should be large and 
long enough to slip over the dress easily and 
hide it completely. A domino is usually in one 
color, as pink or blue; if it is black, it should be 
trimmed with a color. 

A description of some fancy costumes, easy of 
adjustment and easily procurable, may be some 
help in the way of suggestion. For a Contadina 
or Italian peasant — always a favorite dress — a 
short blue petticoat, trimmed gold braid, a mus- 
lin apron, a Roman scarf about the waist, a low, 
blue bodice, with shoulder straps, and worn over 
a white muslin chemisette, with long sleeves. 
The head-dress is usually made of white linen 
of oblong shape, the portion resting flat on the 
head lined with card-board, six inches square, 
the end plain, or having bands of lace across it. 
High-heeled shoes and coral and blue beads for 
ornament. 

A word just here regarding hair-dressing: 
For an Italian, the two plaits are tied with col- 
ored ribbon, and often entwined with coins or 



78 THE USAGES OF 

beads. For classic costumes, the hair is gener- 
ally gathered in a knot at the nape of the neck 
and bound with a fillet, a few curls sometimes 
escaping at the back. For a gypsy or a druid- 
ess the hair hangs loosely down the back. For 
Undine, Winter, Snow, fairies and such charac- 
ters, the hair should be well powdered, after it 
has been dampened, with thin white starch. 

An Ice Maiden wears a short white dress of 
some thin material, and a veil of the same. Tulle 
covered with tufts of swan's down, or what an- 
swers the purpose quite as well — white wadding, 
a girdle of falling icicles, with bracelets and 
chains of the same. The old-fashioned crystal 
candelabrum will furnish the icicles. For Christ- 
mas, an abundance of white tulle, swan's down, 
or its plebian substitute, wadding, and holly 
leaves and berries. A fan painted with snow 
scenes and robins would be a suitable one to 
carry with such a dress. 

For Patience or a Dairymaid, a short chintz 
tunic, looped up over a petticoat of bright col- 
ors, a low bodice, laced in front, puffed sleeves, 
an apron of coquettish make, and a large straw 
hat with flowers. 

The maid of Athens would, of course, wear 
the classic Greek dress; a flowing skirt of white 
cashmere or nun's veiling, the hem trimmed 
with gold braid in a Grecian design, the chiton 
or sleeveless jacket made in the same material 
as the dress. A gold belt, armlets, bracelets, a 
fillet on the head and sandals on the feet com- 
plete this very classic costume. The diploidon, or 
flowing cloak, is sometimes worn instead of the 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 79 

jacket. This is covered with silver stars and 
draped from the shoulders. 

A costume easily prepared for a gentleman is 
that of an Italian mute. A monk's long white 
calico dress with pointed cap drawn over the 
head and face, with openings for the eyes and 
mouth A dress for a monk would be a long 
brown serge robe, with wide sleeves and a cord 
around the waist. A more elaborate dress would 
be the one for a cavalier of the time of Charles 
I. A long-waisted doublet, trunk hose of vel- 
vet, gemmed and rosetted shoes, or large cava- 
lier boots, wide at the top, with a fall of lace, 
a shoulder cloak of velvet, a Vandyck collar and 
cuffs of lace, a large hat, plumed, and with the 
hair in curls. 

Undine, or a Mermaid, should wear a dress of 
tulle looped over pale green with a lavish dis- 
play of grasses, sea-weed, coral, shells, and water- 
lilies. A veil of tulle hangs over the hair, which 
may be allowed to float about the shoulders, 
etc., but there must be water-lilies and sea-weed, 
no matter how next to impossible it may be to 
obtain them. 

A Wood Nymph. Green tulle evening dress, 
trimmed with leaves, wild flowers, blackberries, 
etc., forming a fringe round the train or tunic. 
The skirt should be bordered with a puffing, out 
of which peep violets, primroses and other spring 
flowers, and so arranged that they seem to grow; 
the bodice must be trimmed to match. Flow- 
ers to be placed in the hair, which should float 
on the hair, beneath a veil of green tulle. Nat- 
ural ivy may be used on this dress; each leaf 



80 THE USAGES OF 

should be painted over with oil, and thoroughly 
dried; this makes them bright and shiny. 

The Telegraph. Short dress of blue and red 
satin, trimmed with bands of silver cloth and 
gold wires; the upper skirt of tulle, looped up 
with medallions representing the telegraph 
poles; a satin cap, with the word Telegraph 
worked in pearls. Pearl ornaments. 

The Planets. A white satin short skirt, bor- 
dered with a blue silk band and dotted with sil- 
ver stars; white gauze overskirt and plaited low 
bodice, besprinkled with stars; long wing-like 
sleeves to match; blue satin Swiss belt, cut in 
points, a star on each; blue coronet with stars; 
long veil with stars; necklace and bracelets of 
the same. 

For a dress of the time of Louis XIV., hoops 
were in fashion and sacques, also patches and 
very long gloves, the hair powdered and worn 
over high cushions. The following is the usual 
style for fancy balls: Satin petticoat, plain or 
quilted, with pearls, or with rows of lace across, 
headed by tulle puffings and roses. A velvet, 
brocaded, or satin train rounded in front, coming 
from the waist or like a Watteau sacque, trimmed 
with lace, the bodice low and square, the stom- 
acher pointed, with rows of ribbon across, a bow 
in the center; the sleeves to the elbow, with ruf- 
fles. 

A Marquise of this period would wear a pink 
silk skirt bordered with a lace flounce, caught 
up in Vandykes, with pink roses and silver tas- 
sels; long upper skirt of silver gauze, with strips 
of pink satin ribbon, and silver tassels and roses 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 81 

keeping it m its place, low bodice; the hair 
powdered. 

For a Peasant Girl a linen striped skirt, blue, 
red and white; a red tunic, caught together, 
high at the back; square, sleeveless, blue cash- 
mere bodice, with velvet bows and trimmings; 
loose linen undersleeves, flat muslin cap, black 
velvet bracelets, and a black velvet band round 
the neck. 

For Guinevere (Idylls of the King). A dress of 
gold tissue, velvet and brocade; the skirt long 
and flowing fastened from neck to hem with 
jeweled clasps if possible an emerald in each. 
Square-cut bodice, with jeweled bands around; 
sleeves tight at lower part, of a distinct color to 
the bodice. The upper portion slashed, and jew- 
els introduced; coronet of pearls; the hair in 
plaits. 

For Marguerite. A short skirt of cashmere, 
bordered with rows of black or contrasting vel- 
vet; long skirt over this, trimmed in same way, 
and caught up by means of a sarpel or pocket 
and girdle on the left side. The skirt is sewed 
to a long, close cuirass bodice, made of the same 
cashmere, coming well on to the hips, where it 
is trimmed with velvet. It is cut square at the 
neck, over a linen chemisette; the sleeves are 
made with horizontal puffs to the elbow, where 
a close-fitting portion of the sleeve meets them, 
and falls a little over the hand. The hair is 
worn in two long plaits. Gray cashmere could 
be used with black velvet, or white with blue. 

For Esmeralda. A gypsy dress in yellow, 
black and scarlet, made short, trimmed with 



82 THE USAGES OF 

coins and gold braid. Black velvet band worn 
above and below the elbow; a sash of gold tis- 
sue tied about the hips. A tambourine carried 
in the hand. 

Moonlight. A silver-spangled tulle evening 
dress over white satin; a mantle of the same bor- 
dered with silver lace, attached to the shoulders 
of the low bodice; a white and silver scarf 
twisted around the head, fastened either with 
diamonds or silver crescents, which are also 
used for the front of the bodice and skirt; white 
satin shoes with crescents. Dark gray and sil- 
ver is a pretty combination for the character. 
For another costume personating Moonlight: A 
dress of soft white silk, trimmed and bordered 
with brown velvet cut in Vandykes, three-quar- 
ter moons in gold cloth or yellow silk appliqued 
on the velvet; a blue scarf around the waist, 
edged with gold, gold and silver-spangled tulle 
around the neck, small silver-spangled cap sur- 
mounted on one side by a crescent. 

A Moorish costume consists of a maize satin 
petticoat, embroidered with black; ruby velvet 
tunic and jacket trimmed with gold lace; Moor- 
ish embroidered sash, gold coins on the hair, and 
plenty of jewels. 

A Druidess is costumed in a long, flowing, 
cashmere robe, bordered with embroidered oak 
leaves; full, low bodice drawn to the neck by a 
string; a gold girdle, scarf with pointed ends 
floating over the right shoulder fastened with a 
brooch on the left, all trimmed with gold; gold 
armlets below the short sleeves, a wreath of oak 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 83 

leaves. The dress must be gray or white, with 
a red scarf. 

For a calico ball, Shepherdess and Charity 
Girl costumes are appropriate. The invitation, 
of course, states the nature of the ball, but the 
word calico, for a ball, includes merino, with tin- 
sel trimming, and net and tarlatan may take the 
place of tulle. A pretty costume for a shep- 
herdess is composed of cream-colored cretonne 
for the underskirt. A tunic and square-cut bod- 
ice of pale-blue cretonne, a closely plaited chem- 
isette, and ruffles to finish the elbow sleeves, and 
includes high-heeled shoes with blue bows. Pow- 
dered hair with a wreath of roses fastened with 
a knot of blue ribbon, the crook twined with 
flowers. 

The Charity Girl costume consists of a blue 
frock reaching to the ankles, with a white cape, 
long apron and mob cap. 

A Watteau dress can be prepared without 
much difficulty; a skirt of muslin, with small 
pleated flounces to the waist; a sacque of silk 
with square-cut bodice pointed in front and 
trimmed with lace; elbow sleeves and ruffles, 
a muslin apron; narrow black velvet around the 
neck and wrists, and the hair powdered. For a 
more elaborate custom the undershirt must be 
of silk or satin, often quilted; it must be short, 
or just touching the ground. The sacque, which 
generally forms a part of a Watteau costume, 
which is indeed the distinctive feature, is fasten- 
ed to the bodice at the back in a double box 
pleat. It is long, and looped up as a tunic. 

For a child a representation of a butterfly cos- 



84 THE USAGES OF 

tume is a pretty device. A short skirt of blue 
foulard, with an overskirt of gauze or tarlatan, a 
low bodice, with a waistband fastened in front 
with bows, and two wings made of gauze, edged 
with fine wire, silk stockings, and blue satin 
boots. Fancy dress parties for children are very 
much the fashion. The dresses worn are often 
suggested by the illustrated books. It is a good 
plan for a certain number of children to appear 
in the characters of some one fairy tale. Among 
the suitable costumes for children are Rainbow, 
Alphabet, Titania, Tambourine Girl, King Cole, 
a Herald and Cupid; for the latter a dress of 
blue and silver gauze smothered in roses, silver 
gauze wings, and the inevitable bow and arrow. 

Little Miss Muffet should wear a pale blue 
chintz or sateen dress, trimmed with gold lace, 
a muslin fichu and mitts, and a spider in the cap. 
A dress demanding more outlay of time and 
money would be one for " Mary, Mary, quite 
contrary. A quilted petticoat with colored pict- 
ures of " pretty maids all in a row," bordered 
with silver cord; a satin tunic, with silver 
bells, having garlands of cockle-shells and prim- 
roses; the bodice low and square, with long 
sleeves trimmed to match, a satin hat with prim- 
roses, bells and cockle-shells; a silver chatelaine 
of hoe, spade, and watering-pot, a cockle-shell 
necklace, and mittens. 

Dresses copied from the Kate Greenaway 
books are always in favor. The skirts are nar- 
row, with long flounces, very short waists, a 
turn-down frill at the neck, and the sleeves 
puffed. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 85 



CHAPTER VIII. 

OPERA AND THEATER PARTIES. 

Theater parties are generally given by bach- 
elors who have no homes to which they may in- 
vite guests, and who thus cancel some of their 
obligations to households from which they have 
received courteous hospitalities. If given by a 
bachelor, he first secures a matron to chaperon 
the young ladies of his proposed party. The 
young man who gives an entertainment of this 
sort must go about this undertaking with 
thoughtfulness, tact and a good balance to his 
credit. He will pay a visit to a famous restaur- 
ant, another to his florist's and a third to the 
box-office of the theater where a new piece is to 
be brought out, say, that day fortnight. Then 
he will give the invitations in person, to fifteen, 
let us say, of the most charming and gracious 
of the ladies with whom he is most intimate, 
after the permission of the mother, that her 
daughter may be his guest, is obtained. It is 
proper to mention what married lady will ac- 
company them, and to give the names of the 
gentlemen of the party — fifteen of his brightest 
and most eligible male friends. The rendezvous 
assigned will be the chosen restaurant, possibly, 



86 THE USAGES OF 

at six p. M. The ladies, if not attended by- 
father or brother, are accompanied by a maid, 
who returns home in the carriage to come back 
for her mistress at the hour appointed, which is 
usually a half hour after midnight. In one of 
the upper chambers of the most sumptuous of all 
restaurants the party will sit down to the repast. 
The thermometer outside may be below zero, 
but the table will be brilliant and fragrant with 
a profusion and variety of flowers. But there 
can be little tarrying over the feast, for the play 
begins at eight. The ladies rise and are ushered 
into the adjacent withdrawing-room. There they 
find a long side-table that seems covered with 
flowers, and by it there stands trim, neat-handed 
young women from the establishment of the 
fashionable florist. 

There is found to be order in the seeming 
chaos of flowers upon the table. The giver of 
the entertainment has taken pains to ascertain 
the favorite flower of each of his fair guests, or 
in default of this knowledge has had regard to 
the tone of her complexion. Each lady finds a 
card with her name on it lying on a separate 
pile of flowers. The pile resolves into a great 
hand-bouquet, and a kind of shape of flowers, 
which, fastened deftly by the maids on the left 
side, reaches upward from near the waist, 
spreading wider as it rises, till the fern-sprays 
and the tips of the rosebuds, or the highest bells 
of the lily of the valley, fleck the graceful throat 
and all but brush the cheek. 

The carriages are announced and the cortege 
drives off to the selected theater, Either boxes 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 87 

have been engaged or seats in the front row of 
the balcony. Possibly the broad top of the bal- 
cony parapet may be found hidden by an inlaid 
mosaic of flowers, on which, in front of each 
chair, lies a programme printed on scented sat- 
in. It may be that theater parties on a similar 
scale occupy the whole front row of the balcony, 
and the effect of such a spectacle is not easy to 
describe. 

When the play is over, the theater party, if the 
affair is a " full powered " one, does not disperse. 
No, it returns to the restaurant, where the din- 
ing-room is now found to be a ball-room, with 
music in readiness. Other guests may arrive, 
and waltz follows waltz, until about one o'clock 
the host of the evening modestly suggests that 
some slight refreshment may be found in an ad- 
jacent apartment. 

The slight repast is found in an elegant sup- 
per, served on a table not less lavish in its floral 
decorations than had been the dinner-table. By 
the time the plovers' eggs are reached, sundry 
baskets containing the presents for the now im- 
pending " german " have been conveyed into the 
ball-room. And the presents prove to be not 
gimcrack gewgaws, but souvenirs of real taste 
and substantial value. This lady, somehow, 
finds on her arm the bracelet of Mexican filagree 
work for which, the other day, she had expressed 
a longing; from that one's wrist comes to dangle 
a fan which she had pronounced a few weeks be- 
fore to be " just too lovely for anything." 

It is a late, or, rather, an early hour before the 
parties separate, a gentleman accompanying each 



88 THE USAGES OF 

young lady, provided only the maid calls for her 
with the carriage. If her father comes, the gen- 
tleman who has been her attendant during the 
evening escorts her only to the carriage. He 
must call upon her within three days, or leave 
his card, if a visit be impossible. The gentle- 
man who gives the party must pay his respects 
and return thanks to mother and daughter with- 
in a week for the honor and pleasure he has re- 
ceived from his lady guests. All the members 
of the party call within a few days after upon 
the lady who chaperoned the company. 

A less elaborate party is the one which in- 
cludes only an after-supper. In this instance the 
host calls upon his proposed guest, and if his 
invitation is accepted — and it must also include 
a gentleman member of the family or a relative 
of the young lady — he leaves entrance tickets for 
the entertainment. 

The party meet in the box, where the lady who 
is chaperon receives them with the host. After 
the theater a supper is served to them at some 
fashionable resort, and the hour for returning 
home is decided upon by the matron of the even- 
ing. The style of opera or theater party is "by 
far the most popular, and is, of course, less ex- 
pensive and troublesome to both host and 
guests. 

If these parties are given by a lady in her own 
home, the invitations are issued by informal 
notes in her own name, and a dinner precedes 
the public amusement. After the theater the 
party is invited to return home with her for an 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 89 

informal supper. Party calls follow in the usual 
manner. 

A word here about dress for the theater: If a 
gentleman invites a lady to attend the opera, he 
must tell her what place he is to offer her; if it is 
a seat in a box she must at least wear a light 
opera cloak, even if she does not array herself in 
full evening dress. For matinees the dress should 
be as elegant as for morning calls, and a bonnet 
is always worn, even by those who occupy boxes, 
but it may be as dressy as one chooses to make 
it. In the evening ladies are at liberty to wear 
evening dress, with ornaments in their hair, in- 
stead of wearing a bonnet. It is not considered 
a breach of etiquette for a gentleman to escort 
ladies to the opera by any one of the public con- 
veyances, provided street toilets are worn. 



go THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER IX. 

DINNER AND DINNER-GIVING. 

The invitations for formal dinners, which are 
in order from December until March, are sent 
out ten days or two weeks in advance. 

The invitations can be either written or en- 
graved. Ladies who give many dinner parties 
always have the engraved invitations with blanks 
left for the written insertion of the name of the 
guest and the date. The invitations are in the 
name of both host and hostess, but the answers 
are addressed to the hostess only. The follow- 
ing is the usual formula: 

Mr. and Mrs. James Bennet 

requests the pleasure of 

Mr. and Mrs. John Wood's company at dinner 

on Thursday, January tenth, \ 

at seven o'clock. 

The usual hours for a dinner are six, seven, or 
eight, and the number of guests to invite for a 
dinner party, not Jess than six nor more than 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 91 

twenty; fourteen is the orthodox number. No 
gentleman is ever invited without his wife, when 
other ladies than those of the family are present. 
If the party is given for a friend or distin- 
guished person, upon an extra card, but inclosed 
in the same envelope with the invitation, is writ- 
ten: 

To meet 

Mr. . 



If the dinner is a very ceremonious entertain- 
ment, the name of the honored guest will be en- 
graved upon the note of invitation. 

An invitation for dinner should be answered 
as soon as read, and formally accepted or de- 
clined in the following style: 

Mr. and Mrs. John Wood 

accept with pleasure 

(or decline with sincere regret} 

Mr. and Mrs. James Bennett 's invitation for dinner 

on January tenth y 

at 7 o'clock. 

If anything happens to prevent one from at- 
tending a dinner after having accepted the in- 
vitation, a note written in the first person must 
be dispatched as quickly as possible to the host- 
ess, that she may fill the place. 

Etiquette demands a call from each guest 



92 THE USAGES OF 

within a week, after the dinner, whether the in- 
vitation was accepted or not. Full evening cos- 
tume is required, and ladies wear gloves, which 
are removed at the table and need not be worn 
again during the evening. 

There should be an interval of five or ten min- 
utes between the arrival and the dinner hour. 
On the arrival of the guests at the house, each 
gentleman receives from a servant a card written 
with his name and that of the lady whom he is 
to take in to dinner; he also receives a small 
boutonniere. If the gentleman is not acquainted 
with the lady whom he is to escort to the table, 
he asks the host to introduce him, and converses 
with her until dinner is announced by the but- 
ler. This functionary stands at the entrance to 
the drawing-room, which opens toward the din- 
ing-room, and bows to the host, who is antici- 
pating this information. The host offers his left 
arm to the lady for whom the dinner is given or 
to the most distinguished guest present; the 
others follow, walking arm-in-arm to their places, 
if the room allows it, if not, the gentleman fol- 
lows the lady. The hostess comes last with the 
gentleman who is entitled to the most consider- 
ation. A gentleman offers his left arm to a lady, 
and places her at his right. The guests do not, 
as formerly, wait for the hostess to reach her 
place, but take their seats at once, only the gen- 
tlemen stand until the hostess is seated. Each 
pair find their assigned place by the card which 
awaits them, assisted by information previously 
given by the host in regard to the side of the ta- 
ble chosen for them. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 93 

It is only for a very informal dinner that no 
seats are assigned. A card with the name of 
the guest is laid at each plate. The menu card 
is usually hidden beneath it. The seats of the 
host and hostess may be at the middle, on oppo- 
site sides of the table, or at the ends. Should 
two persons unknown to each other find them- 
selves placed side by side at table, they may en- 
ter into conversation without any introduction. 
A gentleman will see that the lady whom he es- 
corts to dinner is provided with all she wishes, 
but where there are well-trained servants, one 
guest does not have to look out for the comfort 
of another. 

All formal dinners are served a la Russe, that 
is, everything is handed by the servants, and 
nothing is seen on the table but the fruit, flowers 
and sweets. Hence the modern dinner-table 
presents a picturesque appearance, with its lav- 
ish display of flowers, shaded tapers, glittering 
array of wine-glasses of various hues, flagons of 
ruby glass bound with gold, and rare china of 
Sevres, Dresden, or turquoise and gold. The lace 
or openwork table-cloth is spread over a heavy 
colored groundwork, with a mat of velvet or 
plush under the silver epergne or center-piece. 
A long strip of Indian embroidery, rich with 
gold and brilliant colors, is used, and with fine 
effect for a table mat. Only the center of the 
table is thus covered, and on this a large silver 
salver lined with mirrors may be placed, with 
the epergne filled with fruit and flowers in the 
middle. 

When no colored mat is used, it is customary 



94 THE USAGES OE 

to lay flowers on the cloth, with a wreath of 
odorless blossoms around each plate, and each 
lady is provided with a corsage bouquet, or a 
pretty fan covered with flowers. A plate, one 
large enough to hold the majolica plate for the 
oysters, is put at each place, and at the left are 
laid two knives, three forks, and a soup spoon, 
all of silver. The napkin, which is simply fold- 
ed, with a dinner roll, is also put at the left. 
The goblet for water and the wine-glasses are 
placed at the right. There are two glasses for 
champagne, one for the hock, a ruby-red one for 
claret, and three wine-glasses. Half globed- 
shaped water-goblets, beautifully engraved, are 
growing in favor among those who delight in 
delicate glassware. 

White wine is served with oysters, sherry with 
soup, hock with fish, Burgundy with game, and 
claret and champagne with the dessert, and port 
with cheese. Many like old Madeira before the 
sweets, although others serve it after the dessert. 
For less elaborate dinners sherry for the soup 
and red wine or champagne are sufficient. The 
servant hands the wine at the right of the guest 
— everything else is passed at the left — mention- 
ing the name of the wine, and pouring it imme- 
diately unless told not to do so. Do not take 
wine unless you intend to drink it. On a side 
table is placed the wine decanter for use ; spark- 
ling wines, as hock and champagne, are kept in 
ice-pails, and opened as required. Lumps of ice 
should never be put in any glasses excepting 
those for water. All wine-glasses, except those 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 95 

for the champagne and Madeira, are removed 
just before the dessert. 

At each plate is also a china or silver salt-cel- 
lar; no condiment except salt is put on the ta- 
ble. A servant passes black and red pepper with 
the soup. 

Upon side tables are placed all the accessories 
of the dinner-table — forks, knives, table and des- 
sert spoons, goblets, wine-glasses, napkins, and 
the reserve of dinner plates, the coffee-cups and 
saucers, and the dessert plates, each with a doily 
and finger-bowl placed on it; the hors d' mivres 
or dainty dishes, olives, radishes, sardines, cel- 
ery, and jellies are also on the side table. At 
another table the chief servant divides the fish 
and carves the piece de resistance, as the main dish 
is called; it may be a saddle of mutton, a fillet 
of beef, a haunch of venison, or a turkey, or, 
very probably, all four. The chief waiter, or 
butler, as it is easier to call him, is supposed to 
help the soup, to carve, and pour the wine. 
Where there is a butler one servant to every four 
or six persons is enough. The following is a 
definition of a very important adjunct to a din- 
ner-table: "A good servant avoids coughing, 
breathing hard, or treading on a lady's dress; he 
never lets any article drop, and deposits glasses, 
forks, knives and spoons noiselessly. Rapidity, 
dexterity, and, above everything, quietness, add- 
ed to a knowledge of their duties, form the 
requisites of good butlers and servants." They 
wear thin-soled shoes, do not wear gloves, but 
use a damask napkin with one corner wrapped 
around the thumb, that they may not touch the 



96 THE USAGES OF 

plates with the bare hand. Both the cook and 
butler must be provided with a carefully written- 
out menu, that of the butler including the winej 
against each course. If, as is often the case, the 
dinner is served by a caterer, the hosts have lit- 
tle or no responsibility, and nothing to do but to 
be agreeable. 

The menu is no longer printed on the dinner 
or name card, as the latter is kept as a souvenir 
of the occasion. It is hardly expected that a 
paper on etiquette will give bills of fair, but per- 
haps it may not be amiss to mention the courses 
in order, with the French and English names of 
each. Every one knows, of course, that a din- 
ner commences with huitres, oysters, followed by 
potage, soup; hors d ceuvres, dainty dishes; pois- 
son, fish; entrees, main dishes; entremets, vegeta- 
bles; sorbet, punch; roti, roast; gibier, game; 
salades, salads; fruits et dessert, fruits and des- 
sert; frontage, cheese; cafe, coffee. 

The servants, in passing the dishes, commence 
with the guest upon the right of the master, 
ending with the lady of the house and with the 
guest upon her right, ending with the host. 

Raw oysters with a piece of lemon in the 
center of the plate are already served, and each 
guest begins at once to eat. When the oyster 
plates are removed, two soups are passed, so 
that each person has a choice, and two kinds of 
fish are offered, and so on through a dinner of 
from ten to sixteen courses — ten is the usual 
number. After the soup one may accept or de- 
cline whatever follows. At a dinner it is always 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 97 

proper to ask for bread, for water, or cham- 
pagne. 

Hot dinner plates are prepared when the fish 
is removed, and on these plates the meats are 
served. After each entree and course the waiter 
rings a bell, which goes to the kitchen, which is 
a signal to the cook to send up the next course 
hot. 

As the plates are removed they are not kept in 
the dining-room, but are sent at once to the 
kitchen; a large basket or two for removing the 
dishes and silver must not be forgotten, with a 
maid standing at the door to carry them to the 
kitchen. As each plate is removed a fresh one 
is put in its place. A servant passes the e/ifrees, 
each guest helping himself. 

Before the roast and the game Roman punch 
is served as an appetizer, and after the game the 
salad is brought on in a silver dish; bread or 
biscuits and butter are passed at the same time. 
Before the dessert a servant should remove the 
crumbs and another with a salver removes all 
the glasses, except those for the champagne or 
Madeira or the glass for water, and then the 
dessert plates with the finger-bowls are put on 
the table with a silver dessert knife and fork. 
The bowl and doily are removed at once and 
placed at the left. The water in the finger- 
glasses should be tinted and faintly perfumed 
with rosewater. After making use of the finger- 
bowl the fingers should be wiped on the dinner 
napkin, not on the doily, which is for the fruit. 
After the ices, grapes, pears, and other fruits 
are passed, and then the bon-bons. Fruit is cut 



98 THE USAGES OF 

with a silver knife — but eaten with the fingers; 
apples and peaches should always be peeled be- 
fore eating. In eating that awkward fruit, an 
orange, divide it into eighths, or into halves, 
and eat with a spoon in the Florida fashion. 

The dessert is followed by liquors, which 
should be passed on a salver and poured into 
very small glasses. If the dinner has been a 
very long one — and sometimes the meal lasts 
from seven until half-past ten — coffee is not 
served at the table, but in the parlor. The gen- 
tlemen remain in the dining-room to smoke, 
after the ladies have withdrawn, and the two 
parties take their coffee separately half an hour 
or so after dinner. If it is an early dinner, 
and a theater or opera party follows, coffee is 
served at the table. 

When the dinner is over the hostess bows to 
the lady at the right of the host, rises, and all 
rise also. The gentlemen stand until the ladies 
have left the apartment, or they conduct them 
to the door and then return to smoke, or retire 
to another room for that purpose. 

After coffee, guests may, at any time, take 
their leave, and all depart within two hours 
after dinner. If a person is obliged to leave 
early, the hostess is informed, if possible, before 
dinner, and the guest may then depart, without 
any formal leaving taking, as the departure of 
one often breaks up the party. 

And this ends the dinner of ceremony. 

But there are dinners and dinners, and pos- 
sibly the simpler ones, prepared in the house 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 99 

and served by the servants of the family, if the 
least expensive, are the most enjoyable. 

To achieve success in giving a dinner, it is 
well to remember that quantity is not quality 
and profusion is not elegance. A dinner of six 
courses may be delightful and enjoyable, while 
one of fifteen or twenty, may be an utter fail- 
ure. 



THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER X. 

TABLE DECORATION. 

The most pleasing phase of the art mania of 
the day to an educated house mistress is the 
great importance attached to decoration for the 
table. Hence a woman, though she can neither 
paint nor embroider, may have full scope for any 
artistic talent lying dormant in her nature. 

Formerly when massive center pieces, filled 
with a variety of flowers were the only orna- 
ments of a table, ladies gave but little attention 
to the arrangement, provided there was a cer- 
tain amount of symmetry in the mass, and a 
few ferns or waving grasses striking out at in- 
tervals to relieve the more solid part. Now, 
artists who have made a name in their profes- 
sion do not think it beneath them to superin- 
tend the decorative part of the dinner table, and 
such anomalies as a cabbage-like dahlia resting 
on a delicate spray of maidenhair, or an ex- 
quisite gloire de dijon overshadowed by a red and 
yellow tulip are all things of the past. 

For extensive decoration, unless flowers that 
blend well can be procured, nothing is so effect- 
ive as a mass of the same flowers — violets, prim- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 101 

roses, forget-me-nots, can all be massed and made 
to look so very lovely. Trails of ivy down the 
length of a table are very effective, but in a 
heated room they smell unpleasantly. 

All flowers with a strong or peculiar odor 
should be avoided as they spoil the appetite of 
a very delicate or sensitive person. For a small 
table and a small party, it is best not to overdo 
decoration. A bed of moss in the center looks 
well with flowers put in naturally as if growing, 
and the dessert placed in and out in low dishes, 
with the prettiest bits of moss arranged among 
the layers of the fruit. The moss must be very 
damp, and to prevent injury to the table cover, 
a piece of oiled silk is used. The latter must be 
carefully spread out to dry before it is put away, 
and the moss should be immured in water, when 
it will last for many weeks, and answer the same 
purpose again and again. 

Clusters of primroses, long sprays of violets 
and leaves, or any small pretty woodland flower 
comes in for this style of decoration; even pretty 
and graceful leaves alone, are not to be despised 
when other adornment is impossible. 

Strips of velvet, satin or plush look handsome 
on a table, when the blossoms laid on them con- 
trast or harmonize well with the ground. For- 
get-me-nots on blue plush with sprays of pale, 
pink roses are charming; not arranged in straight 
line, but with a circular center and four arms 
radiating from it toward the corners of the 
table. Of course this style requires perfect 
flowers, as they must lie as they are cut. Moss 
can very prettily be substituted for the plush; 



io2 THE USAGES OF 

then bits of maidenhair fern and flowers that 
grow close to a central stalk, such as hyacinths 
and lilies can be used, each separate flower be- 
ing inserted in the moss. 

A pretty decoration for a lunch-table is to put 
the moss in the shape of a St. Andrew's cross 
studded all over with common field daisies; be- 
tween the arms of the cross, put slender green 
vases holding daisies. 

The glass troughs made in semi-circular and 
line forms are very useful, as they can be ar- 
ranged with flowers in several different ways. 
Shallow oval or circular glass plates are still 
more useful, as they can be placed here and 
there among dessert dishes. Another pretty 
fancy is to have tiny gilded wicker baskets dot- 
ted about the table, half full of wet sand. Place 
moss on the plates and then put in light and 
graceful blossoms, as lily-of-the-valley, cycla- 
men or hawbells, etc., mixing them with delicate 
blades of grass and fern. Daffodils, with their 
rich gold color, are too pretty to be passed 
over, but are better fitted for lighting up a dark 
corner in a room than for the dinner-table. If 
they are used for the table, they should be placed 
in a tall jar or vase, as a short-stalked daffodil 
is an anomaly. The tint of the jar should be in 
harmony with the flower, a rich moss green or 
a deep brown. One of the prettiest combina- 
tions of color is got by mixing dark wall flowers 
and daffodils in the same vase. 

The simplest and seemingly most insignificant 
flower that grows can be made to look lovely in 
a room, with a little care and taste in arranging, 



THE BEST SOCIETY 103 

and no table should be without a few flowers. 
Their presence is especially welcomed at the 
breakfast-table, and may prove a pleasant inspi- 
ration for the day. 

A pretty fancy in floral decorations for a din 
ner-table is to have roses of different colors, with 
the long stems and leaves, laid around the edge 
of the table. For instance, one large rose beside 
each plate, a red, white, yellow, and so on, the 
stem of one flower touching the leaves of another. 
On the very edge of the table is a border of 
smilax. The central flower decoration is now 
often omitted. That roses and pinks, violets 
and lilies should be used, goes without saying; 
for they are always delightful. A very pretty 
effect is obtained by arranging the flowers, usu- 
ally roses, in jars and bowls of dark-red, lus- 
trous china. 

For a dinner-table, there is no light to be com- 
pared to the soft radiance of plenty of candles. 
They should be in brackets tall enough to be 
above the level of the eyes, and should be of a 
kind that does not flicker nor run. The light 
from the sideboard and sides of the room should 
be sufficient to prevent shadows from being cast 
on the table. Everybody and everything looks 
so much better in the mild light of wax or com- 
posite, it is worth while trying to have it. 

Two large silver candelabra, holding perhaps 
a dozen candles apiece, should be placed at 
either end of the center-piece. These contain the 
finest of wax candles, which are lighted just be- 
fore dinner is served. Near the ends of the 
table are smaller candelabra, with a half dozen 






io4 THE USAGES OF 

candles, each having a rose-colored shade sup- 
ported by a silver rod, which clasps the candle 
near the bottom. The nuts, sugar-plums, and 
candied fruits in silver vases with centers of cut 
glass are also a part of the table decoration, and 
are arranged on both sides of the table. 

TABLE ETIQUETTE. 

People who are otherwise very well bred often 
make little mistakes in their manners at the 
table, not because they do not really know any 
better, but because they do not consider table 
etiquette of enough importance to be fully posted 
in its fashions and changes, and think that if 
they do not put their knives in their mouths, and 
do not drink soup from the end of their spoons, 
they are behaving properly. 

Now this is a mistake. Etiquette at the table 
should be very closely observed; for there is 
nothing that marks the true lady or gentleman, 
the really well-bred man or woman, as his or her 
manners at the table. 

" How often has it been our luck to see people 
whom we have fondly imagined the perfection 
of good breeding, act in a manner at the table 
that has thoroughly disgusted us, and dispelled 
all our fond illusions. On the other hand, it has 
been our good fortune to meet a man or woman 
whose manners have not impressed us as being 
particularly polished or high-bred, but who, at 
the table, would behave with such delicacy and 
perfection of manners that he or she would at 
once be set down as having much good breed- 
ing." 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 105 

The trouble with us Americans is that we are 
in entirely too much of a hurry with everything 
we do. We live at a railroad speed, and when- 
ever we can we eat correspondingly fast. Some 
of us do this to save time; others, because it is a 
habit. Oftentimes, at dinner, one will see his 
neighbor eating away, as if his very life depended 
upon his swallowing a certain amount of food in 
a certain number of minutes. This habit of eat- 
ing fast — aside from its being very ill-bred — is a 
very bad one. It ruins the digestion, brings on 
a number of diseases, and really shortens the 
life of any one who continually practices it. 

In the first place, one of the fundamental rules 
to observe is the manner of sitting down at the 
table. One should not sit on the edge of her 
chair; nor sideways; nor should her back rest 
continually on the back of her chair. An easy, 
upright position is the proper one. The feet 
should rest on the floor, and one should sit far 
enough away from her plate to enable her to use 
her knife and fork without awkwardness. 
Though it is generally supposed that every one 
calling himself well-bred knows that in using the 
knife and fork, a movement of the wrist, and not 
of the elbow, is the proper thing, we occasional- 
ly see people using their elbows vigorously. The 
handle of the knife should repose in the center 
of the hand, and no part of the hand should 
touch the knife above the handle. In using a 
fork, only the half of the handle is covered by 
the hand. 

You must not break bread into soup, nor tip 



106 THE USAGES OF 

the soup plate, as the last mouthful must not be 
devoured. 

An egg must not be broken into a cup or 
glass, but eat it always from the shell. 

While certain forms of table etiquette may 
seem altogether conventional, even fantastic, the 
forms usually observed are founded on good 
sense and delicacy of feeling, and the failure to 
adopt them argues a lack of fine perceptions or 
social insight. One of these is eating or drink- 
ing audibly. No sensitive person can hear any 
one taking his soup, coffee or other liquid with- 
out positive annoyance. 

Let your teaspoon remain in your saucer, not 
in your cup. It is proper to drink from the cup 
and not from the spoon. 

Eat nothing with a spoon that can be eaten 
with a fork. All pies are eaten with a fork only, 
and all puddings except custards. Jellies, no 
matter how hard, are not, however, eaten with a 
fork, but with a spoon; but cheese is eaten with 
a fork. Ladies seldom take cheese at a dinner 
party. Ices should always be eaten with a fork. 

Celery, olives, and radishes are always eaten 
with the fingers. Celery is now served in low 
vegetable-like dishes, and not in a tall glass. 

Jelly or vegetables should not be served on 
small separate plates. 

A whole slice of bread or biscuit or muffin 
should not be buttered at once. Small pieces 
should be broken and a bit of butter put on as 
they are eaten, one by one. All bread should be 
broken and not cut. 

When passing the plate a second time, the 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 107 

knife and fork are retained, or the knife only. 
But at a ceremonious dinner, no one passes his 
plate — the servant brings the food to the guest; 
but at an informal dinner, the knife and fork (or 
knife only) are held in one hand while passing 
the plate. Do not ask your neighbor to pass 
anything to you if there is a servant present. 

A steel knife is never used for fish. A silver 
one should be placed by the side of each plate 
for the fish course, or the bits of fish taken up 
with the fork and a morsel of bread. 

A wine-glass is held by the stem, and not by 
the bowl. 

If a napkin ring is given, the napkin is folded 
and placed in it; but if not, the napkin is left 
unfolded at the left side of the plate. 

As a hostess, do not press food upon a guest. 
As a guest, you need not thank host or hostess 
for your dinner; but on leaving, it is only polite 
to express pleasure in the entertainment. 

The dining-room must not be too warm nor 
the lights too glaring, if a hostess wishes her 
dinner to be a success. These matters require 
attention, and are almost as important as that 
the cook be good and the company congenial. 
People experienced in dinner giving are apt to 
neglect the regulation of temperature. A chilly 
atmosphere will paralyze all the conversation, 
and an over-heated room is equally bad. The 
temperature of the room should be neither below 
sixty-eight nor above seventy degrees. 

The invention of the extension table in our 
long narrow dining-rooms has led to the expul- 
sion of the pretty round table, which is of all 



108 THE USAGES OF 

others, the most cheerful. If any lady has a 
large square room, she should have a round 
table. The extension table, however, is almost 
inevitable, and one of the ordinary size, with two 
leaves folded, will seat twelve people. Every 
additional leaf gives room for four more people. 
Iced lemonade is far more satisfying and 
agreeable, on a sultry day, if served in small, 
thin glasses, from a pretty punch bowl, than 
when poured from a pitcher into the old-fash- 
ioned goblet. There are families, though, who 
haven't the punch-bowl, and cannot afford to 
buy it. In one such household a soup tureen 
belonging to an old set of blue china supplies its 
place effectively, and with dainty glasses on an 
attractive Japanese tray, the cooling beverage 
does much to make a hastily prepared lunch sat- 
isfying to the aesthetic sense, as well as the 
material appetite of the unexpected guest. 

There is something graceful and kindly in the 
little attention by which one guest silently puts 
by his neighbor all that he may require. 

" I consider it a better opening to ultimate 
friendship, if my unknown neighbor quietly 
passes me the salt, or silently understands that 
I like sugar to my soup, than if he had been in- 
troduced by his full name and title, and labelled 
with the one distinguishing action or book of his 
life." 

With regard to the size of plates and meat 
dishes, we cannot do better than copy the 
French. A roast fowl requires a small oval dish; 
a pair of fowls, a wide one; a fillet of veal, a 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 109 

round dish; game without gravy, a flat one; a 
roast, a dish with a well. 

Single specimens of tall flowers are, for table 
decoration, the most interesting. As much as 
possible of the plant should be shown, therefore 
glass is better than china. 

It is a great merit in a dessert service to have 
a large variety of shapes in the dishes. A long, 
narrow tray makes a pleasant variety. The open 
wicker-work of the basket-shaped dish lets the 
lovely colors of a peach or ripe apple peep 
through. 

Water and salt should be within the reach of 
everybody at the table, and should never require 
to be passed. 

Glass always seems the appropriate material 
of which to make a vessel for holding water. 
Salt also seems to look best in glass. Among 
half a dozen salt cellars on a table, there need be 
no two quite alike; but all should come under 
the rule which prescribes that they are emptied 
after every meal. 

Cruet stands are convenient, but we much 
prefer to see mustard and pepper in small de- 
tached vessels at various places on the table. 

By attention to small details, a very humble 
repast may be most elegant. A silver bread- 
basket for the thin slices of bread, a pretty cheese 
dish, a napkin around the cheese, pats of butter 
in a pretty dish, flowers in vases, fruits neatly 
served. These things cost little, but they add a 
zest to the pleasures of the table. 

The tablecloth should be of white damask, for 



no THE USAGES OF 

dinner; colored cloths are permissible only for 
tea and breakfast. 

Breakfast napkins are of a smaller size than 
dinner napkins. 

Large, white napkins are invariably used at 
luncheon. Very little starch should be put in 
napkins. No one wishes to wipe a delicate lip 
on a board; and a stiff napkin is very like that 
commodity. 

At a fashionable meal the napkin, at the end 
of the repast, is left unfolded. At a social tea 
or breakfast, if the hostess folds her napkin, the 
guests follow her example. 

At a fashionable dinner no one folds his nap- 
kin. 

Ostentatious display of silver is bad taste at a 
country dinner. Glass dishes are much more 
elegawt and appropriate. 

Goblets should be placed right side up. 

A half ladleful of soup is enough to serve, un- 
less it is a country dinner, where a full ladleful 
may be given without offence; but do not fill the 
soup-plate. 

In using a spoon, be very careful not to put it 
too far into the mouth. 

Avoid the appearance of self-engrossment or of 
abstraction while eating, and for the sake of 
health of mind and body, acquire the practice of 
a cheerful interchange of both civilities and 
ideas with those who may be even temporarily 
your associates. 

A gentleman, at dinner, is expected to be very 
attentive to the lady at his right; to pass any- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. in 

thing needful to the lady at his left, and to be 
very amiable to the lady Opposite. 

A gentleman, in seating himself at table, should 
look down to see if he has placed the foot of his 
chair on the dress of the lady sitting next to 
him, and if he has done so, he must remove it 
instantly, that her dress may not be torn when 
she attempts to rise. 

Never overload the plate of a guest, or any 
person you would serve. It is not a delicate 
compliment. If you are to serve game, or any 
rarity of which the supply is limited, use discre- 
tion, that all may enjoy some of it. Never press 
people unduly to eat or drink. 

The fork should never be overloaded. It is an 
unhealthy and an ill mannered habit to pack 
meat and vegetables on the fork. 

A knife and fork are both used in eating salad, 
if it is not cut up before serving. A large lettuce 
leaf cannot be easily managed without a knife, 
and, of course, the fork must be used to carry it 
to the mouth. Thus, as bread, butter and cheese 
are served with the salad, the knife and fork are 
really essential. 

For a country dinner, the table should be set 
near a window or windows, if possible; in fine 
weather, in the hall or on the wide veranda. If 
the veranda has long windows the servant can 
pass in and out easily. 

Soup for a country dinner should be clear 
bouillon, with macaroni and cheese, or julienne, 
which has in it all the vegetables of the season. 
Heavy mock-turtle, bean soup or ox-tail soup 
are not in order for a country dinner. The soup 



H2 THE USAGES OF 

should be made the day before, and all the 
grease removed when the stock is cold. 

It is better in a country house to have some 
cold dish that will serve as a resource if the cook 
should leave. 

The large family of salads help to make the 
dinner delightful. The lady who has conquered 
the salad question may laugh at the caprices of 
cooks. What is as good as an egg salad for a 
hungry company? Boil the eggs hard and slice 
them, cover with a mayonnaise dressing, and put 
a few lettuce leaves about the plate, and you 
have a sustaining meal. 

For desserts there is an almost endless succes- 
sion and with cream in her dairy and an ice- 
cream freezer in her kitchen, the housekeeper 
must not lack delicate and delicious dishes. No 
hot puddings should be served, or heavy pies. 
Cold custards, charlotte russe, and creams stif- 
fened with gelatine and delicately flavored are 
very nice for a summer dinner. 



THE BEST SOCIETY, 113 



CHAPTER XL 

LUNCHEONS, BREAKFASTS AND TEAS. 

Luncheon, or dijtuner a la four chette is rather a 
lady's meal, although in reality invitations are 
given as generally to the one sex as to the other. 
The predominance of ladies at luncheon is due 
to the fact that the majority of youths and men 
are too much engaged at this hour of the day to 
be at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon. 
This institution of luncheon is invaluable to 
people who have many friends, acquaintances 
and relatives to entertain, as invitations to this 
meal are given for any day in the week, visits or 
without ceremony, with long notice or short 
notice, or on the spur of the moment. 

People are flattered at being asked to lunch- 
eon. They consider it friendly and sociable, and 
accepting such invitations entails neither trouble 
nor expense. Ladies can enjoy the society of 
their hostess far more than at dinners. At 
luncheon she makes general conversation with 
all her guests; at the latter she is monopolized 
by the one or two who are seated near her. 

The invitations to luncheon are generally 
written by the hostess on her own note-paper, in 
a very informal style. 






1 14 THE USAGES OE 

If the luncheon, however, is to be one of cer- 
emony, then there is no choice, the invitations 
must be engraved and sent out a week before 
the day appointed, and answered immediately, 
as they are of importance, and require as prompt 
attention as the imperative dinner invitations, 
for should you decline another may be invited in 
your place. A lady having accepted an invita- 
tion to a luncheon, must not absent herself with- 
out some good reason, nor must she neglect the 
after call, which it is necessary to make upon 
the hostess within the week, or uoon her first re- 
ception day. 

Usually, ladies only receive invitations to a 
luncheon party, although gentlemen are occa- 
sionally invited. The following is an appropri- 
ate form for the hostess to use: 

Mrs. Brown 
requests the pleasure of your company at luncheon 

on Tuesday, February fifth, 
to meet {possibly the party is given for a friend) 

Miss , 

One o'clock. 95 Sussex Place. 

Walking or carriage Costumes are worn, and 
bonnets may be retained; gloves are removed at 
the table. 

Ladies wno are intimate with the hostess, ar- 
rive about thirty minutes before the luncheon 



THE BEST SOCIETY. «5 

hour, to enjoy a little chat with her. There is 
no formal going in to lunch; the hostess leads 
the way to the dining-room, with the honored 
guest on her right; the ladies go down together, 
chatting the while; the gentlemen follow. When 
gentlemen are present, they seat themselves by 
the ladies; but all formality is dispensed with. 
The host and hostess, however, retain their places 
at the top and bottom of the table, as at dinner. 

In some houses, the servants wait at table, in 
others a sort of compromise is made, and the 
servants remain only a part of the time, and 
after they leave the room, the guests wait upon 
themselves and each other. 

The luncheon table must be decked with 
flowers, which, however, are not arranged in 
very particular order, but in charming confusion. 
Favors are occasionally provided for the ladies; 
for instance, gilded straw gondolas filled with 
roses, satin bags of bonbons, or fans, each one 
decorated with the monogram of the person for 
whom it is intended. 

Menus are not necessary, although often used, 
and the luncheon, like a dinner, may be served 
a la Russe, and often as many courses are pro- 
vided as for a dinner. 

There are fewer wines, and the bouillon is put 
in cups. The soup is followed by rissoles of 
sweetbreads, cutlets with Saratoga potatoes, 
oyster croquettes, hot rolls, muffins, ices, fruit 
and coffee. 

If the luncheon is very informal, a cold one is 
more often prepared, and is, of course, much 
more convenient. The menu would include lob- 



n6 THE USAGES OF 

ster and chicken salad, cold ham and pressed 
meats, ices, blanc-mange, tea and coffee, and an 
etc., which means that each housekeeper has her 
own particular dishes, and it is unnecessary for 
another to attempt to give any bill of fare; al- 
though one might, by way of an addenda, suggest 
pate de fois gras, sandwiches, and cake. 

Some ladies are inconsiderate enough to pro- 
long their stay after luncheon an indefinite time. 
Having no particular engagements themselves, 
they are quite oblivious of those of their hostess. 

The most polite thing to do is to leave within 
ten minutes or so after quittingthe dining-room. 
Leave-taking should always be as short as pos- 
sible. 

While usually ladies only are invited to a 
luncheon, both ladies and gentlemen may be 
guests at a breakfast party. The hour for a for- 
mal affair of this kind, is ten or a half hour later. 
The invitations are sent out five days before the 
one named. for the breakfast, and are informal 
notes, or if writing cards are used, below the 
name is written: 

Breakfast Tuesday at ten d clock, 
March 4th. 

The invitations require an immediate acknowl- 
edgement and a call within ten days after the en- 
tertainment. A breakfast is even a more infor- 
mal meal than a luncheon, and is attended with 
little or no ceremony. The table cannot be too 
dainty in all its appointments. The dishes are 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 117 

nutritive, succulent, inviting to the palate. The 
charm of variety is not neglected, but nothing 
heavy or excessive in quantity should be pre- 
pared. Jiblets and cream and pomegranates may 
be numbered with the hors d' ceuvres or delica- 
cies. If the breakfast is a feast, not elaborate, 
but falling little short of it, the courses are 
served as for a dinner, but less in number. 

The same courtesy between the hosts and their 
guests is observed as for a dinner. The host 
conducts the eldest lady, or if the host is not 
present, the lady of the house leads the way to 
the breakfast-room accompanied by a guest — • 
either a lady or a gentleman. 

If ladies and gentlemen are equal in number, 
the hostess arranges for partners at table; and 
in case there are a number of guests, cards are 
placed at the proper plates, where every person 
will find his or her name. If there are only a 
few gentlemen present, ladies are informed of 
their lady partners by the hostess, and they seek 
their assigned positions at table as usual. Af- 
ter returning to the drawing-room, the guests 
depart within half an hour. Nowadays, even at 
breakfast, the tea and coffee are often passed 
from a side table, although many ladies prefer 
to preside over their own coffee urns, and enjoy 
the hospitality which this attention to their 
friends suggest. 

TEAS. 

Teas are as English in origin as kettle-drums, 
but without their formality and stateliness. In 
England it is the custom for the ladies and gen- 



Ii 8 THE USAGES OF 

tlemen of a family to assemble and take a cup 
of tea before dressing for dinner. Imported to 
America, the afternoon tea is an informal recep- 
tion, and a very favorite way of entertaining 
one's friends. Some one says " it is useful as the 
occasion for a rendezvous, an informal and easy 
grouping of people who have leisure and who 
long for a pleasant chat to round off the sharp- 
ness of the morning's experience." 

As very numerous rather than very costly hos- 
pitalities are becoming more fashionable, teas, 
which are entertainments very easily prepared, 
increase in favor. 

A lady sends out her visiting card with the 
name of the day when she will be at home to her 
friends written under her name, as follows: 

Thursdays in February, 
Tea at 4 o'clock. 
or, 

Four clock tea, 
Tuesday, February fifth. 

These invitations require no answers, nor are 
after-calls made, as teas are little more than 
grand calling days ; those who cannot attend 
usually consider it necessary to call as soon after 
the entertainment as convenient, and those who 
are present leave cards in the hall. Ladies wear 
handsome walking or carriage costumes, but d<» 
not wear full dress. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 119 

The refreshments are of a light nature, and all 
ostentation is avoided. The tea, with its pretty 
service, is placed on a side table with a pitcher 
of milk for those who prefer it to tea, and pos- 
sibly chocolate is provided, with some very thin 
sandwiches, a basket of sweet biscuits, and an- 
other of cake. These refreshments are usually 
served to the guests by the lady of the house, 
with a daughter or some friend assisting, if the 
number of guests is small. Some hostesses in- 
vite a few young girls of their acquaintance to 
serve their guests with refreshments and to en- 
tertain them while they are drinking their tea, 
or the lady of the house receives her guests at 
the table, where she presides, and the tea is 
passed on a tray by the maid. The usual hours 
for the reception are from four to six o'clock. 

Flowers must always be used to decorate every 
table. For breakfasts and teas little clusters of 
flowers in small vases are in better taste than 
the stately center-piece, which must crown a din- 
ner table. 

There is little if anything more to be said of 
these unceremonious but exceedingly pleasant 
affairs. A greeting, a cup of tea, a little harm- 
less gossip, a farewell, and that is all. Formal 
adieux, however, between the hostess and her 
guests are not necessary nor expected; each one 
departs without a ceremonious leave-taking. 
Most English ladies and many Americans always 
have tea served in their sitting-rooms every day, 
and any one calling is expected to drink a cup. 

Ladies usually think it incumbent on them to 
take a cup of tea when it is offered. For one 



120 THE USAGES OF 

thing, it seems unsociable to refuse, and to do so 
involves making trivial explanations as to the 
whys and wherefores of the refusal. They never 
drink tea in the afternoon, or the doctor has 
ordered them not to, or they have already had 
some tea. It is always easier to take a cup than 
to go into these unimportant details. Of course, 
if a lady does not drink tea, as a rule, she does 
not hesitate to say so. We draw upon the Rus- 
sians for many of our customs connected with 
the dinner-table, but we have not yet taken 
kinly to their idea of tea drinking. That is to 
say, to the substitution of lemons for sugar and 
cream, "fragrant pill and a hint of acid." A 
slice of lemon, neither thick nor large. This 
does not disguise or flatten the aroma of good 
tea, as do the conventional additions — sugar and 
cream — but it combines with it and heightens it. 
But there are high teas or suppers, always the 
fashion in country towns, where they take the 
place of the grand city dinner; and within the 
last year they have been revived in the cities, or 
rather during the summer supper-parties are fre- 
quently given at the different fashionable resorts. 
To quote from a society paper on this subject, 
"After a long retirement into the shades, the 
supper-party, the 'sit-down supper,' once so dear 
to our ancestors, has been again revived. Ladies 
of society at Newport have found that, after the 
hearty luncheon which everybody eats there, at 
one or at three, the twelve or fourteen course din- 
ner at seven o'clock is too much; that people come 
home reluctantly from their ocean drive to dress 
for dinner at seven, and they have this summer 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 121 

issued invitations to supper at nine or half past 
nine. The very late dinners in large cities have 
no doubt also extinguished the supper as a fa- 
vorite entertainment; but there is no reason why 
suppers should not be in fashion in the country, 
or where people dine early, as many do. 

In England, where digestions are better than 
they are here, and where people eat more heavily, 
" the supper tray " is an institution, and suppers 
are generally spread in every English country 
house. 

The same service is proper as at a dinner, with 
the single exception of the soup-plates, which 
are not used, as the bouillon is served in cups with 
saucers. But there is the same procedure as to 
the change of forks, knives and plates; after 
each course the plates are removed and fresh 
ones put in their places. The table must not 
have any appearance of disorder; but, like a din- 
ner-table, it must be as fresh and pleasant a 
sight, with its lights and flowers, at the end as 
at the beginning of the feast. 

A large center-piece of flowers ornaments the 
table, set with fruit and bonbons in crystal 
dishes. Two kinds of wine, in handsome decan- 
ters, can be placed on the table. The wine 
should be either Maderia, or sherry, or Burgun- 
dy. Champagne, frapp/ or half frozen, is also 
provided with punch at the end of the feast. 

It is on the supper-table that all sorts of deli- 
cate and dainty dishes apuear with all things 
tasteful and appetizing. 

Oysters on the shell are followed by bouillon, 
then chieken croquettes or sweetbreads with 



122 THE USAGES OF 

green peas — no vegetables are served except 
green peas — followed by some sort of game — 
ducks, grouse, or woodcock. There is such a 
thing as an informal supper, of course, when all 
the dishes are put on, as at the supper-table of a 
large ball — meats, dressed salmon, chicken cro- 
quettes, salads, jellies and ices — and the guests 
sit down to it and eat indiscriminately; but such 
is not the true " sit down " elegant supper, which 
has its courses and its etiquette and its removes, 
exactly like a dinner, and to accomplish which, 
with the corresponding conversation, was the 
delight of our grandmothers, and which is well 
worth reviewing. Oysters are invaluable at sup- 
per. Fried oysters make a bad odor through 
the house; therefore, they are not so convenient 
in a small private house as scalloped oysters, 
which can be prepared in the afternoon, and 
which send forth no odor as they are being 
cooked. Broiled oysters are very delicate, and a 
favorite dish at an informal supper. Beef, ex- 
cept in the form of a filet, is never served at a 
sit down supper, and even a filet is rather too 
heavy. Lobster in every form is a favorite sup- 
per delicacy, and the grouse, snipe, woodcock, 
teal, canvas back, and squab on toast are always 
in order. Salads of any and every kind are al- 
ways provided with the game ; salads for sup- 
pers is a rule with no exceptions. 

With the ices and fruit, champagne is passed, 
and then the coffee. For the informal supper 
served after an opera or theater party, all the 
dishes are put on the table at the beginning. 
The plain supper consists of a few oysters, some 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 123 

cold chicken, a plain salad — one of primroses it 
may be, for they are said to make a capital salad 
— with ice-cream and a glass of champagne, a 
dish of fruit, and possibly a half dozen roses in 
a Venetian glass. The " cut-glass bowls of ber- 
ries with cream in silver pitchers of quaint de- 
vice " belong to the supper-table of a summers 
day in the country. 



124 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XII. 

THE ART OF ENTERTAINING. 

That there is an art in entertaining one's 
friends no one can for a moment dispute, neither 
can they doubt that such an art is attained by 
cultivation and care, though they will probably 
maintain, and with reason, that it is a gift pos- 
sessed by comparatively few people, and that in 
its spontaniety lies its chief charm. But for 
people who do not naturally possess this knack, 
it is necessary to analyze the art, not exactly to 
lay down rules, but to offer suggestions and to 
try to find out what are the chief features of this 
most enviable accomplishment. 

How often on returning from a friend's house 
we have said: "What a delightful evening this 
has been. Mrs. A. certainly possesses the art of 
giving every one enjoyment; her manner is 
charming to all." On the other hand, we return 
from a dull house, where everything is done en 
reg/e, but where a predominant sense of stupid- 
ity overwhelms us, and if we are at all sensitive 
to externals, marks us for her own. What con- 
stitutes the difference in these two cases? Main- 
ly the manner of our hostess. Manner, then, is 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 125 

of the greatest importance in determining the 
success or failure of our efforts for the entertain- 
ment of our friends. Some speople taboo what 
is called good manners; they maintain that if 
the motive be good it matters little whether the 
manner be graceful or rough. School girls are 
often of this opinion; they are so afraid of be- 
ing thought young ladyish or affected that they 
rush to the opposite extreme and think them- 
selves true and straightforward, if rough and 
ready. 

Shyness and self-consciousness are often the 
real causes of this aw T kwardness; but before ex- 
perience, these gaucheries disappear, and an easy 
and graceful manner is often the result. 

Manner may in itself be of two kinds — the 
manner which is perfectly well-bred and refined, 
but withal very chilling, and the manner into 
w r hich is infused all the charm of a kindly, hon- 
est, sunshiny nature, with a sincere regard to 
please. On its surface it leaves the stamp of 
truth; there is no mere veneer, no courtesy put 
on, but agraciousness of speech and action which 
flows from the inner being and is always there. 
As well as manner, tact, that happy quality 
which in women is supposed to be inborn, plays 
a prominent part in the art of entertaining. Tact 
enters into the feelings of others without show- 
ing that it does so; it anticipates wishes, and 
gives them fulfillment almost before they are 
wishes. In short, it is useful in a thousand in- 
stances, and may well be called another sense. 

Perhaps the most trying mode of entertaining 
our friends pleasantly, is at a dinner-party; but 



126 THE USAGES OE 

by taking the matter into consideration, a host- 
ess can usually insure enjoyment and satisfaction 
to her guests. Care should be taken in the se- 
lection of those invited, particularly if the party 
be a small one, with a view to their suiting one 
another. In the country, where some people do 
not visit with other people, it is very necessary 
to study the situation of guests, or much un- 
pleasant awkwardness may ensue. Tact and 
forethought are here indispensable. 

In the parlor, after dinner, a well-mannered 
hostess will be careful to converse with all her 
guests in turn, instead of confining herself to 
one or two, not in a stiff or studied way, but 
gracefully and naturally. It is by attending to 
such small matters that success is assured. After- 
dinner parties, perhaps " at homes," require the 
most careful management. To these entertain- 
ments so many people have been asked that the 
utmost attention the hostess can show her guests 
is to receive them, and exchange a greeting with 
each. She will, however, have provided before- 
hand for this comfort by seeing that there is due 
accommodations for them, sufficient chairs, good 
music (if there be music), and as little crush as 
possible. If the visitors are forced to find seats 
far up the draughty stairs, if they get wedged in 
a crowd, out of which it is sheer impossibility to 
extricate themselves, while to add to their dis- 
comfort there is a roar of conversation and a 
thunder of piano-forte playing (more forte than 
piano) around them, they will wish that enter- 
tainment were not such a hollow mockery, and 
make their escape as soon as circumstances will 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 127 

permit; that is to say, as soon as they can sepa- 
rate themselves from the "madding crowd." 

Picnics well planned and carried out are de- 
lightful. The host and hostess will so arrange 
their guests that they blend well together, so 
that no one will jar with any one else. They 
will decide who shall drive and with whom, who 
ride, and where all shall meet if the visitors are 
to go from their homes to the place of the ren- 
dezvous. When the chosen place is reached, let 
the luncheon hour be known, and let all then dis- 
perse on their various pleasure quests. 

Exploring parties will explore, botanists and 
geologists will pursue thsir favorite researches, 
lovers of nature will sketch, while the " poor 
wanderin' lunatics " will enjoy themselves after 
the fashion of the trio who were encountered by 
the three jovial huntsmen. Care should be taken 
that the etceteras of the luncheon have been 
properly arranged and sent. If at the critical 
moment when all have assembled for luncheon, 
it is discovered that there are no knives, or no 
forks, or that some important item is left behind, 
the position will probably be a painful one to 
the hostess. 

It can readily be seen that much is not re- 
quired in the attainment of this art of entertain- 
ing. For instance, how much enjoyment can be 
given to a friend who, perhaps, spends most 
other days and hours in household cares and 
anxieties, by inviting her to a quiet little lunch- 
eon or afternoon tea She need not make much 
preparation for coming; you need make little 
for receiving her, only your kindly sympathy, 



128 THE USAGES OF 

your cheerful manner and conversation may be 
an oasis of peace in her daily life. 

There is an art in listening as well as convers- 
ing. You will remember this when she is with 
you and let her, if she will, pour out to you some 
of her domestic worries. Do not do the same to 
her. Remember you are entertaining her, and 
it is not entertainment to hear a person grumble 
or complain. Only be sympathetic and cheer- 
ful, and if you advise be practical. 

This, however, is wandering from the subject, 
but only with the wish to show that, above all, 
the root of success lies in the desire to please. 
It is said that the English are the best hosts in 
the world, for they are masters of the letting alone 
system. Important points to consider are not to 
neglect a guest, not to weary her, or him, by too 
much attention; never give a visitor the impres- 
sion that she is being entertained, but allow her 
the enviable privilege occasionally of following 
her own sweet will, to write a letter if she wishes 
to do so; to read a novel, and, above all, not to 
feel that she must talk and be entertaining as 
well as entertained. In short, there is no office 
in the world that should be filled with such 
punctilious devotion, propriety and unselfish- 
ness, as that of hostess. 

To form a perfect conversationist many qual- 
ifications are requisite. There must be knowl- 
edge of the world, knowledge of books, and a 
facility of imparting that knowledge; together 
with originality, memory, an intuitive percep- 
tion of what is best to say and best to omit, good 
taste, good temper and good manners. 






THE BEST SOCIETY. 129 

A good talker should cultivate a temperance 
in talking, so as not to talk too much, to the ex- 
clusion of other good talkers. Conversation is 
dialogue, not monologue. 

To be a perfect conversationist, a good voice 
is indispensable — a voice that is clear, distinct 
and silver-toned. If you find that you have a 
habit of speaking too low, reform it altogether. 

The pleasure of society is much lessened by 
the habit in which many persons indulge cf 
placing themselves always in opposition, contro- 
versing every opinion and doubting every fact. 
They talk to you as a lawyer examines a witness, 
scarcely permitting you to say " it is a fine day," 
without making you prove your words. Such 
people are never popular. No one likes perpet- 
ual contradiction, especially when the subject of 
the argument is of little or no consequence. In 
young people this dogmatic practice is generally 
based upon vanity and impertinence. In the old, 
it is prompted by pride and selfishness. 

Unless he first refers to it himself, never talk 
to a gentleman concerning his profession; at 
least do not question him about it. A merchant 
when away from his counting house, has no wish 
to engage in business. A clergyman does not 
like always to be talking about the church. 

Still there are some people who like to talk of 
their professions. If you perceive this disposi- 
tion, indulge them and listen attentively. You 
will learn something useful and worth remem- 
bering. 

Never remind any one of the time when their 
situation was less affluent than at present, or 



13© THE USAGES OF 

tell them that you remember them living in a 
small house, or in a remote street. If they do 
not wish to talk of this, it is rude in you to make 
any allusions. 

On the other hand, if invited to a fashionable 
house, and to meet fashionable company, it is not 
the time or place for you to set forth the com- 
parative obscurity of your own origin, by way 
of showing that you are not proud. 

When you hear a gentleman speak in praise of 
a lady whom you do not think deserving of his 
commendations, you will gain nothing by at- 
tempting to undeceive him, particularly if the 
lady is handsome. Your dissenting from his 
opinion he will, in all probability, impute to envy 
or ill-nature, and therefore the only impression 
you can make will be acquired yourself. Above 
all, if a gentleman descants on the beauty of a 
lady, and in your own mind you do not coincide 
with his opinion, refrain from criticizing invid- 
iously her face and figure, and do not say that 
though her complexion may be fine, her features 
are not regular, that her nose is too small, or her 
eyes too large. 

It is very discourteous when a person begins 
to relate a circumstance or an anecdote, to cut 
them short by saying that you have heard it be- 
fore. Still worse to say that you do not wish to 
hear it at all. There are people who set them- 
selves against listening to anything that can 
possibly excite melancholy or painful feelings, 
and who prefer to hear nothing that may give 
them a sad or unpleasant sensation. Those 
who have so much tenderness for themselves 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 131 

have usually but little tenderness for others. 

Never interrupt a person who is telling you a 
story, even if he makes mistakes in dates and 
facts. If he makes a mistake, it is his own fault, 
and it is not your business to mortify him by at- 
tempting to correct his blunders. 

Avoid railing and sarcasm in social parties. 
They are weapons which^ few can use. When 
two individuals or the whole company agree to 
banter each other with good-natured sallies of 
wit, it is very pleasant, but the least taint of 
ill-nature spoils all. 

ENTERTAINING ON A SMALL SCALE. 

Some people imagine because they are not 
rich and able to afford a large establishment, it 
is quite impossible that they can entertain their 
friends in any way whatsoever. There are, of 
course, many instances where this is the case. 
But very often it is not the expense that forms 
the barrier to hospitality so much as the idea 
that guests do not care to come to a small house, 
or that it is impossible to ask them without be- 
ing able to give them all the luxuries to which 
they are accustomed in the larger houses at 
which they visit. 

This is a mistake, and prevents a good deal of 
pleasant sociability which might otherwise be 
enjoyed. The great mistake often made by 
hostesses who live in a small way is that, when 
they wish to entertain, they are apt to be too 
ambitious, and to attempt things to which their 
servants are not accustomed, and in which they, 



132 THE USAGES OF 

as a natural consequence, fail. It is easily un- 
derstood that a maid who has been only accus- 
tomed to laying the table for a meal, will be 
somewhat at fault when expected to perform her 
part at a dinner, and no guest should ever be in- 
vited to this meal until the maid has been care- 
fully practiced for what is required of her at 
such a time. In fact )4 a guest should only be in- 
vited to share what is the general routine of the 
family; any unusual effort made in his honor is 
always observable, and causes a feeling of con- 
straint. It is fatal in a small household, in the 
event of a few friends being asked to dinner, to 
allow the cook to attempt any dishes with the 
manufacture of which she is not thoroughly ac- 
quainted. A plain dish, well cooked, is infinitely 
preferable to a more elaborate one that fails 
either in taste or in niceness of appearance on 
the table, the latter point being, to many deli- 
cate persons, of almost greater consequence than 
its flavor. 

A hostess who entertains but rarely is apt to 
forget that if her servant has too many persons 
to wait upon, it is quite impossible that things 
can go smoothly. If there are more than four 
persons at dinner, it is absolutely important that 
there should be a second person to wait. It is 
wiser in a small establishment not to adopt the 
custom of dinner a la Russe, but to have the 
dishes carved on the table. Of course, all the 
business of decoration of the table must devolve 
on the lady of the house; it is she who must ar- 
range the dessert and the flowers. If she is wise 
she will not be tempted to be lavish in either de- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 133 

partment. By the time dinner is over very few 
persons care for fruit, and as long as the dishes 
are so tastefully arranged as to please the eye, 
the guests will not critically examine what they 
contain; while very pretty flowers can be bought 
for a very small sum, which have as good an ef- 
fect as far more expensive ones. 

Before the mistress of a small household ven- 
tures to entertain, let her be certain that her 
cook can do the simple dishes she means to give 
really well, and let her provide all the materials 
for their manufacture, of the best; let her make 
sure that the maid knows exactly what she ought 
to do, by the simple expedient of insisting upon 
being served every day, with precisely the same 
care and nicety as if guests were present, and she 
may then give her little dinner without any ner- 
vousness. 

When in a small household guests are asked 
to stay, the mistress must satisfy herself, by per- 
sonal inspection, that the visitor's bedroom is 
really comfortable, that the linen has been per- 
fectly aired (an important matter, almost cer- 
tain to be neglected if left to inexperienced serv- 
ants), that there is a sufficiency of blankets accor- 
ding to the season of the year, and that there is 
the proper supply of towels, with a few extra 
ones in the washstand drawer. She should ex- 
amine the windows and make sure that the sash- 
lines are intact, as it is absolutely essential to 
the healthiness of a bedroom that the windows 
may be opened easily, more especially at the top, 
as it is there that all the bad air makes its exit. 
She will, of course, provide against the discom- 



134 THE USAGES OF 

fort of the windows rattling in a wind, if at all 
loose in their frames, by providing wedges of 
either wood or brass, which should be attached 
by small chains to the side of the window frames, 
and hang there ready to be used when required. 
She must also explore wardrobes and drawers, 
and see that anything in the way of house-linen, 
or of her own wearing apparel, that may be 
stowed away there when the guest chamber is 
not in use, is removed, and the shelves and 
drawers dusted and lined with paper. It is very 
inconvenient for a guest to find, on her arrival, 
that a great part of the space in the drawers and 
wardrobe is unavailable, owing to the hostess 
having neglected to move her own possessions 
out. She must see that writing-paper, envelopes 
and pens are on the table, that the blotting paper 
is sufficiently clean, and that the inkstand has 
been replenished. 

It is extremely annoying to sit down to write 
and find only a few drops of thick, muddy fluid 
at the bottom of the ink-bottle. She must fur- 
ther take care that the lock and bolt of the door 
are in good order, that a night light and a box 
of matches are provided, and that the pincushion 
is furnished with pins. 

Finally, if the weather is damp and chilly, she 
should not fail to have a fire lighted early in the 
day in the room. If the guests do not like it, it 
is easily let out again, and there is something 
very chilling and inhospitable in being shown 
into a room without a fire, when arrived tired 
and cold, and it does not greatly mend the mat- 
ter, if the guest is asked, on arrival, whether he 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 135 

or she would like a fire; it shows that one has 
not been deemed necessary, and so, often the 
visitor, anxious not to give trouble, goes with- 
out what would be extremely welcome. 

Happily, in all houses, whether large or small, 
it is now well understood that it is not necessary, 
as was once the case, for the hostess to be al- 
ways in attendance on the guest; but in a small 
household her absences are naturally likely to be 
longer, as all the supervision of the household 
falls upon her. A reasonable guest will under- 
stand this, and not object to being left alone. 

A hostess should abstain from troubling her 
guest with any discussion of domestic matters. 
It always gives the visitor the uncomfortable 
feeling of giving trouble. Even when there is a 
laundry in the house, the clothes of visitors are 
not washed there; some person in the neighbor- 
hood undertakes the visitor's washing, and they 
pay her like any other laundress. 



136 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XIII. 

LETTER-WRITING AND WRITTEN INVITATIONS. 

When it is imperative to write a note in the 
third person it is most desirable to construct 
each sentence with care and with due regard to 
an avoidance of an extravagant use of pronouns. 

To frame a note without introducing " com- 
pliments," at its commencement, is the received 
mode of writing one. There are few people 
ignorant or careless enough to lapse from the 
third person into the first, in the course of a 
short one, but still it is worth guarding against. 

The prevailing style of writing is bold and free, 
the characters very upright and tall; toppling 
" t's " and long tailed * g's " have quite gone out 
of fashion. Many affect a literary style of let- 
ter-writing; that is to say, a margin is left on 
the left side of the sheet of paper, which gives 
rather an imposing look to it; but this should 
only be done when the letter is almost a note in 
matter of length. A strictly business habit, 
adopted for the convenience of being copied by 
letter-press, is to write on the first and third 
pages of a sheet of paper, leaving the second and 
fourth pages blank. Some people fall into the 
mistake of doing this under the impression that 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 137 

it is rather fine, whereas it is very much the re- 
verse. It used to be an idea that to underline 
words in a letter was missish in the extreme, and 
rather bad style than not, but now if a writer 
wishes to be very emphatic or to call particular 
attention to any remark, an additional stroke of 
the pen is not objected to. But it is a liberty 
not to be taken when writing to those with whom 
one is on ceremony. Another practice of the 
past, which is now happily discarded, is that of 
crossing letters. 

Many people experience a certain difficulty in 
the choice of a conventional term with which to 
conclude a formal letter, and it must be admit- 
ted that there is not much variety at command. 
Yours truly, yours sincerely, yours faithfully, 
with the addition, perhaps, of the adverb " very" 
being the principal formulas in use, and it is, on 
the whole, immaterial in writing to friends, 
whether truly or sincerely is used. By way of 
not ending a letter too abruptly, it is usual, be- 
fore the words " yours truly " to add some grace- 
ful little comment, and this gives a certain finish 
and completeness to a letter that would other- 
wise be wanting. 

A few words as to the actual composition of a 
letter. It should always be borne in mind that 
if a letter has a purpose, a reason or an ob- 
ject for being, this fact should not be lost 
sight of, or oversighted with a mass of extra- 
neous matter; again, it is idle to devote the first 
page of a letter to a trivial excuse for not hav- 
ing written sooner; but if a note demands an im- 
mediate answer, it is then a matter of politeness 



138 THE USAGES OF 

to give a reason, but without circumlocution, and 
other matter should be at once referred to. A 
want of punctuation in a letter will often cause a 
sentence or paragraph to be misunderstood and 
made to convey the reverse of what was intend- 
ed. Marks of interrogation and marks of excla- 
mation naturally assist the clearer understand- 
ing of a passage, which without them might 
have a vague meaning. 

It is not the fashion nowadays to accuse one's- 
self of writing a stupid letter, or a dull one or an 
uninteresting one. 

Friends are only too likely to take one at one's 
own valuation, and to endorse the written ver- 
dict, while the solicism of laying the blame of 
bad writing on pen, ink or paper is confined to 
servants, whose writing materials are naturally 
not of the best. 

Writing letters of invitation and answering 
them occupy far longer time in the composition 
than the writers would care to confess. The dif- 
ficulty does not lie in an invitation itself, or in 
accepting or refusing, but rather in the form in 
which either should be couched, the words that 
should be chosen, and the expressions that should 
be used. One person is afraid of being too 
empress^ too gushing; another of being too for- 
mal, too stiff; one is fearful of saying too little, 
another of saying too much, and yet there are 
others who have not an idea what to say or how 
to commence a letter of this nature, and who are 
dissatisfied with each start they make, knowing 
that they have not said the right thing, and not 
exactly seeing their way to saying it. Time, 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 139 

paper and temper are often sacrificed to these 
attempts. 

This is not only the case with regard to letters 
of invitation and acceptance, but it also applies 
to many letters that are consequent upon an in- 
vitation being received and visits paid. 

Invitations which are conveyed through the 
medium of cards, dinner cards or an at-home 
card, require no thought in the giving or receiv- 
ing. The note of acceptance is as brief as is the 
printed card of invitation; and to the printed 
card requesting the pleasure of Mrs. Blank's com- 
pany at dinner, the stereotyped answer is invari- 
ably, Mrs. Blank has as much pleasure in accept- 
ing Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Tuesday, the 
21st, or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous en- 
gagement will prevent her having the pleasure 
of accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for 
Tuesday, the 21st. 

Of all invitations given, perhaps the first in 
importance is the one that refers to a visit of 
some days' duration, either for a long or short 
period. Those who are accustomed to give this 
kind of invitation know exactly what to say and 
how to say it. The conventional civilities or af- 
fectionate cordialities, as the case may be, occur 
in their proper places, but one point is made 
clear in either case, namely, the length of the 
visit to be paid. There are people who are under 
the impression that to specify the exact length 
of a visit is not sufficiently polite, and they 
therefore, as a sort of compromise, use the am- 
biguous terms, " a few days," instead of dis- 
tinctly defining the limit of "the invitations. So 



140 THE USAGES OF 

far from vague invitations such as these being 
an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom 
place them at a disadvantage at more points 
than one. They are uncertain what day they are 
to take their departure; they do not wish, by 
leaving a day earlier, to disarrange any little 
plan that their hostess may have contemplated 
for their amusement. Neither do they wish to 
prolong their visit a day later, lest by so doing 
they should break in upon any engagements that 
she may have formed on her own account, inde- 
pendent of her visitors. To suggest when a 
guest shall come and when she shall go is a very 
great point in hospitality. 

" A few days " is an unsatisfactory wording of 
an invitation to visitors, for as a rule it means 
three or four days, but there is alwavs an un- 
certainty as to whether the fourth day should be 
taken or not. Those who interpret a " few days " 
to mean three days, make their plans for depart- 
ure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled 
to leave their plans open and stay from three to 
five days, according as chance and circumstances 
may dictate. A lady will perhaps require a little 
addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five 
days' visit over that of three days' stay; but this 
is a trifling detail, although it helps to swell the 
list of minor inconveniences which are the result 
of vague invitations. 

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, 
and there are people who use this phrase of 
" Will you come to see us for a few days ?" in 
the bona fide sense of the word, and to whom it 
is immaterial whether their guests remain three 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 141 

days or six days; but such an elastic invitation 
as this is given to a relative, or to a very intimate 
friend, whose footing in the house is that of a 
relation, and with whom the hostess does not 
stand on ceremony, as far as her own engage- 
ments are concerned; and people on these 
friendly terms can talk over their departure with 
their hostess and consult her about it without 
the faintest embarrassment. 

The most welcome invitation is certainly the 
one that mentions the day of arrival and the day 
of departure. Thus after the raison d'etre of the 
invitation has been stated, the why and the 
wherefore of its being given follows the gist of 
the letter: "We hope you will come to us on 
Wednesday, the 23d, and remain until the 26th." 
It is, of course, open to a hostess to ask her vis- 
itors to prolong their stay beyond the date 
named, if she sees reason for so doing; but this 
is the exception rather than the rule in the case 
of short visits, and guests take their departure 
as a matter of course on the day named in the 
invitation. When a visit has been paid it is po- 
lite, if not imperative, to write to the hostess, 
and express the pleasure that has been derived 
from it. Good feeling and good taste would 
dictate that such note should be written, and as 
it can always include little matters of general 
interest in connection with the past visit, it need 
neither be over-ceremonious nor coldly polite. 
Such a note need not necessarily be answered. 



142 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XIV. 

MUSICAL "AT HOMES" AND GARDEN PARTIES. 

If music is to be provided for the entertain- 
ment at a reception the word music, or musicale y 
is written uppn the left lower part of the card of 
invitation, which is the ordinary " at home" 
card. The time — as " from four to seven " — is 
also indicated. 

An entertainment of this kind should be, in 
the truest sense of the word, a social gathering, 
enlivened by the exertions of amateur perform- 
ers, reinforced by friendly professional aid. The 
great secret of success is to maintain them on 
this footing, and not to attempt to strain them 
into would-be concerts of mediocre merit. 

The way to do this is to allow sufficiently long 
pauses to elapse between the several pieces and 
songs given, so as to admit of an easy conversa- 
tion to be indulged in throughout the two hours 
prescribed by fashion as the correct limit. 

The hostess must make herself agreeable in 
these intervals by talking pleasantly to some 
one with whom perhaps she is intimate, asking 
another to sing "something," aware that she is 
the possessor of a fine voice, and is not unwilling 
to let it be heard, or asking yet a third to per- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 143 

form that promised gavotte, and so on through 
the list of the ladies present, recognizing the 
presence of each by some kindly remark. 

Duets formerly occupied a prominent place in 
the programme at musicals, but now solos are 
preferred; but even solos become tedious when 
three or four are sung in succession by the same 
lady; and however fine the voice of an amateur 
may be, the company are apt to grow tired of 
too much of one thing, however good this one 
thing may be. A hostess often induces her fa- 
vorite song-bird to warble all her chef d y cenvres, 
with a view of delighting the audience, who fail 
to appreciate the good nature that prompts com- 
pliance, while a judicious division ol labor among 
the assembled amateurs creates a far more satis- 
factory feeling than does a wholesale monopoly 
of the piano by one performer. 

As to the songs themselves, the question of 
what is most pleasing to an audience in the way 
of songs is rather perplexing to amateur per- 
formers. If they attempt operatic gems they 
have to contend with a professional rivalry 
which more than overweighs their efforts, and 
they are accused of being too ambitious; while 
if they attempt ballads of the day they run a like 
gantlet in the amateur world. These parlor 
songs have been well sung, perhaps better sung, 
anyhow, too much sung. 

There is a general feeling of wishing to hear 
something a little less hackneyed; in fact, some- 
thing new. Thus very indifferent compositions 
are often warbled in parlors by fairly good ama- 
teurs, which neither display to advantage the 



144 THE USAGES OF 

voice nor its training, but which have the one 
merit of being new. It is so delightful not to 
know in the least what is coming, or what is to 
follow the first bars played by the fingers of a 
performer. 

Again, new songs are always popular, and the 
singing world likes to gain an idea of them. By 
hearing them sung in this semi-public manner 
they form a subject for conversation; while of a 
well-known ballad by a modern composer there 
is nothing more to be said than: "I. think we 
have heard this before." Songs, like books, have 
now but a short life; what is new to-day is old 
to-morrow. 

As has been hinted before, to rush one song 
after the other with hardly breathing time be- 
tween each, defeats the object for which these 
gatherings are given — that of being sociable 
rather than silent assemblies, as regards the non- 
performers. To talk, to chat, to move about a 
room and to recognize one's friends is considered 
rather an uncomplimentary proceeding during a 
song, but if no interval is awarded for the ex- 
change of conversation a subdued buzz and mur- 
mur is heard throughout the room; and though 
a lover of music may protest against it, and the 
person performing feel aggrieved by it, yet it is 
not to be put down, under the penalty of the 
party being considered an extremely dull affair. 

The instrumental music most popular at these 
entertainments is of the light and tuneful order. 

GARDEN PARTIES. 

The invitation to a garden party is usually 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 145 

sent out two weeks before the appointed day. If 
the weather proves bad the entertainment takes 
place indoors. 

These invitations, if given in a suburban 
place to friends living in the city, who are to go 
out by cars, or other public means of convey- 
ance, should have a card inclosed with the direc- 
tions plainly given as to hours of trains, and any 
other needful directions. 

These invitations, written or engraved on a 
sheet of note paper, are in the form as follows: 

Mrs. 



Requests the pleasure of 

Mr. and Mrs. 

Company on Thursday, the seventh of August, 

At four d clock. 

Garde?i Party. Idlewild. 

Then on the card inclosed might be: 
Carriages will meet the arrival of the 3/30 train 
from the Grand Central Depot. 

The garden party proper is always held in the 
open air. The lawn tennis is in order for the 
occasion, the croquet laid out for those who care 
for this antiquated game, and the archery tools 
in place. A platform may have been prepared 
for dancing, with a band of music to discourse 



146 THE USAGES OF 

tunes, both grave and gay. There must be a sup- 
ply of camp chairs and rugs. The hostess receives 
her guests on the lawn, with her hat or bonnet on. 
The carriages drive up to the door, and the la- 
dies go within to deposit their wraps and to 
shake off the dust. A maid then shows them 
where the hostess is receiving her guests. The 
ladies wear hats and walking dresses, although 
long robes are occasionally seen. 

The lunch is sometimes served in the house, 
but if it is an al fresco entertainment entirely, 
the viands must be cold: salads, tongue, ham, 
pate de foisgras, cold patties, salmon, jellies, ices, 
cakes and champagne. 

A cup of hot tea should always be prepared 
for the individual who prefers that refreshing 
beverage to iced lemonade or champagne. If 
strawberries and cream are served a small nap- 
kin should be placed between the saucer and the 
plate, and a spoon and fork passed to each per- 
son. Plenty of camp chairs and a number of 
small tables are very necessary accompaniments 
to the feasts. 

" A green lawn, a few trees, a good prospect, 
a fine day, and something to eat are really all 
the absolute requirements. We can enjoy a 
garden party very much with only these ad- 
juncts." 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 147 



CHAPTER XV. 

TRAVELING MANNERS. 

It is well if young people before leaving home 
for a journey have been so carefully trained as 
to be able to accept small annoyances in quiet, 
ladylike patience and good nature, and thus by 
their conduct prove an excellent example to 
others. Selfishness too often governs travelers. 
They have paid as much as any of the passengers 
to insure their comfort, and mean to have all 
they can get. Others must look out for them- 
selves. Hence the rush and hurry for seats, un- 
less when certain sections have been provided 
and paid for, is usually very annoying, and in- 
dicative of anything but good manners. "Noth- 
ing is more shameful than a voluntary rude- 
ness." Neither age nor sex is respected, but 
those determined to have the first choice, rush, 
crowd and push their way in, heedless of others' 
inconvenience or suffering, and every inch of 
available room, beyond their own appropriate 
seat, is filled with bags, bundles, etc., decidedly 
disagreeable and embarassing to others who 
need the room. This is a situation that stretches 
good nature and patience almost beyond endur- 



148 THE USAGES OF 

ance, and we have seen instances where both 
have given place to sharp words and evident 
vexation. A few moments' gentle endurance 
will soon bring order out of the confusion, and 
respect from those who have rudely forgotten 
their manners. If a gentleman, a father, brother 
or husband is the protector in this journey, and 
for a moment is engaged in caring for baggage, 
or buying tickets, it will be but short waiting — 
or the conductor will soon provide a seat. Only 
don't lose your temper. In five minutes it will 
all pass and be forgotten. 

Many things will annoy one who leaves a neat, 
well-appointed home to live for weeks in cars, 
boats, or hotels. The food may not be at all 
relishable, the rooms ill-aired and dusty, the 
beds not all one's fancy paints them. All these 
evils should be well considered before one leaves 
home, and weighed against the pleasures antici- 
pated. If the discomforts overbalance the 
pleasures, stay at home. If not, accept all infelici- 
ties and all pleasures with a cheerful, contented 
spirit. 

Now let us see what good common sense 
would provide for a long journey. Of necessity 
a durable traveling dress is needed, of fabric and 
color that will not be injured by any weather. 
Let it be neat and just as rich and stylish as 
one's circumstances will warrant. Of course, the 
style, material and color will depend on the 
taste of the wearer largely, but in our judgment 
nothing is so thoroughly satisfactory as a good 
black silk without an abundance of trimming. It 
will come out of rain, snow, mud or dust, if 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 149 

carefully shaken and brushed " amaist as gude 
as new." It will bear almost any amount of re- 
pairing and altering if taken in season, when " a 
stitch in time saves nine," and yet the wearer 
will look well dressed, because a black silk sel- 
dom loses color or shows the many rips and tears 
that one is liable to encounter when traveling, 
and therefore the wearer escapes much thought- 
less criticism, indeed, may secure compliments 
on her neat and rich attire that will furnish 
amusement for many a day 

What other dresses are indispensable ? We 
are firm in the belief that the smallest quantity 
of clothes that will give a lady a neat, respecta- 
ble and comfortable appearance on a journey is 
indicative of the best taste and soundest judg- 
ment, and therefore think two dresses suitable 
for a reception, or when an invited guest on the 
journey, are quite sufficient, the material of 
velvet, silk or worsted, as best suits the circum- 
stances of the wearer. But, as on a long jour- 
ney, one is liable to pass into the extremes of 
cold and heat in different climates, the dress 
should be suitable for such changes, one of a 
warm, thick fabric, the other appropriate for the 
heat of summer. 

For underwear four (five at the most) changes 
are amply sufficient, since everywhere one meets 
such facilities for having washing and ironing 
done in a short day's notice. 

When traveling no one can expect to have 
their clothes satisfactorily laundried, but that is 
one of the trials that mingle with the pleasures 



150 THE USAGES OF 

of traveling, but complaining and fault-finding 
will not remedy it. 

Two pairs of boots, one pair of slippers and 
rubbers are sufficient, with a good supply of 
cuffs, collars and handkerchiefs. An outside 
wrap, nicer than these used on the road, for 
church, or a visit, is desirable, and young people 
would break their hearts if they could not also 
take a "best" hat for those occasions. 

Such shawls or wraps as will be needed in the 
changes of climate, through which the tourist 
intends to pass, are quite necessary. These ar- 
ticles, together with the rubbers, should be com- 
pactly rolled, put into a case or wrapper, and se- 
curely fastened up with a shawl-strap, and across 
this bundle the umbrella will be bound under 
the strap. 

A leather satchel, the lightest that can be ob- 
tained, is necesary to hold comb, brush, tooth 
and finger brushes, a soap-box with good soap, 
a small metal or leather box of matches, some 
extra pocket-handkerchiefs, and a collar or two 
and cuffs can be folded so as to occupy little 
space; a small box containing pins, needles, 
thread, sewing silk of such colors as will be most 
likely to be wanted, a few buttons, a small piece 
of tape, and a pair of scissors, will be needed, 
because when the journey is for a few days in 
steamboat or sleeping-cars it will be difficult to 
get access to the trunk. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 151 



CHAPTER XVI. 

THE ETIQUETTE OF MOURNING. 

The wearing of somber robes after the loss of 
our kinspeople is naturally in a great measure a 
matter for individual feeling. The fashion of 
the world, however, has imposed upon this cus- 
tom certain restrictions and additions, so that 
the preparation of mourning has been reduced 
to a system — so many folds of crape for a parent, 
so many for a sister, and the like. 

The quality of the fabrics which expresses the 
utmost sorrow has been the same for many a 
year, and it is recognized by every lady; but 
great uncertainty prevails concerning what may 
be termed the proprieties of mourning. 

Half mourning, which was at one time a great 
feature for aunts, cousins, etc., is now almost 
abandoned. There are many who cannot afford 
to dress with perfect correctness, whether in 
mourning or out of it, and it is to those who 
lack the requisite knowledge, rather than the 
means, that these remarks apply. It is only for 
us to indicate clearly the conventional periods 
required by custom, and the degree of mourning 
appropriate to each. To some the periods may 
appear insufficient, but of course every one is at 



152 THE USAGES OF 

liberty to lengthen them at pleasure. But it is 
becoming the custom to render all mournings, 
excepting those of widows, or of parents and 
children, much shorter than they formerly were. 
It is only the intention now to indicate clearly 
the conventional periods required by custom, 
and the dregree of mourning appropriate to 
each. 

A widow's mourning is, of course, the longest, 
and continued for the longest period. For the 
first twelve months the dress and mantle must 
be of parametta cloth, trimmed heavily with 
crape. Henrietta cloth, imperial serge or tamise 
are fabrics used for deep mourning dresses. The 
cloak or mantle is of the same material as the 
dress, and very heavily trimmed with crape. It 
is no longer usual to wear the widow's cap be 
yond the year, as was formerly frequently done. 
The bonnet, which is entirely of crape, has a cap 
tacked inside, and is worn with the long veil. 
The vei 1 is worn a year, and as much longer as 
the widow chooses; at the end of six months the 
front is thrown back on the bonnet, and a short 
black tulle veil worn over the face. 

The collar and cuffs are of white or black lisse 
or of fine organdy. Crape cloth is adapted for 
a walking or- rough dress, as it t wears well, and 
is scarcely to be distinguished from crape at a 
distance. After the first year mourning silk may 
be substituted for the dress of plainer goods, but 
it must also be trimmed heavily with crape. This 
is worn for three months, when the crape may 
be very sensibly lightened, and for the next 
three months, jet, fringe and passementerie may 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 153 

be used. At the end of six months (eighteen 
months in all) crape may be left off and plain 
black worn for six months. Formerly it was 
usual to wear half mourning for six months or a 
year longer, but this is now seldom done, and 
two years complete the period of mourning. 

The mourning of a parent for a child, or a 
child for a parent, is the next degree of mourning 
and lasts for twelve months. 

For the first three, parametta, merino, bomba- 
zine or some similar material heavily trimmed 
with crape, usually in two deep tucks, is worn; 
for the next three, silk — mourning silk, of course 
— with less crape; the latter, arranged more or- 
namentally in plaits or folds, is admirable. 

The crape bonnet may have jet upon it, and 
the veil may be of net, with a deep hem. Linen 
collars and cuffs cannot be worn with crape; 
only organdy or lisse frills are admissible. Sable 
or any colored fur must be left off; seal-skin is 
often worn, but it never looks well in really deep 
mourning. After six months' crape is left off, 
and plain black with jet ornaments worn for two 
months; and after this, half mourning, such as 
black dresses with white lace and flowers, and 
white dresses trimmed with black. 

For brothers and sisters, the mourning used 
to be six months, but now four is more usual. 
When four is the period, it is more common to 
wear crape for two months and plain black for 
two, than to change for half mourning. For 
grandparents the mourning is six months, two 
in silk with a moderate amount of crape, two in 
black and two in half mourning. For an uncle 



154 THE USAGES OF 

or aunt, the period was formerly three months, 
and slight crape was worn; now six weeks is the 
usual time, and crape is not required. For a 
first cousin, a month, generally the whole time 
in black. It is now very unusual to wear mourn- 
ing at all for a second cousin, but if it is done, 
three weeks are sufficient. 

Relations by marriage are mourned for in ex- 
actly the same degree as real ones. Thus, a wife 
wears exactly the same mourning for her hus- 
band's relations as she would for her own, and 
mourns for her sister's husband in the identical 
amount of crape which she would wear for her 
sister herself. 

Besides the actual dress, there are some points 
of etiquette connected with mourning. It is 
usual for the pocket-handkerchiefs used to have 
broad black edges, and no jewelry of any kind 
with the exception of jet, can be worn, neither 
can lace be worn with crape. 

Crape, it should be remembered, cannot be 
worn in conjunction with any material which is 
not also adapted to deep mourning. 

Thus, crape is inadmissible with velvet, satin, 
bright or glace silks, embroidery, fringe, except- 
ing the special " crape fringe," or indeed with 
anything but mourning silk, merino, parametta, 
woolen barege or grenadine. 

Black edged paper must be used. Visiting 
cards are only edged with black when crape is 
worn. 

Cards returning thanks for the kind inquiries 
of those who have either called or sent to inquire, 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 155 

should not be sent out until the person feels 
equal to receiving visitors. 

Neither visiting nor a general receiving of 
guests formally within a year after the loss of a 
near relative is considered proper, and usually 
two years are devoted to a more or less rigid se- 
clusion from general society. For the first year 
while a widow wears her weeds she can, of 
course, accept no invitations, and it is the worst 
possible taste for her to be seen at places of 
public amusement. After the first year she can, 
if she chooses, gradually resume her place in 
society. This retirement does not lessen the at- 
tention of friends. 

Cards are sent by acquaintances to express 
sympathy when a death occurs, but only an inti- 
mate friendship affords one permission to write 
a note of condolence. Long, torturing notes of 
sympathy are fortunately among our obsolete 
customs. 

Many people consider it proper to wear black 
when paying a first visit to a house of mourning, 
and though this is not absolutely necessary it is 
entirely in better taste to avoid brilliant colors 
on such an occasion. 



156 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XVII. 

ANNIVERSARIES. 

A writer upon social usages says that a notice- 
able entertainment upon each annual return of 
marriage days is a custom in but few of the best 
families. In the limited circle of the fireside, 
however, the day is usually marked by expres- 
sions of good will and the bestowal of gifts be- 
tween husband and wife, and also from children 
to their parents; but this is all. 

After the passing of a certain number of years 
which are marked off into epochs by several dis- 
tinguishing but fanciful names, many of our 
households celebrate the anniversaries of their 
marriage by extended hospitalities. Of course, 
elderly people feel and manifest their joy by 
graver or more digified formalities in their en- 
tertainments than is expected of younger hus- 
bands and wives, the latter often providing mer- 
riment of a fanciful kind. 

Not that any of these anniversaries are em- 
phasized in our higher circles "upon the contri- 
bution plan," as a cynical writer upon our social 
customs has most aptly styled that sort of hos- 
pitality which intimates by the form of its invi- 
tations that presents are expected. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 157 

To offer a souvenir to a bride is a pleasant 
method of expressing to her our good wishes, 
but to contribute to the sustainment of her after 
house furnishing is quite another affair. 

The marriage anniversary which falls after five 
years is sometimes called "a wooden wedding;" 
after ten years, it is mentioned as "tin;" after 
twenty, it is "crystal;" at twenty-five, it is "sil- 
ver;" at fifty, it is a "golden anniversary;" and 
at sixty, the "diamond wedding" occurs. 

Those who desire to celebrate a return of 
their wedding day are compelled, through their 
delicacy of feeling, to relinquish a general gala 
entertainment, or else to make an announcement 
upon their cards of invitation of their private 
sentiments in the matter of miscellaneous gift 
making. 

It is not agreeable to the entertainer to be 
compelled in self-defense to direct that " no 
gifts received " be engraved upon cards of invi- 
tation. Without doubt, we shall soon pass the 
" donation period " in our social customs, and a 
gift will become what it really should be, sig- 
nificant of something superior to a meaningless 
habit. 

Of course, very near kinspeople and very dear 
old friends will take the liberty sometimes of 
disregarding the engraved injunction, just as 
such friends indulge themselves in familiarities 
with the rules that usually govern one's private 
social affairs. But if remoter relatives, or mere 
society acquaintances, send a gift other than 
flowers or a book, after being requested to re- 
strict their generosity, they need not be surprised 



158 HE USAGES OF 

if the act be considered an impertinence, and 
resented accordingly. 

The prevailing style of cards of invitation to 
an anniversary party, or reception, is just the 
same as to any ordinary entertainment. If a 
twenty-fifth anniversary is to be celebrated, the 
formula of the invitation is in the following 
style, clearly engraved in script: 

Mr. and Mrs. 



request the pleasure of your presence 

on Thursday evening, November 4th, at eight o'clock, 

to celebrate the 

twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage. 

No. 95 Fifth avenue. 

In responding to this invitation, either to ac- 
cept or decline the hospitable civility, courteous 
congratulations are added in any graceful style 
which an acquaintance with the givers of the en- 
tertainment may suggest. 

When such an impressive anniversary has ar- 
rived, it is customary to secure as many guests 
as possible from among those who were present 
at their wedding. 

When a formal supper is provided, the host and 
hostess lead the way to the dining-room, and the 
guests follow in convenient order, as at an ordi- 
nary party. If the supper be arranged in buffet 
style the host and hostesss retain their positions 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 159 

during the entire evening, except there be danc- 
ing, when they frequently head the first set, 
which is usually a quadrille on such anniversa- 
ries. The guests take leave before midnight, 
after having expressed wishes for many more 
years of health and gladness to their entertainers. 

The birthdays of children are being celebrated 
in this country more and more. These waymarks 
in the lives of children are made pleasant remem- 
brances to them. A little feast is made for the 
child, to which its playmates are invited, but the 
invitations seldom extend beyond a number that 
may be seated at table. 

The feast is dainty and plentiful, but not 
hurtfully rich, and its especial characteristic is a 
cake in which are embedded as many fancy wax 
candles as are the years of the young person in 
whose honor the party is given. These candles 
are placed in little tin tubes and sunken near the 
outer edge of the cake; or they may be placed in 
a rim which is arranged about it. They are al- 
ready lighted when the young people are invited 
into the banqueting apartment. 

After the food is eaten the one who is cele- 
brating a birthday cuts the cake, if he or she is 
old and strong enough for such pleasant duty, 
and a piece of it is given to each guest. Plays 
or dances follow the supper. 

These little celebrations continue annually un- 
til the child is old enough to enter society. Even 
if the family be in mourning, a birthday is not 
forgotten, although the festival may be less gay 
than usual. 

Among the elders of a houshold the annual 



160 THE USAGES OF 

return of a birthday is seldom celebrated in t..e 
presence of any persons except his or her own 
kinspeople. The twenty-first birthday of a gen- 
tleman is often made an occasion for extending 
hospitalities in the form of a dinner, a party, or 
a ball; but a lady's age is not thus publicly no- 
ticed, for obvious but absurd social reasons. 

After the lady or gentleman becomes old 
enough to feel proud of the longevity, the most 
beautiful attentions are often bestowed upon 
them by their young friends, and also by those 
who were the companions of their youth. 

Flowers, letters of congratulations, cards of 
inquiry and respect, gifts that will interest, 
breakfast or dinner parties, and receptions are 
considered proper. 

There are few vigorous people who care to 
emphasize the fact that they are passing still 
another annual milestone until they have really 
reached and entered upon the late afternoon of 
life, and are feeling the sweet twilight of calm 
falling like a blessing upon them. It is this 
earlier unwillingness to watch and count the 
years as they go by that has led to the giving up 
of birthday celebrations in the presence of one's 
acquaintances during that active interval which 
comes in between youth and old age. Even a 
remembrance of his anniversary in one's own 
household is oftenest recalled only by " a gift 
without words " rather than by spoken congratu- 
lation. 

As to presents generally, having accepted one, 
it is your duty, and ought to be your pleasure, to 
let the giver see that you make use of it as in- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 161 

tended, and that it is not thrown away upon you. 
If it is an article of dress, or of personal decora- 
tion, take occasion on the first suitable oppor- 
tunity to wear it in the presence of the giver. 
If a book, do not delay reading it; afterward 
speak of it to the donor as favorably as you can. 
If of fruit or flowers, refer to them the next time 
you meet the person. 

In all cases, when a gift is sent to you, return 
a note of thanks, or at least a verbal message 
immediately. 

When an article is presented to you for c 
specified purpose, it is your duty to use it for 
that purpose, and for no other according to the 
wish of the donor. It is mean and dishonorable 
to give away a present, at least without obtain- 
ing permission from the original giver. You 
have no right to be liberal and generous at the 
expense of another, or to accept a gift with the 
secret determination to bestow it yourself on 
somebody else. If it is an article that you do 
not want, that you possess already, or that you 
cannot use for yourself, it is best to say so can- 
didly at once, explaining your thanks for the 
offer, and requesting your friend to keep it for 
some other person to whom it will be advan- 
tageous. 

It is fit that the purchaser of the gift should 
have the pleasure of doing a kindness with her 
own hand. 

There are persons who, believing that presents 
are generally made with some mercenary view, 
and being themselves unwilling to receive favors 
or incur obligations, make a point of repaying 



162 THE USAGES OF 

them as soon as possible by a gift of something 
equivalent. This at once implies that they sus- 
pect the motive. 

If sincere in her friendship, the donor of the 
first present will feel hurt at being directly paid 
for it, and consider that she has been treated 
rudely and unjustly. On the other hand, if com- 
pensation was secretly denied and really expected, 
she will be disappointed at receiving nothing in 
return. Therefore, among persons who can con- 
veniently provide themselves with whatever they 
may desire, the bestowal of presents is generally 
unthankful business. If you are in opulent cir- 
cumstances it is best to limit your generosity to 
such friends only as do not abound in the gifts 
of fortune, and whose situation denies them the 
means of indulging their tastes. 

By them such acts of kindness will be duly 
appreciated and gratefully remembered; and the 
article presented will have a double value if it is 
to them a novelty. 

In presenting a dress to a friend whose cir- 
cumstances are not as good as your own, and 
who you know will gladly receive it, select one 
of excellent quality, and of a color that you think 
she will like. She will feel mortified if you give 
her one that is low-priced, flimsy, and of unbe- 
coming tint. 

In making gifts to children choose for them 
only such things as will afford them somewhat 
of lasting amusement. Showy toys that are 
merely to look at, and from which they can de- 
rive no enjoyment but in breaking them in 
pieces, are not worth buying 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 163 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

NEW YEAR'S DAY RECEPTION. 

The custom of receiving and paying calls on 
New Year's Day is confined to New York, 
Washington and a few other cities. 

Ladies who entertain elaborately on New 
Year's Day usually send out cards of invitation 
to friends and acquaintances, but it is less cus- 
tomary to do so. The cards sent out in the 
name of the hostess are in the following form: 

Mrs. JoJm Broivn. 
At Ho7?ie, 
January first, from one until ten o'clock. 

9145 Madison Avenue. 

If Mrs. Brown's daughters are to receive with 
their mother, " Misses Brown " is engraved on 
the card beneath the mother's name. If other 
ladies also receive with her, their visiting cards 
may be inclosed in the same envelope with the 
hostess' invitation. Should a lady invite ac- 
quaintances to call on her at the house of a 
friend, she writes the number of the residence 



164 THE USAGES OF 

where she is to receive on her own card, and sends 
it together with the visiting card of her hostess. 
If refreshments are provided, the table is in an 
ante-room, and is spread as if for a reception. 
A servant opens the street door without waiting 
for the bell to be rung. The caller leaves one 
card in the hall, and enters the drawing-room, 
hat in hand, or he may leave it in the hall with 
his cane and overcoat. The hostess offers her 
hand to her guest when he enters and presents 
him to her friends — at least to the ladies, to 
whom he bows. If refreshments have been pro- 
vided, a servant offers a cup of coffee. If the 
rooms are crowded, the caller may, if he wishes, 
seek the table without invitation, and a servant 
supplies his wants. 

If a lady wishes to receive her friends in- 
formally, or rather less formally, she writes 
"January First" on her visiting cards, and 
sends them to the friends whom she wishes to 
see on New Year's Day. It is not necessary to 
mention any hours, as the gentleman takes it for 
granted that he is expected to call between 
twelve m. and ten in the evening, the conven- 
tional time. The formalities observed are the 
same as for more elaborate receptions. A bas- 
ket is suspended from the door-handle as a re- 
ceptacle for the cards of those who call if the 
ladies of the house do not receive on New Year's 
Day. 

Many gentlemen who cannot visit at this time 
inclose visiting cards in envelopes and send 
them by messenger on New Year's morning, or 
they drive from door to door and leave the 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 165 

cards in person, the right hand side being folded 
over to show their friends that the card was not 
sent by a servant. A gentleman leaves a card 
for each lady, and if he wishes to be very cour 
teous he leaves a card for a clergyman or an 
elderly gentleman, writing over his own name, 
on his card: 

For Mr. . 



A writer on the etiquette observed in New 
York upon this day says: "Ladies who receive 
in a general way whoever chooses to call on 
them are now almost certain that the old-time 
crowds which thronged all open doors a decade 
ago will no longer intrude upon those from 
whom they are uncertain even of a recognition. 
A gentleman must receive some unmistakable 
intimation that his congratulatory visit at this 
time will be agreeable to the ladies of a house- 
hold before he ventures upon a visit, as, for in- 
stance, he may be assured of a welcome by the 
fact that the ladies of his own household inter- 
change civilities with the family whose name he 
places upon his visiting list." 



166 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XIX. 

DRIVING AND RIDING. 

It is the fashion for young ladies to drive 
young men out in their pony-phaetons, with a 
groom behind, or even without a groom; but a 
gentleman never takes a lady in his own car- 
riage without a servant. 

Gentlemen and ladies walk together in the 
daytime unattended, but if they ride on horse- 
back a groom is always in attendance on the 
lady. In rural neighborhoods, where there are 
no grooms, and where a young lady and gentle- 
man go off for a drive unattended, they have 
thrown Old World etiquette out of the window, 
and must make a new etiquette of their own. 

In driving in a carriage with ladies, a gentle- 
man should take his seat with his back to the 
horses, nor should he sit beside a lady unless re- 
quested by her to do so. 

When the carriage stops, he should jump out 
and assist her to alight, walking with her up her 
own steps and ringing the bell. In entering the 
carriage, he should put his left foot on the step 
and enter the carriage with his right foot. This 
is, however, supposing that he sits facing the 
horses; if he sits with his back to the horses, he 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 167 

reverses the process. A gentleman should 
avoid treading on ladies' dresses, or shutting them 
in the door. Ladies who have country houses 
should learn to drive as well as to ride. 

A dress for driving should be plain and dark 
colored, and not one which seems to defy dust, 
sun and rain. 

A lady's riding-habit is very plain and free 
from ornament, usually black or dark green, of 
woolen stuff and close-fitting. The gloves 
should be strong buff leather, coming up well 
upon the wrist; the whip light and plain. 

Every lady who rides should understand the 
construction and fastenings of her horse's equip- 
ments as well as she does her own; and be able, 
in case of necessity, to bridle and saddle her 
horse for herself. The dependence upon men 
for every service of this kind is ridiculous. 
When they are at hand, make them useful, but 
be able to do without them when needful. 

A lady can scarcely be expected to have the 
agility to mount her horse from the ground 
without assistance, though with a well trained 
horse, she may readily mount from the steps or 
horse-block But the best horse-block (?) is a 
friend who knows his duty, and a sensible lady 
will have no other. 

The lady places herself with her back to the 
near side of the horse — the near side of the 
horse is the left side, the side on which a lady 
rides and on which everybody mounts — the reins 
gathered in her right hand, with which she also 
grasps the near crutch of the saddle. The gen- 
tleman, standing before her, stoops down, and 



168 THE USAGES OF 

clasping his hands, offers them as a stirrup; she 
puts her left foot into his hands, and her left 
hand upon his right shoulder; then, holding 
herself firmly, she allows herself to be raised to 
the saddle. 

When a gentleman rides with a lady he would 
naturally take the left or near side, as better 
able to protect her and converse with her, but 
as his horse might rub against her, or spatter 
her dress, it is customary for him to ride on the 
off side. 

In dismounting, the lady takes the reins in 
the right hand, as before, her knee from the 
crutch, her foot from the stirrup, and, seeing 
that her dress is clear, either springs lightly to 
her feet, or puts her hand on the shoulder of the 
gentleman who stands read to assist her, and so 
jumps to the ground. A lady's right hand is 
the whip hand, the left, is the bridle hand. 

A lady must sit so as to bear her weight on 
the center of the saddle, so as to carry her 
shoulders square with the horse and well back; 
carry the elbows near the body, but not too 
stiffly. When a lady, while her horse is in a 
smart trot, can look over on the right side faf 
enough to see her horse's shoe, she is well in her 
seat. It is good practice for a lady to ride for 
a time without touching reins or stirrup, to get 
the proper balance of a firm seat, and to be able 
to lean forward, or back, or to either side, an- 
ticipating every movement of the animal; carry 
a steady, even hand with a horse, and let him 
know what he has to depend upon. When he 
rears, give him a slack rein and meet him by 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 169 

leaning forward, otherwise the horse may be 
pulled over on his rider. 

Sawing the mouth or pulling alternately on 
each rein, will often compel a runaway horse to 
stop when a steady pull on the bit only seems to 
aid his speed. So letting the reins loose a mo- 
ment, and suddenly pulling up, may stop him, 
but so suddenly as to throw the rider if not well 
prepared. When a horse is frightened at any 
object, the way to impress the terror firmly is to 
whip him for it. If soothed and encouraged to 
examine the object, his fears will be removed. 
But there are horses of a highly nervous tem- 
perment that are never safe for a moment and 
are, of course, unsuited to a lady. 



170 THE USAGES OF 



CHAPTER XX. 

IMPORTANT GENERAL CONSIDERATIONS. 

A French girl is not allowed to cross the street, 
to say nothing of shopping or calling, without 
being accompanied by an elder woman, her 
mother, relative or friend, as a chaperon. An 
English girl is also a victim, though perhaps in 
a less degree, to this duenna system. To the 
freedom from espionage and the independence 
enjoyed by a young woman in American society 
is due in a great measure the self-reliance, the 
self-confidence, the frankness and straightfor- 
wardness, qualities which are the characteristics 
of our American girls. Of late there has been 
considerable discussion of the chaperon question 
by writers upon American society, and during 
the past few years there has been a tendency to- 
ward a closer imitation of all English etiquette, 
which has brought in its train a stricter con- 
struction of the duties of a chaperon than is 
consistent with the traditions and the healthy 
atmosphere of our society. The chaperon in 
any society is a necessity in so far as the maturer 
experience and judgment of a matron is needed 
to aid and correct the inexperience or ignoranci 
of young girls; but what is needed is a rational 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 171 

chaperon system, one that is based upon com- 
mon sense and not upon an imitation of restric- 
tions imposed by the demands of an entirely 
different state of society; one that is adaptable 
to a thousand varying times and conditions; one 
that will play an important part in the develop- 
ment and proper education of daughters, and 
not one that will degrade them by a supervision 
analogous to that of a suspicious police. 

Any rules specifying the occasions when a 
chaperon is requisite that fail to make a distinc- 
tion between the young girl and the unmarried 
woman of thirty are simply ridiculous. 

Although the matron may have many social du- 
ties to perform, she should not permit her daugh- 
ters to attend a ball or a theater party unguard- 
ed by the restraining influence of .her presence. 
She must forget herself, and, willing or not, ac- 
company them to balls and parties and sit un- 
murmuring to the end of the dance, or else rele- 
gate this duty to some young married woman, 
whose aid and guidance may be relied on. 

There may, of course, be occasions when 
young women may go into general society with- 
out the protection of a chaperon, but as a rule 
they should be few and far between, for there 
are a thousand little contingencies wherein the 
experience of an older person is needed, and a 
look from the lady under whose care she is 
temporarily placed may save the girl from 
some imprudence for which she would afterward 
be ashamed. 

A young lady is sometimes invited to dinner 
without her parents; in such a case, if she has 



172 THE USAGES OF 

no one to accompany her, she must go early and 
be chaperoned by the hostess. 

When gentlemen call, they should at once be 
shown into the common sitting-room and their 
visit should be shared with the rest of the fam- 
ily; this saves the embarrassment of taking the 
visit wholly to one's self. If a family is so situ- 
ated that the mother cannot spare time from 
her domestic duties to receive the casual visits 
of friends, her daughter had better assist her 
than to sit dressed up, every day, at calling 
hours, unemployed, awaiting the entrance of 
visitors. A young lady should never ask a gen- 
tleman to call on her — her mother may do so — 
but if a gentleman asks if he may call, she 
would say yes. 

What a young girl may or may not do can 
hardly be regulated by any set rules of etiquette. 
The matter must in a measure be left to each 
one's sense of propriety, and the standard 
changed as circumstances demand. 

A few things that a young lady may not do 
might be suggested. She should, if possible, 
endeavor to avoid all pecuniary obligations to 
gentlemen. Young men often think it a neces- 
sary piece of politeness to pay for ladies when 
they can ill afford it; therefore it is safest to 
make a rule, subject, perhaps, to an exception 
now and then, never to receive such favors from 
young men. 

Accepting presents from a gentleman, unless 
engaged to him, is a dangerous thing. Some 
men conclude from your taking one gift from 
them that you will accept another, and think 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 



173 



themselves encouraged by it to offer their hearts 
to you; but even when no misapprehension of 
this kind follows it is better to avoid all such ob- 
ligations, and if you make it a general rule 
never to accept a present from a gentleman, you 
will avoid hurting any one's feelings and save 
yourself from some perplexity. 

Of all the votive offerings made to a young 
girl, flowers are the most beautiful and unex- 
ceptional. When it is the fashion for gentlemen 
to present bouquets to their friends, so many 
are given that it seems more a tribute to the sex 
than a mark of particular regard, and their per- 
ishable nature releases them from the ban put 
upon more enduring memorials. You can accept 
and wear flowers, and to refuse them would be 
unnecessary rigor. 

In a general statement it may be as well to say 
that etiquette would prevent a young lady from 
receiving gifts from gentlemen, except flowers 
and bonbo?i?iieres. It is not considered proper for 
her to accept jewelery from any one but a relative 
or her fiancee just before marriage. If it is un- 
safe to receive presents it is doubly so to make 
them to gentlemen, and this never should be 
done except in very unusual instances. Each 
one can best decide this matter for herself. 
Where a doubt exists, the wisest course is to 
give one's self the benefit, by making no pres- 
ents to gentlemen. 

A friendly correspondence is very proper, if 
the mother approves, but even this has its dan- 
gers. 

How to allow a gentleman a proper degree of 



174 THE USAGES OF 

friendly intimacy without allowing him to think 
himself too much of a favorite; here one can 
bring in neither custom nor etiquette to decide. 
One very general law would be, not to accept 
too many attentions, and to show a certain re- 
serve in dancing with him or driving with him. 
It is always proper for a gentleman to take a 
young lady out to drive in his dog-cart, with his 
servant behind, if her parents approve, but if it 
is done very often it looks conspicuous, and the 
lady runs the risk of being considered engaged. 

It is a pity that the thousandth chance of a gen- 
tleman becoming a lover should deprive a girl 
of the pleasure of a free, unembarrassed friend- 
ship with the single men of her acquaintance. 
Yet such is too commonly the case with young 
ladies who have read many novels and ro- 
mances. 

Since the etiquette of engagements has be- 
come so much more elaborate than formerly, 
society in large cities insists rather imperatively 
that affianced people shall not go to theaters, 
balls, parties, etc., alone; a chaperon should al- 
ways accompany them. 

Nothing is considered in worse taste than for 
an engaged couple to go alone to a restaurant 
for luncheon or to go their unattended by a 
chaperon after the theater for a supper. In 
some places the sentiment is a different one, and 
often young people care very little what society 
says. Even if mothers are careless, or there is 
no mother, a young lady should select a chap- 
eron; some one who is careful and a mistress of 
etiquette, and should rarely appear in public 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 175 

with her betrothed without this third person. 

A lady should be extremely guarded during 
her engagement in her manner toward other 
men. She should not correspond with them, 
nor permit those attentions which as a belle and 
an unaffianced girl were her right. She must 
avoid even the appearance of coquetry, while a 
lover should avoid all display of jealousy and all 
airs of mastership. The usual first attention to 
a young lady by the family of her fiancee is a 
dinner party. 

Her mother, in her turn, invites the groom's 
family to a dinner or evening party, and from 
that time he is asked everywhere with the lady 
to whom he is engaged. Indeed, it would be a 
great slight to invite one without the other after 
the engagement is announced, excepting, of 
course, to a lady's lunch or a bachelor dinner 
party. After the cards are out for the wedding 
the lady is not seen at any party or public place. 
An engaged couple can accept gifts from each 
other, and it is quite proper for her to visit his 
family, if he have a mother and sisters. A man 
must testify interest in the family of which he is 
about to become a member, without claiming a 
place. He must be devoted but not familiar, 
and remember that he is a petitioner and on his 
good behavior. Well-bred lovers will not com- 
pletely ignore those who are about them, nor 
allow themselves to be too much absorbed in 
each other. 

There used to be an age of the world when it 
was regarded as highly indecorous for lovers to 
evince so ostentatiously their wish to be alone 



176 THE USAGES OF 

that everybody and everything had to give way 
to this desire. We would fain hope that the age 
has not disappeared altogether, but that a por- 
tion of its spirit pervades the present. Lovers 
in poorer life naturally find it impossible to be 
much alone. They have their trades to attend 
to, their living to make, their domestic duties to 
perform, and between all these numerous calls 
upon them, they find it impossible to bill and 
coo as much as they could wish. Lovers in the 
rich circles of life are restrained by the conven- 
tionalities of the society amid which they move. 
There may be depraved sections of this society, 
but depravity, when it moves in refined chan- 
nels, is compelled to keep a close espionage over 
itself, and dare not sanction, even in the inno- 
cent, that which has the appearance of impro- 
priety. 

We have not yet referred to lovers among 
people of moderate circumstances — what might 
be called our middle class if we had any such 
distinction of classes here — because, though they 
are more numerous in this country than in any 
other, there are a- fewer number of persons dis- 
posed to admit that they belong to it. It is 
among average persons of this extensive class 
that lovers of both sexes abound, who, thinking 
that they are made for each other, drop into the 
error of also believing that other people were 
made for them, and that the time and conven- 
ience of these other people are to be sacrificed 
in order that Chloe and Strephon may have the 
parlor all to themselves for as many hours as 
they choose. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 177 

But everywhere are to be found instances of 
selfish and egotistic lovers, who have the 
thoughtlessness to imagine that they can 
" make love " to each other in the most open 
and candid way, without its being perceived or 
suspected by the friends, kinsmen or strangers 
among whom they move. The anxiety which 
these eccentrics, innocent though it may be, 
evince to be alone, has a certain savor that is 
utterly devoid of all delicacy and refinement. 
First love, whether in man or in woman, in spite 
of all the foolishness that so often accompanies 
it, is a beautiful and sacred thing. Consequent- 
ly it is not a thing to be paraded before all the 
world, and to be so conducted that everybody 
has the advertisement of its existence forced 
upon him. As a rule, nothing is more interest- 
ing than a pair of true lovers, whether the ob- 
server be married or single, husband or wife, 
widower or widow, bachelor or spinster. There 
is something in the first sweet blossoming of the 
great passion that captivates all the world, ex- 
cepting a few moralists or cynics whom nature 
has not blessed with even the average richness 
of sentiment. But lovers, knowing they are in- 
teresting, ought not to presume upon the in- 
terest too much. As a rule, when not bound by 
the necessities and conventionalities above men- 
'tioned, they show their selfishness in a striking 
and odious manner. Since each is sacred to the 
other, each expects that the other shall be held 
sacred by everybody else. Hence the Elvinos 
and Aminas of modern life are a very exacting 
set. The young woman expects that everybody 



178 THE USAGES OF 

shall find her betrothed perfect, or, at least, shall 
express no sense of his imperfections. Kindred 
and friends are imperatively required to prac- 
tice a golden silence so far as the possible pecca- 
bility of the divine object is concerned. Of 
course there is much that is beautiful in the de- 
mand that, for true love's sake, if the necessity 
arise, a man shall forsake father and mother and 
cling unto his wife. To this, one can exclaim 
vice versa with all his heart. And the facts that 
Chloe and Strephon oftentimes begin to yawn 
before the retirement of the honeymoon is fairly 
over, and that the advent of a third person, 
which a few short weeks before would have been 
regarded as intolerable, is now hailed with de- 
light, are proofs that the best happiness of 
young lovers is not promoted by their selfish- 
ness and their wish to seclude themselves from 
all other society. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 179 



CHAPTER XXI. 

BRIEF HINTS. 

A young lady does not shake hands after an 
introduction. She makes a bow or a courtesy. 
The latter mode of receiving is coming into 
fashion. A bow, says La Fontaine, is a note 
drawn at sight. You are bound to acknowledge 
it immediately, and to the full amount. Ac- 
cording to circumstances it should be respect- 
ful, cordial, civil or familiar. If a gentleman is 
smoking, he manages to withdraw his cigar be- 
fore lifting his hat. 

A gentleman on horseback, who sees a lady 
wishes to stop him, will dismount and walk by 
her side, leading his horse. For there are few 
occasions on which it is permissible to stand 
while talking in the street 

A lady may permit a gentleman who is walk- 
ing with her to carry any small parcel that she 
has, but never more than one. 

When a gentleman joins a lady on the street, 
turning to walk with her, he is not obliged to 
escort her home. He can take his leave without 
making any apology, etc. 



180 THE USAGES OF 

A lady may request a gentleman not to keep 
his hat off while standing in the street, or at her 
carriage, to talk with her; but a gentleman 
should never say to a lady, in her own house : 
"Do not rise," in taking leave of her. If he is 
a young man, she will not think of rising; if he 
is her elder, she will rise notwithstanding his re- 
quest, etc. 

Should any one really wish to avoid a bowing 
acquaintance with a person who has once been 
properly introduced, she may do so by looking 
aside, or dropping the eyes as the person ap- 
proaches, for if the eyes meet there is no alterna- 
tive, bow she must. 

A lady who invites a gentleman to accompany 
her to any place of amusement should provide 
the carriage. A gentleman sits opposite to the 
lady, in her carriage, and not by her side unless 
invited. 

When a lady offers to drive a gentleman in 
her phaeton, he should walk to her house, if he 
accepts the invitation, unless, the distance being 
great, she should propose to call for him. 
Under such circumstances, he will be on the 
watch, and, if possible, meet her on the way. 

If a lady takes a guest out to drive, the lady, 
of course, takes her home when she chooses. A 
guest could not suggest the termination of the 
drive. 

For a wedding: When the circle of friends on 
both sides is very extensive, it is customary to 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 181 

send invitations to those who are not called to 
a wedding breakfast to attend the ceremony at 
church. This stands in place of issuing cards. 
No one must think of calling on the newly mar- 
ried who has not received an invitation to the 
ceremony at church, or cards after their estab- 
lishment in their new home. 

The bride's father provides the carriages for 
the members of his own household; the groom 
the one in which he and the bride return from 
church. 

Groomsmen, about whom questions are often 
asked, and by whom are meant a body of young 
men, similar in number to the bridesmaids, are 
unknown in the best society. Their, places are 
supplied at weddings by the ushers. 

Some ladies give an afternoon tea the day be- 
fore their marriage to show their presents to a 
few intimate friends. 

When a bride appears for the first time at a din- 
ner, she takes precedence of every one, no matter 
how high the rank of another may be, provided 
such appearance is within three months of her 
marriage. The groom does not obtain any pre- 
cedence. 

The bride often wears her wedding dress for 
the first large dinners and parties. The orange 
blossoms must be removed, as they are only per- 
missible on the wedding day. 

It is, of course, obligatory to acknowledge an 



182 THE USAGES OF 

invitation to a wedding breakfast at once, as 
people naturally wish to know the number of 
guests they may expect. 

Do not acknowledge an invitation to a church 
wedding. 

Bachelors always request the pleasure or the 
honor of your company. It is not proper for a 
gentleman to describe himself as "at home." 
He must " request the pleasure." 

The question, should cards and notes of invi- 
tation be sent to people in mourning, is answer- 
ed by a decided, yes, they should. Of course 
no one can be so heartless as to intrude a gay 
invitation upon a person who has had a death in 
the house under a month. But after that, al- 
though it is a mere idle compliment, the compli- 
ment should be paid. After a certain period of 
mourning, usually a year, the bereaved family 
should send cards, marked in black, to all who 
have thus remembered them. 

A lady, who from age, illness, or great occu- 
pation, has no time to make calls is permitted 
to discharge all her social obligations by invit- 
ing all her friends to see her once in the year. 

Cards bearing the names of the whole family, 
as 

Mr. and Mrs. Jones, 

The Misses Jones. 
can be left once a year, or sent out for a tea, or 



THE BEST SOCIETY 183 

for the more formal business of beginning the 
season. But for subsequent and more particu- 
lar calls, it is better to have a personal card for 
each member of the family, except for a young 
lady in the first season. Her name should al- 
ways appear on her mother's card. If she be 
other than the eldest unmarried daughter, her 
first name is engraved, and if it is the first so- 
ciety year of the two daughters, both their 
names are engraved, in full, beneath their moth- 
er's, and prefixed by misses. 

The name of the lady or gentleman for whom 
the card is intended, must never be written on 
the card left at the house; the only case in 
which it should be done, would be when cards 
are left for a lady or gentleman staying at a 
crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, their 
names might be written on the card: 

For Mr. and Mrs. . 



Visiting cards should be left after every en- 
tertainment by those who have been invited, 
whether they accept the invitation or not, and 
they should be left the day after the entertain- 
ment, if possible, but certainly within a week. 
By entertainment is meant dinners, balls, pri- 
vate theatricals, amateur concerts, etc. A call 
is necessary after a dinner party; on the other 
occasions, a card left is sufficient to satisfy the 
demands of fashion. 

In the country it is more usual to call than to 
leave cards 



1 84 THE USAGES OF 

A lady cannot leave cards on another lady to 
whom she has but recently been introduced, 
either at a dinner, or a tea. She must meet her 
several times in society, and feel certain that the 
acquaintance is desired before venturing to 
leave cards. If either of the ladies express a 
wish to further the acquaintance by asking the 
other to call upon her, the suggestion would 
come from the lady of highest social position ; 
if equal in rank, it is immaterial who makes the 
suggestion. 

When entertainments require answers to the 
invitations, they should be made immediately, 
and in the same style and degree of formality as 
the language chosen by the hostess. 

Ladies who give parties should be very par- 
ticular, indeed, to see that they actually do 
write all the cards they intend to write, as very 
frequently the mistake is made by their omit- 
ting to do so, though they feel and say they 
are quite positive they wrote the card in ques- 
tion. 

Only one person should be intrusted with tne 
task of writing the invitations; if more do so, 
confusion is certain to arise. Many ladies pre- 
fer to leave their invitations themselves; but 
this takes time, and in these days of innumer- 
able occupations, it is hardly possible to find 
the requisite time. A wise plan is to trust the 
invitations to the post, or to send them by a 
servant. 

It is a mistake to send out cards as they are 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 185 

written; it is far better to write them all, check 
them by the list, and send them all out together, 
not only because thus omission and mistakes 
are more readily detected, but also because, if all 
receive them at the same time, none feel slight- 
ed, or fancy that they have only been asked as 
an after thought. 

Invitations from younger ladies to elder ones 
should invariably be preceded by a call. 

Never enter into explanations concerning 
those whom you do not invite. When you ex- 
plain, it is to give up completely your own 
rights. Explanations are sometimes bad things. 

It is a mark of good breeding to pass over in 
silence all omissions and commissions. 

After stopping with a friend living in another 
city than your own, write at once after your re- 
turn home. After visiting a friend at her coun- 
try seat, a call is due her upon her return to her 
town residence. 

The letters your friends write, after having 
visited you, do not require answers. 

To delay to answer an invitation — especially 
one to dinner — is extremely ill-bred. The cul- 
prits are generally either under-bred people, 
who fancy it makes them of importance to pay 
no attention to the card, or else they are people 
who never entertain themselves, and, therefore, 
have no idea of the inconvenience they are caus- 
ing. Answers should always be sent im- 
mediately 



1 86 THE USAGES OF 

In replying to a note of invitation, say you 
have much pleasure in accepting, or you accept 
with pleasure, never you will have the pleasure 
of accepting. 

If an invitation is refused, it is courteous to 
state the reason. Regret extremely that a pre 
vious engagement, etc. Never write the word 
"regrets " on your card, unless you wish to in- 
sult your hostess. No one should, in the matter 
of accepting or refusing an invitation, economize 
his politeness. It is better to err on the other 
side. 

In notes of invitation, "Mr. and Mrs." must 
be written on one line, and not separated. It is 
now very usual to ask only one daughter to a 
ball, and though the name of both father and 
mother are often — though not invariably — put 
on the card, it is well understood that only one 
is to appear 

In sending out invitations to a ball, if one 
considers that her rooms will accomodate about 
eighty, from one hundred to one hundred and 
ten might be invited 

It is fatal to the reputation of a ball that it 
should be spoken of as an "awful crowd." 

Fourteen is a very dangerous number to in- 
vite to a dinner party. There is always the 
danger that some guest may fail to appear, and 
strange as it may seem to rational, people there 
really are so many persons so very childish as to 
be nervous about dining thirteen, It is better 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 187 

to avoid fourteen. Sixteen or twelve guests, it 
is always safe to invite. 

If the invitations are for a quarter before 
eight, the guests should be in the house before 
the clock strikes eight ; if for eight o'clock — 
now the usual hour — the guests arrive by five 
minutes past. 

One invitation to a dinner in the season, 
whether accepted or declined, is the usual rule, 
except occasionally in the case of very intimate 
friends 

There has been, during the last season, a re- 
turn to the old-fashioned quadrille, a most valu- 
able dance, as all ages, sizes and conditions of 
men and women can join in it. A society paper, 
apropos of this dance, gives the following elabor- 
ate directions for making a courtesy: " To make 
a courtesy properly is a very difficult act, yet all 
who dance the quadrille must learn it. To 
courtesy to her partner, the lady steps off her 
right foot, carrying nearly all her weight on it, 
at the same time raising the heel of her left 
foot, thus placing herself in the second position, 
facing her partner, counting one. She then 
glides the left foot backward and across, till the 
toe of the left foot is directly behind the right 
heel, the feet about one-half the length of the 
foot apart. This glide commences on the ball of 
the left foot and terminates with both feet flat 
upon the floor, and the transfer of the weight to 
the backward foot. The bending of the knees 
and the casting down of the eyes begin with 



188 THE USAGES OF 

the commencement of the glide with the left 
foot, and the genuflexion is steadily continued 
until the left foot reaches the position required, 
counting two. Then, without changing the 
weight from the backward foot, she gradually 
rises, at the same time raising the forward heel, 
and lifting the eyes until she recovers her full 
height, counting three, and finally she transfers 
the weight to the forward foot, counting four. 
Such is the elaborate and graceful courtesy." It 
should be studied with a master. 

Genteel is an extremely vulgar word, and is 
never used in good society. 

Both "gentleman friend" and " lady friend " 
are expressions to be avoided. 

All slang is vulgar. It lowers the tone of 
society and the standard of thought. It is a 
great mistake to suppose that slang is in any 
way witty. Only the very young or the uncul- 
tivated so consider it. 

Scandal is the least excusable of all conversa- 
tional vulgarities. " Gossip is a troublesome 
sort of insect that only buzzes about your ears, 
and never bites deep; slander is the beast of 
prey that leaps upon you from his den and tears 
you in pieces. Slander is the proper object of 
rage ; gossip of contempt." 

Interruption of the speech of others is a great 
sin against good breeding. If you interrupt a 
speaker in the middle of his sentence, you act 
almost as rudely, as if, when walking with a 



THE BEST SOCIETY. i8g 

companion, you were to thrust yourself before 
him and stop his progress 

To listen well is almost as great an act as to 
talk well. 

Young persons can but appear absurd when 
satirizing or ridiculing books, people or things. 

Good manners are the shadows of virtues, if 
not the virtues themselves 

A disagreeable woman can always find pre- 
cedents for being formal and chilling; a fine- 
tempered woman can always find reasons enough 
for being agreeable. 

Some one calls politeness "benevolence in 
trifles, the preference of others to ourselves in 
little, daily, hourly occurrences in the business 
of life, a better place, or more commodious seat, 
priority in being helped at table," etc. 

A friendly behavior often conciliates and 
pleases more than wit or brilliancy. 

The higher the civilization of a community, 
the more careful it is to preserve the elegance of 
its social forms. It is quite as easy to express a 
perfect breeding in the fashionable formalities 
of cards as by any other method, and perhaps, 
indeed, it is the safest herald of an introduction 
for a stranger. 

The forms and qualities of cards and their 
style of engraving are a matter in which a deli- 
cate taste is not thrown away. This has been 
mentioned before and we emphasize it. 



igo THE USAGES OF 

In returning visits, observe the exact etiquette 
of the person who has left the first card. A call 
must not be returned with a card only, or a card 
by a call. If a person send you a card by post, 
return a card by post; if a personal visit is made, 
return it by a personal visit ; if your acquaint- 
ance leaves cards only, without inquiring if you 
are at home, return the same courtesy. If she 
has left the cards of the gentlemen of her fam- 
ily, return those of the gentlemen of your 
family. 

A lady calling where there was a daughter or 
daughters, would leave a separate card for the 
daughters, but she would not leave her hus- 
band's cards for the daughters. 

Calling where there are sons, she would leave 
her husband's cards for them, but she would 
not leave her own card for them. 

No lady should leave cards for an unmarried 
gentleman, except in the case of his having 
given entertainments at which ladies were pres- 
ent. Then the lady of the house should drive to 
his door with the cards of herself and family, 
allowing the footman to leave them. 

" Not at home," is the understood formula 
expressive of not wishing to see visitors. Not 
at home is not intended to imply an untruth, 
but rather to signify that for some reason or 
reasons it is not desirable to see visitors; and 
as it would be impossible to explain to acquaint- 
ances the why and wherefore of the inconven- 
ience, the formula, " not at home," is all sum- 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 191 

cient explanation, provided always that the serv- 
ant is able to give a direct answer at once of 
"not at home." The mistress of a house should 
be especially careful to let her servant know, be- 
fore the calling hours, whether she intends to be 
at home to receive visitors or not. In order to 
have time to themselves, ladies have their regu- 
lar reception day, which, engraved on their 
cards, announces the fact, and on all other days, 
except to intimate friends, they are "not at 
home." 

Nothing is in worse taste than that a caller 
should ask the servant where her mistress is, 
when she went out, when she will be in, how 
soon she will be down, etc. All that a well-bred 
servant should say to such questions is, "I do 
not know, madam." 

A lady having even a moderate acquaintance 
should have a visiting-book in which to enter 
the names of acquaintances, addresses, and note 
calls made and calls due. In sending invita- 
tions for parties, weddings, or entertainments, it 
is invaluable. 

An invitation extended to a gentleman who is 
a new acquaintance, without mentioning the 
probable time of being able to receive him, is 
equivalent to no invitation at all, and the bid- 
den person need not hazard a call. 

" No cards," used in announcing a marriage 
in a newspaper, means that the bride and bride- 
groom wish to maintain all their former visiting 



1 92 THE USAGES OF 

acquaintances. The custom of sending out 
cards enables them to drop such acquaintances 
as they may not choose to retain in the altered 
circumstances of their lives. 

If the wedded pair commence life in a house 
of their own, it is customary to issue " at home " 
cards for a few afternoons or evenings at no dis- 
tant date, unless the marriage occurs in early 
summer, when these informal receptions are de- 
layed until the autumn. Only such persons are 
invited as the young people choose to keep as 
friends, or perhaps only those whom they can 
afford to retain. It is an easy opportunity for 
carefully rearranging one's social list, because 
there are limitations to hospitality which are 
frequently more necessary than agreeable. This 
list of old friends and acquaintances cannot be 
too seriously considered and sifted, and no mo- 
ment is so favorable as at the beginning of 
housekeeping 

The omission of reception cards is taken as a 
communicative and intelligent silence, which 
may cause regret, but cannot give offense. It 
only declares that by marriage the new house- 
hold has doubled the number of its kinspeople 
and friends by uniting two families. That 
is all. 

The young couple are not expected, unless 
fortune has been exceptionally kind to them, to 
be immediately responsive in the matter of en- 
tertainments. The outer world is only too 
happy to entertain them. Nothing can be moro 



THE BEST SOCIETY f^j 

imprudent than for a young couple to rush into 
expenditures which may endanger their future 
happiness and peace of mind, nor should they 
feel that they are obliged at once to return the 
dinners and parties given to them. The time 
will come, doubtless, when they will be able to 
do so. 

But the announcement of a day on which the 
bride will receive her friends is almost indispens- 
able. The refreshments on this occasion should 
not exceed tea and cake, or, at the most, tea, 
chocolate and cakes, which may be placed on a 
table at one end of the room, or may be handed 
by a waiter. Bouillon, on a cold day in win- 
ter is also in order, and is, perhaps, the most 
serviceable of all simple refreshments. 

Colored note-paper, so common a few years 
ago, is no longer in use. A few pale-greens, 
greys, blues and lilacs have, indeed, found a 
place in fashionable stationary, but at present 
no color that is appreciable is considered stylish, 
unless it be ecru, which is only creamy white. 

A long truce is at last bidden to the fanciful, 
emblazoned and colored monogram; the crest 
and cipher are laid on the shelf, so a writer of 
authority assures us, and ladies have simply the 
address of their city residence, or the name of 
their country place, printed in one corner (gen- 
erally in color, or latest device of fashion), & fac 
simile of thtir initials, carefully engraved, and 
dashed across the corner of the note-paper. The 
day of the week, also copied from their own 



194 THE USAGES OF 

handwriting, is often impressed upon the square 
cards now so much in use for short notes. 

There is one fashion which has never changed, 
and will never change, which is always in good 
taste, and which, perhaps, would be to-day the 
most perfect of all styles, and that is good, plain, 
thick English note-paper, folded square, put in a 
square envelope, and sealed with red sealing- 
wax. 

No one can make a mistake who uses such 
stationery as this in any part of the world. 

Many ladies prefer the monogram; it is, how- 
ever, a past, rather than a present, fashion. The 
ink should be invariably black. Purple and li- 
lac inks are not elegant, they are not in fashion, 
the best note-writers do not use them. The 
plain black ink, which gives the written char- 
acters great distinctness, is the only fashionable 
medium. 

Every lady should study to acquire an elegant, 
free, and educated hand; there is nothing so use- 
ful, so certain to commend the writer every- 
where, as such a chirography; while a poor, 
cramped, slovenly, uneducated, unformed hand- 
writing is sure to produce the impression upon 
the reader that those qualities are more or less 
indicative of the writer's character. The angu- 
lar English hand is at present the fashion, al- 
though less legible and not more beautiful than 
the round hand. 

The laws of etiquette do not permit us, in 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 195 

writing a note, to use numericals, as 3, 4, 5, but 
demand that we write out three, four, five. No 
abbreviations should be allowed in a note to a 
friend, as " sh. be glad to see you ;" one must 
write out, "I should be glad to see you." 

A note in answer to an invitation should be 
written in the third person, if the invitation be 
in the third person. No abbreviations, no visi- 
ble hurry, but an elaborate and finished cere- 
mony should mark such epistles. Approach the 
business of writing a note with a certain thought- 
fulness. If it is necessary to write it hastily, 
summon all your powers of mind and try to 
make it brief, intelligible and comprehensive. 
Above all things, spell correctly. No letter or 
note should be written on ruled paper. Every 
young person should learn to write without 
lines. 

The square cards are much used, and are quite 
largh enough for the transmission of all that a 
lady ordinarily wishes to say in giving or ac- 
cepting an invitation. The day of the week and 
the address are often printed on the card. 

Square envelopes have taken the place of the 
oblong ones. 

J The elegance of a table depends essentially 
upon its drapery. The plainest of meats is made a 
banquet if the linen be fresh, fine and smooth, 
and the most sumptuous repast can be ruined by 
a soiled and crumpled table-cloth. The house- 
wife who wishes to conduct the house in ele- 
gance must make up her mind to use five or six 



196 THE USAGES OF 

sets of napkins, and to have several dozens of 
each ready for possible demands. 

A napkin should never be put on the table a 
second time until it has been re-washed; there- 
fore napkin rings should be abandoned — rele- 
gated to the nursery tea-table. 

Breakfast napkins are of a smaller size than 
dinner napkins, and are very pretty if they bear 
the initial letter of the family in the center. 
Those of fine double damask, with a simple de- 
sign, to match the table-cloth, are pretty. It is 
not economy to buy colored cloths, for they 
must be washed as often as if they were white, 
and no color stands the hard usage of the laun- 
dry as well as pure white. Colored napery is, 
therefore, the luxury of a well-appointed coun- 
try house, and has its use in making the break- 
fast and luncheon look a little unlike the dinner. 
Never use a parti-colored damask for the dinner- 
table. 

For dinner, large and handsome napkins, care- 
fully ironed and folded simply, with a piece of 
bread beside it, should lie at each plate. These 
should be removed when the fruit course is 
brought, and with each finger-bowl should be a 
colored napkin, with which to dry the fingers. 

Never fasten your napkin around your neck; 
lay it across your knees, convenient to the hand, 
and lift one corner only to wipe the mouth. At 
the close of a fashionable meal no one folds his 
or her napkin; at a social tea or breakfast, each 
follows the hostess' example in this respect. 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 197 

On elegant tables, each plate or "cover," for 
dinner, is accompanied by two large silver knifes; 
a small silver knife and fork for fish, a small 
fork for the oysters on the half shell, a large 
tablespoon for soup, and three large forks. 

Fish should be eaten with silver knife and 
fork, for if it is full of bones, like shad, for in- 
stance, it is very difficult to manage it without 
the aid of a knife. For sweetbreads, cutlets, etc., 
the knife is also necessary; but for the croquettes, 
rissoles, tritibales, and dishes of that class, the fork 
alone is needed. 

Pears and apples should be peeled with a sil- 
ver knife, cut into quarters, and then picked up 
with the fingers. Grapes should be eaten from 
behind the half-closed hand, the stones and skin 
falling into the fingers unobserved, and thence 
to the plate. The pineapple is almost the only 
fruit which requires both knife and fork. 

A knife and fork are both used in eating salad, 
if it is not cut up before serving. A large let- 
tuce leaf cannot be easily managed without a 
knife, and, of course, the fork must be used to 
carry it to the mouth. Thus as bread, butter, 
and cheese are served with the salad, the salad- 
knife and fork are really essential. 

Salt-cellars are now put at each plate, and it 
is not improper to take salt with one's knife. 

In using a spoon, be very careful not to put it 
too far into the mouth. For the coffee after din- 
ner, a very small spoon is served, as a large one 



1 98 THE USAGES OF 

would be out of place in the small cups that are 
used. 

For a servant, neatness is indispensable; a 
slovenly and inattentive servant betrays a slov- 
enly household. The servants often do their 
employers great injustice. They are slow to re- 
spond to the bell, they give uncivil answers, they 
deny one person and admit another, they fail to 
deliver notes, they are insolent, they neglect the 
orders of the mistress when she is out. We can- 
not expect perfection in our domestic service, 
but it is possible, by painstaking and patient 
teaching, to make a respectable and helpful serv- 
ing class. Servants are very apt to take their 
tone from their employers — to be civil if they 
are civil, and insolent if they are insolent. A 
hostess should never reprove her servants in the 
presence of her guests; it is cruel both to guest 
and servant, and always shows the mistress in an 
unamiable light. Whatever may go wrong, the 
lady of the house should remain calm. 

The one thing which every lady must firmly 
demand from her servants, is respect. She can 
at least gain outward respect by insisting upon 
having it, and by showing her servants that she 
regards it as even a greater desideratum than the 
the efficient discharge of duties. The mistress 
must not lose her temper. She must be calm, 
imperturbable, and dignified always. If she 
gives an order, she must insist, at whatever per- 
sonal cost, that it shall be obeyed. Pertinacity 
and inflexibility on this point are well bestowed. 

A servant cannot be too carefully taught her 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 199 

duty to visitors. She should treat all callers 
with respect and civility, but at the same time 
she should be able to discriminate between 
friend and foe, and not unwarily admit those in- 
numerable cheats, frauds and beggars, who, in 
a respectable garb, force an entrance to one's 
house for the purpose of theft, or, perhaps, to 
sell a cement for broken crockery, or the latest 
thing in hair-dye. 

To assure your servants that you believe them 
to be honest, is to fix in them habits of honesty. 
To respect their rights, their hours of recreation, 
their religion, their feelings, to teach them to 
read and write and to make their clothes, so that 
they may be useful to themselves when they 
leave servitude — all this is the pleasureable duty 
of a good mistress, and such a course makes 
good servants. 

Familiarity with servants always arouses their 
contempt; a mistress can be kind without being 
familiar. She must remember that the servant 
looks up to her over the great gulf of a different 
condition of life and habit — over the great gulf 
of ignorance, and that in the order of nature she 
should respect not only the person in authority, 
but the being, as superior to herself. This salu- 
tary influence is thrown away if the mistress de- 
scends to familiarity and intimacy. 

Servants should wear their shoes in the house, 
and be told to step lightly, not to slam doors, or 
drop china, or to rattle forks and spoons. If to 
neatness, good manners and faithfulness be 



200 THE USAGES OF 

added a clear head, an active body, and respect- 
ful manner, we have that rare article — a perfect 
servant. 

A great drawback to balls in America is the 
lack of convenience for those who wish to re- 
main seated. In Europe, where the elderly are 
first considered, seats are placed around the 
room, somewhat high, for the chaperons, and at 
their feet sit the debutantes. These red-covered 
sofas, in two tiers as it were, are brought in by 
the upholsterer, as we hire chairs for the crowd- 
ed musicals or readings so common in large 
cities, and are very convenient. It is strange 
that all large halls are not furnished with them, 
as they make every one comfortable at very lit- 
tle expense, and add to the appearance of the 
room. 

It is not wise for young ladies to join in every 
dance, nor should a young chaperon dance, leav- 
ing her prosege't sitting. 

A lady should not overcrowd her rooms. To 
put five hundred people in a hot room, with no 
chairs to rest in, and little air to breathe, is to 
apply a very cruel test to friendship. 

In a majority of luxuriant houses, a tea-room 
is open from the beginning to the end of a ball, 
frequently in some room of the second story, 
where bouillon, tea, coffee and a plate of sand- 
wiches, or any such light refreshment, for those 
who do not wish a heavy supper. A large bowl 
of iced lemonade is also in this room — a most 



THE BEST SOCIETY. 201 

grateful refreshment after leaving a hot ball- 
room. If a smoking-room has not been provid- 
ed, it is the heighth of indelicacy for gentlemen 
to smoke in the dressing-room. 

The practice of putting crash over carpets has 
proved so unhealthy to the dancers, on account 
of the fine fuzz which rises from it in dancing 
that it is now almost wholly abandoned; and 
parquet floors are becoming so common, and the 
dancing on them is so much more agreeable in 
every way, that ladies have their heavy parlor 
carpets taken up before a ball rather than lay 
crash. 



TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 



ON 



HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 



PREFACE. 



There was a time, and indeed it is not so very far 
distant, when no higher mission than to be beautiful was 
allowed women. An enlightened public opinion and the 
progress of civilization have opened, almost within this 
present generation, a hundred channels in which the subtle 
brains, the fine perception, and the delicate hands of women 
may find worthy work. But with all this advancement of 
the industrial and social position of the sex, the fact still 
remains that no work of her hands or brain, no achieve- 
ment of her industry or skill will give a woman half the 
consideration or half the power for good or evil, that the 
one supreme gift of beauty will afford her. That this is so 
may not be right, indeed it seems not, but as long as 
humanity is swayed by its passion for beauty, so long will 
this accidental element of loveliness give to woman her 
greatest weapon in the struggle for supremacy. 

Some of the central figures in the history of the world 
are women whose beauty changed the course of empires, 
and whose charm has been the seed from which revolu- 
tions and rebellions have sprung. 

The importance of the part played by beauty is the excuse 
for this little volume, in which are given certain general 
rules for guidance in the care of the health, which is the 
foundation of all beauty, special articles on the preserva- 
tion of any particular beauty of feature which may exist, 
and important hints on the cultivation and development 



6 PREFACE. 

of beauty which may be marred by improper care or 
ignorance of the means to bring it out. 

There are no women who are irredeemably homely, but 
there are many whose charrn is allowed to vanish through 
neglect of the complexion, the teeth, the hair, the hands, 
the feet, the carriage of the body, or some one or more of 
the many details which make up the personality. It is for 
these women and girls that this book is designed. There 
is deplorable ignorance in regard to the merest elements of 
good health and beauty, and the application of common- 
sense methods in the place of the dyes and powders of 
unscrupulous quacks will improve the appearance of nine- 
tenths of the women of our land. 

There is another beauty than that of form or feature, 
and without which indeed there can be no true beauty — we 
mean beauty of character and manner; and discussion of 
this has not been omitted in the following pages, but it is 
less subject to actual rules, and must be cultivated largely 
by good breeding, good associations, and an innate sweet- 
ness and purity. 

The author is convinced that this little book will do good 
if its information is carefully studied and its guidance 
trusted. Its advice has the sanction of the best specialists 
in the several departments, and the recipes and prescrip- 
tions which are mentioned are composed of the most 
harmless ingredients. Indeed, rain-water is mentioned as 
absolutely the best cosmetic. 

If girls may be led to care properly for the beauty which 
their Creator has granted to them, these pages will not 
have been written in vain F. S. 

New York, 1885. 



CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER I. 

General Considerations .... 9 

CHAPTER II. 
Grace and Beauty of Form ... 16 

CHAPTER III. 
Bathing 23 

CHAPTER IV. 
Exercise 36 

CHAPTER V. 
The Head and the Hair ... 47 

CHAPTER VI. 
The Teeth 59 

CHAPTER VII. 
The Upper Part of the Face . . 73 

CHAPTER VIII. 
The Lower Part of the Face . . 81 

CHAPTER IX. 
The Complexion 87 

CHAPTER X. 
The Hands 101 



CONTENTS. 
CHAPTER XI. 



The Feet 

CHAPTER XII. 

Carriage of the Body 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Dress . . . 

CHAPTER XIV. 
Dress — continued 

CHAPTER XV. 
Manner and Deportment 

CHAPTER XVI. 
Conversation and Social Arts 

CHAPTER XVII. 
Care of Beauty in Infancy . 

CHAPTER XVIII. 
Harmony and Elements of Beauty 

CHAPTER XIX. 
General Care of the Health 
CHAPTER XX. 
Important Details . 



109 
114 
117 
128 
138 
143 
148 

155 
165 
176 



Talks With Homely Girls 



ON 



HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 



CHAPTER I. 



SOME GENERAL CONSIDERATIONS. 

Beauty a Great Power — Former Objections to Discussion of 
the Subject — Changes of Opinion — Greek Value of 
Beauty — Taste for Beauty, and How Formed — Passages 
from the Ancient and Modern Poets — Necessity of a 
Just Sense of the Beautiful. 

Beauty, which is one of the great powers of 
the world, has been so much discussed by the 
philosophers and poets of all ages, that it has 
become a difficult subject to write about in 
these latter days. Yet, before beginning the 
more practical portion of this little book, we are 
tempted to say a few words on the subject, as 
some excuse for calling attention to the matter 
at all. With certain people, it was at one time 
considered a sinful vanity to think about per- 
sonal beauty. The body was to be treated by 
all wise people with contemptuous indifference. 



io TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

The subject of good looks was to be eschewed 
in the presence of children; and the most lovely 
young girl was never permitted to become 
aware of her personal perfections (so far as her 
guardians could prevent it), till she learned them 
suddenly by her success in society. 

This was surely a greater trial to her moral 
nature than if she had from infancy heard that 
God had bestowed a great and precious gift on 
her, which she must learn to use aright, and of 
which she had no just reason to be proud. 

We have changed all this: muscular Christian- 
ity restored to the human frame that due re- 
gard which all men owe to it; and the new and 
more artistic sense of beauty, developed in these 
later years, has rendered people more inclined 
to discuss beauty as an important and valuable 
gift, which, like all other good gifts of Heaven, 
requires and deserves our careful attention. 

The wise Greeks ever estimated it at its just 
value. Aristotle has told us that a graceful 
person is a more powerful recommendation than 
the best letter that can be written in one's favor. 
Socrates called it " a short-lived tyranny," thus, 
at least, acknowledging its power; Theophrastus 
termed it, " a silent fraud," meaning that it can 
impose on us without the aid of language; 
Carneades calls it " royalty without force," 
i. e., a sway which requires no effort to en- 
force it. 

Knowing and feeling this, they cultivated per- 
sonal beauty, till they became the first in form 
as in intellect of the human race — a connection 
inevitable, by the bye, when the former is really 



ON HEALTH AND BE A UTY. n 

perfect; for, without the inner soul of beauty, 
there is no external perfection. 

The idea of beauty differed then, however, as 
it does now, amongst various nations, each 
selecting that type most characteristic of its 
nationality. The stately aquiline-featured Ro- 
man women were more beautiful in Roman 
eyes than if they had possessed the delicate 
brow and straight nose of the Greeks; and the 
dusky splendor of the Ethiopian queen was, 
doubtless, thought superior to both by her 
countrymen. This preference for a familiar 
cast of features and complexion is, doubtless, a 
blessing to the nations, but has led to strange 
notions of beauty — the type degenerating with 
the intelligence and civilization of the peoples, 
till we get the flattened head, the enormous un- 
der lip and other disfigurements of the savages. 

The highest ideal of beauty requires cultiva- 
tion, and, in Europe, has probably been pre- 
served through the changes of time and fashion, 
by the poets, even more than by the painters. 

Here is a very vivid picture of Greek beauty, 
translated by Moore: 

" Best of painters, come portray, 
The lovely maid that's far away — 
Far away, my soul, thou art, 
But I've thy beauties all by heart. 
Paint her jetty ringlets straying, 
Silky twine in tendrils playing; 
And if painting hath the skill 
To make the spicy balm distil, 
Let every little lock exhale 
A sigh of perfume on the gale. 
Where her tresses' curly flow 
Darkles o'er the brow of snow, 



12 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

Let her forehead beam to light, 
Burnished as the ivory bright; 
Let her eyebrows sweetly rise 
In jetty arches o'er her eyes: 
Gently in a crescent gliding — 
Just commingling — just dividing. 
But hast thou any sparkles warm, 
The lightning of her eyes to form? 
Let them effuse the azure ray 
With which Minerva's glances play. 

O'er her nose and cheek be shed 
Flushing white and mellow red — 
Gradual tints, as when there glow 
In snowy milk the bashful rose. 

Paint where the ruby cell encloses 
Persuasion sleeping upon roses; 
The velvet chin, 
Whose dimple shades a love within." 

A very perfect picture of external beauty this, 
yet lacking a something to be supplied by the 
poets of another and a better civilization. 

"The Romans," says Longopierre, " were so 
convinced of the power of beauty, that they 
used a word implying strength in the place of 
the epithet ' beautiful.' " They admired auburn 
or golden hair, and dyed their dark locks of 
that color. The taste lingered long in Italy, 
and in the sixteenth century, golden locks were 
immortalized by the great Italian painters. 

The poets of Christendom have idealized a 
higher order of beauty — that in which moral 
and intellectual loveliness inform and exalt mere 
matter. 

Compare Spenser's Una with the Greek beauty 
and the difference will be at once perceptible: 



ON HEALTH A. YD BE A UTY. 13 

" From her fair head her fillet she undight, 
And laid her stole aside; her angel's face, 
As the great eye of heaven, shined bright, 
And made a sunshine in that shady place — 
Did ever mortal eye behold such heavenly grace. ' 

Or read the description of Spenser's bride: 

" Her long, loose, yellow locks, like golden wire, 

Sprinkled with pearl, and pearling flowers atween, 
Do like a golden mantle her attire, 

And being crowned with a garland green, 

Seem like some maiden queen. 
Her modest eyes, abashed to behold 

So many gazers as on her do stare, 

Upon the lowly ground affixed are; 
We dare lift up her countenance too bold, 
But blush to hear her praises sung so loud. 



" Tell me, yet merchants' daughters, did ye see 

So fair a creature in your town before? 
So sweet, so lovely, and so mild as she, 

Adorned with beauty's grace and virtue's store? 
Her goodly eyes like sapphires shining bright; 

Her forehead ivory white; 
Her cheeks like apples which the sun hath rudded, 

Her lips like cherries. 

" But if ye saw that which no eye can see — 

The inward beauty of her lively sprite, 
Garnished with heavenly gifts of high degree — 

Much more, then, would you wonder at the sight! 
There dwells sweet Love and constant Chastity, 

Unspotted Faith and comely Womanhood, 
Regard of honor and mild modesty; 

There Virtue reigns as queen in regal throne, 

And giveth laws alone." 

Shakespeare's women impress us with their 
beauty without details. We see Imogen as the 
"fresh lily " he calls her; Desdemona as " one 



\ 



14 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

entire and perfect chrysolite;" Perdita's loveli- 
ness as " the prettiest Lowland lass that treads 
the greensward " is present to us; and Juliet's 
beauty, which " teaches the torches to burn 
bright," steals into our mind with a glow of 
Southern loveliness. Milton's Eve is a wonder- 
ful picture of stately beauty: 

" Grace was in all her steps, heaven in her eyes — 
In every gesture dignity and love." 

Here too is a far loftier ideal than the Greek. 

Our modern poets, too, have given us charm- 
ing ideas of beauty. Byron's description of 
Zuleika is, perhaps, one of the finest, and is well 
known. 

Keats gives us a picture of Diana, not, we 
think, inferior to the Greek sketch of beauty: 

" Speak, stubborn earth, and tell me where, oh, where 
Hast thou a symbol of her golden hair? 
Not oat-sheaves drooping in the western sun ; 

. Yet she had, 
Indeed, locks bright enough to make me mad — 
And they were gordianed up and braided, 
Leaving, in naked comeliness, unshaded 
Her pearl-round ears, white neck and orbid brow; 
The which were blended, in I know not how, 
With such a paradise of lips and eyes, 
Blush-tinted cheeks, half smiles, and faintest sighs, 
That when I think thereon, my spirit clings 
And plays about its fancy, till the stings 
Of human neighborhood envenom all. 

Ah ! see her hovering feet, 
More bluely veined, more soft, more whitely sweet, 
Than those of sea-born Venus when she rose 
From out her cradle shell." 

Then we have the charming picture of Noiir* 



ON HE A LTH A ND BEAUTY. 15 

mahal, in Moore, which should never be omit- 
ted when we talk of the poet's ideal of beauty: 

" There's a beauty forever unchangingly bright, 
Like the long sunny lapse of a summer day's light; 
Shining on, shining on, by no shadow made tender, 
Till love falls asleep in its sameness of splendor. 
This was not the beauty — oh ! nothing like this 
That to young Nourmahal gave such magic of bliss, 
But that loveliness of motion, which plays 
Like the light upon autumn's soft shadowy days — 
Now here, and now there, giving warmth as it flies 
From the lips to the cheek, from the cheek to the eyes." 

It is upon these word-pictures that we have 
formed our ideas of beauty, and gathered fair 
visions of loveliness, whose presence enlivens 
and adorns the world of which it is one of the 
joys and blessings. 

The painters and sculptors, too, have helped 
form our ideal, and their laws of taste are taken 
into account in the following chapters. 

A just sense of the beautiful, a rational love 
of it, an innocent desire to cultivate and pre- 
serve this good gift of God, cannot do other- 
wise than benefit those whose dowry it is from 
Heaven; and who have no right to despise or 
neglect it; or to tamper with and destroy it by 
absurd artifices, which would meet with the un- 
qualified contempt they deserve, if women had 
better knowledge on the subject — a knowledge 
which it is the aim of this little work to give. 



16 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 



CHAPTER II. 

GRACE AND BEAUTY OF FORM. 

American Beauty — What We Owe to it — Duty of Preserving 
Good Looks — The Figure — Shoulders — Waist — The 
Beauty of the Arm — Outline — Too Great Stoutness or 
Thinness — Grace. 

America is justly styled the land of beauty. 
No race of men surpass our stalwart sons; no 
maidens are fairer; in no country is beauty more 
lasting. 

With the unrivaled American complexion, it 
is rare for a maiden to fail of possessing beauty. 
But of all women, American women do least to 
improve or preserve their beauty. They follow 
fashion, however absurd, in a blind, aimless 
way, being content to do as every one else does, 
and having but very hazy notions of what true 
beauty is. They will pinch in their waists and 
feet, paint their faces, dye their hair; but as to 
any real knowledge of how really to improve the 
precious gift committed to their trust, they are 
as ignorant as savages. 

The perception of beauty we are well aware is 
not a distinct faculty; it is a matter of opinion 
and feeling, controlled and directed by national 
prejudices, early impressions, education, and a 
cultivated and refined taste. 



ON HEAL TIT AND BE A UTY. 17 

In actual life, women who possess what is 
called " charm " have generally been the beauties 
of their period — not those who are the nearest 
embodiment of the sculptor's ideal. It is more 
than probable that Cleopatra's fascination lay 
rather in her "strong toil of grace" and her 
" infinite variety" than in her Ethiopian features 
and dark complexion; and the portraits of Mary 
of Scotland, Joanna of Naples, and Venetia 
Digby do not strike us as possessing anything 
extraordinary in point of features. These people 
" charmed " the world, and were justly declared 
to be beautiful. 

Nevertheless, there is a certain artistic rule of 
personal beauty grown out of the taste of poets 
and painters, which may guide us to that which 
is as near an approach to beauty as mere form 
can be; always remembering that the indefina- 
ble charm of beauty will not be found in the 
perfection of form or feature without the in- 
forming mind. 

But though we may fully acknowledge Plato's 
doctrine, that in perceiving beauty the mind 
only contemplates the shadow cf its own affec- 
tions, still a near external approach to those 
forms which taste has definitely settled as beau- 
tiful, is desirable. We believe few of our read- 
ers are aware in what a high degree this ap- 
proach may be facilitated by pains and atten- 
tion. All the gifts intrusted to us by Nature 
demand our best care, and to women, especially, 
beauty is a gift of vast moment, for in it lies 
much of her power for good or evil. 

It is one of her minor morals to look as well 



IS TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

as she can; for beauty enlisted on the side of 
goodness is one of its most potent arms against 
evil. 

But let us turn to the practical view of the 
subject, which is the design of our little volume. 

We will begin with the figure, which is really 
of more importance than the face. 

" The beauty of the female figure," says Leigh 
Hunt, "consists in being gently serpentine." 
Stiffness is utterly ungraceful 

The movements of an unconscious child are 
the perfection of grace; they are easy, unstudied, 
natural. 

The throat should be round, full and pillar-like t 

The waist should be twice the size of this 
" tower of ivory," not, as fashion has too often 
made it, nearly the same size. 

The shoulders should be sloping and not too 
broad (very broad shoulders being a masculine 
beauty); but they had better be too broad than 
too narrow, as any contraction across the chest 
gives a mean and pinched look to the person. 
The figure should be easy; too small a waist is 
an actual deformity, and we may remind young 
ladies who labor under the delusion of thinking 
that a waist of eighteen inches is lovely, that 
that of the famous statue of the Venus de Medici, 
the acknowledged highest type of female beauty, 
measures twenty-seven inches. 

The hips should be high in a woman, and 
wide. The feet small, but in due proportion to 
the height of the figure. A high instep is beau- 
tiful, and a hollowing in the sole is considered 
by the Arabs a mark of high birth. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. ig 

The arm is seldom sufficiently developed in 
the modern woman of fashion to reach the stand- 
ard of classical beauty. She does not use her 
limbs, and especially her arms, sufficiently to 
give them the muscular growth of which they 
are capable: and there is no more expressive 
illustration of the effects of exercise and the 
effects of indolence than the contrast between 
the blanched and tender pipe-stems of Miss So- 
phonisba in the parlor, and the bulky and glow- 
ing arms of Bridget in the kitchen. 

The arm should have a round and flowing 
outline, with no sharpness at the elbows; it 
should taper gently down to a small wrist; thin 
arms are ugly, and require graceful movements 
to make us forget their sharpness. A white arm 
is beautiful, but a dark-complexioned arm may 
be more beautiful, if it is better shaped, form 
being the chief loveliness of the arm, 

The movements of the arm give either awkard- 
ness or grace to the person. Keeping the elbows 
away from the side, in a sharp angle, is very 
ungraceful; and the habit (unknown to our 
grandmothers), of crossing the arms on the 
chest when sitting, a la Napoleon's pictures, or 
putting the hands in the jacket pockets, alike 
detract from feminine attraction. 

People who sit much, and are in the habit of 
bending over in sedentary employments, lose the 
elastic grace peculiar to those who walk or ride 
regularly. 

Too great stoutness or thinness is to be 
avoided; the former by vigorous exercise and a 
careful diet; eschewing great quantities of the 



20 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

flesh-forming or fat-creating foods. Animal 
food is less fattening than bread, vegetables and 
puddings; beer and ale are to be avoided by too 
fat people and claret substituted in their place. 

But starving the figure is a folly, which brings 
its punishment in a leaden complexion and dull 
eyes. Plumpness, be it remembered, is beauti- 
ful; great thinness, or as it is called scragginess, 
is ugly; and one thing is certain, the compres- 
sion of the figure, even if too much inclined to 
embonpoint, is a mistake. , A pinched-in waist will 
only give a too great exuberance of flesh above 
and below it, and thus reveal itself as false. 

Corsets have been the bane of American 
figures. The models for sculptors and painters 
in Italy are never allowed to wear corsets, for fear 
of spoiling the figure. This fact speaks volumes 
in explanation of the defects of American shapes. 
Happily, fashion has introduced the short 
French corset, and our women have escaped, if 
they please, from the iron cages in which their 
grandmothers lived — the high, long, stiff " stays," 
which made them stiff, straight and unshapely, 
and precluded every shadow of grace. 

If the future generation were never to wear 
corsets at all, we might hope for a general im- 
provement in the race, but this, at present, seems 
a consummation only to be hoped for. 

But hope it we shall; for much has been done 
in the way of enlightening our women on this 
matter — and scragginess is no longer esteemed 
lovely. Sylphs have given way to " fine ani- 
mals," and the exchange is for the better as far 
as both health and and beauty go. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 2 1 

For the too thin ladies we would recommend 
a generous diet and ale, which fattens best, we 
believe; also suet puddings and butter in 
abundance; and the cultivation of cheerfulness 
and good nature. 

Their defects are of an easier nature to re- 
deem by art than those of too ponderous 
women, and a supple grace will atone for even 
meagerness. 

We are not, remember, disparaging a slight, 
rounded figure, or advocating an Eastern stand- 
ard of beauty by weight, but speaking of 
figures in which thinness has degenerated into 
gauntness. 

We have spoken much of grace — what is it. 
Such an indescribable thing that we know not 
well how to write on it with any chance of 
giving a good idea of it to the naturally un- 
graceful. Negatives may, however, help us? 
It is not graceful to walk with the defiant 
stamp peculiar to the "fast" girl. 

Nor is it graceful to square the elbows as in 
driving a pair of horses, or to move with sharp 
jerky movements. To be graceful a woman 
should not be habitually hurried and in a fuss; 
she should take time to move, and care (at first), 
in making all movements quietly. By degrees, 
it will become habitual to be graceful. 

There can be no beauty in anything, and es- 
pecially in woman, which is not regulated by the 
laws of Nature. Accordingly, in studying and 
appreciating the grace and proportion of the 
female figure, we shall never lose sight of this 
truth. Our purpose is to show how woman can 



22 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

secure for herself that beauty of form which 
Nature intends her to possess. We shall accord- 
ingly do our utmost to establish her in the pos- 
session of this her inalienable right, but not say 
a word in favor of any claims she may make to 
the artificial attractions of fashion. 

That physical grace which La Fontaine de- 
clared to be more beautiful than beauty, depends 
chiefly upon the configuration and movements 
of the body. A harmony in the proportions of 
all the parts, a suppleness in movement, and 
what the French call abandon in repose, are es- 
sential to beauty of form. 

The beauty of woman depends greatly, after 
all, upon her bearing and address. The most 
perfect face and form, if deficient in expression 
and grace, will fail to attract, while irregular 
features and a disproportioned body are not sel- 
dom endowed with the most winning power. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 23 



CHAPTER III. 

BATHING. 

Nature of the Skin Explained — How to Preserve it — Wash- 
ing — Bathing — Soft Water — Effects of Hard Water and 
Soap— Hot Water— Cold Water. 

Before we speak of bathing it will be well to 
explain to our readers the nature and properties 
of the skin. 

This is what a physician tells us about it . 

Physiologically considered, it would seem 
almost impossible to over-estimate the impor- 
tance of its functions. Consider for a moment 
;he complex apparatus by which these functions 
are carried on, and the enormous amount of 
work accomplished through it. If the reader 
will examine her hand with a simple jeweler's 
lens, or with any of the cheap pocket micro- 
scopes, she will notice that there are delicate 
grooves crossing the furrows, and that a small 
orifice exists in the center of each of them. 
Some of these orifices occupy nearly the whole 
of the groove, and are the openings of the per- 
spiratory ducts, from which may be seen to issue, 
when the hand is warm, minute shining dots of 
perspiratory matter. But perspiration is not 
held in the body as water is held in a sponge, 



24 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

which can be squeezed out by pressure, or by 
throwing it about; neither does it exist ready 
formed within us, as are the juices in apples and 
oranges. Upon the under surface of the true 
skin there are a multitude of little cavities, and 
in them are minute glands, which resemble 
raveled tubes, formed of basement membrane 
and epithelial scales, with true secreting sur- 
faces. It is the work of these little organs to re- 
ceive the impure blood which is constantly 
brought to them through a network of arteries, 
and to purify it, and to thrust out of the system 
the waste or offensive matter which is separated 
from it. These impurities come along in the 
blood, and are cast out through the perspiratory 
ducts while dissolved in that medium. After 
the blood is thus cleansed, another set of vessels 
are ready at hand to carry it back into the in- 
terior of the body, to become again and again 
loaded with impurities, which the little glands 
are tireless in extracting and removing. What 
organs in the human body subserve higher or 
more vital purposes than these? Does the liver 
or the stomach, or do the kidneys or the lungs 
stand in more intimate relation with life than 
these little glands? We think not. Their size 
varies in different parts of the body. In the 
palm of the hand they are from i-i,oooth to 
i-2,oooth of an inch in diameter, while under the 
arm they are i-6oth of an inch. The length of 
the tube, which constitutes both gland and duct, 
is about a quarter of an inch, and the diameter 
is about i-i, 700th of an inch. It is a curious 
fact that the ducts, while traversing the true 



ON" HEAL TH A ND BE A UTY. 25 

skin, are perfectly straight; but as soon as they 
enter the tough scarf-skin they become spiral 
and resemble a corkscrew, so that the perspira- 
tion is propelled around the tube several times 
before it is ejected. 

Now we are talking about small things; but so 
long as we confine our descriptions to a single 
duct, we utterly fail to realize their minuteness. 

Let us look at them collectively. On every 
square inch of the palm of your hand, there are 
at least 3,500 of these perspiratory ducts. Each 
one of them being one-quarter of an inch long, 
we readily see that every square inch of skin 
surface on this part of the body has seventy- 
three feet of tubing, through which moisture and 
effete matter are constantly passing night and 
day. The ducts, however, are shorter else- 
where; and it will be fair to estimate sixty feet 
as the average length of the ducts for each 
square inch of the body. This estimate (reck- 
oning 2,500 square inches of surface for a person 
of ordinary size), gives for these ducts an aggre- 
gate length of twenty-eight miles. 

The amount of liquid matter which passes 
through these microscopical tubes in twenty- 
four hours, in an adult person in sound health, 
is about sixteen fluid ounces, or one pint. One 
ounce of the sixteen is solid matter, made up of 
organic and inorganic substances, which, if 
allowed to remain in the system for a brief space 
of time, would cause death. The rest is water. 
Besides the water and solid matter, a large 
amount of carbonic acid, a gaseous body, passes 
through the tubes; so we cannot fail to under- 



26 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

stand that they are active workers, and also we 
cannot fail to see the importance of keeping 
them in perfect working order, removing ob- 
structions by frequent application of water, or 
by some other means. 

Suppose we obstruct the functions of the skin 
perfectly, by varnishing a person completely 
with a compound impervious to moisture. How 
long will she live? Not over six hours. The ex- 
periment was once tried on a child at Florence. 
Pope Leo X., on the occasion of his ascension to 
the Papal Chair, wished to have a living figure 
to represent the Golden Age, and so he had a 
poor child gilded all over with varnish and gold- 
leaf. The child died in a few hours. 

If the fur of a rabbit, or the skin of a pig, be 
covered with a solution of India-rubber in 
naphtha, the animal ceases to breathe in a 
couple of hours. These ideas are presented in 
order that we may gain some idea of the im- 
portance of the functions of the skin. 

From this our readers may judge of the dan- 
gerous consequences to the health of painting 
white and red — using assistance, as the ladies' 
maids say. Happily, only a portion of the skin 
suffers from this pernicious folly; but even in 
that degree great harm is done, and the skin 
itself soon shrivels and turns yellow, compelling 
a persistence in the same habits long after they 
are desired by their victims. 

Now about cleanliness. The skin should be 
washed all over daily, in a bath if possible. 

There is a little confusion existing in some 
minds as to the relative meaning of the two 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 11 

terms bathing and washing. It is highly neces- 
sary to have clear notions of the distinction be- 
tween the two operations, and of the effects of 
each. Thus, those who have not the means of 
bathing, or who are deterred from using it on 
account of health, should be enabled to esti- 
mate the value of what they can use in the way 
of washing, and of what they lose in the way of 
bathing. Bathing and simple washing of the 
skin have but little necessary connection. If 
the latter is properly performed, the former is 
reduced to a mere luxury. 

As to washing, the great majority of people 
do not know how to wash themselves properly; that 
is, with the utmost efficiency, and with the 
greatest economy of time, labor and material. 
It may be said that water is cheap enough, and 
so is soap; but labor and time are not always 
so, and this it is which leads many to neglect 
the proper care of their persons. 

The typical washing, then, for all, except the 
invalid or very aged, I take to be the following, 
which is based upon three designs: The first is 
to remove dirt and open the pores; the second is 
to refresh the system generally, and the third is 
to soothe the nerves of the skin and prevent 
cutaneous eruptions. 

To effect all these objects, soft water, mild 
soap, two towels, a soft and a rough one, and 
ten minutes of time are the only requisites. The 
moment of rising from bed is the proper time 
for washing ; no other time answers so effectu- 
ally as this. The body is warm, and therefore 
can withstand moderately cold or cool water bet- 



28 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

ter than at any other time. It is relaxed, and 
requires gentle bracing, and the nerves, dead- 
ened by the night's repose, require a gentle 
stimulus. 

The proper mode of performing the morning 
ablution, is the following : Immediately on 
rising, being prepared with a large basin of 
water (where obtainable, a sitz or a sponging 
bath will be preferable, but by no means essen- 
tial) all covering is to be completely removed 
from the body, so that the cool air may prepare 
the skin for the subsequent stages of the pro- 
cess. Taking now a large sponge, or a piece 
of soft flannel, well soaked in water, rapidly rub 
over every part of the skin. Soap used once a 
week will be sufficient ; the more frequent use 
is hurtful rather than beneficial to many tender 
skins, from its irritating qualities. 

Washing, which need not occupy more than 
three or four minutes, is to be succeeded by 
gently drying the skin with a soft towel, and 
when quite dry, a rough Turkish towel, or in 
some cases, the flesh-brush, is to be passed rap- 
idly over the body for four or five minutes more, 
by which time the skin will assume a red tint, 
and glow with warmth. 

The roughness of the towel must be accom- 
modated to the condition of the skin. For peo- 
ple of irritable skin, nothing harder than a 
common towel is needful. For persons who are 
easily chilled, or with cold extremities, the flesh- 
brush will be most useful. Anyhow, a gentle 
warmth must be produced, otherwise the person 
will feel chilly and languid for some time after. 



ON HEAL TH AXD BE A Ul ' K 29 

By steadily practicing washing of the whole 
surface as above described, bathing, which to 
many is not easily obtainable, may in most cases 
be dispensed with, or used only as an occasional 
luxury. Without practicing it, no person can 
enjoy the highest state of comfort of bodily feel- 
ing and of vigorous health, of which she is capa- 
ble. The skin becomes elastic and soft as vel- 
vet, and it loses the tendency to shrivel and 
contract on the application of temporary cold. 
No woman who values a delicately-smooth and 
clear skin, according to the shade of her com- 
plexion, should neglect this daily ablution of 
the whole surface. The muddy-brown look 
which the neglected skin assumes cannot be re- 
moved by washing the face and neck alone. Not 
only is the color and clearness of the skin im- 
proved by daily washing, but the odor which 
from an impure skin is often so disagreeable, 
either vanishes altogether, or is replaced by that 
indefinable but most recognizable aura which 
we commonly designate as " sweet-smelling 
breath." 

But why dwell so long upon so obvious a 
duty as washing, and one so well understood ? 
Because it is not practiced. 

I shall have less to say upon bathing, after what 
I have thought it* necessary to say with regard 
to washing, because it is reduced, by the steady 
performance of the latter, to a luxury, or, at 
most, as a means of acquiring vigor after disease 
or ill health. 

The objects contemplated by the bath are often 
two-fold, viz. : Cleansing the skin from impurities, 



30 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

and enjoying the luxury or excitement of im- 
mersion of some duration in water. With the 
first we have already dealt in speaking of wash- 
ing. For the second of these purposes, water at 
every temperature between thirty-three and one 
hundred degrees may be made use of, but not 
by all persons, or without proper reasons for its 
selection. From five to ten minutes is long 
enough to remain in the bath, and then the 
friction should commence immediately. When 
the skin has been made warm, not before, 
dressing may be proceeded with. 

After severe exercise in the heat or in the 
rain, when the body feels chilly, a tepid bath is 
extremely refreshing, and in some cases the only 
safe bath. 

After great fatigue, injury, sprain or over- 
tension of the muscles, the tepid bath may be 
converted into a warm one. Also after exposure 
to the drying effects of travel, particularly in 
an east wind, warm bathing will act as the 
best restorative. The first access of a cold may 
also often be successfully treated by a prolonged 
warm bath. Persons whose skins are naturally 
harsh and dry, or which have become so by long 
confinement in inactivity by illness, are also 
greatly benefited by a series of warm baths. 

When taken to refresh the tired body, or to 
soothe the irritability of the nervous system, 
the bath should be taken some little while before 
the time to sleep. It should precede, not follow, 
a meal, if taken early in the day, and the sur- 
face must be carefully protected from cold, as 
no active exercise should follow 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 31 

The water used for the skin should be rain 
water; but if city rain water, it must be filtered. 

Hard water is most objectionable. The pro- 
cess of washing with it has been thus described 
by a learned professor: 

First, the skin is w r etted with the water; then 
soap is applied; the latter soon decomposes all 
the hardening salts contained in the small 
quantity of water with which the skin is wetted, 
and there is then formed a strong solution of 
soap, which penetrates into the pores of the 
skin. This is the process which goes on while a 
lather is produced in washing, but now the 
lather requires to be removed from the skin. 
How can this be done? Obviously only in one 
of two ways, viz.: by wiping it off with a towel, 
or by rinsing it away with water. In the former 
case, the pores of the skin are filled with soap 
solution; in the latter, they become plugged up 
with the greasy, curdy matter, which results 
from the action of the hard water upon the soap 
solution, occupying the pores of the skin. As 
the latter process of removing the lather is the 
one universally adopted, the operation of wash- 
ing with soap and hard water is perfectly 
analogous to that used by the dyer or calico- 
printer, when he wishes to fix a pigment in the 
pores of any tissue. 

He first introduces into the tubes of the fiber 
of calico, for instance, a liquid containing one of 
the ingredients necessary for the formation of 
the insoluble pigment; this is then followed by 
another liquid current, containing the remain- 
ing necessary ingredients; the insoluble pigment 



32 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

is then produced within the very tubes of the 
cotton fiber, and is thus imprisoned in such a 
manner as to defy removal by subsequent 
washing. The process of washing, therefore, 
in hard water, is essentially one of dyeing the 
skin with the white, insoluble greasy and curdy 
salts of the fatty acids contained in soap. The 
pores of the skin are thus blocked up, and it is 
only because the insoluble pigment produced is 
white, that such a repulsive operation is toler- 
ated. To those, however, who have been 
accustomed to wash in soft water, the abnormal 
condition of the skin thus induced is, for a long 
time, extremely unpleasant. 

When rain water cannot be procured, the soap 
should be washed off with very warm water, 
which cleans the skin best. 

Florence Nightingale has admirably explained 
the effects of hot water on the skin. 

" Compare," she says, " the dirtiness of the 
water in which you have washed when it is cold, 
without soap; cold, with soap; hot, with soap. 
You will find the first has hardly removed any 
dirt at all; the second, a little more; the third, 
a great deal more. But hold your hand over a 
cup of hot water for a minute or two, and then, 
by merely rubbing with your finger, you will 
bring off flakes of dirt, or dirty skin. After a 
vapor bath you may peel your whole self clean 
in this way. What I mean is, that by simply 
washing or sponging with water you do not 
really clean your skin. Take a rough towel, dip 
one corner in very hot water — if a little spirit 
be added to it, it will be more effectual — and 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 33 

then rub as if you were rubbing the the towel 
into your skin with your fingers. The black 
flakes which will come off will convince you that 
you were not clean before, however much soap 
and water you have used. These flakes are 
what require removing; and you can really keep 
yourself cleaner with a tumbler of hot water, 
and 'a rough towel and rubbing, than with a 
whole apparatus of bath, and soap, and sponge, 
without rubbing. It is quite nonsense to say 
that anybody need be dirty. Washing, how- 
ever, with a large quantity of water, has quite 
other effects than those of mere cleanliness. 
The skin absorbs the water, and becomes softer 
and more perspirable. To wash with soap and 
soft water is, therefore, desirable, from other 
points of view than that of cleanliness." 

A hot bath occasionally is very desirable, but 
when it cannot be had, washing in the manner 
we have described may take its place. 

The cold bath, when people can bear it, is 
health-giving and invigorating, but not cleansing. 
Sea-water baths are still less useful in the way 
of cleansing. 

Doctors are very much to be blamed for al- 
lowing themselves to be prejudiced against the 
Turkish bath. The usual objection given by 
medical men is that it is debilitating, and only 
to be borne by the robust. The reverse is real- 
ly the case; it is stimulating and strengthening, 
it is apreventive as well as a curative in disease. 

The effect of the Turkish bath on the skin is 
to cause an active condition of its functions of 
elimination by removing the fat from the pores, 



34 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

and giving a general stimulus to the vital power 
of the skin. Again, it keeps the body in a state 
of perfect cleanliness, which is so essential to 
robust health. 

There are, however, certain precautions to be 
observed in the use of the bath. Persons who are 
apoplectic, or suffering from fatty degeneration 
of heart, should not venture to disturb the cir- 
culation by the excitement of baths. The first 
effect of Turkish baths is to stimulate the circu- 
lation, the second to cause active congestion of 
the skin, the third to produce profuse perspira- 
tion, the fourth to keep down the temperature 
of the body by rapid evaporation. 

Persons with weak circulation, who cannot 
take an ordinary morning bath, often derive 
great benefit from the Turkish bath. It opens 
the pores and improves the circulation of the 
skin, so that the shock of cold water can after- 
ward be borne. The same persons can general- 
ly bear a cold bath if they get for a few min- 
utes into a warm bath first, and then immediately 
plunge into cold water. By these means an 
active reaction is brought about. Warm baths, 
unless followed by one of cold water, should 
never be taken in the morning, but warm baths 
at night are often desirable. They should be 
taken just before going to bed, when they have 
the effect of relaxing the muscular system and 
of promoting sleep by soothing the activity of 
the brain by the withdrawal of blood from it. 
Warm baths are not weakening at night, as the 
depression of vital energy, which may occur, is 
recovered during sleep. 



ON HEALTH AND BE A UTY. 



35 



In river and sea bathing, people should be 
careful not to remain in the water too long, nor 
should they exert themselves sufficiently to 
cause exhaustion, as the power of reaction is 
thereby much impaired. 



36 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 



CHAPTER IV. 

EXERCISE. 

Nature and Object — Exercise of Young Girls — Necessity of 
Exercise of Both Sides of the Body Alike — Exercise 
Proportioned to the Vital Powers — Simple Home Ex- 
ercises. 

The necessity of exercise arises from the fact 
that the delicate machinery of the human frame 
requires a stimulus exter?ial to the body itself to 
keep it in healthy action; just as the finest and 
most self-acting machines which man's inge- 
nuity can invent, require to be kept in motion 
to prevent rust and injury. While it is true 
that inaction corrodes and rusts the wheels of 
the lifeless machine, and corrupts and devital- 
izes the far more delicate organs of the human 
body; it is also true that while overdriving may 
discompose or fracture the machine, in most 
cases repair is possible, and a useful, though 
imperfect machine remains. But if the human 
mechanism be stretched too far, if the forces of 
the body and mind be prematurely exhausted 
by overexertion, nothing remains but a wreck, 
a living death of the one, and a total overthrow 
and annihilation of the other. 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 37 

The statement may appear paradoxical, but 
I believe it cannot be contradicted, that there is 
greater necessity for exercise with those who re- 
side in towns, or dwelling where the air is im- 
pure, than with persons living in country places 
with the surrounding air as pure as it is pos- 
sible to be; and the reason is this — that more 
oxygen is required to counteract the injurious 
influence of the impurities taken into the lungs 
along with the bad air of towns, or other close 
and ill-ventilated places of abode. This is why 
town-bred children should live as much as pos- 
sible in the open air, and use a great deal of ac- 
tive exercise to increase their respiration. 

All persons who have read of different nations 
must have reflected upon the difference between 
the habits of the inhabitants of Northern coun- 
tries and those of more Southern people in re- 
spect of the supine position. In Italy, Spain, 
and throughout the East, women of the better 
classes pass most of their time in recumbence; 
while those of the Northern nations seldom, un- 
less it be in illness, indulge, except for very 
short periods at a time, in a lounge on the sofa 
or the ottoman. And what is the result of this 
difference in habit? No finer figures, no more 
elastic and graceful forms, are to be met with in 
the world than in the countries where this prac- 
tice of recumbency prevails. 

All travelers agree upon the rarity of deform- 
ity among the women of Southern nations, and 
yet the women of the poorer classes there are 
subjected to severe labor, frequently carrying 
very heavy burdens on their heads. Such is not 



38 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

the case in Northern countries. Female de- 
formity is there frequently met with, and inabil- 
ity to carry themselves erect for any length of 
time, without pain or fatigue, is a no uncommon 
result of overstrained action of the spinal mus- 
cles in early youth. 

As soon as the upright position becomes irk- 
some or fatiguing, it should be intermitted, and 
weakly girls should be allowed to read or learn 
lessons while reclining upon the back or side 
upon a sofa or easy-backed chair, not on the 
time-honored backboard. 

Not less than three hours of every day ought to be 
passed on the lounge by delicate girls, and, in ex- 
treme cases, the upright position should not be 
maintained beyond an hour at one time. This 
alternation of the erect and the supine posture 
should be further varied by such games as, 
while they do not fatigue, change the action of 
the muscles of the arms, trunk, and spine; and 
of these, for young girls, running, skipping and 
dancing are the best. 

The piano, that family vampire, has sapped 
the vitality of thousands of young girls, by keep- 
ing them from the healthful recreation and ex- 
ercise which they so much need. Walking, run- 
ning, horseback riding, tricycling, lawn-tennis, 
swimming, rowing, bowling, and general gym- 
nastics are exercises best adapted to girls, and 
for that matter to any persons who wish a 
healthful and well-balanced rather than an ab- 
normal physical development. 

Another point which should not be lost sight 
of in the education of youth of either sex, is the 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 39 

equal exercise of both sides of the body. Much 
good, and no harm, arises from being ambidex- 
ter, or right-handed, on both sides. Without 
doing away with the exclusive use of the right 
hand for the finer operations of writing, draw- 
ing, sewing, etc., in all movements of a coarser 
nature, requiring strength rather than dexterity, 
the two arms and hands should be exercised in- 
differently; so as to balance the power of the 
muscles on either side. 

This is why left-handed persons are often 
stronger, and, to use a verbal contradiction, more 
adroit in many ways than those who use only 
the right arm on all occasions. 

There is no greater fallacy current than the 
belief that the amount of exercise which should 
be beneficial is only bounded by the capacity of 
the person to take. Whether it be taken with a 
view to strengthen the muscles, or to invigorate 
the nervous system, exercise should always be 
gradual in its increase, and accommodated to 
the actual state of the vital powers of the indi- 
vidual. We are not to consider that, because we 
were once capable of walking so many miles 
without fatigue, or of performing some gymnas- 
tic feat, we are to try to keep up this power in- 
definitely, when the body has become less ro- 
bust. 

All that can safely be borne is regular and 
easy exercise of the body, continued over a long pe- 
riod, so as to give tone to the vital functions with- 
out producing the exhaustion which inevitably 
follows upon any excessive demand upon their 
powers. 



40 TALKS WITH HOMEL V GIRLS 

A physician says: " I am inclined to regard 
properly conducted gymnastic exercises as de- 
cidedly beneficial to girls." There has been in 
some instances, less headache, in others, marked 
improvement where various disturbances to 
health had existed. I look for benefit to all who 
practice regularly and faithfully. Gymnastics 
strengthen more sets of muscles than walking 
or rowing. 

But regulated gymnastic exercise is only one 
means of physical culture; modes of dress, out- 
of-door exercises, bathing and sleeping, are all 
of equal importance. 

From the neglect of various precautions in 
childhood, which seem trifling, but are very im- 
portant, there are few, if any, perfect forms. 
The shoulders are either too round, or one is 
higher than the other; the neck is sunk too 
deep into the body or twisted; the figure is too 
thick, too thin, or all of a piece, as it were; and 
the limbs are more or less distorted. When the 
shoulders of a young girl show a tendency 
to become too round, she must be made to 
throw her elbows well in the rear and her chest 
forward, and to sleep on her back. An hour's 
exercise every day, under the eye of a judicious 
teacher of calisthenics, is an excellent preventive 
of deformities. 

The neck should be carried straight, but with- 
out stiffness; in such a way, in fact, that the 
fleshy part below the jaw may form, as it were, 
a double chin. 

The figure of the young is occasionally ex- 
cessively stiff. It may be thoroughly well 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 41 

formed, and yet so constrained in its move- 
ments as to appear to be, as the French say, 
tout d' tine piece — all in one piece. The body 
seems to be impaled with a stake. The best 
means of remedying this is by encouraging the 
child to play at all such games as will oblige 
her to run, to jump, and otherwise develop the 
extensibility and flexibility of her limbs. The 
carriage of her arms, the hands, the legs, and 
the feet, have much to do with the ease or 
stiffness of the whole person. The very young, 
when thus prematurely stiffened, should be 
allowed to tumble and toss about at will until 
they have rubbed out all superfluity of starch. 

Before leaving this subject, we should urge 
on our readers the benefit to be derived (both 
to health and form, from simple arm exercises. 

If, every night before they slept, they went 
through two, which we will indicate, contracted 
chests and high shoulders might be avoided. 

Exercise 1. Stand with the heels together, 
and the feet turned out slightlv. The knees 
should be tightened so as to be effaced, and the 
weight of the body should be thrown on the 
front part of the foot, not on the heels. Then 
raise the hands, side by side, finger-tips upward, 
to the middle of the chest. Pull them with a 
jerk back to the shoulders, and then let the 
arms fall straight down. 

Exercise 2. Stand in the same position. Put 
the tips of the fingers to the shoulders, the 
elbows against the sides. Drop the arms 
strongly, having the palms of the hands turned 
outward. 



42 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

This exercise pulls down the shoulders, as the 
other expands the chest. These simple gym- 
nastics will be found quite sufficient for young 
ladies content to be only graceful. 

Perhaps the best simple home exercises that 
have ever been devised are those described by 
Dr. Blackie, in his excellent book on Exercise. 
The following extract is taken from his volume: 

"On more than one occasion exercise has been 
named as among the natural methods of pre- 
serving and heightening beauty. To draw out 
greater muscular exertion, in partial exercise, 
various contrivances, more or less complicated, 
have been devised. We deem these unnecessary 
and would discard all such, save the old-fashion- 
ed dumb-bells. At the beginning the bells 
should not be very heavy. They can, with a little 
ingenuity, be made instrumental in exercising, 
in turn, each muscle of the arm and chest, and 
the management of them should be so varied 
as to do this. As the bells feel lighter, they 
should be replaced by others, which will tax the 
muscles more. 

"Notice now what these dumb-bells can do for 
the shoulders and upper back. 

"Stand erect, with the chin up and the chest 
high, and have the bells in the hands hanging 
easily at the sides. Now carry them slowly 
backward and upward, keeping the arms straight 
at the elbows, and parallel, until the hands are 
about as high as they can well go. Hold them 
there a moment, then drop them slowly to the 
sides. Do it again, and keep on until you begin 
to feel like stopping. Laying one dumb-bell 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 43 

down, now repeat the above exercise with the 
remaining one, say in the right hand, this time 
placing the left hand on the back, just under the 
right arm. A little of this work daily, begun 
with the lighter bells, and increased gradually 
by taking larger ones, and if the person is steady 
and persevering at it, decided increase in the 
size, strength, and shapeliness of the upper back 
will follow. 

"What has been thus done with the dumb-bells 
could have been done nearly or quite as well 
with any other small, compact body of the same 
weight, which could be easily grasped by the 
hands, such as a pair of flat irons, cobble stones, or 
even chairs, whichever were convenient. Where 
there's a will there's a way; and if one really 
means to get these or any other muscles, strong 
and handsome, the way is really surprisingly 
simple and easy. 

"Another good exercise is to raise the hands 
directly over the head, and as high as possible, until 
the thumbs touch, the palms of the hands facing 
to the front, and the elbows being kept straight. 
Now, without bending the elbows, bring the 
hands downward, in front, toward the feet, as 
far as can comfortably be done, generally, at 
first, about as low as the knee, taking care to 
keep the knees themselves absolutely straight; 
indeed, if possible, bowed even back. Now 
return the hands high over the head, and then 
repeat, say six times. This number, twice a day, 
for the first week, will, prove enough; and it may 
be increased to twelve the second week, and 
maintained at that number thereafter, care 



44 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

being taken to assure two things: one, that the 
knees are never bent; the other that, after the 
first week, the hands are gradually brought 
lower down, until they touch the toes. 

"Some persons familiar with this exercise, can, 
with the knees perfectly firm and straight, lay 
the whole flat of the hands on the floor in front 
of their feet. But after the first week, reaching 
the floor with the finger-tips is enough for the 
end sought, which is, to make the person stand 
straight on her feet, and to remove all tendency 
toward holding the knees slightly bent, and so 
causing that weak, shaky appearance to the 
figure, so very common among persons of all 
ages, to give way to a proper and graceful 
position. 

"If any one wishes to get decided aid in learn- 
ing to dance long and easily, she will find the 
following exercise a great help. If they even 
practice it half an hour a day, they will be none 
the worse for it. Stand with arms either hang- 
ing easily at the sides, or else held akimbo; the 
head and neck always erect, with the heels 
about four inches apart, and the toes turned out- 
ward. Raise the heels slowly off the floor, the 
soles and toes remaining firm on the floor, sus- 
taining the entire weight. When the heels are 
as high as possible, hold them there a moment, 
then lower slowly until the whole foot is on the 
floor again; then rise as before, and so repeat 
twelve times, twice a day, the first week, and 
then twenty-five for the following week, con- 
tinuing this after the first five weeks. This 
practice will be found to tell directly on the 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 45 

effectiveness of the feet, and on the grace and 
springiness of the step itself. 

" Still another exercise. Clasp the hands to- 
gether over the head. Now turn them over 
until the palms are upward, or turned toward 
the ceiling, and straighten the elbows until the 
hands are as high over the head as you can 
reach. While holding them in this position, be 
careful that they are not allowed to drop at all. 
This will be found to correct incipient chest 
weakness, half-breathing, and any tendency 
toward indigestion. 

" Following up this method, now let the person 
stand about two feet from the wall. Place the 
hands against the wall, just at a level with and 
opposite the shoulders. Now, keeping the heels 
all the time on the floor, let the body settle 
gradually forward until the chest touches the 
wall, keeping the elbows pretty near to the 
sides, the knees never bending a particle, and 
the face held upturned, the eyes looking at the 
ceiling directly overhead. Now push sharply 
off from the wall until the elbows are again 
straight, and the body back at vertical. Then 
repeat this, and continue six times for each half 
of the day for the first week. Keep on until 
you reach fifteen by the third week, and twenty- 
five by the second month. For expanding and 
deepening the chest, helping to poise the head 
and neck so that they will remain exactly where 
they belong — in an erect position — and for giv- 
ing the main part of the upper back arm quite a 
difficult piece of work to do, this will prove a 
capital exercise." 



46 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

Here, then, are two or three exercises, not 
only safe and simple, but inexpensive. If they 
are followed up faithfully and steadily they will 
go far toward giving an erect and healthy car- 
riage. 

Those proficient at these few exercises need 
but regular and sensible habits of eating, sleep- 
ing, dressing and bathing, to make them at once 
well and strong. The above work, followed up 
assiduously, ought to bring in its train health, 
symmetry, a good carriage, buoyant spirits, and 
a fair share of nerve and agility. 

If walking and horseback parties, instead of 
being, as now, well-nigh unheard-of among our 
girls, were every-day affairs, and there was not 
a point of interest within ten miles which every 
girl, and woman too, did not know well, it 
would prove a benefit to them which would be 
almost incalculable. 

If, besides these things, she will determine 
that as much as possible of the time each day in 
which she is sitting down, she will sit with head 
and neck up, trunk erect, and shoulders low, and 
that whenever she stands or walks she will at all 
times be upright, she will shortly find that she 
is getting to be far straighter than she was, and 
if she has a larger and finer chest than formerly 
it will be nothing strange, for she has simply 
been using one of the means to get it. 



ON HEALTH AND BE A UTY. 47 



CHAPTER V. 

THE HEAD AND THE HAIR. 

Shape of the Head — Breadth — Depth — Gray Hair — Dyeing, 
and its Effects — Strengthening the Hair — Modes of 
Dressing it. 

The shape of the head is beautiful in propor- 
tion as it inclines from round into oval. Its size 
should be an eighth part of the height of the 
whole figure. The larger the facial angle the 
more intellectual the head is supposed to be. 

The facial angle is an angle which results 
from union of two lines, one of which touches 
the forehead, the other of which drawn from the 
orifice of the ear, meets the former line at the 
extremity of the front teeth. In the Greek stat- 
ues it is an angle of ninety degrees. 

The chief breadth of the head should be at 
the temples, and over the ears. It should be 
gracefully poised on the body. 

A statement that beauty draws us with a sin- 
gle hair, is scarcely a poetical exaggeration; and 
the fashion of dressing and adorning the hair 
has always been important — even in King Solo- 
mon's days, whose boy pages, we are told by 



48 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

Josephus, wore gold-dust powdered on their 
jetty locks. 

Hair should be abundant, soft, long and fine. 
Of late years the favorite hue of the ancients 
and of the poets of the fifteenth century, golden 
or auburn, has resumed its former sway (with 
the revival of that sense of color so long dor- 
mant among us); and every shade of red has 
flaunted itself before us, till the dark-haired 
beauties have been tempted to imitate it by 
dyes, to the great detriment of their appearance, 
as the harmony between the color of the down 
on the cheek and the hair is thus destroyed, and 
also the gloss and life of the hair. 

Black and rich brown hair — the one with the 
purple light of a raven's wing on it, the other 
burnished as with gold — will always hold their 
own against light or red hair, and are beautiful 
whatever may be the fashion. They are re- 
markable also for possessing a faint perfume 
occasionally, as if scented, and are always in 
this way pleasanter than fair hair. 

We may be sure, whatever color the hair may 
be, that is the one precisely best suited to the 
complexion and eyes with which we find it. 

Nature is a cunning painter, and well under- 
stands the harmony of coloring. When we dye, 
we disfigure both our hair and our complexion. 

Dyeing the hair, by the by, has been prac- 
ticed in nearly all ages. In the sixteenth cen- 
tury the Venetian ladies had a singular fashion 
of dyeing it in locks of various colors, all worn 
at the same time, and which, floating over their 
shoulders from their crownless hats, must have 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 49 

had a very strange appearance. It was at this 
time that their chopines, the precursors cf our 
ladies' high-heeled boots, rendered them unable 
to walk without assistance. A Venetian beauty, 
wearing the rim only of a broad hat, her hair of 
many hues streaming from the place where " the 
crown ought to be," and only able to walk on her 
stilt-like chopines by leaning on two attendants, 
must have been a very picture of the utter fool- 
ishness to which fashion may descend. 

The hair dyed in this Joseph's-coat-of-many- 
colors style must have had an unpleasant effect 
on the complexion; for, as we have said, there is 
on the skin a soft down occasionally visible on 
lovely brunette skins, which would be a horrid 
contrast to the hair of many colors. 

This down changes with the hair, and be- 
comes whiter as the hair silvers. It is this which 
gives such a hard, even fierce look to the coun- 
tenance when false black hair or dyed black 
hair is substituted for gray. 

When dye is used (but it is always a mistake 
and often a dangerous one) it should be light in 
color, to prevent this harsh contrast with the 
skin. But there is not such a thing as an innox- 
ious dye for the hair, if we except the two vege- 
table ones — walnut-juice, and mullein and gen- 
ista. The former dyes the hair, but also 
blackens and stains the skin, which shows the 
stain at the partings. Mullein and genista are 
the best. The recipe is half an ounce of the 
flowers of mullein and half an ounce of genista, 
stewed in water till the liquor is quite black. 
To be applied daily with a sponge, when the re- 



50 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

suit will be achieved. For premature gray hair, 
this vegetable dye has been found useful. 

Gray hair, the glory of old age, is apt in the 
present day to arrive before befitting years, and 
then an innocuous dye is not so objectionable. 

We would warn our readers against pulling 
out gray hairs. It is quite possible that im- 
proved health may restore their color — we have 
seen an instance of this in our own family ; and 
if not, the soft gray hair which has never been 
uprooted (or broken off under the delusion of 
uprooting it) will always lie hidden among the 
hair ; while the gray hairs which grow again 
after being pulled out, are stiff, short, and have 
a habit of standing erect. Never pull out a gray 
hair.. 

But prevention is better than cure. How are 
women to preserve the color and abundance of 
their tresses ? We believe that the best and 
most important rule for so doing is to keep the 
head cool and clean. But the former is nearly 
an impossibility in these days of frizettes and 
false hair. One thing, however, is certain. If 
our ladies would preserve their own abundant 
tresses for another (and probably widely differ- 
ent) fashion, they must get the head cool dur- 
ing the night and before dressing the hair the 
next morning. To effect this, the hair must be 
taken down and well brushed at night with a 
soft brush, parting it about, to cool and clean 
it ; and then it should be plaited and suffered 
to hang about the shoulders all night. In the 
morning the roots should be well washed with 
rose-water, or cold soft (or rain) water, if possible 



ON HEAL Til AND BEA UTY. 51 

— the latter is best. Then it must be dried be- 
fore it is dressed, by rubbing gently and shak- 
ing out, or brushing with a soft brush. 

This treatment will remove scurf, which is, we 
believe, one of the causes of premature gray hair, 
and which undoubtedly weakens the roots of the 
hair, and prevents it from growing, besides be- 
ing horribly unsightly. When, after washing 
carefully, the scurf is found nearly as bad as 
ever, a lotion must be used, of one ounce of 
glycerine in eight ounces of rose-water ; this 
will render the skin soft and clean, and improve 
the hair. Even in cases of skin disease in the 
head, this lotion will be found efficacious. 

Brushing should be performed carefully. 
When it is possible, the hair should be brushed 
by another person, but as all our readers cannot 
have maids, we advise them to divide the hair at 
the back of the head and brush it from each side 
gently. If entangled, it should be freed from 
knots by beginning a little way up from the 
ends of the hair and gradually brushing from 
above, care being taken not to break the hair, 
which should be brushed for twenty minutes, 
night and morning. 

A coarse comb should be used constantly, but 
a fine one seldom, and the hairs separated over 
and over again, so that they may be thoroughly 
exposed to the air. The brush should have 
bristles long and stiff enough to cleanse thor- 
oughly the scalp and stimulate the bulbs at the 
root of each hair. 

Too much interference, on the other hand, 
does more harm than even total neglect. There 



5 2 TA LKS WI Til HO MEL Y GIRL S 

are some women, and particularly those en- 
dowed with the most beautiful hair, who carry 
its care to an excess. They are in the habit of 
squeezing, twisting, and otherwise tormenting 
it to such an extent that the skin of the scalp is 
torn, the hairs broken, and even the bulbs, upon 
which their growth depends, are permanently 
injured. The fine comb is generally too much 
used, particularly when the hair is parted. 
Here, in consequence, and at the back of the 
neck, where the hair is tightly drawn up, the 
first bald spots show themselves. 

The styles of modern hair-dress are generally 
faulty, as are all those which do not leave the 
hair to flow almost in its natural freedom, but 
require a great deal of tight squeezing and 
twisting and curling. The heat of the tongs is 
sure to dry the hairs, to render them brittle, to 
burn the skin, and to prevent the natural func- 
tions of the scalp. That style of hair-dress is 
best which admits of the hair being gently 
raised, requires the least possible squeezing, 
and which consists in smoothing carefully and 
arranging it in wide, loose bands, so that it can 
be easily and always ventilated. If fashion is 
so exacting as to insist upon obedience, and the 
hair is accordingly knotted tightly, care must 
be taken to give it repose by undoing and let- 
ting it flow for some time each morning and 
night. 

Wetting the hair is emphatically condemned 
by Dr. Cazenave. an authority. Other good 
authorities approve of it, with the condition 
only of its being followed by a thorough drying. 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 53 

The former says it is a bad habit for one to 
moisten incessantly (and this no one can doubt) 
her hair, in order to give it a momentary 
smoothness and darkness of color. The doc- 
tor, moreover, adds that the cold bath, and 
especially sea-bathing, is " an enemy of the hair." 

The abundant false hair used in the present 
day, and which may be tolerated because it is 
openly worn, and makes no attempt at decep- 
tion — " what she spends or has spent on her 
hair " being frankly discussed by our maidens 
among themselves — requires great care and at- 
tention on the part of the owner to keep clean 
and fresh. 

Large strands of hair which can be cleaned 
and dressed often, are greatly to be preferred 
to the chignons made up in rolls, etc., originally 
sold. The niceness and cleanliness of these 
coils are absolutely essential to their adding 
beauty to the wearer, as in no case is the pro- 
verb " cleanliness is next to godliness " (/. e., 
beauty) more true than in all matters respect- 
ing the hair — dirty false or natural hair being 
equally detestable. 

But as we have said before, fashions change; 
false hair may go out of fashion in a few years' 
time, and then the ladies who have preserved 
their own hair in any quantity will have cause 
to rejoice. 

Now, everybody knows how prone the hair is 
to fall off, especially under its modern assimila- 
tion with borrowed tresses. When it gets thin 
and meager, what is best to be done to renew 
its growth? 



54 TALKS WITH HOMEL V GIRLS 

The ends should be well cut, frequently, and a 
stimulating lotion used to help the hair follicle 
to secretion. Stimulants and cutting are the 
only remedy. 

The best stimulating wash we know is made 
thus: One ounce of spirits of turpentine, one 
ounce of trotter oil, thirty drops of acetic solu- 
tion of cantharides. 

Another good wash to make the hair grow is: 
Camphor, one dram; borax, one dram; spirits 
of wine, two teaspoonfuls; tincture of cantha- 
rides, two teaspoonfuls; rosemary oil, four 
drops; rose water, half a pint. Dissolve the 
camphor and borax in the spirits, add oil, and, 
lastly, shake it up gradually with the rose water. 

The following is a recipe for strengthening 
the hair and preventing its falling oft": Vinegar 
of cantharides, half an ounce; eau de cologne, 
one ounce; rose water, one ounce. The scalp 
should be brushed briskly until it becomes red, 
and the lotion should then be applied to the 
roots of the hair twice a day. 

Of ordinary washes there are many useful 
ones, one of the very nicest is made of box and 
rosemary leaves, of each one a handful, boiled in 
a quart of water till it becomes a pint. Strain, 
and, when cold, add half a gill of rum. Pour 
into bottles and cork them down. This wash 
will keep for a long time and is remarkably 
clean and nice to use. 

Glycerine, half an ounce; spirits of rosemary, 
half an ounce; water, five ounces; to be well 
mixed and shaken; to be used daily, is also to 
be recommended. 



ON HE A L TH A ND BE A UTY. 55 

With regard to the mode of wearing the hair, 
so much depends on fashion that no directions 
can be given. 

It is a fact that whatever is fashionable be- 
comes pleasing to the eye — probably from asso- 
ciation. But in the present day individual taste 
is permitted to modify and adapt fashion in a 
great degree, and it is in this that good taste is 
displayed. The present mode has a certain 
style about it; the hair rolled off the forehead 
and worn high is peculiarly becoming to short, 
round faces and low foreheads. 

The mode of wearing the hair should be 
studied by each individual and the fashion 
modified to that which is most becoming to the 
wearer. 

The following is a French recipe for po- 
made: 

• Lard, four ounces; honey, four ounces; the 
best olive oil, two ounces. Melt them together 
and let the mixture stand till cold, when the 
honey will sink to the bottom; then melt once 
again without the honey. Scent it with a 
quarter of an ounce of essence of bitter al- 
monds, put in with the liquid after the second 
melting, essence of jessamine or ottar of roses. 

Another pomade for the hair: Beef marrow, 
four ounces; lard, two ounces; salad oil, three 
tablespoonfuls; some good perfume. Clarify 
the beef marrow, and let it stand until cold; 
clarify the lard, and, when cold, beat it to a 
cream and add it to the marrow. Put both 
into a saucepan, and let it boil until well mixed, 
stirring it constantly. Then add the oil, and 



56 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

any perfume you prefer. Pour it into pots or 
glass bottles and it will be fit for use. 

Soft pomatum : Take two pounds of hog's 
lard, boil and skim it well, put into it a small 
quantity of hair powder. When it is cool scent 
it with essence of lemon and bergamot. 

Hair-curling fluid : The only curling fluid 
of any use is a weak solution of isinglass, which 
will hold the curl in the position in which it is 
placed, if care is taken that it follows the direc- 
tion in which the hair naturally falls. 

One of the fluids in use is made by dissolving 
a small portion of beeswax in an ounce of olive 
oil and adding scent according to taste. 

Bandoline : (i.) Simmer an ounce of quince- 
seed in a quart of water forty minutes, strain, 
cool, add a few drops of scent, and bottle, cork- 
ing tightly. 

(2.) Take of gum tragacanth one and one-half 
drams; water, half a pint; rectified spirits mixed 
with an equal quantity of water, three ounces, 
and a little scent. Let the mixture stand for a 
day or two and then strain. 

(3.) It may be made of Iceland moss, a quarter 
of an ounce boiled in a quart of water, and a 
little rectified spirits added, so that it may keep. 

The hair often becomes too greasy and moist 
from an excess of secretion which is deposited 
in a crust on the scalp. This not seldom causes 
baldness. It is to be remedied by scrupulously 
avoiding all oils and pomatums, and applying a 
little powdered starch at night, and carefully 
brushing it out in the morning. This wash too, 
maybe employed with advantage: Water, six 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 57 

ounces; carbonate of soda, thirty-six grains. 
Dissolve; add the yolks of two eggs well beaten. 

Baldness, whether produced by age or any 
other cause, is seldom curable. 

Women are, fortunately for them, much less 
liable to the loss of their hair than men, who, 
moreover, often become bald before their time. 
Baldness earlier than the fiftieth year is owing, 
ordinarily, to an hereditary disposition. Bear's 
grease, since the time of Cleopatra, who used 
and highly praised it, has been in great repute 
as a remedy for the falling of the hair. It, how- 
ever, does not seem to have more effect than any 
other unctuous substance, which has none at all. 
A good result has been obtained, says Cazenave, 
in his hands from the following application: Ox- 
marrow, one ounce; aromatic tincture, one 
dram. Mix into an ointment, and apply after 
having rubbed the scalp lightly with a piece of 
linen dipped in a wash made of equal parts of the 
tincture of sulphate of quinine and the aromatic 
tincture. 

Baldness is produced by a failure of normal 
nutrition in the base of each hair follicle. The 
failure of the nutrition may have a sudden cause, 
of which the effect will be but temporary. For 
instance, an attack of typhoid fever often leaves 
the papillae of the scalp so much enfeebled that 
rapid baldness ensues. The papillae, however, 
still retain their vitality, and as the system re- 
gains strength they quickly recover their poten- 
tiality, and the hair comes again, perhaps 
thicker than before. In the same manner certain 
cutaneous affections may cause the hair to fall 



58 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

by an action on the papillae which is but tempo- 
rary. In such cases recovery, perhaps with as- 
sistance, perhaps without it, is possible. 

In the great majority of instances, however, 
where the head is bald, the failure of nutrition 
of each papilla has come on so gradually, and 
has continued so long that the papilla no longer 
exists; it has passed away by atrophy; its cap- 
illaries have become obliterated, and even the 
follicle no longer constitutes a depression in the 
cutis, and the scalp has the smooth appearance 
we so well recognize. It is easy, therefore, to 
see that in such a condition as this no renewed 
growth of the hair is to be expected, for the an- 
atomical structure which caused its development 
has ceased to exist, and the countless remedies 
which are so freely advertised as being able to 
rejuvenate bald heads are utterly of no avail. 

But now arises the question: Cannot the ap- 
plication of the various agents to the scalp, at 
the time the hair is beginning to lose its hold, be 
of service in stimulating the follicles and papillae 
into renewed and permanent vigor? To this 
question it is not possible on theoretical grounds 
to say no, absolutely; but in practical facts, that 
is the only true answer to give in the vast ma- 
jority of cases. The result of all seems to be 
that when baldness has come slowly and nat- 
urally, it has come to stay, and our only wisdom 
is to be content. 

All quack preparations for the cure of bald- 
ness and the preservation of the hair are to be 
avoided absolutely. They usually contain in- 
gredients which rot the hair or injure the scalp. 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 59 



CHAPTER VI. 

THE TEETH AND THEIR CARE. 

The Teeth — How to Preserve Them — Tooth Powders and 
Pastes. 

Good teeth are the first essential of beauty. 
Can we imagine a beauty with black, decayed 
teeth? The teeth should be of moderate size, 
even, and of a pearly white, with full enamel. 
Dead, dull-white teeth have a very, painful look. 

Let us examine this subject, of the teeth, 
rather closely. In order to form good teeth the 
proper materials must be used to make them of, 
otherwise they will be defective in their struct- 
ure and liable to early decay. 

The materials of which good teeth are formed 
are as follows: Phosphate of lime, with traces 
of fluoride of calcium, 67.72; carbonate of lime, 
3.36; soluble salts, 0.83; cartilage, 27.61; fat, 
3-4o. 

The enamel, or external covering of the teeth, 
has a still larger proportion of the phosphate 
and carbonate of lime. These different con- 
stituents are furnished us in the food designed 
for our use. Other constituents are also thus 
provided of which the soft tissues are formed. 



60 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

Although there are traces of the mineral element 
in other articles of diet, yet the largest supplies 
are found in the cereals, in the following pro- 
portions: In 500 pounds of whole grain (wheat) 
there is: Muscle material, 78 pounds; bone and 
teeth material, 85 pounds; fat principle, 12 
pounds. Five hundred pounds of fine flour 
contain: Muscle material, 65 pounds; bone and 
teeth material, 30 pounds; fat principle, 10 
pounds. 

Thus we see that the Creator has not only- 
provided the proper materials for building up 
the human system with all its parts, but He has 
also given us a fixed standard of proportions 
for each material to be used, which we should 
recognize as correct; but instead of doing so, 
we change the proportions of the mineral ele- 
ment (which is deposited in the outer portion 
of the grain) by bolting out nearly two-thirds of 
it from every barrel of flour and discarding it 
from the staff of life, simply because it is the 
fashion to have our bread made of the finest 
flour that it may be white instead of dark. 

Now, it is estimated that a healthy child con- 
sumes half a barrel of flour in a year, and if 
this be fine white flour, the child is denied 
twenty pounds a year of that portion of the 
grain which contains the proper materials for 
bones and teeth. 

This deficiency of the mineral element in the 
food causes the teeth to be comparatively soft 
and chalky in their structure, and the result is 
that where fine flour is principally used for 
bread, there is not one in twenty without more 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 61 

or less decayed teeth before they have passed 
the morning of life. On the other hand those 
nations who do not change the proportions of 
the mineral constituents in their food do not 
lose their teeth from decay. 

This fact is well established by various writers 
upon the physical history of man in different 
parts of the world, and is a recognized principle 
of physiology, and yet as a nation we are re- 
gardless of the consequences, and sacrifice 
many millions of teeth annually. This national 
calamity can be prevented to a great extent by 
simply popularizing a change of fashion. Let 
the bread of this nation be made from unbolted 
flour. Let us cease to change the fixed standard 
of proportions in the constituents from which 
the teeth are made, and then we may expect 
these organs to be well formed and to last as 
long as the other parts of the system. If this 
love of fashion has too strong a hold upon the 
public mind to do this, let parents who regard 
the welfare of their children ponder well 
this subject and decide which is best for their 
little ones — fine flour or fine teeth. 

The teeth are given us not only for the pur- 
pose of masticating food and to assist us in 
speaking, but to help to preserve the beauty 
and contour of the face. If they are neglected 
and allowed to decay disease follows; dyspepsia 
with all its trains of evils sets in, and the general 
health is undermined, sometimes permanently. 
All this can be avoided by a careful study of the 
teeth, and a more thorough habit of taking care 
of them. Some people think best to spend 



62 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

their money on the exterior — dress, etc. — be- 
cause it makes a show, while the teeth can be put 
off till some more convenient opportunity, which 
is a great mistake. 

Of all the operations of the animal economy 
none are more curious or interesting than that 
which is concerned in the production of the 
teeth. The whole process is carried on with the 
nicest and most wonderful regularity until the 
organs are completed. Nature is taxed to the 
utmost to produce them, and it is a singular 
fact that they are the only portion of the human 
body which is not in some way restored or re- 
placed by new growth when it has been once 
lost. 

Another interesting fact which is- not gener- 
ally known, is that the teeth never grow any in 
size; but just as they are first formed so they 
remain. They are by far the hardest portions 
of the human body, being composed principally 
of phosphate of lime and animal matter, and 
their structure would not permit of any increase 
in size after they are once completed. 

The second, or permanent teeth, are thirty- 
two in number, and make their appearance in 
about the following order: 

Fifth to sixth year, first molars, or large double 
teeth. 

Sixth to eighth year, central incisors, or front 
teeth. 

Seventh to ninth year, lateral incisors, or front 
teeth. 

Ninth to eleventh year, first bicuspids, or 
small double teeth. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 63 

Tenth to twelfth year, second bicuspids, or 
small double teeth. 

Eleventh to twelfth year, canines, or eye 
teeth. 

Thirteenth to fourteenth year, second molars, 
or large double teeth. 

Sixteenth to twenty-fifth year, wisdom teeth. 

The greatest and most important work for 
the teeth is to masticate the food, and they, like 
all other organs of the body, if denied their 
legitimate work, waste away. It is a growing 
evil with the present generation to avoid this 
most important operation as much as possible. 
Much of our food is prepared in a liquid or soft 
condition, and too much liquid is taken into the 
mouth during the mastication of dry food. One 
of the most important results of thorough chewing 
is the flow of saliva which follows and is mixed 
with the food, thereby fitting it for the stomach, 
and rendering digestion more complete. Wash- 
ing down each mouthful with some liquid dilutes 
the saliva and makes the work of the stomach 
all the harder. All this encourages rapid and 
excessive eating and bolting the food, which has 
become a national feature with the American 
people. 

Thorough chewing of the food should be im- 
pressed upon the minds of children, so that they 
will grow up with the habit fixed, and as one of 
the best means of keeping the teeth and gums 
healthy. 

It has been found that cattle fed on distillery 
slops, which require no chewing, soon begin to 
have diseased teeth and gums, and that their 



64 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

teeth decay in the same manner as the human 
teeth, while those that chew natural food have 
sound teeth. 

Speaking with distinctness and comfort de- 
pends much upon a full and even set of teeth. 
If they are crowded and irregular, or if there is 
now and then one missing, it affects the voice at 
once and is very annoying to others who are 
obliged to listen to it. Public speakers often 
fail to produce the effect they desire upon their 
hearers from this cause, and are not conscious 
of it themselves. 

Nothing contributes more to the beauty of the 
features than a perfect, regular, clean set of 
teeth, while a neglected, diseased mouth, dis- 
gusts every beholder. Such things are noticed 
now-a-days much more than formerly, and good 
teeth and a sweeth breath are considered indis- 
pensable to every lady and gentleman. 

Filling the teeth is the only means of pre- 
serving them when decay commences. The 
science of dentistry is now so far advanced that 
the skillful operator can save and restore the 
teeth, even where they have been badly decayed 
and abscessed. Some wonderful cases have 
been presented in the last few years of teeth 
seemingly beyond the hope of saving, where the 
science and skill of modern dentistry has re- 
stored them again to usefulness, much to the 
joy and surprise of the patients. 

Fifty years ago, the great study of the dentist 
was how to make artificial teeth; now all the 
resources of science and art are brought to bear, 
and the whole force of dental education at the 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 65 

present day is centering upon the one great 
work of saving the natural teeth. 

How to take care of the teeth is an important 
question, which should concern every one. 
Many think they will take care of themselves. 
The question is often asked, " How about In- 
dian's teeth? they never brush them nor go to 
a dentist, and yet they always seem to have good 
teeth." But it must be borne in mind that the 
Indians lead a very different life from what we 
do; they are in the open air all the time. Their 
habits and food are very simple; no condiments, 
sauces, pastry, and confectionery, to derange 
the stomach and impair the general health. 
They chew their food, and do not wash it down 
with hot, sweetened drinks as we do; they eat 
when they are hungry, and drink not till they are 
thirsty. Our artificial mode of living requires 
many artificial contrivances to counteract its 
debilitating effect upon the system, and even 
then all the inventions of modern science some- 
times fail to accomplish it. From these reasons 
it will be seen that modern dentistry and all its 
teachings are a necessity of the times in which 
we live, and he who values health and comfort 
will pay due regard to them. 

The first requisite for sound teeth is good health. 
If the general health is poor, all the organs of 
the body sympathize, and become more or less 
deranged, or so weakened as to be readily at- 
tacked by disease. The next is good habits in 
daily life, as before referred to, in regard to 
eating, drinking, etc. 

Frequent examinations by the dentist cannot 



66 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

be urged too strongly. No one can tell when 
decay has commenced upon his own teeth; it 
may be quite out of sight and require a strict 
search by an experienced person to detect it; 
but it is none the less dangerous on that account. 
Cavities should be filled as soon as discovered, 
and the mischief stopped at once. 

Many think that if they once have their teeth 
filled they will never have any more work for 
the dentist. Recollect that the same causes 
which produced the first decay may still exist 
and be acting on other teeth. Do not wait till 
your teeth ache before going to the dentist, for 
then it is more difficult to save them. 

There are many ways of cleansing the teeth. 
Nature, no doubt, intended that mastication 
should do the work, and so it does with the an- 
imal creation; but man has so many artificial 
habits that other means become necessary. 
Having complied with Nature's demands so far 
as to masticate the food thoroughly, we still 
have to resort to other means. 

When food is allowed to remain between the 
teeth it soon undergoes decomposition, produc- 
ing an acid which readily acts upon the enamel 
and destroys it. In this way decay commences 
and so goes on (unless counteracted) until the 
tooth is lost. Speaking on this subject, an em- 
inent dentist in Boston, says: " Masticate your 
food thoroughly, and after each meal (the even- 
ing meal is of the most importance) use a brush, 
warm water, and silk floss; the brush to be used 
as you would on a piece of chased jewelry; the 
floss to be used between the teeth, so as to clean 



ON HE A L TH A ND BEAUTY. 67 

\he approximal surfaces where the brush will 
not reach. Most persons require a dentifrice that 
will neutralize any acidity of the secretions and 
aid in retaining their polish." 

Every intelligent person is aware of the im- 
portance of daily brushing the teeth, but many 
do not know what kind of a brush to use. In 
selecting always get the best; cheap tooth 
brushes are only a waste of money. If the gums 
are hard and healthy a pretty stiff brush should 
be applied, as it will always grow softer by use; 
if they are tender, use one a little softer. The 
bristles of the brush should be of different 
lengths. 

How to brush the teeth is a matter of considera- 
ble importance. Most people brush across the 
teeth from right to left and back again, but this 
does not remove the deposits which accumulate 
between the teeth, but rather has a tendency to 
make the matter worse. The best motion for 
the brush is to work it up and down, so as to 
force the bristles in between the teeth, imitating 
the action of a tooth-pick. The upper teeth 
should be brushed downward, and the lower 
ones upward. 

In order to make thorough work of it, the 
brush should be applied both inside and outside, 
as above described, and also upon the grinding 
surfaces of the double teeth, where decay often 
commences, after which the mouth should be 
thoroughly rinsed with clear water. A hurried 
and imperfect manner of brushing has been the 
cause of many a decayed tooth. 

The question is often asked, how often should 



68 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

the teeth be brushed? After every meal and 
just before retiring should be the rule with 
everybody; but as this may seem to be so much 
of a task to some as to discourage them alto- 
gether, a safe rule, which all can follow conven- 
iently, would be to brush them every night and 
morning; this, if done thoroughly, would no doubt 
prevent decay from any deposits of food which 
would occur. Many people who brush their 
teeth regularly use nothing but water. The 
daily use of some tooth powder of a mild char- 
acter, containing no acid or gritty substance, but 
only sufficient to produce in connection with 
the brush a gentle friction, will keep the teeth 
beautifully polished without injuring the enamel, 
and will also remove those daily accumulations 
which at first are only of a pasty character, but 
if neglected soon become hard and form what is 
called tartar. This friction is invaluable in giv- 
ing strength and a healthy tone to the gums. 

The tooth tablets are admirably calculated for 
this purpose, gently stimulating and healing the 
gums, neutralizing the acids, and leaving in the 
mouth a sweet, clean and wholesome feeling 
which is very refreshing. 

Something for cleansing the teeth has been 
used from a very remote period of antiquity. 

Galen gives in verse a formula for a tooth 
powder invented by Democritus; one also by 
Octavia, sister of Augustus, was quite celebrated 
in its time. Celus recommended u to anoint the 
teeth with a mixture of rose leaves, nut-galls 
and myrrh." Apuleius presented a dentifrice to 
Calphurnius, accompanied by some charming 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 69 

verses, stating that it was composed of the finest 
drugs of Arabia, and had the property of " whit- 
ening the teeth, healing the gums, and remov- 
ing the tartar so that no traces of it could be 
seen, even when the gums were exposed by 
laughter." 

A history of all the dentifrices which have 
been used from the earliest period to the present 
time would fill a volume. 

It must be understood that all washes and 
liquid preparations offered to the public as den- 
tifrices are ineffectual, because in order to keep 
the teeth clean it is necessary to have the fric- 
tion of a powder. Washes may be good for a 
sore mouth or inflamed gums, but as a denti- 
frice their daily use is discountenanced by all in- 
telligent dentists, and the American Dental Asso- 
ciation, at one of its meetings in Boston, de- 
nounced in toto the use of mouth-washes in any 
form as toilet articles. Many of the nostrums 
which are advertised upon the curbstones and 
fences of our cities are positively injurious. 

Soaps and pastes, owing to the inconvenient 
form in which they are put up and the difficulty 
in keeping them dry and clean after using from 
them, have generally been abandoned, although 
some of them are very good preparations and 
perfectly safe to use. Tooth powders (and their 
name is legion) have been used from time to 
time, some of which are excellent, and others 
positively injurious, being put up by irresponsi- 
ble, ignorant or designing parties. Many pow- 
ders contain bitter and astringent barks which 
render them very disagreeable and nauseating 



70 TALKS WITH HOMEL V GIRLS 

to some people. If the gums are diseased, let 
the dentist prescribe a wash suited to the case, 
but a powder for general use should not be 
medicated. 

Beware of all preparations which are highly- 
recommended for whitening the teeth; they con- 
tain an acid which destroys the enamel, and 
should never be used. It is useless to say that 
any dentifrice will whiten the teeth or change 
their color one particle — anything which professes 
to do it is an acid. All that any good dentifrice 
can do is to keep the teeth absolutely clean, leav- 
ing the color of the enamel just as nature made 
it. 

Many tooth powders contain sharp, gritty 
substances, such as charcoal, cuttle-fish, pumice- 
stone, silex, etc., all of which are now considered 
by our best dentists as too harsh and cutting to 
the enamel to be in daily use, and without dis- 
crimination. 

In adopting a dentifrice it is always best to 
consult some dentist who, if he be a conscien- 
tious man, will never advise anything but what 
is good and reliable, Whatever is used, bear in 
mind that the simplest is the best. All that is 
needed is something which will cleanse the teeth 
thoroughly without injuring the gums or enamel. 
Powdered orris-root is a very safe dentifrice, 
and castile soap is extremely cleansing, and 
should often be used. After taking any medi- 
cine containing iron, rinse the mouth with soda 
and water. 

About toothache, it is only necessary to point 
out that it results from various causes, and that, 



ON HE A L TH AND BE A UTY. 71 

therefore, it is impossible to give any general 
remedy for it. It may be occasioned by decay, 
by inflammation of the membrane covering the 
fang, or the pain may be neuralgic, or there may 
be other causes. 

When there is inflammation, relief is often 
gained by applying camphorated chloroform, to 
be procured at the chemist's. This has often 
succeeded when laudanum and similar applica- 
tions have entirely failed. 

Neuralgia can only be attacked by means of 
quinine. It often assails those whose teeth are 
perfectly sound — affecting the nerves, and it is 
always to be distinguished from the fact that 
the paroxysms of pain occur at regular intervals. 
Quinine is the only effectual remedy. 

The following recipes for tooth-powder have 
been found useful, though charcoal alone is 
sufficient, and to be preferred to all others: 

Rye Tooth Powder: Rye contains carbonate 
of lime, carbonate of magnesia, oxide of iron, 
manganese and silica — all suitable for applica- 
tion to the teeth. Therefore, a line tooth- 
powder is made by burning rye or rye-bread to 
ashes, and grinding it to powder, by passing 
the rolling pin over it. Pass the powder through 
a sieve and use. The crumbs of a French roll, 
though not so good, may be treated in the same 
way. 

Camphorated Chalk: This favorite tooth 
powder is very easily made. Take a pound of 
prepared chalk, and with this mix two drachms 
of camphor, very finely powdered, and moisten 
with spirits of wine; mix thoroughly. 



72 TALKS WITH HOMEL V GIRLS 

Remedy for Toothache: Oil of cloves, four 
drops; chloroform, one dram; solution of 
acetate of morphia, two drams; one grain to 
a dram; mix for a lotion for cold in the teeth and 
gums; to be applied with a camel's-hair pencil. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 73 



CHAPTER VII. 

THE UPPER PART OF THE FACE. 
The Forehead — Eyes — Eyelids — Eyebrows. 

A perfect forehead, according to the accepted 
laws of proportion, should be of the same height 
as the nose, and that part of the face below it. 
It should be free from irregularities and 
wrinkles, but not too torpid to be rippled by- 
emotion. Above, it ought to recede, and below, 
advance. The color of its skin should be lighter 
than that of the rest of the face. 

"The forehead," says Junius, "should be 
smooth, even, white, delicate, short and of an 
open and cheerful character." 

" Di terra avorio era la f route lieta" says Ariosto 
(Of terse ivory was the joyous brow); a brow, 
that is, smooth and not disfigured by frowns, 
which speedily leave their indelible marks on it. 

Care should be taken in youth not to make 
straight, long lines on the forehead by the habit 
of lifting the eyebrows — a senseless trick, which 
gives the countenance quite early an appearance 
of age. 

The forehead will occasionally grow rough 
from exposure in boats or on horseback, but 



74 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

care should be taken not heedlessly to tan the 
forehead. It should then be lightly brushed 
over with some fine olive oil, but cold cream (so 
some authorities say), or any animal grease 
should never be applied to the human skin. 

The ancients admired a low forehead in 
woman, and every antique statue has it. A 
large, bare forehead gives one a masculine and 
defiant look. The word effrontery comes from it. 
The practice of forcing back the hair not only 
injures it, but gives a false height to the fore- 
head, which, we think, takes much from the 
beauty of a woman's face. 

The skin of the forehead of young girls is apt 
to blush with an excessive facility. This tend- 
ency, if not checked, will cause a permanent 
redness very unfavorable to beauty. In many 
cases, no doubt, this is owing to some bodily 
disorder which requires medical treatment. In 
most instances, however, this rising of the blood 
to the face, comes from the indulgence in an ex- 
aggerated sensibility. Young girls should, 
therefore, be on their guard and check it while 
it is within their power. They should also avoid 
all prolonged study or reading, especially in a 
sitting posture with the head bent down. It is 
a common mistake for those girls thus afflicted 
to live too meagerly with the idea that a full 
diet increases the tendency of the blood to rise 
to the face. Generous food, on the contrary, 
is what they require. 

When the forehead is disfigured by little 
pimples (acne) which, though compatible with 
perfect health, are very annoying, the face 



ON HEAL TH AND BE J UTY. 75 

should be washed with a little infusion of mint, 
weak tea, or luke-warm water containing a few 
drops of cologne. If the pimples obstinately 
resist this, the following will probably give them 
the coup de grace: Borax, nine grains; rose water, 
one tablespoonful; orange-flower water, one 
tablespoonful. 

The eyes are, perhaps, the greatest personal 
beauty. The soul looks out of them. All colors 
may be beautiful. Black eyes are supposed to 
be most intellectual; blue eyes the most soft 
and tender; gray eyes are capable of wonderful 
expression; and there is a hazel eye with a tinge 
of green in it, which is singularly handsome. 
Hazel eyes, matched with chestnut hair, are 
beautiful, and have the same velvety look which 
is so exquisite in black Oriental eyes. 

" Black eyes," says Leigh Hunt, " are thought 
the brightest; blue the most feminine; gray the 
keenest." 

It depends entirely on the spirit within. 
We have seen all these colors change characters; 
though we must own that when a blue eye looks 
ungentle, it seems more out of character than 
the extremest contradiction expressed by the 
others. 

Then there is a purple-blue eye, resembling 
the leaf of the pansy, which is very beautiful. 

The Greeks admired large eyes — " Ox-eyed" 
is an epithet applied by Homer to Juno — and 
large eyes are very beautiful when they are not 
too prominent and have enough expression. 
The almond-shaped, long eye is very handsome, 
and so is that finely-shaped orbit we see on 



76 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

Greek statues. It is both handsome and intel- 
lectual, and very much opposed to the narrow 
slits running upward which form the orbit of 
the Chinese and Tartar eyes. 

But, after all, the eye derives its chief beauty 
from expression, and whether brilliant velvety 
black, or hazel, or violet, or heavenly blue, is 
still merely bead-like, if it does not express the 
informing soul of intelligence and love. The 
more intellectual and the kinder a woman is, 
the more lovely her eyes must inevitably grow. 

Small eyes require to be lit up by good nature 
and fun to be beautiful; but thus lighted are 
very charming. 

Happily, the eyes cannot be subjected to the 
destroying arts of the toilet as the complexion 
and hair are. The only possible means of im- 
proving, or effecting a fancied improvement of 
the eyes, is by darkening the edges of the lids 
by kohl; and this is so palpable that it can never 
deceive any one, and is, therefore, useless, when 
intended to deceive. Moore, in his " Lalla 
Rookh," represents the ladies of the harem, in 
the performance of the various operations of 
their toilet, as mixing the kohl's jetty dye. And 
Shaw, in his travels, tells us that none of these 
ladies take themselves to be completly dressed 
till they have tinged the hair and edges of their 
eyelids with the powder of lead ore. This prac- 
tice is, no doubt, of great antiquity; for we find 
that where Jezebel is said to have painted her face, 
the original words are, she adjusted her eyes with 
the powder of lead ore." 

Some persons are foolish — or mad — enough 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 77 

to stimulate the brilliancy of their eyes by the 
application of belladonna, to the certain injury 
of their organization. The antiquity of an 
abuse is often a reason for its continued exist- 
ence, but let it not be so with the practice of 
staining or painting the eyelids. If you want 
luster to your eyes, keep early hours, take regu- 
lar exercise, live moderately, use cold water 
plentifully, and do not read or write by gas- 
light. 

Early to bed and early to rise — 
That is the way to brighten your eyes. 

Apart from the serious diseases to which the 
eye is exposed, and of which it is not our pur- 
pose to treat, it is liable to various disorders 
which are more fatal to beauty than to health. 
Young girls are often afflicted with red and 
swollen lids and weeping eyes. Such should 
avoid prolonged study, reading and confining 
labor of all kinds. In the morning, on first 
awaking, the eyelids feel heavy, and are occas- 
ionally slightly adherent to each other. It is a 
bad practice to rub the eyes under such circum- 
stances, for the lids become reddened and irri- 
tated, and the lashes are apt to fall. Cold water 
is the best application, and is always to be pre- 
ferred not only to the warm, but the luke- 
warm. 

The best of all eye washes is undoubtedly 
cold water, but when the eyes are excessively 
fatigued, and rimmed with an unusual depth of 
blackness, the following lotion may be used 
with advantage; 



78 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

Infusion of roses, four ounces; lemon juice, 
eight drops. 

Shortsightedness is frequently caused in the 
young by the habit of reading with the head 
bent down too closely to the book. When this 
defect is thus produced, it can be remedied by, 
in the first place, abandoning the practice; 
and secondly, by educating the eye to look at 
distant objects. When shortsightedness comes 
with birth, there is little relief to be expected 
except from the use of glasses, and these should 
be taken at the earliest possible moment, Care, 
however, must be taken in their selection. Those 
with which the short-sighted person can see 
best, are the best, and this must be discovered 
by a series of patient trials under the guidance 
of a skillful oculist. 

A bright, natural color on the cheek adds to 
the luster of the eyes; but rouge gives them too 
strong a glare to be beautiful. 

Good health will give luster and clearness to 
them, and is, as in all other respects, essential to 
beauty. 

The eyes should not be dimmed by reading 
by firelight or twilight, or by reading in bed. 
Early sleep adds to their brilliancy, and the 
nursery term of " beauty sleep" before mid- 
night, is the popular acknowledgment of a great 
truth. 

When the eyes have been tried by the glare of 
the sea, or the wind in them when riding, it is 
well to bathe them with luke-warm rose-water, 
which is very good for the eyes at all times. 
Ladies who read Greek, and at the same time 



ON HE A LTH AND BE A UTY. 79 

care for their personal appearance (which we 
believe they will), should not try the eyes over 
it too long; and after reading, should bathe 
them with rose-water. 

The eyes should not be used on first waking 
for reading; nor, indeed, is it well to tax them 
before breakfast in any way. Bathe them well 
with cold water on rising. Never sit reading 
or working facing the light; let it fall on your 
work or book from behind you or from the side. 
Neither should the eyes be tried over minute 
stitches of needlework, or very small print. 

These precautions will both preserve the 
beauty of the eyes, and the precious gift of 
sight. 

Any disease of the eyes should be instantly 
submitted to an experienced oculist. 

We shall only add on the subject of the eyes, 
that the expression being of so much import- 
ance, it is manifest that the more highly culti- 
vated the intellect is, and the sweeter and hap- 
pier the temper, the more chance the eyes have 
of being beautiful. A good expression will 
redeem even small and ill-shaped eyes from 
ugliness, and add a glory and depth to larger 
and more lustrous orbs. 

The eyelashes should be long, dark and curl- 
ing upwards. If cut in infancy they will grow 
long and thick; but cutting them afterward is 
a fatal experiment, as they never grow long 
again. 

Large lids, which in a manner unroll over the 
eyes • are thought beautiful — perhaps because 
they imply large eyes; but such lids are very 



80 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GLRLS 

handsome. Care should be taken not to rub 
the eyes so as to injure or rub out the lashes. 
The little gatherings on the edge of the lid, 
called sties, are very injurious to the lashes, 
and should be guarded against as much as pos- 
sible. They imply, we believe debility; and 
a doctor's advice and tonics might prevent them. 
When they exist, the best mode of treating 
them is to bathe them with warm water, or weak 
poppy-water. The old custom of rubbing 
them with a plain gold ring is not to be de- 
spised, as the pressure and friction excite the 
vessels of the lid, and cause an absorption of 
the suffused matter under the^eyelash. 

For all inflamations of the eye, we advise our 
readers at once to have recourse to medical 
advice. 

The eyebrows should be finely marked, 
slightly arched, long and narrow; yet the nar- 
row line should be thickly covered, so as to be 
well marked, as if penciled. Too arched eye- 
brows give a silly look to the face. 

It is quite allowable to improve the growth 
of the eyebrows; and it is quite possible to do 
so by simply brushing them at night with a 
camel's hair brush dipped in cocoa-nut-oil. Every 
time the face is washed, the eyebrows should be 
very gently pressed into a curve by the thumb 
and finger. 

Painting the eyebrows will make the skin 
rough and rubbly, and cause them, after a time, 
to fall off. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 81 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE LOWER PART OF THE FACE. 

The Ears — Ear-rings — Cheeks — Nose — The Mouth — Its 
Expression — Causes of its Shape — Color of the Lips — 
Their Shape — Chin. 

Beautiful ears are small, delicate and com- 
pact, of a shell-like shape, and are thought indi- 
cative of high birth. It has been observed that 
musicians have frequently well-formed and small 
ears. 

Ear-rings are the only mode of ornamentation 
adapted for the ear, and most of our poets have 
condemned their use; it seems, in truth a re- 
mainder of barbarism to make holes in the flesh. 
That the ear is utterly disfigured by heavy 
drops we think none of our women will deny; 
and however elegant they may be as ornaments, 
we are inclined to think the tip prettier when it 
has never been pierced and pulled downward. 
When ear-rings are worn, they should never be 
so heavy as to distort the ear itself. 

The jaw should be small and delicate. A 
large, angular jaw gives a woman a masculine 
appearance ; it has a hard, domineering look. 
In a man it expresses resolution and persever- 
ance, and has a beauty of its own. 



82 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

The cheek possesses great beauty, especially 
in the transition from the lower part of the 
neck. Dimpled cheeks have the charm of youth. 
Of their color we shall speak when we treat of 
the complexion. 

The beauty of the cheek is oftener destroyed 
by the loss of the teeth than by any other cause. 
This, therefore, is an additional reason for tak- 
ing good care of these features, whose perfect- 
ness of condition is essential to every handsome 
face. There is a rough, farinaceous appearance, 
and a patchy redness, to which the cheeks of 
young children are especially liable, which are 
said to be owing to the excessive kissing to 
which they are obliged to submit. 

" It is a deplorable habit," says Cazenave, " to 
let babies be kissed by all the world. We should 
respect these tender and delicate cheeks, and 
content ourselves with a light kiss on the fore- 
head, or better still upon their hands." 

A chin, according to the Greek ideal, is neither 
sharp nor blunt, but gently undulating in its 
outline, and loses its shape gradually and almost 
insensibly in the fullness of the neck. It should 
be round and cushiony, turning a little upward, 
but not too much, or in age it is apt to become 
nut-crackerish by meeting the nose. A sharp 
projecting chin gives an old look to the face. A 
retreating chin has an air of silliness. A dimple 
in the chin is a great beauty. 

The nose has generally, in our nation, the 
least claim to beauty. The straight nose is the 
best shape — firmly cut and yet delicate. The 
Greek nose is especially pretty in women; the 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 83 

Roman or aquiline, a little too hard looking for 
female beauty, but still it is handsome. A little, 
turned-up nose is piquant, arch and pretty. Or- 
dinary noses are not of themselves beautiful, and 
yet if we could replace one which is of itself 
not pretty by a finely-cut one, we should prob- 
ably spoil the face, as the adaptation of the nose 
to the other features is the chief thing. It is a 
feature for whose benefit we can do nothing, but 
must perforce be compelled to accept it as it is. 
We may add that it is a more important feature 
in a man's face than in a woman's. Great dig- 
nity belongs to the male aquiline nose, which 
has been possessed by most conquerors and 
great warriors. 

The most common nose among our young 
damsels is the retrousse. It cannot compete with 
the Greek or aquiline nose, but it has a special 
charm of its own. La Fontaine, describing a 
beautiful princess, says: 

" Une amiable et vive Princesse 
A pied blanc et mignon a brune et longue tresse, 
Nez trousse, c'est un charme encore selon mon avis, 
C'en est meme un des plus puissants 
(An amiable and brilliant Princess, 
With small white foot and brown tresses, 
And little turned-up nose, her greatest charm.) 

There may be fine e) r es in an ugly face, but 
there is never a handsome nose without the 
company of other good-looking features. To 
be perfect it should be equal in length to the 
height of the forehead, of a regular shape, and 
precisely-defined outline, neither too hard, 



84 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

fleshy, pointed, nor broad at the tip, and possess 
delicately-bordered, free and flexible nostrils. 

The tip of the nose often reddens, even in the 
youngest girls, without any apparent cause. 
Exercise and a proper diet, and all other means 
of invigorating the body, and equalizing the 
circulation, are the best remedies. 

The nose becomes often inordinately enlarged 
from the habit of touching it with the hand, 
either from mere caprice or for the sake of 
squeezing out (a most dangerous practice) those 
little pimples with black heads, which often dis- 
figure the nose. The best means of getting rid 
of the little black-headed pimples is by washing 
every morning wich this lotion: sub-carbonate 
of soda, thirty-six grains; distilled water, eight 
ounces; essence, of roses, six drops; mix thor- 
oughly. 

People of a delicate and irritable complexion 
should not use a cotton or silk handkerchief, 
but a linen one. 

The mouth has been ranked next in beauty to 
the eyes. We are inclined to believe that its 
charm is even greater; for its expression is more 
potent, for pleasing or displeasing, than that of 
any other feature. The rule — often beautifully 
varied — is that the width of the mouth should 
just equal the breadth of the nostrils; that the 
lips should not make sharp angles, but keep a 
certain breadth to the end, and show the red to 
the last. When, however, the nose is pinched 
in, or very narrow, it is desirable that the mouth 
should be much wider. A large. mouth is hand- 
somer than one that is too small and pinched, 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 85 

A pursed-up mouth is expressive of conceit and 
narrowness. 

The lips should be plump and full. 

Very thin lips are ugly, because they express 
meanness and bad temper. 

The lips and mouth are so much affected by 
the habitual temper, that naturally thin lips will 
grow full and less contracted by the simple in- 
dulgence of frank and kindly feelings. Good 
humor will always make a charming mouth. 
Ill temper causes the corners of the lips to drop 
downward, and gives them the expression of 
that feeling. Good temper and smiles curl the 
lips upward. 

The mouth cannot practice disguise as the 
eyes can. Whatever is our habitual character 
and temper, it writes itself indelibly on the lips. 
An exquisitely-shaped mouth has no charm 
without expression, and some mouths have little 
or none, beyond that of temper. A smiling, 
handsome mouth is beautiful, or it will derive 
equal beauty from an expression of pensive 
tenderness; pity, or sympathy. 

It is moral beauty which makes it beautiful; 
without it, the mouth, peevish, scornful, sensual, 
simpering, harsh and cruel, is the worst, as it is 
also the most truthful feature of the face; while 
the largest and plainest mouth may be made 
pleasant, and even pretty, by kind, sweet smiles, 
and a laugh which " rings from the soul." The 
red of the lips should be very rosy and brilliant; 
it can scarcely be too vivid. 

Paint is used, we believe, by some absurd 
women, on the lips — we need scarcely say to 



86 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

their ultimate injury, and always at the user's 
peril. The best way to color the lips is to take 
care of the health, on the goodness of which 
their color entirely depends. The lips are in- 
fallible as a test of health, though the very vivid 
painted-looking red may sometimes be signifi- 
cant of disease in the system. 

Fresh, rosy lips are the reward of not tighten- 
ing the figure; of exercise, early rising, and 
temperate living. Good temper and cheerful- 
ness give them their final charms of smiles and 
sweetness. Our harsh climate, however, tries 
the lips greatly in winter, and lip-salve is then 
allowable. It should be used at night. The 
following is a good recipe for it: Two ounces of 
white wax, two ounces of olive oil, a quarter of 
an ounce of spermaceti, ten drops of oil of 
lavender, one ounce of alkanet root. Soak the 
alkanet for three days in the olive oil; then 
strain the oil, and melt the spermaceti and wax 
in it. When nearly cold, put in the oil of 
lavender, and stir it till quite firmly set. 

We close our remarks upon the mouth with 
the following charming translation made from 
Ariosto by Leigh Hunt: 

" Next as between the little vales, appears 

The mouth, where spices and vermilion keep, 
Then lurk the pearls, rich than sultan wears, 

Now casketed, now shown by a sweet lip; 
Thence issue the soft words and courteous prayers, 

Enough to make a churl for sweetness keep, 
And then the smile taketh its rosy rise, 

That opens upon earth a paradise." 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 87 



CHAPTER IX. 

THE COMPLEXION. 

American Complexions — Danger of White Paint and 
Rouge — Milk as a Cosmetic — How to Preserve the 
Skin — Soft Water — Violet Powder— Early Rising — 
Recipes. 

The Americans have been for centuries famed 
for beauty of complexion. A bad complexion 
in healthful youth is the exception to the rule for 
American women. In some cases the appreciation 
of the valuable national gift, has led to imita- 
tion where beauty of complexion has been lack- 
ing; but the use of cosmetics has been common 
in all ages and in every land. Scripture itself 
records the painting of Jezebel; and Ezekiel, the 
prophet, speaks of the eye-painting common 
among the women, and Jeremiah of rending the 
face with painting — a most expressive term for 
the destruction of beauty by such means. For 
the surest destroyers of real beauty are its 
stimulators; the usurper destroys the rightful 
sovereign. 

One thinks with a shudder of horror of Jere- 
miah's words, when one remembers how one of 
the beautiful Gunnings, whose native complex- 
ion was unrivaled, not only destroyed it by 



88 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

paint, but actually died at twenty-eight years of 
age, of cancer in the face, caused by her use of 
pigments. 

That paint can never deceive people, or really 
add to beauty for more than the duration of an 
acted charade or a play, when " distance lends 
enchantment to the view," is a snare and a delu- 
sion; but it is one into which women of all 
times and nations have fallen, from the painted 
Indian squaw to the rouged and powdered deni- 
zen of Paris, London or New York. 

Milk was the favorite cosmetic of the ladies of 
ancient Rome. They applied plasters of bread 
and ass's miJk to their faces at night, and wash- 
ed them off with milk in the morning. Pop- 
pora, the wife of Nero, was wont to bathe in 
ass's milk. 

As a cosmetic, milk would be harmless; but 
we doubt its power of improving the skin. As 
a beverage, no doubt, it whitens the complex- 
ion more than any other food. But milk baths, 
and baths impregnated with perfumes, need not 
be mentioned except as absurdities in which 
silly women have believed and still do believe; 
but they are too expensive for the general pub- 
lic to be guilty of such folly. 

The use of eau de cologne occasionally in the 
water used for washing the face and neck will 
be very desirable, as it assists in cleansing and 
brightening the skin; or a little gin may be 
used instead of eau de cologne. 

The food and drink undoubtedly have a very 
decided influence on the complexion. Excess 
of either will give, particularly to the high- 



ON HEAL TH AXD BE A UTY. Sg 

colored, a coarse ruddiness of complexion, 
which reveals at once the gross cause. A too 
meager nourishment is no less unfavorable, and 
shows its impoverishment in a pinched face and 
colorless complexion. 

Hear what Brillat Savarin says, " Gourmandiz- 
ing is favorable to beauty." A train of exact and 
rigid observations has demonstrated that a suc- 
culent, delicate, and careful regimen repels to a 
distance, and for a length of time, the external 
appearance of old age. It gives more brilliancy 
to the eyes, more freshness to the skin, more 
support to the muscles; and as it is certain in 
physiology that it is the depression of the mus- 
cles which causes wrinkles, those formidable 
enemies of beauty, it is equally true to say that 
coeteris paribus, those who understand eating are 
comparatively ten years younger than those who 
are strangers to this science. 

This is the cause of the pale, pasty complexion 
of many of our dames who are otherwise so 
charming. They do not understand eating. Instead 
of feeding at regular periods upon well-cooked, 
nutritious food, they waste their appetites 
upon cakes, sweets, and other indigestible arti- 
cles. 

Nothing is more fatal to purity of complexion. 
The diet must be regulated according to the 
natural complexion of the individual. The ex- 
cessively ruddy should feed lightly, avoid heat- 
ing articles of food and strong wines. The 
pale, on the contrary, should live on a more 
substantial diet, moistened with generous drink. 

Too much sleep is as hurtful as excessive 



90 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

watchfulness, and over exercise should be avoid- 
ed equally with an indolent repose. 

Extremes of temperature are very unfavorable 
to the complexion. Persons naturally of a 
high color bear cold best, and the pale and dark, 
heat best. The obvious means of protecting 
the complexion from heat and cold is to avoid 
exposure. If this is inevitable, nothing is better 
to prevent tanning by the sun or any of the 
effects of temperature, than to powder the face 
when dry with ground starch or rice. 

When the skin of the face is dry, brittle, 
thick and pimply; it may be well to apply some 
pommade de coucombres, A little may be spread 
over the complexion with advantage before ex- 
posure to the sun, or to the fresh breeze, such 
as is met on the seashore. 

In order to preserve the freshness of the com- 
plexion, there are certain pastes which may be 
used. They are put on at night, covering the 
face like a mask, and removed in the morning 
by washing with chervil water (eau de cerfeuil). 
The best composition for one of these masks, 
not to conceal, but to generate beauty, is this: 
Ground barley, three ounces; honey, one ounce; 
white of egg } one. Mix into a thick paste. 

Skins differ. Some are cold and smooth; 
some moist and warm; some oily; some hard 
and dry. They differ also in thickness, color 
and elasticity. The thin, soft and delicate skins 
belong to the brunettes, the thick to the dead 
white complexions. The grain of the skin also 
differs — it is fine or coarse, as it may be. 

Now, how is the skin to be kept fine and 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y 91 

beautiful ? By perfect cleanliness, air, sunshine 
and good health. 

Sunshine, in spite of tanning and freckles, is 
good for the skin. So is fresh air. Both united 
give bloom and color to it; and if the air and 
sunshine are taken early, before the former has 
lost its morning fragrance, and while the latter 
has not yet gained its power to tan, the benefit 
is very certain, and a bloom of Hebe may be 
expected. 

Elderflower-water cools and refreshes, and, 
therefore, benefits the skin; so also does rose- 
water, but scarcely with as good results. In 
summer the use of these perfumed and spirituous 
waters will be found very pleasant and freshen- 
ing, and is quite allowable. But animal grease 
of any kind, and cold cream, should never be put 
near the skin. 

If greasing it is required, olive oil should be 
used, and this will sometimes be beneficial for 
very dry, chapped skins, as it softens them. 
Rub the face with it gently every night, in win- 
ter, and your skin will never chap. 

But a naturally oily skin must on no account 
have oil used for it; a few drops of camphor in 
water may be used, or it may be powdered with 
fullers' earth, after washing, as a baby's skin is 
sometimes treated. Violet powder, constantly 
used, makes the skin rough and enlarges the pores. 

Neither paint (which may produce terrible 
diseases, and can only harm the skin) nor pow- 
der, nor grease, are necessary. Rain-water, 
good soap, and a rough towel suffice for a per- 
fect toilet. 



9 2 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

We subjoin a quotation from some excellent 
articles on this subject, which appeared in a 
popular periodical some two or three years ago. 
They were called " The Secrets of Beauty." 
The passage to which we allude is apropos of 
one of the famous beauties of the sixteenth cen- 
tury. 

" It was not to such tricks" — the writer has 
been speaking of wearing masks — "it was not to 
such tricks that Diane of Poitiers, Duchess of 
Valentinois, resorted to preserve her beauty to 
the age of three-score years and ten; she who at 
sixty-five rode on horseback like a girl. This 
remarkable woman was a celebrated beauty in 
an age of beauties; yet, strange to say, no his- 
torian has ever given details of those wondrous 
charms which captivated two kings — one of 
them fifteen years her junior in age. We do not 
even know whether her eyes were blue or black, 
whether her hair was light or dark ; we only know 
that she was the loveliest woman at a court of 
lovely women, and that at an age when most 
women are shriveled specimens of ugliness. 

" People said that she possessed a secret that 
rendered her thus impervious to the ravages of 
time. What was this secret then? Did she ever 
tell it? Never. Did any one ever know it? Yes, 
her perfumer. Did he ever tell it? Not during 
her life. It's known, then? It is, for those who 
will have the patience to wade through musty 
manuscripts and books. May we not know it? 
You will only smile and disbelieve. Try. Good 
then, I will translate Maitre Oudard's own words 
to you: 



ON HEAL TH A ND BE A UTY. 93 

'' ' I, Oudard, apothecary, surgeon, and per- 
fumer, do here declare on my faith and on the 
memory of my late honored and much-beloved 
mistress, Madame Diane of Poitiers, Duchess 
of Valentinois, that the only "secret she pos- 
sessed, with which to be and remain in perfect 
health, youth and beauty to the age of seventy- 
two, was rain-water. And in truth, I assert there 
is nothing in the world like this same rain-water, 
a constant use of which is imperative to render 
the skin soft and downy, or to freshen the color, 
or to cleanse the pores of the skin, or to make 
beauty last long as life.' 

" Thus the only service which Maitre Oudard 
rendered his illustrious mistress was to gather 
the rain-water for her, bottle it and seal it up, to 
be in readiness in case of scarcity of rain. So 
all these bottles of philters which daily arrived 
from the great perfumer to the still greater lady 
only contained rain-water. Is that possible? 

" Diane always took an hour's out-door exer- 
cise before the dew had left the ground." 

Early rising is, no doubt, one of the secrets of 
beauty; that it was so understood by our an- 
cestors, the superstition of the May dew testifies. 
But now, alas! the attendant spirits of our house- 
holds will never rise till the dew has long evap- 
orated. For our young ladies, early rising soon 
becomes a forgotten virtue of the school-room. 

Moles are frequently a great disfigurement to 
a face, but they should not be tampered with 
in any way. The only safe and certain way of 
getting rid of them is by a surgical operation. 

Freckles are of two kinds. Those occasioned 



94 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

by exposure to the sunshine, and consequently- 
evanescent, are denominated " summer freckles." 
Those which are constitutional and permanent 
are called " cold freckles." 

With regard to the latter, it is impossible to 
give any advice which will be of value. They 
result from causes not to be affected by mere 
external applications. 

Summer freckles are not so difficult to deal 
with, and with a little care the skin may be kept 
free from this cause of disfigurement. 

Some skins are so delicate that they become 
freckled on the slightest exposure to the open 
air in summer. The cause assigned for this is 
that the iron in the blood, forming a junction 
with the oxygen, leaves a rusty mark where the 
junction takes place. 

If this be so, the obvious cure is to dissolve 
the combination — for which purpose several 
courses have been recommended. 

i. At night, wash the skin with elder-flower 
water, and apply this ointment — made by sim- 
mering gently together one ounce of Venice 
soap, a quarter of an ounce of deliquated oil of 
tartar, and a quarter of an ounce of oil of bitter 
almonds. When it acquires consistency, three 
drops of rhodium may be added. Wash the 
ointment off in the morning with rose-water. 

2 (and best). One ounce of alum, one ounce 
of lemon juice, in a pint of rose-water. 

3. Scrape horseradish into a cup of cold sour 
milk, let it stand twelve hours, strain, and apply 
two or three times a day; but this remedy is 
painful, and must be used with care. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 95 

4. Mix lemon-juice, one ounce; powdered 
borax, a quarter of a dram; keep for a few days 
in a glass bottle; apply occasionally. 

5. Another remedy is, muriate of ammonia, 
half a dram; lavender water, two drams; dis- 
tilled water, half a pint; apply two or three 
times a day. 

6. Into half a pint of milk, squeeze the juice 
of a lemon, with a spoonful of brandy, and boil, 
skimming well; add a dram of rock-alum. 

There are various other discolorations of the 
skin, proceeding frequently from derangement 
of the system. The cause should always be dis- 
covered before attempting a remedy, otherwise 
you may increase the complaint instead of cur- 
ing it. 

Mr. Wilson recommends the following as a 
good remedy for removing discoloration of the 
skin: 

" Elder-flower ointment, one ounce; sulphate 
of zinc, twenty grains; mix well, and rub into 
the affected skin at night. In the morning wash 
it off with plenty of soap, and when the grease 
is completely removed; apply the following lo- 
tion: Infusion of rose-petals, half a pint; citric 
acid, thirty grains. All local discolorations will 
disappear under this treatment; and if the 
freckles do not entirely yield, they will, in most 
instances, be greatly ameliorated. Should any 
unpleasant irritation or roughness of the skin 
follow the application, a lotion composed of half 
a pint of almond mixture and half a dram of 
Goulard's extract will afford immediate relief." 

A placid temper will long keep wrinkles in 



96 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

abeyance, and years of good humor and kind- 
ness will leave a sweet mouth to old age, while 
cultivated intelligence will give expression and 
spirit to the eyes. 

We must say a few words about the disfigure- 
ment to which the skin is subject at times, in 
small black specks — a sort of pimple. A doctor 
informs us that these are caused by the enlarge- 
ment of the perspiratory ducts, which leaves a 
portion of the perspiring matter exposed to the 
air, which turns it black. It should be squeezed 
out; and if the tube is still large, and the same 
appearance likely to return, it must be touched 
by a doctor with caustic, to contract the opening; 
but ordinarily the duct will close of itself 

Small pimples may be removed by using a 
wash of about as much borax as would cover a 
silver dime, in a cup of water, the face to be 
dabbled with it with a soft rag. 

Gruel may be used to wash the face in cases 
of eruption, instead of soap, which will irritate 
the skin when not in a healthy condition, but in 
such cases resort should be had at once to the 
surgeons who have made the study of the skin a 
specialty, and no quack remedies should be used. 
All a lady can do for herself under the circum- 
stances would be to use great cleanliness, and 
be careful not to wear any part of the dress 
tight. 

Cosmetics destroy and never really improve 
the skin, whether it be in a healthy state or not. 

Sallowness belongs to a bad state of health, 
and should also come under the discipline of a 
physician. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 97 

The following simple preparations for the 
toilette appearing to be of use, we may give them 
a place in this chapter: 

Toilet Vinegar: Add to the best malt vinegar 
half a pint of cognac and a pint of rose-water. 
Perfume may be added, and if so, it should be 
first mixed with the spirits before the other in- 
gredients are put in. 

Philocome: This is the name of a good French 
pomade. It is made of melting three ounces of 
white wax, by the action of hot water round the 
vessel in which it is placed, and while the heat 
is kept up adding a pound of olive oil. Scents, 
such as bergamot, may be added as the other 
ingredients cool. Varieties of perfumes are used 
by the manufacturers. 

Sticking Plaster: Stretch a piece of black silk 
on a wooden frame, and apply dissolved isin- 
glass to one side of it with a brush. Let it dry; 
repeat process, and then cover it with a strong 
tincture of balsam of Peru. 

Lavender Water: This mildest of perfumes is 
a preparation of oil of lavender, two ounces, and 
orris root, half an ounce; put it into a pint of 
spirits of wine, and keep for two or three 
weeks before it is used. It may require strain- 
ing through blotting-paper of two or three 
thicknesses. 

Milk of Roses: This is a cosmetic. Pound an 
ounce of almonds in a mortar, very finely, then 
put in shavings of honey soap in a small quan- 
tity; add enough rose water to enable you to 
work the composition with the pestle into a fine 
cream; and in order that it may keep, add to 



9 3 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

the whole an ounce of spirits of wine by 
slow degrees. You may perfume with ottar 
of roses. Strain through muslin. Apply to the 
face with a sponge or a piece of lint. 

To keep the skin fair, mix one spoonful of the 
best tar in a pint of pure olive or almond oil, by 
heating the two together in a tin cup, set in 
boiling water. Stir until it is well mixed and 
smooth, putting in more oil if the compound is 
too thick to run easily. Rub this on the face 
when going to bed, and put a soft cloth over it. 
Wash off with warm water. 

Freshness of skin is prolonged by a simple 
secret — the tepid bath, in which bran has been 
stirred, followed by long friction. This keeps 
the blood at the surface. 

To wrinkles we are at last obliged to submit, 
when Time shrivels us with his scorching fingers; 
but art has, notwithstanding, exercised its in- 
genuity in devising means of avoiding for a 
while and concealing the ravages of this arch 
enemy of beauty. When the inexorable old 
fellow does lay his hand upon us, we may try to 
wash out its traces with the following lotion: 
Turpentine, thirty-six grains; water, three 
drams. Mix and apply at night, letting it dry 
on the face. If the lotion does not succed, all 
we have to do, while submitting to Time's 
rough handling, is to stop the chinks it may 
make with the following: Essence of turpentine, 
two and one half drams; gum mastic, one dram; 
fresh butter, two ounces. Mix thoroughly. 
There are two or three small longitudinal fur- 
rows seen on the forehead, which are sure indi- 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 99 

cations of an eager, anxious mind. These con- 
stitute what is called knitting of the brow, and 
are seldom absent from the American face. 
They are too deep for any filling up, and the 
only remedy for them is to take life easier. 

A young woman employed as a dancer in a 
traveling company of actors, died suddenly, a 
year or two ago, killed, the physician said, by 
the poisoning of her blood from the paints used 
in the making-up of her face for the stage. 

It is known that a famous clown and panto- 
mimist died of softening of the brain, induced 
by the pigment used to give his face its chalky 
whiteness. 

The ill effects of such applications are not 
confined to actors, who use them as one of the 
appliances of their business. Modest young 
girls " make-up " their faces for the ball-room, 
or the street, whitening the skin, blackening the 
brows, removing superfluous hair, etc., by means 
of antimony, bismuth, white lead, and other 
poisonous compounds. 

The poisons do not necessarily kill, though 
sometimes they produce physical conditions 
that may lead to death; but before middle age 
they leave the skin dry, yellow and cracked and 
induce headaches and dimness of sight. 

The worse agents in propagating these prac- 
tices are paragraphs and advertisements in the 
newspapers, recommending the cosmetics, and 
anti-fat medicines. A moment's reflection 
should teach persons who are inclined to use 
the latter compounds that a medicine power- 
ful enough to remove the fatty deposits 



ioo TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

of the body in a week or so, must also destroy 
the tissues. Death has resulted from their use, 
and low fevers are not infrequently produced 
by them. The best way to preserve beauty is 
by a rigorous attention to daily bathing, to ex- 
ercise and to sleep. 




ON HEALTH AND BE A UTY. 



CHAPTER X. 

THE HANDS AND FEET. 

The Hand — Shape — Color — Nails — To Whiten the Hands 
— Red Hands — Cause and Cure — Expression of the 
Hand — Rings — The Feet. 

The hand should be long and delicate, yet 
plump, with taper fingers, the tips of which, 
when the hand rests on its palm, should turn 
back a little. 

Small and delicate hands are more common 
in the United States than elsewhere. There is 
scarcely any charm of beauty which surpasses 
that of a beautiful hand. Whiteness is essen- 
tial to it, but the finger nails ought to have a 
rosy tinge, and also the palm of the hand. 

Our readers will perceive, at once, that the 
beauty of a well-formed hand will depend for 
loveliness of complexion on the circulation. 
Imperfect circulation gives the blue tinge we 
see in some hands in winter, or the red look 
which is equally objectionable. 

Perfect health, necessary for the complexion, 
is, of course, essential to the hand. A sickly- 
looking hand, however white, may move tender- 
ness and pity, but is not beautiful. 

The time, to form the hand, we are told, is in 



102 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

youth. Any mother may give her daughter 
tapering fingers if she chooses to take the 
trouble; if she insists that there shall be a daily 
pinching of the finger tips, slight, of course, 
while the flesh is soft and yielding, and a night- 
ly wearing of steel thimbles. 

The latter is rather heroic treatment, and pos- 
sibly to save us from this barbarous torture 
have been introduced into this country all the 
artistic devices of the Parisian manicure, in the 
management, development and cultivation of 
the fingers and nails. Americans should not 
allow the French to excel them in any art in- 
dicative of cleanliness, taste or refinement; and 
for what reason, then, should the finger nails 
not receive as much attention as the teeth. A 
visit twice a week to a manicure will keep the 
nails in a high state of polish and beauty, but 
this is hardly necessary, for with due care at 
home, with a file, a chamois polisher, and pow- 
der which comes put up in a dainty case, one 
may take very good care of her nails. Before 
cutting, the nails should be held in very warm 
water, to make them soft and flexible, then they 
should be cut in the form a half moon for the 
hands, and square (nearly) for the feet. 

There are various simple methods for making 
the hands soft, smooth and white. Glycerine, 
well rubbed in, and protected by a pair of old 
gloves worn overnight, is the usual remedy, but 
glycerine is poison for some hands, making them 
more rough and chapped than they were before 
its use. 

In such a case, the following is a preparation 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY 103 

which might be used to advantage: The yolks 
of two fresh eggs, beaten with two teaspoon- 
fuls of the oil of sweet almonds, one ounce of 
rose-water, and thirty-six drops of tincture of 
benzoin. Make a paste of this, and either 
anoint the inside surfaces of a pair of gloves 
with it, or spread it freely on the hands and 
draw the gloves on afterward. In most cases 
all that is needed to soften the hands is to rub 
sweet almond oil into the skin two or three 
days in succession. The hands are always im- 
proved by wearing at night gloves that fit tight- 
ly, especially if the gloves are of soft castor or 
dog skin. 

The following is a European recipe for whiten- 
ing the hands: Take one-half pound of soft 
soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of mutton tal- 
low and boil together; after the boiling ceases, 
add one gill of alcohol and a scruple of amber- 
gris. Take a pair of gloves three sizes too large, 
open them, and spread the inner surface with 
this paste, then sew them up so they can be 
worn at night. Rubbing the hands well with 
almond oil each night, and plastering them with 
as much fine chalk as they can take, will usually 
whiten them in three days' time, if they are not 
past all hope. 

Alkanet makes a good stain for the finger- 
tips. One-eighth of an ounce of chippings tied 
in a coarse muslin bag and soaked for a week 
in diluted alcohol will give a " tincture of lovely 
dye." The tips of the fingers should be touch- 
ed with cotton dipped in this mixture. 

The first great requisite of beauty is absolute 



104 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

cleanliness, obtained by a plentiful use of pure, 
soft water and good soap. Rain-water or dis- 
tilled water is the best, but as this is not always 
obtainable, powdered borax is a necessary toilet 
article. It will make hard water soft and pleas- 
ant for use. Acids must be carefully avoided. 
To remove ink or vegetable stains the juice of a 
lemon will be found to answer the purpose, fine 
white sand is also very good for removing 
stains; it will also soften the skin. 

Fill a wash basin full of fine white sand and 
soap suds as hot as can be borne. Wash the 
hands in this five minutes at a time, brushing 
and rubbing them in the sand. Flint sand is 
the best, or the white powdered quality sold for 
filters. It may be used repeatedly by pouring 
the water away after each washing. Rinse the 
hands in pure water. 

The hands should never be suffered to remain 
long soiled with anything that will stain them. 
But unless there is some reason for it, it is bet- 
ter not to wash the hands very often. They 
should always be dried with a soft towel, and 
powdered with violet powder. 

In winter, the hands should be washed with 
oatmeal and warm soft water to prevent chap- 
ping, or, if chapped, camphor ball and glycerine 
should be rubbed on at night. 

Red hands are caused by want of proper cir- 
culation, and are peculiar to the debatable age 
between youth and womanhood. Constant ex- 
ercise, electricity and warm gloves, and keeping 
the wrist covered are the best means of restor- 
ing their color. Whenever the hands are in- 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 105 

clined to become red, warm milk and water 
should be used on them at night before going to 
bed. 

Chilblains on the hands are to be carefully 
guarded against, as they always leave disfigur- 
ing protuberances on the finger joints. Very 
young girls or persons who take little exercise 
are subject to them from want of circulation. 
They must be most carefully guarded against by 
never holding very cold hands to the fire to 
warm, and, next, by never omitting daily ex- 
ercise. The hands should be well dried and 
strongly rubbed after washing, and covered 
from the out-door cold. Electricity received 
into the system prevents chilblains. 

When they appear the following wash is rec- 
ommended for them: 

Chilblain Wash: Two ounces of sal ammonial 
to be placed in one quart of rain water; put it 
on the fire and let it boil until the sal ammonial 
is dissolved. It must be rain - water and 
not applied uear the fire, but rubbed on the 
chilblains two or three times a day. 

Should the chilblain break, it may be dressed 
twice daily with a plaster made of the following 
ointment; One ounce of hog's lard, one ounce 
of beeswax and half an ounce of oil of turpen- 
tine; melt these and mix them thoroughly, 
spread on leather and apply immediately. 

Sunburn ought not to exist on the hands, as 
even when gardening they may be kept covered 
with old gloves; but if the hands chance to get 
browned, lemon-juice should be used to remove 
the tan. 



106 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

For freckles (which are a great blemish on the 
hands and arms, and give a common look), make 
and apply the following mixture: Lemon-juice, 
one ounce; powdered borax, one-quarter of a 
dram; sugar, half a dram. Keep it in a glass 
bottle for a few days, and apply occasionally. 

Warts may be removed by tying a piece of 
raw beef, soaked for twenty-four hours previ- 
ously in vinegar, over them. In a week, if it is 
worn constantly; and in a fortnight, if it is worn 
only at night, the wart will disappear, and 
leave no scar on the flesh. Warts from the face 
may be removed in the same way, by fastening 
the vinegar-soaked meat on by strips of sticking- 
plaster. 

Warts can also be removed from the hands by 
tying tightly about their base a silken thread, 
and thus strangling them; by cutting with a 
knife, taking care to touch the bleeding surface 
with a little nitrate of silver, or by caustics. 
The best of these is the pure acetic acid, with 
which the wart should be lightly touched night 
and morning, taking care that the application 
does not extend to the surrounding skin. A 
little wax spread about the base, or a bit of 
sticking-plaster with a hole cut in it, and passed 
over the top of the wart, is a convenient means 
of protection to the neighboring parts. 

Many people are much inconvenienced and 
annoyed by an excessive perspiration of the 
hands. It is not uncommon to see such con- 
stantly occupied with soaking up, by means of 
their cambric handkerchiefs, the moisture of 
their dripping palms. This unceasing exuda- 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 107 

tion is more or less constitutional, and is to be 
cured only by remedies applied to the body 
generally, such as tonic medicines, generous 
living, regular exercise, particularly riding on 
horseback, and sea-bathing. The best of all 
local applications is powdered starch. Mental 
causes have great influence, and particularly 
depressing emotions of all kinds. These, there- 
fore, should be avoided if possible, 

The hand should look able to move swiftly 
and skillfully. There is much expression in it. 
A lymphatic, lazy hand is easily distinguished 
from the hand of the artist or musician. Good 
manipulations impart character and grace to it. 

Rings, when elegant, embellish the hand, and 
are perhaps the most graceful ornament of the 
young, but too many of them cripple and disfig- 
ure the fingers. 

The veins on the back of the hand are some- 
times too large and noticeable for good looks. 
However well made the hand may be, they can- 
not appear beautiful if prominently veined. 
This generally arises from some peculiarity of 
the organization of the blood vessels, and can- 
not be entirely removed. Much can be done, 
however, toward lessening this natural defect 
by a few simple precautions. 

The hands must not be washed in very hot 
water, or allowed to hang down, as the blood 
will thus fill and stretch the veins. Care also 
must be taken to avoid all compression of the 
arm and wrist by tight arm-holes and sleeves. 
A close-fitting glove, however, may be worn 
with advantage. 



108 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

The habit of biting the nails is ugly as it is 
fatal to them. They become excessively brittle 
in consequence, not being allowed time to ac- 
quire their natural toughness, and, moreover, 
the ends of the fingers being unsupported, turn 
over, forming an ugly rim of hard flesh which 
finally prevents the regular growth of the nail. 
When this deformity is once established it is al- 
most impossible to remedy it. The best plan is, 
with the abandonment of the frightful habit of 
biting the nails, to press down the fleshy ex- 
crescence with sticking-plaster and bandages. 
The surest preventive of what we term hang- 
nails, is habitually to keep down the 
growth of skin at the base of the nails. They 
should never be torn away or bitten off, 
but cut with a pair of sharp scissors. When 
much inflamed, as they sometimes are, it be- 
comes necessary to apply a poultice or some 
diachylum plaster. All hard, irritating and 
corrosive substances must be kept from the 
hands, and excessive cold avoided. 

The rose tint essential to beauty of the nail 
comes from the transparency of its substance, 
through which is transmitted the color of the 
flesh. This depends much, however, upon the 
health of the person. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 109 



CHAPTER XI. 

THE FEET. 

Shape — Description of a Beautiful Foot — The Instep — Lo- 
tions for the Feet. 

A perfect foot is a great rarity. It should be 
of a size graduated to the height of the person, 
and white, well-arched, and firmly planted. Such 
afoot, neither too large nor too small, but justly 
proportioned to the stature it supports, with a 
smooth surface, regularly curved outline, and 
distinct divisions, is now only to be seen in art. 
The woman of ancient Greece possessed it, for 
the sandal she wore left the foot unfettered, and 
gave a free development to its natural grace 
and proportions. 

Ariosto describes a beautiful foot as "breve, 
asciutto, e ritondetto" that is, " short, neat, and a 
little rounded," i. e., not thin. 

The Chinese have made a deformity of a 
beauty by exaggerating it, and one shudders at 
all their women underwent in ancient times to 
attain their horrible fashionable disfigurement. 
But we have been told by the daughter of a 
Chinese lady that they have greatly changed in 
this respect, and (like some others) now feign 
the imaginary grace. 



no TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

The foot is made to appear very short by- 
wearing immensely high heels, which show the 
toe on its point, and by raising the foot nearly 
perpendicularly, diminish its apparent length as 
much as they desire it to be diminished, and 
produce the same crippled, stumbling walk. 

The boot and shoe of our day, with the preva- 
lent notion that everything must be sacrificed to 
smallness, have squeezed the foot into an ill- 
shapen and indistinct mass, where it is impossi- 
ble almost to recognize its parts, and especially 
the toes, in the completeness of their original 
forms. 

In all antique statues the second toe is ob- 
served to be longer and more salient than the 
others. This was undoubtedly the original 
form of Nature, but it is seldom, if ever, seen 
in the modern foot, the shape of which has been 
so greatly perverted by the shoe. Great care 
should be taken to adapt the shoes as perfectly 
as possible to the natural conformation of the feet. 
They should be long and wide enough to admit 
of a free play of the toes. The span between 
the heel and beginning of the sole of the shoe 
should be firm and of the same curve as the 
natural arch of the foot. A boot or high shoe 
should be preferred to a low one or a slipper, 
for it protects the foot better; prevents the tend- 
ency to swelling, and is favorable to the walk 
and attitude. 

The natural arch of the foot is a distinctive 
mark of what we are pleased to call ourselves — 
a superior race. The African has hardly any 
arch at all, and " wid de hollow of his foot he 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. in 

makes a hole in de ground " of the Ethiopian 
song, is hardly an exaggerated description of the 
negro's peculiar structure. Fashion, with its 
usual tendency to exaggerate natural beauty, 
adopts the high and forward heel, with the view 
of heightening the instep, or increasing the 
arch of the foot, which is so much coveted. 
This attempt to force a grace beyond the inten- 
tion of Nature is followed by the usual result of 
distortion and disease. The high and mis- 
placed heel, and the other vices of construction 
of the fashionable shoe, force the toes forward, 
constrict them violently, and not only deform 
the foot but torture it with various painful 
affections. 

The doctors object to these high heels as in- 
jurious in the extreme. Indeed the very high 
heels recently worn have produced a new and 
serious complaint of the feet, requiring, to cure 
it, a painful operation. 

The growing of the nail to the flesh of the toe 
is one of the common results of wearing a fash- 
ionable or ill-made shoe. This is one of the 
most painful affections. In its earliest stages it 
can be cured by paring the nail, always in the 
center of its free end, without touching the 
angles, until it becomes of a semi-lunar shape, 
with its concave looking outward. The tight 
and high-heeled shoe, however, must be at the 
same time abandoned. If the disease is too 
severe for this simple remedy, recourse must be 
had to the surgeon, who will remove it by an 
operation, which is considered, though not dan- 
gerous, the most painful of his art. 



112 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

The corn and bunion come from an enlarge- 
ment of the natural papillae, which exist every- 
where in the skin, and the thickening and 
hardening of the integument which surrounds 
and covers them. They are produced solely by 
ill-fitting shoes. They can be easily relieved by 
cutting, but they can only be effectually got rid 
of by the removal of the cause. 

Next to the knife — which is dangerous in a 
clumsy hand — the best remedy is the applica- 
tion, by means of adhesive plaster, of a piece of 
wash-leather or amadon — or spunk, as it is com- 
monly called — cut so as to cover the whole corn, 
and pierced in the center, with a hole corre- 
sponding to the size of its summit. This dif- 
fuses the pressure, and removes the particular 
friction which has created the excrescence. 

The blisters which usually form on the feet 
after a long and fatiguing walk, should be 
opened with a needle, and all the fluid allowed 
to escape, but the skin which contains it ought 
never to be removed. The application of a little 
cold cream and rest will be all the additional 
treatment required. 

The best remedies for chilblains are cold 
water, snow, wine, brandy, hartshorn and oil, 
cologne, lavender, rubbed daily, on the affected 
parts, provided they are not yet broken into 
sores or ulcers. An ointment, made as follows, 
is considered excellent: White precipitate, six 
grains; chloroform, twenty drops; cold cream, 
one ounce. 

When the chilblain is very painful, and there 
is a good deal of swelling, a poultice of elder or 



ON HEAL TH A ND BE A UTY 113 

camomile flowers will be useful, followed by a 
little simple ointment and laudanum. 

The feet, like the hands, are not seldom af- 
fected with an excessive sweating, which, more- 
over, has the additional inconvenience of being 
almost always of an unpleasant odor. This is 
often a constitutional infirmity, which, although 
it can be diminished by a minute attention to 
cleanliness, cannot be entirely removed. It 
must, therefore, be washed. 

The best applications for this purpose are 
lotions made of infusions of sage thyme or rose- 
mary; but care must be taken not to repeat 
them too often, lest the skin should become 
finally macerated by constant wetting, and ren- 
dered more favorable to the secretion of the per- 
spiration. One application, morning and night, 
will be sufficient. After each, the. feet must be 
well dried, and rubbed with powdered starch or 
orris-root. It is a good plan to dust the inside 
of the stockings with this: Starch-powder, six- 
teen ounces; orris-root powder, four ounces; 
camphor, two and one-half drams, all well 
mixed together. 



H4 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 



CHAPTER XII. 

CARRIAGE OF THE BODY. 

How to Walk — Erectness — Ease — Distribution of Weight — 
Carriage of Arms — Shoulders. 

American women are ordinarily too brisk. 
Hence results a jerkiness, if we may use the 
word, which is fatal to that calm and almost 
languid flow of movement essential to grace. 

The Greek women of antiquity, who were 
very studious of their attitudes and actions, 
thought a hurried and sudden step a certain 
sign of rusticity. 

La Bruyere says a fool never comes in or goes 
out of a room, sits down or rises up, or stands 
upon his legs like a person of sense. 

A habit of walking stiffly frequently comes 
from wearing excessively tight dresses, particu- 
larly in youth, and a very ugly way of stepping 
heavily is generally produced in children by 
their nurses and other grown people not adapt- 
ing their walk to theirs. A certain relaxation 
as it were, or abandon, as the French say, in each 
attitude, and a suppleness in every movement 
greatly increase the intensity of a graceful 
form. 

A gait, easy, undulating, vigorous — is an ac- 
complishment which no pretty woman can dis- 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 115 

pense with; but this is impossible, unless the 
feet and ankles are allowed the utmost liberty 
of motion. The walk which is something be- 
tween a totter and a run, or is made up of a 
succession of jerks, disorganize, so to speak, the 
lines of the whole figure. 

Narrow shoes, with high heels, which are now 
the fashion, are serious obstacles to a good gait. 
Without a solid basis, it is impossible to sus- 
tain the form in an erect posture, and poised, as 
our young women are, upon the stilts in fashion, 
it is not easy to preserve their equilibrium. 
They thus habitually bend forward or back- 
ward, to the right or left, displaying anything 
but the " poetry of motion " when they walk, 
and in course of time they become permanently 
misshapen in one direction or the other. 

We do not deny that moderately high heels 
(in their right place) have a certain smartness, 
when they do not injure the walk, the graceful- 
ness of which is most important. " Pedes restis 
defluxit ad imos, et vera incessu patient Dea" 
says Virgil; that is, Venus wore a long train, 
and was known by her graceful tvalk to be a 
goddess. 

" In length of train descends her sweeping gown, 
And by her graceful walk the queen of love is known." 

Dry den. 

We have long acknowledged the grace and 
dignity given by length of train; it is to be de- 
sired that the graceful walk were more sought 
after by our women. 

To attain it, the movement must be made 
from the hip; it will not then shake the gar- 



n6 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

ments; the waist being still, except from that 
gentle, willowy, swaying motion which accom- 
panies the movements of the most graceful 
figures. 

One of the best modes of attaining a walk 
from the hip, is to practice walking with some- 
thing poised on the head. The graceful Hindoo 
girl can bear a pitcher on her head, unsupported 
by the hand, simply because she moves from the 
hip, instead of from the waist — a mode of walk- 
ing which the necessity of pitcher-carrying prob- 
ably originally induced. 

Of all forms of exercise, walking is the best, 
because it acts on the whole body, and acts 
evenly. It is the best of doctors, for its sani- 
tary influence is moral as well as physical. 
Everybody should be in the open air at least 
two hours daily, and if in ordinary health 
should walk at least two miles daily — not a dull, 
rigid, constitutional walk, but a brisk, joyous, 
exhilarating walk, and, if possible, a walk with 
an object. Be it understood that " shopping " is 
not walking; nor " sauntering." You must use 
activity enough to send the blood faster through 
the veins, which will bring a glow to the cheek; 
but you must stop short of actual fatigue. 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 117 



CHAPTER XIII. 

DRESS WITH RESPECT TO HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 

The evils of tight lacing have been often com- 
mented on, and many illustrations have been 
given of the terrible effects of this practice. The 
pictures of horrors drawn by popular writers on 
the subject, the deformed chests, crooked spines, 
diseased hearts, consumptives, etc., one would 
suppose would long ago have frightened every 
one out of their dearly-loved corsets. In spite 
of all that can be said, however, if fashion de- 
mands it, women will continue to be deformed 
in this way. They have been appealed to, I fear 
in vain, to return to the free and unconstrained 
habit, not of uncivilized races, perhaps, but of 
classic Greece and Rome. 

The statues and paintings of Venus and 
other representations of perfect female beauty 
and grace, all have the waist full, with only a 
gentle inward curve at the sides, instead of the 
sharply-pinched waist of modern society. 
Women have been told that they mistake the 
beau ideal of beauty; that Nature detests angu- 
larity, and delights in graceful rotundity and 
curved lines — to no purpose. 

Tight lacing makes one intensely uncomfort- 
able, to begin with, and long persistence in the 



u8 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

foolish practice, reddens the nose irremediably, 
and as certainly as tight shoes produce sick- 
headaches. The outraged blood, forced out of 
its legitimate channels, retreats vengefully to a 
point where its settlement must ever remain a 
source of keenest mortification. " I have heard 
of a woman," says one writer on this subject of 
tight lacing, " who would have been beautiful 
but for this blemish, and, in desperation, she 
applied leeches repeatedly to the inside of her 
nostrils to abate the nuisance. The experiment 
was unsuccessful; the sullen red held the fort 
obstinately. Nor have I ever known a case 
where lungs and heart were subjected to long 
compression, in which, in due time, the violence 
done to the vitals was not proclaimed by a 
crimson-tipped nose, as fiery as a dram drink- 
er's. That is, unless the author of the deed 
died of consumption or apoplexy before the 
height of bloom was perfected." 

It is useless to continue this subject, for if 
the physiological argument above — especially 
the one referring to the red nose — will not 
abolish the fashion of wasp-like waists, I know 
of nothing that will. 

In fact, tight ligatures anywhere about the 
person are apt, by impeding the circulation, to 
ruin the complexion, and to thicken the ankles, 
not to speak of the injury to the health. 

The frequent and extreme changes of fashion 
in the matter of ladies' hats and bonnets, and in 
the style of arranging the hair are very un- 
fortunate. 

At one time a hat is worn low upon the fore- 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 119 

head, and the back of the head is left exposed; 
again, the covering is set back upon the crown, 
and the forehead and top of the head are bare; 
during one season, the whole head is enveloped 
in a huge bonnet, which during the next season, 
is replaced by a slight affair that rests on the 
top of the head, and does not so much as cover 
the ears 

In dressing the hair quite as much diversity 
occurs. At one time it is massed over the back 
of the neck, at another, on the crown or just 
above the forehead. Now it is gathered about 
the ears, and now carefully brushed away from 
them. 

Any one of these fashions would be compara- 
tively harmless if it were continuous, as habit 
would soon inure to it, though some of them 
are so far from the natural design of protecting 
the head from heat and cold that they could 
never be wholly comfortable and safe. But the 
great danger is in their frequent changes. 
Among other evil results, many cases of neural- 
gia of the head or face, and of deafness, are 
owing to this cause. It is not to be expected 
that such changes of fashion will be discon- 
tinued, and some conformity to the prevailing 
fashion is a social duty as well as a necessity, 
but there is neither duty nor necessity to make 
these changes so sudden and extreme as they 
often are. Especially unsafe is it to make such 
changes in cold weather 

The wearing of veils is in general bad for the 
eyes, and should in ordinary circumstances be 
avoided as far as possible. This is especially 



120 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

true of black crape and other dark-colored and 
thick veils, of those which are figured, and those 
which are drawn tightly over the face. The 
dark and thick ones keep the eyes in perpetual 
twilight, and therefore perpetually strained. 
This evil belongs, indeed, in greater or less de- 
gree, to all veils worn over the eyes. The 
figured ones render the light uneven, and con- 
stantly attract visions to the figures, by which 
means they greatly fatigue the eyes, and have 
been thought, in very numerous instances, 
to produce near-sightedness. Closely-drawn 
veils, besides having the disadvantages of 
loose ones, interfere somewhat with the 
evaporation of moisture from the eye, and 
promote inflammation. There are, indeed, some 
conditions of the eyes, or of the surrounding 
air and light, that make the use of veils neces- 
sary at times, but this should always be de- 
termined by a physician. 

As to dresses they should be made " to fit," 
but while neatness should govern your costume 
in all its parts, do not fall into the opposite ex- 
treme of rigid preciseness. I have seen ladies 
so tied and laced and pinned up as to convey 
the impression that if they moved the wondrous 
structure would perforce fall in pieces. I have 
seen others with every ribbon and flounce and 
furbelow so carefully arranged that you would 
think they had been working out Euclid's prop- 
ositions in their silks and satins. Give nature 
room to breathe and move. Relieve the formal 
regularity of your attire by the flow of a ribbon 
or the graceful lines of a bit of lace. 



ON HEAL TH A ND BE A UTY. 121 

Your dresses should be made to fit, not only as 
a matter of personal adornment (which, however, 
is by no means to be neglected), but because ill- 
fitting dresses provoke comment and draw at- 
tention. 

" Dress," says Ruskin, "as plainly as your 
parents will allow you, but in bright (if not 
glaring) colors (if they become you), and in the 
best materials; that is to say, in those that will 
wear the longest. When you are really in want 
of a new dress, buy it (or make it) in the fash- 
ion; but never quit an old one merely because it 
has become unfashionable. And if the fashion 
be costly you must not follow it. You may 
wear broad stripes or narrow, light colors or 
dark, short petticoats or long (in moderation) 
as the public wish you; but you must not buy 
yards of useless stuff to make a knot or a 
flounce of, nor drag them behind you on the 
ground. If you can afford it get your 4 resses 
made by a good dressmaker, with utmost at- 
tainable precision and perfection." 

We believe that few of our readers will deny 
the truth of our assertion when we say that 
beauty is not always when " unadorned, adorned 
the most;" in fact, in spite of the poets, we be- 
lieve that dress has much to do with personal 
loveliness. It can enhance and set off beauties 
and conceal defects in a much greater degree 
than the generality of people are aware of. 
Form and color in conjunction, and modified by 
fashion, are the materials of the art of pictur- 
esque dress as well as of beaut}'. We advisedly 
say picturesque; by it we mean nothing singular 



122 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

or outre*, but that skillful adaptation oiform and 
color which would best serve the artist if he 
were to be called on to paint a portrait of the 
wearer. 

Fashion must be studied Anything just be- 
come old-fashioned will always disagreeably 
affect the eye — probably, as we have said before, 
from association. We do not see the best 
people so dressed; style is lacking, and the 
effect becomes mean and poor. The fashions of 
past centuries have not this effect on us. We 
connect them in imagination with the pictures 
in which we have seen them worn by the great 
and beautiful of past ages, and we admire them 
and even wear them as becoming and ornament- 
al when a fancy ball gives us an opportunity to 
do so. But with modern old-fashions it is very 
different. No one can deny the singular fact 
that nearly everything fashionable is pleasing. 
The extreme of all fashions should, however, be 
avoided. 

Happily those of the present day lend them- 
selves to picturesque effect; and in one point we 
may always use, in a great measure our own 
taste and judgment — I mean in the matter of 
color. 

Now of the secrets of color, our women are 
too generally ignorant, though a move in the 
right direction has been made by recent art- 
teaching, which is having its effect. 

Colors placed in juxtaposition effect a modi- 
fication in tint or hue on each other. Place blue 
and green of nearly the same height of tone side 
by side, and you will perceive that the blue will 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 123 

look less greenish, and become more violet, and 
the green will take an orange tint. 

Under similar conditions, an orange and a red 
mutually effect each other, and pass respectively 
toward yellow and crimson. Even two white 
stripes by the side of two black, or even two 
gray stripes matched with two brown ones 
undergo severally, and severally induce a 
change, the tone of the gray or the brilliancy of 
the white being heightened, those of the brown 
and the black being in a corresponding degree 
lowered by the mutual neighborhood of these 
different stripes. It is then a phenomenon effect- 
ing tone (/. e., relative depth of grayness) as 
well as tint (/. <?., relative quantity of color). 
Furthermore, black, white or gray placed in 
juxtaposition with colored stripes, exhibit 
changes the character of which can be readily 
anticipated by reference to what is called 
Chevreul's law. Thus white with red mutually 
produce difference both in tone and tint. The 
tone of white (absolute whiteness being the 
greatest height of tone, to which all color can 
approximate) reacts on the tone of the red, lower- 
ing it. The color of the red reacts on the color- 
lessness of the white, impressing this with a 
slight tint, not of red, but of the color most dif- 
ferent from the red — that is to say, the comple- 
mentary color, namely green. Thus red and 
white become respectively a deeper-toned 
(darker) red, contrasted with a slightly greenish 
white. Thus, too, black and red become a very 
faintly greenish and much less rich black, and 
more white (lower-toned, paler) red. The hue 



124 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

variations become marvelously distinct in a well- 
chosen gray whose tone is commensurate with 
that of the color juxtaposed to it. Here the 
modification of tone not affecting the relative 
brilliancy of the color and the gray, the former 
impresses on the latter its complementary tint, 
so that a red will render a like-toned gray quite 
perceptibly green, itself becoming of a purer 
redness, while a blue similarly brightened will 
impart to it a decided orange. Grays slightly 
tinted with any color have that color in a sur- 
prising way intensified by juxtaposition with its 
complementary, so that a bluish gray will be- 
come almost a decided blue in the neighborhood 
of orange. 

The effect of color in juxtaposition to the 
complexion has, therefore, to be considered. 
We have seen that red placed against white 
gives the white a tinge of green. Our readers 
will understand, therefore, that although the 
skin is never a pure white, as silk or linen may 
be, still, red placed against it would not be be- 
coming to a very fair complexion. A fair infant 
can scarcely bear the juxtaposition of a decided 
scarlet. 

The rule is, you see, that the color in juxta- 
position will cast its complementary color on 
the skin. But what are the complementary 
colors? We will explain. 

There are three primary colors: red, blue and 
yellow. These united form all the other colors 
— for example: 

Red and blue form purple; red and yellow, 
orange; blue and yellow, green. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 125 

Now each primary color has its complement- 
ary color in the other two mixed together. For in- 
stance, red has green for its complementary, be- 
cause blue and yellow, the two other primary 
colors, make green. The complementary of 
yellow is purple, because red and blue make 
purple. Thus the effect of yellow, if placed in 
juxtaposition to a very white skin, would be to 
give it a tint of purple. 

The complementary of blue is orange, for red 
and yellow make that color. Thus we see that 
red would give a tint of green, yellow of purple, 
and blue of orange. 

The secondary colors formed by the primary 
are green, made by the union of blue and yellow; 
purple formed from red and blue; and orange, 
the union of red and yellow. The complement- 
aries of these colors are the primaries them- 
selves. 

The secondary colors united form the grays, 
which are tinged with the hue of the colors 
which formed them. Thus we have a red gray, 
a blue gray, a greenish gray, a purple gray, etc. 
And then follow all the neutral tints, with the 
browns of many shades, the doves, stones and 
fawn colors. 

It will be apparent to our readers at once that 
the strong primary colors, placed in juxtaposi- 
tion to the skin, cannot be very becoming, un- 
less softened or modified. This is best done by 
the intervention of gray, which color is given by 
lace, the white threads of which reflect light, 
while spaces absorb it, and thus produce a gray 
shade. 



126 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

White lace or black lace interposed between 
a strong color and the skin will be found to pro- 
duce a softening and harmonizing effect. It is 
possible that an instinctive sense of this fact has 
inclined milliners to make their bonnets more 
becoming by edging the strings which touch the 
chin and cheeks with lace. 

The reflection of color is another thing. A 
red light falling on the face would give a rosy 
tint — as we see in the effect of pink hangings to 
rooms, or the reflection of colored glass. But 
in the present day there is little possibility of 
obtaining by dress a reflected color on the face. 
When the bonnets surrounded the face, a pink 
lining would give a pretty rosy flush to it; but 
now-a-days, bonnets cast no reflection, and the 
strings alone test the skill of the wearer, being 
in juxtaposition with the sides of the face. 
Hats, however, may still be studied with a view 
to the effect of reflection. 

In speaking of color, we must remember the 
infinite variety of tints, hues and shades, all 
bearing the same generic name merely modified 
by an uncertain adjective. In nothing is lan- 
guage so wanting as in a nomenclature for 
colors. Blue — but how many shades of blue 
there are! Warm blues, cold blues, gray blues, 
lilac blues — no end of blues! We call them all 
by one name, yet the tint may make all the dif- 
ference. 

" The learned," says one, " who have invented 
so many words, ought to have imagined some 
that might give an exact idea of the colors and 
their shades. There are but few words to 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 127 

designate colors, and even they are taken at 
hazard from ideas that are very far removed 
from each other. This annoys me the more be- 
cause colors have for me harmonies as ravishing 
as those of music, because they awaken in my 
mind thoughts perfectly strict and individual, 
and their influence acts powerfully on my im- 
agination. It often happens, even in houses in 
which I am not very much at home, that I rise 
in the midst of a conversation to go and sepa- 
rate the inimical colors which some unlucky 
chance has wrought into conjunction on one 
piece of furniture. There are, for me, between 
colors and their shades discords as strong as can 
possibly exist between certain notes of music. 
There are no false colors except in the nomen- 
clature of marehandes des modes; but there are 
assemblages of colors as false as the notes of 
any one who had never had a bow in his hand, but 
took up a violin and scraped away at random. 

" I remember two persons who were always 
disagreeable tome on account cf the colors they 
persisted in wearing. The first was a certain 
large woman, who always appeared in green 
dresses and yellow bonnets; the other, a man 
who decked himself out in staring red waist- 
coats and bright blue cravats. I endeavored to 
contend against the prejudices inspired by such 
disfigurements. I have reason to repent. I have 
since had much to complain of in my relation 
with these two persons." 



128 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 



CHAPTER XIV. 

DRESS CONTINUED. 

It has been proposed that colors should be 
denned by the names of flowers, as forget-me- 
not blue, wisteria blue, bugloss blue, etc., a 
plan of which we highly approve. Using, how- 
ever, our present nomenclature, we would say 
that turquoise blue is very becoming (in juxta- 
position) to rather faded or very pale complex- 
ions, while the darker and warmer blue suits 
the fresh complexions. Blue is suitable to most 
persons, but should be softened by white when 
it comes in contact with the skin. It harmonizes 
with its complementary, orange, but fire and 
water are not more discordant than blue and 
yellow. 

A brunette looks most brilliant in an orange 
dress or orange and purple, or orange and black. 
Yellow is sometimes effective with brunettes. 
Black goes well with it; but amber or orange is 
better. Primrose is fainter and more delicate, 
and may be used with purple or cerise. A tall 
figure, inclined to paleness, may wear orange 
and black or orange and purple. 

Rose-color is very becoming to brunettes. A 
paler pink will harmonize with a very fresh 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 1 2g 

young complexion. For the sallow, and those 
who are no longer young, pink is sadly trying; 
it mocks their want of bloom. 

Amber suits dark-haired people, but should 
be avoided by yellow-haired, fair ladies, to whom 
a light green is infinitely becoming. Green is a 
difficult color under gaslight, but may be worn 
in the day with combinations of white. For 
evening wear, it should be relieved with gold. 
Light green may be used with white, or brown, 
or dark green. Dark green. /is a favorite with 
the old painters, but requires to be relieved with 
white, and treated for color with a little crimson. 
Light green gives, in juxtaposition to white, a 
pink tinge. But we must remember, as we have 
said, that the skin is never quite white — and this 
has to be considered when we think of the jux- 
taposition of colors. 

Brown is a good useful color, which may be 
relieved by scarlet or dark blue, or a touch of 
crimson. Charlotte Bronte represents one of 
her heroines, on one occasion, as dressed "in 
merino, the same soft shade of brown as her hair. 
The little collar round her neck lay over a pink 
ribbon, and was fastened with a pink knot." 

Drab and fawn are neutral colors, like gray, 
but somewhat warmer. They are susceptible of 
very various treatment, and may be heightened 
or toned down according to the wearer's fancy. 
Gray, as a neutral color, is generally useful and 
widely popular. It maybe enriched with bright 
colors, even scarlet or crimson, or treated with 
quiet tints. 

Purple may be embellished with gold or 



i 3 o TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

orange, or a little amber, or even scarlet. Mauve 
may be combined with cerise, white and gold. 
For slight mourning, it may be treated with 
black and white. Lavender, for half mourning, 
requires black. 

Black, when not worn as mourning, may be 
used with white, or crimson, or a deep, rich 
yellow. It is almost always becoming and ap- 
propriate; it gives dignity to a petite figure, and 
enhances the mein and bearing of a stately one. 

Cerise agrees with lilac, silver-gray, pale lav- 
ender, or it may be heightened by a dexterous 
use of gold and scarlet. Clant agrees with gold 
or orange. 

Let every one try separately the effect of dif- 
ferent colors against her skin, and suit it her- 
self. Our present aim in these general hints is 
to show how important colors are in their 
effects, and how necessary it is to study them. 
We will, then, merely add that violet, which is a 
modification of purple, gives a yellow tint to the 
skin, and is becoming to no complexion. 

Dead white is becoming to too florid people, 
as it deadens the red color by juxtaposition, but 
it makes pale, faded people look paler still. 

Considering colors with regard to dress, we 
would advise that the great body of color should 
not be a strong and brilliant one, as scarlet, 
violet, bright green, etc., unless it is very much 
softened by dark trimmings. 

The dress should frame a picture, not with- 
draw attention from it to itself. But soft dia- 
phanous dress may be of bright colors, suppos- 
ing that the hue be very delicate. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 131 

With regard to the putting of colors together, 
when two tones of the same color are juxtaposed 
— laid side by side or next to each other — the 
light color will appear lighter, and the dark 
color darker. This applies in respect to light 
and dark; but the same will obtain in reference 
to different colors; thus a blue placed next to 
an orange will have the effect of giving power 
to both, for the orange will be more positively 
orange, and the blue more positively blue, by 
simultaneous contrast. The same holds with 
neutrals or tertiaries, contrasted with primaries 
or secondaries. A red ribbon on any very dark 
ground — say black — would appear light, while 
the same tint of red on a very light or white 
ground would appear much darker. Any color 
in juxtaposition with its complementary must 
be heightened by such position, as must the 
complementary, reciprocally, in the same degree 
by the primary which is its complementary. 
This knowledge may be of great use in arrang- 
ing a lady's toilet. There are some peculiari- 
ties about colors besides this; blue and white 
have a singular power of apparently increasing 
size, consequently they should not be worn by 
stout figures. 

Black apparently diminishes size, as do the 
browns and darker tones of green and crim- 
son. 

There is something very restless in yellow. 
The eye cannot remain pleasantly fixed on any 
mass of it. Beyond a trimming, a ribbon, or a 
flower, it should be used with great judgment. 
But softened and toned down by being partially 



132 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

covered with black lace, it is effective, handsome 
and well suited to brunettes. 

Brown bears trimming with it, in a dark or 
amber shade, and is the only color we like to see 
united to it. 

Black and amber look well together. 

We must say a word here as to the effect of 
colors with regard to the idea of warmth. It is 
a physical fact that some are really warmer, i. e., 
absorb more heat than others. Black, violet, 
indigo, and crimson are warm colors; green, 
blue, yellow, white, are cold, therefore adapted 
for summer wear. The grays are warm or cold, 
according to the tint; a reddish gray would be 
warm; a blue gray, cold. 

Colors also should be worn in due proportion 
of harmony, and, as we have said before, the 
mass of color in a dress should not be of brilliant 
hue. The blacks, browns, grays, stones, dove- 
colors, are all better for the whole of the dress 
than the reds, blues, greens, or ambers, unless 
the latter are subdued by darker trimmings or 
some part of the dress being black; but we 
think, for the due display of beauty, the less 
prominent hues, with gleams of brilliant color 
united to them are best. 

Lines affect the apparent height or breadth of 
the wearer. Stripes or trimmings down a dress 
give the appearance of greater height. Stripes 
or rows of trimming round the figure make it 
appear plumper and shorter. Consequently, too 
tall and too thin people should not wear stripes 
or trimmings down the dress, but round it, and 
the dress should be full and bunchy. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 133 

Short and stout people should wear long 
dresses not much trimmed above the bottom of 
the skirt. Lines or trimmings should run down- 
ward for them. 

The waists of short ladies should not be worn 
too long, whatever the fashion may be, as it 
gives them a wasp-like look. Too great length 
of throat — especially when it is thin and scraggy 
— may be made less perceptible by wearing the 
hair full and low at the back of the neck. The 
dress should be made high at the throat, and a 
ruff or velvet should be worn; or for evening 
dress, a necklace. A throat, too short and 
thick, which brings the head too near the 
shoulders, should have the hair raised at the 
back, and wear neither velvet nor necklace, but 
flat collars, and the dress cut low at the throat. 
We may observe here, 01 passant, that the thick, 
white linen collars worn round the neck, are un- 
becoming except to young ladies. The strong 
contrast of pure white is too trying for a com- 
plexion not in its first bloom; the soft gray of 
lace is much better in its effect. 

Much dignity is given by long and sweeping 
skirts; which also add to the apparent height of 
the figure. Short dresses make their wearers ap- 
pear shorter; but when fashionable have a 
smart piquant look. 

Light materials, which have a certain airy 
grace about them, should be worn by young 
girls. It adds to their apparent age to dress in 
costly moires, velvets or dark rich silks, just as 
light airy dresses actually add in appearance to 
the age of their wearers when they are past 



134 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

youth. The transparent muslin or grenadine of 
brilliant green mauve or blue which looks fairy- 
like and elegant on a young girl, gives an af- 
fected and poor look to her mother or aunt. 

More solid and richer materials, and richer, 
fuller colors belong to middle age which has a 
ripe beauty of its own, and looks best in the 
brilliant hues of autumn, softened against the 
skin by lace, with which youth only can entire- 
ly dispense. It is amazing how the study of a 
harmonious dress will bring out the Juno-like 
beauty of matrons, which is lost in the lightness 
of a more youthful attire. And for old age 
also, soft, dark, warm colors will do much — with 
plenty of lace to soften the faded skin. For 
age, too, has its beauty and it is incumbent on 
old ladies as well as young ones to make the 
most of all personal gifts. A greater care as to 
what is worn is needed in old age. 

For rich, old people, velvet, trimmed with 
old lace or fur, is always a becoming and beau- 
tiful dress; but there should always be gleams 
of rich color about it — crimson, or bright rich 
blue, or violet in the costume somewhere. Old 
withered hands should have lace ruffles hang- 
ing over them. 

The choice of colors and some thought in 
blending them artistically will not take up more 
time than that bestowed on purchasing gar- 
ments in bad taste — displeasing to the cultivated 
eye, and disfiguring to the wearer. 

It is, therefore, surely not beneath the dignity 
of an American lady to take these matters into 
consideration. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 135 

There is no more complete finish to dress than 
a good glove. It should always be a shade 
lighter than the dress with which it is worn. 

Gloves should fit the hands perfectly; but 
there is little chance of this being effected except 
by having them made to measure. ' Every one 
who has been in Paris must remember the care 
with which the glover there tries on and fits her 
gloves. In America, where no trial of them is 
allowed, and the numbers are utterly uncertain, 
one rarely ever obtains a perfectly-fitting glove. 

The glove should be fully long enough to 
come over the wrist, and should have at least 
two or three buttons, otherwise the hand will 
look short and thick. An ill-fitting glove will, 
in fact, disfigure the most lovely hand. Gloves 
of the very palest shade of primrose, which look 
white by gaslight, are more becoming than the 
dead white kid, and last longer. 

Gloves, in former ages, were embroidered with 
pearls and other gems, and were costly property. 
Now-a-days, the excellence of their fit and their 
perfect freshness are their beauty. 

French gloves are considered the best cut, but 
the Irish gloves are quite as good. 

The Swedish kid glove, in its natural tan color, 
looks very well, but it very soon becomes soiled, 
and is therefore not economical. The best 
gloves are always, in the end, the cheapest. 

Gloves sewn with colors make the hands look 
larger. Attention should also be paid to the 
boots worn, as their good or bad shape disfigure 
or display the beauty of the foot. They should 
be made longer than is absolutely necessary, as 



136 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

length of boot makes the foot appear slender. 
Walking boots should be thick enough to keep 
the feet dry. Their thickness will add to the 
height of the figure, and give a good firm tread 
— not flat-footed, as their house shoes are apt to 
look. 

We believe we have now pointed out fully 
what is the effect and value of dress on personal 
beauty. We shall conclude this part of our sub- 
ject with the following extract, as embodying 
our idea of what woman's dress ought to be : 
" In examining a well-executed ideal painting, 
containing a a female figure, we perceive that 
there are no incongruities; the subject has been 
carefully studied in mass and detail. Age, too, 
has been considered. A young girl is repre- 
sented in bright tint of delicate materials, with 
airy, graceful outlines, which veil without hiding 
the rounded contours of youth; the matron is 
more richly and gorgeously arrayed, while the 
redundancy of her figure is obscured by the dark 
colors and long heavy skirts of her robe; and the 
aged lady is well wrapped in warm and abundant 
folds of garments and mantles, which hide her 
shriveled form." 

Jewels should be won? with regard to color. 
Rubies do not look well with mauve, nor topazes 
with red; white pearls and mauve are exquisite 
together, and rubies show best with pearl-color 
and some tints of green. Diamonds, from their 
luster of many hues, may be worn with nearly 
every color, but show best with black. 

A general knowledge of the effect of color 
will, we are sure, do much for harmony in dress. 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 137 

Of colors worn in the hair, we may add that 
they should be brilliant and effective, har- 
monizing or in contrast. In red or auburn hair, 
a pink bow should not be worn; green is the 
contrasting color, and blue looks well in it. 

In black hair, red, amber, light green, or a 
a strong blue, looks well. In fair hair, light 
cerulean blue, deep rose-color, or a strong green, 
will do. 

White flowers do not look well in any light 
hair; colors are better. In pale brown hair, 
crimson ribbon does well, or dark blue. Bru- 
nettes may wear the more brilliant colors, and 
will look the fairer for them. But we advise 
them to put lace always next the skin. 

In well-drawn pictures, we find that a woman's 
hair is arranged to define the natural contour of 
her head In youth, the hair falls backward and 
downward in waving and curling masses; in 
mature womanhood, it is coiled round the head; 
in old age, a silken hood or lace kerchief still 
follows the natural outline. 

In concluding this chapter we beg to remind 
our readers that taste in dress, as in every other 
art, is worth cultivation; and that when its per- 
fection has been attained by American women, 
much of the expense lavished on costly but un- 
becoming and tasteless dress will be spared, for 
they will become capable of inaugurating fash- 
ions themselves, and will learn how, at how little 
expense, good taste will improve their national 
beauty 



138 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 



CHAPTER XV. 

MANNER AND DEPORTMENT. 

The secret of good manners is to forget one's 
own self altogether. The people of really fine 
breeding are the ones who never think of them- 
selves, but only of the pleasure they can give to 
others. No adornment of beauty, of learning 
or accomplishment go so far in its power to at- 
tract as the one gift of sympathy. 

The great secret of Madame Recamier's sway 
over the hearts of others was this one thing only 
— her genuine and unaffected interest in the 
good and ill fortunes of her friends. She really 
cared for the happiness and success of others, 
and they felt the genuineness of her sympathy. 
It surrounded her with an immortal charm. 

Let any girl imitate Madame Recamier's man- 
ner. Let her go into society thinking nothing 
of the admiration she may win, but everything 
of the happiness she may confer. It matters 
little whether her face is beautiful or her toilet 
costly. Before the end of many months she will 
be a happy girl herself, for the world likes sun- 
shine and sympathy, and turns to them as the 
flowers to the sun in June. 



ON HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 139 

The bearing in repose should be natural. It 
should indicate qualities appropriate to the in- 
dividual, and either pleasing in their nature or 
at all events of a character likely to excite sym- 
pathy. In the latter case they should be sub- 
dued. The question may be asked, what if the 
qualities of the individual are neither pleasing 
nor fitted to excite sympathy? This is the in- 
dividual's own concern. If her inner nature is 
repulsive and unpleasant, so much the worse 
for her. But I shall recommend her to try to 
look like what she ought to be. In so doing she 
may be led to be what she ought to look like. 
This applies both to temper and to personal 
state of character and feelings. In trying to 
look cheerful one may succeed in cheering one's 
self. 

The management of the hands in society seems 
to embarrass young people greatly. This comes 
from the false modesty which induces them to 
suppose that they are the observed of all ob- 
servers. Let them think only of themselves in 
due proportion of estimate with the vast multi- 
tude of mankind and frequent habitually the 
society of the refined, and they will probably 
overcome much of their awkwardness, if they do 
not acquire a large degree of grace. 

There are some tricks of habit which are more 
or less disfiguring. Some are particularly com- 
mon and deserve to be named. 

The movement of the features expressive of 
emotions which are not really felt. For exam- 
ample, the trick of raising the eyebrows when 
listening to a statement incapable of exciting 



140 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

any astonishment, or indeed when the mind is 
perfectly vacant at the time. The knitting of 
the brow when no mental labor of any kind is 
being experienced. 

The mouth is a very favorite feature with am- 
ateur contortionists. Now it is a sensation of 
idiotic pleasure that is expressed by a fatuous 
smile, and then again it is apparently a most ex- 
cruciating tooth-ache, indicated by drawn and 
compressed lips. In addition to this the knuck- 
les get well rubbed into the eyes, the eyebrows 
are raised to their utmost, and the eyelids 
opened to a stupendous stare. This, perhaps, 
leads to the discovery that no single article of 
clothing on the person in question is quite as it 
ought to be as regards fit. The collar causes a 
circumduction of the head like the motion of a 
top slowly expiring in its spinning. The shoul- 
ders also have to be drawn back and the chest 
expanded, apparently to prevent imminent as- 
phyxia. Of course, the throat has to be cleared 
with a meek, melancholy little high-pitched 
" hem." Then follows the adjusting of the 
cuffs, and so on and so forth. 

Defects of sight and hearing lead to well- 
known tricks such as, in the former case, a peer- 
ing look with the head forward and the eyes 
half shut, and in the latter, a rather dazed and 
absent manner, not to mention a look of perplex- 
ity. Persons who do not hear or see well should 
be mindful of these tendencies and not give way 
to them. 

For the removal of some unfortunate trick, 
the exercise of will is of course essential. In 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 141 

getting rid of bad habits great assistance can be 
obtained from a friend who is willing to remind 
one of them, from time to time. A deep debt 
of gratitude is due to such a friend, because she 
generally undertakes a task much more likely to 
provoke resentment than to win thanks. 

Some people are unable to sit on a chair, 
though they have so many opportunities of 
learning how to do it. While some never fairly 
get on a seat but to their own manifest discom- 
fort and that of all who look upon their misery, 
poise and balance themselves on the sharp edge, 
there are others who roll their bodies up into 
heaps, as it were, and throw them with an 
audible bounce deep into the receptacle, what- 
ever it may be. 

Every one seating herself should take her 
place deliberately, and so completely that she 
may feel the full repose of the chair, which it is 
designed to give. The limbs once at rest, 
should be moved, if moved at all, as noiselessly 
as possible. Sprawling of all kinds is avoided 
by well-bred people, who shun excessive ease as 
much as excessive formality. It may not be 
amiss to remind the heedless and the young, 
that, on entering the room of the house of a 
stranger or that of a visiting acquaintance, it is 
not becoming to throw one's self at once on the 
sofa, or into an easy-chair, and sink into its 
luxurious depths. The common seat will be 
selected by the considerate, and all the excep- 
tional provisions for extra ease and comfort 
left untouched until the invitation to enjoy 
them is given. 



142 



TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 



The greatest foe of grace is self-conscious- 
ness. This alone will spoil both it and beauty. 
Byron's heroine, who never thought about her- 
self at all, was doubtless as graceful as Cleo- 
patra. A woman who puts her individual self 
aside altogether, cannot fail of attaining a cer- 
tain sort of grace, because she will be perfectly 
at her ease. 

French women are more graceful than Ameri- 
cans, because they are less self-conscious. A 
French woman unexpectedly brought into the 
presence of strangers, in an old or otherwise un- 
fitting dress, will directly forget it, in entertain- 
ing her guests, and by the charm of her own ease 
will make her bad dress pass unobserved. An 
American is instantly painfully conscious of every 
defect of toilet, and becomes awkward because 
she cannot forget herself. This half-vain, half- 
modest self-consciousness in former days caused 
affectation; in the present day it has a less bane- 
ful effect, but it produces awkwardness and a 
blunt, ungraceful manner. 



ON HE A LTH A ND BE A UTY. 143 



CHAPTER XVI. 

CONVERSATION AND SOCIAL ARTS. 

It is not possible to teach an art of conversa- 
tion. On the other hand it is not difficult to 
lay down certain general rules, the observance 
of which must be held as indispensable to your 
success as a conversationalist in society — that 
is, as a talker who talks not to display her wit 
or acquirements, but to promote the comfort of 
the company in which she finds herself. 

1. The true spirit of conversation consists less 
in displaying one's own cleverness than in 
bringing out the cleverness of other people. 
The person who quits your company satisfied 
with herself and what she has said, will assured- 
ly be quite as satisfied with you. 

2. To listen well is quite as indispensable as 
to talk well, and it is the skill with which she 
listens that one of good society is known. If 
you wish people to listen to you you must lis- 
ten to them; a French writer adds, "or seem to 
do so," but I cannot recommend any such in- 
sincerity or deception, which, moreover, in the 
long run I think will prove of no avail. 

3. There is quite as much cleverness shown in 
listening well as in talking well. 

4. Let not your patience give way when 



144 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

elderly people are garrulous. Respect old age; 
you yourself may live to require the indulgence 
which you are now recommended to exercise. 

4. There are social Munchausens whose narra- 
tives make tremendous demands on your creduli- 
ty. Do not express your belief in what you disbe- 
lieve, for that would be to utter a falsehood; do 
not express an open dissent, for that would be 
to commit a rudeness. Take refuge in a cour- 
teous silence and — change the subject. 

5. I do not know that I need repeat the 
minute advice of the author of the Manuel du 
Bon Ton, that when any one is speaking, we 
should not yawn, or hum an air, or drum with 
our fingers on a piece of furniture, or whisper in 
a neighbor's ear, or take a letter out of our 
pocket and read it, or look at our watch; and 
yet the advice is not wholly unnecessary, for when 
a bore afflicts us, it is difficult to avoid showing 
our boredness, and in our mood of disgust and 
weariness, we almost unconsciously resort to 
various ways of relieving our feelings at the ex-* 
pense of our politeness. But even this imperti- 
nence sinks into the shade before the rudeness 
of interrupting a speaker, even if it be to expose 
a fallacy or correct a matter of fact, or to sug- 
gest a word or phrase to help her out of a slough 
of hesitation. 

6. Be careful how you distribute praise or 
blame to your neighbors; some of those present 
will have their prejudices or partialities, which 
you will be sure to offend. 

7. Speak of yourself as little as possible. If 
you speak in praise, you expose yourself to ridi- 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 145 

cule; if you blame yourself, nobody will think 
you in earnest, and it will be assumed that you 
are seeking free compliments. 

8. Do not pay compliments, unless you can do 
so with grace, and in such a manner that, 
though the person on whom the sweet flattery is 
bestowed recognize it as undeserved, he or she 
may still believe that on your part it is perfectly 
sincere. Dean Swift says, pithily: " Nothing is 
so great an instance of ill-manners as flattery. 
If you flatter all the company, you please none; 
if you flatter only one or two, you affront the 
rest." But an elegant compliment at an op- 
portune moment, and spoken with an air of 
frankness, carries with it an irresistible charm. 
Thus Chateaubriand, when an old man, met 
Rachel, the tragedienne, then in the first flush 
of her fame. "What a pity," he exclaimed, " to 
die, when so much genius is making its appear- 
ance in the world." "In some cases it may be 
so," answered Rachel, " but you know, sir, there 
are some who possess the privilege of immor- 
tality." 

If you can frame such an eloquent speech as 
this, go on and prosper; but, I pray you, re- 
member that an awkward compliment is next of 
kin to an open insult. 

9. In a stormy discussion, do not commit 
yourself to either side — in medio tutissimus ibis. 

I need hardly observe that if every one acted on 
this golden rule, there would be no stormy dis- 
cussions. Truth lies in a well, I suppose, be- 
cause it is always calm down there. 

10. Gesticulate as little as you can while 



146 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GLRLS 

speaking. Do not spread out your fingers like 
a fan, nor point them at your neighbor like so 
many darts. 

ii. Do not talk too much. Let there be 
occasional " flashes of silence." A good story is 
told of a certain clever lady of fashion, who was 
one of these relentless conversationalists. Some 
unkind friends resolved to compensate them- 
selves for their sufferings by mercilessly expos- 
ing her, asked permission to introduce her to a 
young gentleman of unusual ability. She con- 
sented, and very graciously received him; but 
before he had time to open his mouth, she 
launched into the stream of talk, discussing all 
kinds of topics, and pelting him with volleys of 
questions to which she allowed him no oppor- 
tunity of making a reply. At last the gentleman 
moved, and took leave. 

" Well, what do you think of him ?" inquired 
his introducers. 

" A very agreeable man, and most intelligent. 
It is long since I have met any one so thorough- 
ly well informed. 

" Your judgment is quite correct," was the 
reply. " Poor fellow, he has only one fault, or 
rather misfortune. 'Tis sad that one so agreea- 
ble and well informed should be — deaf and 
dumb." 

Swift comments upon two faults in conversa- 
tion, which appear very different, yet spring 
from the same root, and are equally blamable. 
The first, an impatience to interrupt others; 
and the second, a great uneasiness when we 
ourselves are interrupted The chief objects of 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 147 

all conversation, whether conversation proper 
or small talk, are to entertain and improve our 
companions, and in our own persons to be im- 
proved and entertained; and if we steadily aim 
at these objects, we shall certainly escape the 
two faults indicated by the Dean. If any one 
speak in company, we may suppose that he does 
it for the sake of his hearers, and not for his 
own; so that common discretion will teach him 
not to force their attention if they are unwilling 
to lend it, nor, on the other hand, to interrupt 
him who is in possession, because that is in the 
grossest manner, to indicate his conviction of 
his own superiority. 

"There are some people," says Swift, "whose 
good manners will not suffer them to interrupt 
you; but what is almost as bad, they will dis- 
cover abundance of impatience, and be upon 
the watch until you have done,, because they 
have started something in their own thoughts 
which they long to be delivered of. Meantime 
they are so far from regarding what passes that 
their imaginations are wholly turned upon what 
they have in reserve, for fear it should slip out 
of their memory; and thus they confine their in- 
vention, which might otherwise range over a 
hundred things full as good, and that might be 
much more naturally introduced." 

[For further discussion of " Manner " the 
reader is referred to " The Usages of the Best 
Society," a companion volume to this.] 



148 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 



CHAPTER XVII. 

CARE OF BEAUTY IN INFANCY. 

Beauty to be Thought of in Infancy — Inseparable from 
Health — Preserving the Complexion — Air, Exercise, 
Diet — Bath — Light — Tanning and Freckling — Teeth — 
Gums — Figure — Walking — Reclining — Feet — Exer- 
cises — Hair — Eyes. 

We must include in our little treatise a few- 
words to mothers on the importance of early 
taking into consideration the personal appear- 
ance of their children. And happily the sub- 
ject leads to the benefit not only of the beauty, 
but the health of their babes, for without health 
there is no hope of ultimate beauty. 

All babes are lovely. If their features do not 
promise perfection, their complexion, when 
healthy, is beauty itself. How clear and pure 
the skin is! How bright and limpid the glance! 
How sweet and soothing the divine expression 
of purity and innocence! That lovely complex- 
ion may be preserved, but, alas, it seldom is! 
Our babes are too often shut up from the oxy- 
gen which should nourish the blood which 
forms their complexion, in close small nurseries; 
sometimes in New York, underground; and they 
sleep in cities, too often in small ill-ventilated 
rooms, with their nurses. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 149 

Now, the first essential for a child's future 
beauty is ozone — that is, pure air and plenty of 
it, and sunshine. No nursery should look to- 
ward the north — it should have the morning 
sun, and it should be airy; and no child should 
sleep in a small bedroom with its nurse, with a 
smaller allowance of air than the law makes 
necessary in a national school. Give your 
babes, oh, mothers, plenty of air and light, and 
they will grow like the flowers and be as lovely 
as they are. 

Children who are unable to go out during the 
unseasonable weather should be put in the sun- 
niest window every bright day and kept there 
for some time. The unhealthy pallor so notice- 
able in children who have been confined to the 
house for any length of time will thus be re- 
moved. 

Do not allow your little girls to freckle, for 
freckles are difficult to remove, and come early. 
They are caused by the oxygen in the air com- 
bining under the influence of sunshine; they 
may be prevented by shading the face with a 
hat or bonnet of proper dimensions. 

If the4ittle face gets tanned, it will be worth 
washing it with elderflower at once. In fact, in 
summer it is sometimes needed to cool the skin. 

Soft rain-water should always be used for in- 
fants, and never allow your nurse to be guilty 
of the dirty and skin-injuring process of bath- 
ing or washing two or three children in the 
same water. We are quite aware that this is 
never done in the higher-class nurseries; but 
we believe it is too often the case in poorer 



150 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

ones. The water used should be quite pure 
and clean; the soap of the very best kind 
— glycerine or castile soap, or the very best yel- 
low, not, of course, that ordinarily used in 
washing; but yellow soap is not unpleasant on 
an infant's skin. 

Exercise daily and good food are required 
for future beauty. 

The mother may cut (carefully) the eyelashes 
of the sleeping infant (using scissors with two 
blunted points), and she will thus ensure long 
curled lashes by-and-by. Every morning the 
wee nose should be carefully stroked between 
the finger and thumb to make it a good shape; 
and as the little girl grows older, her eyebrows 
may have a little cocoa-nut oil applied, if they 
appear to grow too thin and pale. 

As the teeth grow they should be watched. 
They may be washed night and morning. 
Should the first teeth show signs of decay, the 
child should at once be taken to a good dentist 
for advice. Unless the first teeth are properly 
cared for and filled if necessary, the second 
ones will be poor. Brown bread should always 
be given to children; they require it for the for- 
mation of bones and teeth, as it contains phos- 
phates of wheat. 

The gums, if the teeth threaten decay, should 
be bathed with weak myrrh and water. Ex- 
amine also the diet, and ascertain that no sugar- 
plums are given in the nursery. Pure white 
sugar will not hurt; but bon-bons are too often 
poisonous. 

Watch the appearing of the second teeth. If 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 151 

they grow evenly, do no not touch them; Dut if 
they are irregular, put them straight every day 
by gentle pressure. The pressure of a mother's 
tender finger will prevent much future expense 
and pain in dentistry. Never let your children — 
when the second teeth come — use hard tooth- 
brushes; a small sponge and lukewarm water, 
used after every meal, is sufficient at first. 
When all are changed, a badger's-hair tooth- 
brush may be given to the child, and must be 
used occasionally, or about once a day. Stroke 
the eye-brows every morning into an arch. 

With regard to the figure, we counsel you 
never to put the child in stays. Leave her as 
free in form as her brother, and she will be well- 
shaped and graceful A loose band of jean 
is sufficient to make her dress fit smoothly. Do 
not permit a tight string anywhere; examine 
her dress daily yourself, for nurses are too care- 
less in such matters. 

Do not suffer her to sit without support to ner 
back; encourage her to rest the spine by lying 
back in a chair; and once a day, after walking, 
make your children, both boys and girls, lie flat 
on the floor, on a sheet, for an hour. This will 
save weak spines and make fine figures. It is a 
matter of great importance, though seldom at- 
tended to by parents, to select proper chairs for 
their children, when they first commence to sit 
down. The seat should be firm and regular, for 
if soft and low in the middle, the child's neck 
will be sure to sink within its shoulders, and its 
figure to turn and become distorted from the 
want of a uniform and solid support. 



152 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

It has been recommended to use a chair with 
a wooden seat, provided with a screw, by which 
it can be raised or lowered. Young girls should 
always hold themselves straight, especially when 
at work, avoiding, however, excessive stiffness. 
In sewing or reading, instead of bending to 
their work or book, they should rather lift them 
to their eyes. They should strive, moreover, 
to keep their posture as erect as possible when 
at the piano, the easel, or the drawing board 

Children should not be made to sit still long 
at a time. If they are kept long in one place, 
they will fidget, move restlessly from side to 
side, and take attitudes which may make them 
grow crooked. Let them often march, and clap 
their hands, and raise their arms, as in infant 
schools — the training of which might be, with 
advantage, introduced into our nurseries. 

The arm exercises already suggested in this 
little book, should be used after ten years of 
age; and no stooping lesson — such as writing a 
copy, or bending over maps — should end with- 
out them. Accustom the children to walk about 
the room every day for about a half an hour, 
with their hands crossed behind their backs, and 
a book on their heads; and give a reward to the 
child who can soonest carry a light basket or 
vase on her head without letting it fall. 

Exercises with the feet are also good for 
children, and may be taught with advantage. 
They should never be suffered to do anything 
awkwardly, without being shown how to do it 
better; but they must not be harassed with fre- 
quent fault-finding, or laughed at, or they will 



ON HE A LTH AND BE A UTY. 153 

grow shy, nervous and infallibly awkward. 
Notice if a child bites it nails, and check the 
habit at once, as it utterly spoils both nails and 
fingers. 

It is by careful watching in infancy and child- 
hood that high-bred girls are made so lovely and 
graceful; for beauty must be cared about, and 
grace inculcated in the nursery, if we hope to 
see its perfection in after years. When school- 
room duties come, the same watchfulness cannot 
be so well exercised, but if the previous years 
have been well cared for, much may be left to 
habit, and a wise parent will take care of any 
awkwardness incidental to girlhood. 

We have now the child's hair to speak about. 
The mode of wearing it hanging loose is much 
the best for it; but, we think, out of doors, it 
should be tucked up or shaded by the hat or 
sun-bonnet, as it will fade in the air and sun- 
light to the color of hay. It should never be 
cut. The finest hair in the world grows on the 
heads of Dutch and German women, who have 
never had scissors applied to it. If it is never 
cut, it will never want cutting, under ordinary 
circumstances; but if it falls off, or is abnor- 
mally thin, then cut the ends every month. 
Neither should grease be used to a child's hair; 
it does not need it. It should be washed daily 
with soft water, and, when dry, well brushed. 
This is all the care necessary for rapid and 
ample growth. 

The eyes should not be suffered to be tried by 
reading at twilight or candlelight, and plenty of 
sleep should be given before midnight — as that 



154 TALKS WITH HOMELY' GIRLS 

is the "beauty sleep." Girls should go to bed 
at seven till they are twelve years old, and rise 
early. 

Care must be taken not to place an infant 
always in the same positidn, in reference to the 
light, for by constantly turning its eyes in that 
direction, the neck and body may become per- 
manently twisted. The practice, not seldom 
indulged in, of lifting a child by the head, to 
make him "see London," as it is called, not only 
distorts, in time, the carriage of the head and 
neck, but may again, as it has already done, 
prove fatal to life. The lifting or suspension of 
a child by means of leading strings is sure to 
cause that ugliest of deformities, the sinking of 
the neck between the shoulders. 

In nothing is it of more importance to take 
time by the forelock than in the matter of 
beauty. Care of it in childhood never loses its 
ultimate reward, and spares much further 
trouble. We commend the subject to the more 
serious consideration of mothers. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 155 



CHAPTER XVIII. 

HARMONY AND ELEMENTS OF BEAUTY. 

Physical Defects — " Making-up " — Dancing — Late Hours 
— The Voice. 

For the development of personal beauty, then, 
it is evident that the only reasonable and suc- 
cessful course is the use of all these hygienic 
measures which are necessary to secure a healthy 
action of every part. 

Two considerations here are important. The 
first is that the effect of beauty will be defeated 
if there is a seeming want of adaptation, even 
though there be no real want. It is a principle 
in architecture that no projecting or overhang- 
ing part of a building shall be without apparetit 
support, no matter how secure it may really be. 
The reason is, that it gives to the beholder a 
sense of insecurity, and so, seeming to want 
adaptation to the purpose for which it was de- 
signed, its beauty is defective. 

On this principle we put brackets under a 
shelf, even though they may not be needed for 
support, or may not really afford support, and 
thus add to its beauty, or rather, thus bring out 
its beauty. It would be unbeautiful without the 



156 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

brackets, although, in fact, as well adapted to 
its use without as with them. So a person 
whose symmetry of form and feature and per- 
fect complexion indicate the most perfect adap- 
tation of every power of body to its appropri- 
ate exercise, may be made to appear clumsy in 
form, and sickly-hued by an ill-shaped and 
badly-colored dress, or by the unfortunate sur- 
roundings. These matters belong to the de- 
partment of art, yet, since they affect so closely 
beauty of person, which is dependent on hy- 
gienic rules and practices, an allusion to them is 
warranted. 

The second consideration is that beauty has 
many different elements and many different 
forms, and, while it is very rare to find all the 
elements of beauty united in one person, it is 
still more rare to find a person who has none. 
Often a single beautiful feature redeems and 
renders attractive a face that is otherwise 
plain. 

Sometimes a person has no beauty of feature, 
yet a fine complexion, a shapely hand, an ele- 
gant form, or some peculiar grace of motion or 
manner, charms the beholder. It is the same 
with beauty of mind. Few minds are symmet- 
rically beautiful. Some persons are very dull 
talkers, but fine writers. Others are very com- 
monplace writers and brilliant talkers. Again, 
in both body and mind there may be different 
styles of beauty. We may have the dark and 
the fair, the tall and the petite, the slender and 
lithe and the full-formed, the grave and the 
piquant, the majestic and the vivacious, the 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY., 157 

serene and the brilliant, all beautiful after their 
kind, because all adapted to certain ends. 

Very many make the mistake of trying to be 
what they are not and can never be, instead of 
making the most of what they are. It seems a 
very common thing for us to overlook or dis- 
guise the elements of beauty that rightfully be- 
long to us, and to make ourselves unattractive 
and absurd, by dressing our bodies or minds 
with such adornments as are only suited to some 
person of different mold. 

Another common fallacy is to attempt to 
remedy some known defect of body or mind by 
means that only render it more apparent and 
glaring, as when one loads the fingers of a large 
and coarse hand with flashing rings, or when a 
dull-witted person entertains a company with a 
stumbling rehearsal of vapid jokes. If there ex- 
ists an unavoidable defect from any cause it is 
best to leave that defect to itself, and develop 
the possible beauty that is elsewhere apparent. 
If one has a club-foot, it is not desirable to make 
it conspicuous by unsuccessful attempts to im- 
prove its appearance. It is much better to so care 
for the symmetrical members that they shall im- 
press the beholder pleasantly, while the foot at- 
tracts little or no attention, thus the whole effect 
is one of beauty. So with any other defect. 
Few are without some serious one, but there is 
always some special grace of body or mind, or 
some combination of such graces, that may be 
so cultivated as to withdraw attention from the 
defects, and produce only the effect of beauty. 

This may be called an economy of forces, and 



158 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

the principle is applicable to all exercises of 
power. It is not possible for any one to do 
everything for which the human frame is adapt- 
ed. It is not even possible for any one person 
in the course of a lifetime to do all the things 
for which that person is adapted. It is necessary 
for us to choose from the many things that we 
might do well that which we can do best, or 
which we would rather do (commonly, but not 
always the same thing), or that which, from the 
force of circumstances, we must do; and in 
bending our energies to that, and making the 
utmost of it, while we leave other works to other 
workers, we shall find our greatest usefulness 
and our fullest happiness. 

It is a question whether beauty, like good- 
ness, must not necessarily be genuine in order 
to be admirable. We despise the hypocrite, we 
laugh at the artificially lovely. Yet there is a 
large class which is so desirous of admiration 
that in its pursuit any deceit is considered justi- 
fiable. 

The climax of this theory is reached when the 
old lady of eighty-five is held up to admiration 
because, at a little distance, she would pass for 
thirty. Proudly her " makers-up " point out 
how this effect is produced; her skin is enamel- 
ed — besides being " tightened " to prevent 
wrinkles — her eyelashes are stained, her figure 
is " made." She is false all over. Now, is this 
admirable? Would not a little honest old age 
and ugliness be more agreeable? Be this as it 
may be, it is not very important. When a lady 
has reached the mature age of eighty-five, her 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 159 

appearance troubles no one very much except 
her grandchildren. But when it comes to the 
lady you love, or might love if you were quite 
certain that she was genuine, the case is differ- 
ent. It is bad to know that your dear Angela 
must sleep in corsets, or she never, never could 
attain to that abominably slender waist; it is 
sad to think of the inevitable results on her poor 
little feet of those Louis Quinze heels, which 
make her pretty boots looks so bewitching. 

But such sins as these, such triflings with the 
human frame divine, are things too common to 
complain of. When Angela's hair slowly but 
surely changes its color, that, too, must be borne 
in silence, even if the new shad« is nothing like 
so becoming as its predecessor. But when you 
begin to fancy Angela's nose is growing Gre- 
cian — when at last you are positive that a change 
has taken place! — then it is not pleasant to guess 
that Angela, in the sweet hours of sleep, wears 
a nose-machine. 

The picture is not pretty nor pleasing, how 
much worse must it appear to the sufferer' 
Figure to yourself what it must feel like to take 
your beauty sleep with a pair of pincers on your 
nose! That pretty old-fashioned expression has 
now taken a new and dreadful meaning. Any 
one who desires to possess a Grecian nose has 
but to sleep in torment for a week or two and 
the great result is obtained. It is not, as a rule, 
positively ugly women who make themselves 
suffer in these various ways; it is the woman 
who just falls short of being a beauty. Some 
blemish stands in her way, and she resolves to 



160 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

remove it. She is unconscious of how great a 
step the first is. Once having weakened her 
moral sense on the subject of artificiality, she is 
ready to be the victim of the quacks and charla- 
tans who live on the proceeds of pigments and 
powders and instruments of torture. 

Perhaps her first folly is nothing greater than 
the use of some bloom of roses to improve her 
complexion. That is no great sin, though pale 
cheeks are better than any rouge. . But when 
she gets this she becomes acquainted with a 
dozen other little artifices. 

Why not have sunrays in her hair? Why not 
tighten the skin under her eyes to prevent those 
crow's-feet from coming, which show so at the 
end of the season? Why not yield to the subtle 
suggestion of the enameler and improve her 
complexion a little — just a very little — so as to 
be only just perceptible? Why not color her 
eyebrows and lashes just enough to make them 
more effective? These temptations are so in- 
viting, and apparently so innocent, that they 
are sure of success with the unhappy woman 
who looks in her glass and sees a doubtful 
beauty. Then, when she makes her various 
small experiments, she finds herself embarked 
upon a most fascinating occupation. Then, too, 
she finds she has taken steps which cannot be 
retraced. Once enameled, always enameled. 
The professed beauty can only afford to be yel- 
low, " gray and uncurled " in secret. She finds 
herself precipitated on the downward path. 

The mysterious charm- of expression has more 
to do with it than all the details of the toilet put 



ON HEAL TH A ND BE A UT Y. ifti 

together. As one instinctively distrusts the man 
who affects a virtue, though he has it not, so one 
but doubtfully admires the woman who pro- 
fesses to be a beauty, though she is none. The 
best of hypocrites, however great an actress she 
may be, must always carry about her something 
of the expression of Uriah Heep; and the most 
admirably "made-up " beauty has a conscious- 
ness of manner, an artificiality of expression 
which tells the tale of her deceit, even if her art 
should be sufficient to make concealment per- 
fect. In the end she will regret that she did not 
keep to our grandmother's cosmetics, May-day 
dew and June rain-water. 

In old times dancing was regarded not only 
as an elegant accomplishment, but as the only 
means for acquiring the fine and graceful gait 
suitable for the higher walks of life. 

Locke, in his Treatise on Education, says: 
" Dancing, being that which gives graceful mo- 
tion to all our limbs, and a becoming confidence 
to young children, I think cannot be learned too 
early." 

No one, we suppose, in these liberal days, 
strenuously opposes dancing, if properly regu- 
lated, which it seldom is. Our young folks cul- 
tivate it as diligently as if they thought, with 
the dancing-master in Moliere's comedy, that, 
though philosophy might possibly be something, 
there was nothing so necessary to mankind as 
dancing, it is well, perhaps, that children should 
subject their flexible feet and limbs to a course 
of dancing lessons. They thus acquire a more 
assured ease and grace. We cannot, however, 



1 62 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

see the necessity of dancing the german from 
midnight to four o'clock in the morning, six 
days out of the seven of each week. On the 
contrary, it is quite apparent that this is an ex- 
cess which is wholesome neither for body nor 
mind. While it may be favorable to freedom of 
communion and ease of manners, it is conducive 
neither to a graceful address nor a decorous 
behavior. 

Dancing is a gentle exercise, favorable to the 
health and graceful development of the body, 
but, like all physical exercises, must be pursued 
at seasonable times, and under such circum- 
stances as are dictated by Nature, or it will be- 
come hurtful. With every additional move- 
ment of the limbs the respiration is in- 
creased, and the lungs take in a large supply of 
air; and this, if not pure, will act upon the sys- 
tem with the virulence of a poison. We need 
hardly say, what must be obvious to every one 
who has breathed it, that the atmosphere of the 
crowded ball-room is not in the condition suita- 
ble to health. The dancers, by their quickened 
motion, and necessarily increased respiration, 
are absorbing the most of the poison, while at 
the same time each is adding to its virulence. 
When the air is impure, the greater safety is in 
repose than in movement. Better no exercise 
at all than exercise in a poisonous atmosphere, 
such as must be breathed by our party-going 
beaux and belles six nights of the week. 

The exercise of dancing under these circum- 
stances becomes a source, as we all know, of 
prostration and ill-health. No frequenter of 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 163 

the crowded ball will pretend that he or she, 
after a night spent in dancing, sleeps more 
soundly, awakes more refreshingly, and resumes 
the duties or labors of the day with a lighter 
step and a livelier spirit. The looks are certain- 
ly not improved. Whatever, therefore, may be 
said in favor of fashionable dancing as a social 
element, it cannot be justified as an exercise 
favorable to the health or beauty of the body. 

The American voice is generally more nasal 
and high-pitched than the English. Our women, 
particularly, are far less gentle and sweet-toned 
in speech than their British cousins. Some 
charitably-inclined persons suggest that the 
sharpness of the American voice may possibly 
be somewhat due to the prevalent condition of 
the atmosphere of this country. Granting that 
the shrill voice may be greatly due to natural 
causes, we yet do not doubt that much can be 
done by care to qualify its monotonous harsh- 
ness. 

Children, in accordance with their general 
freedom from restraint, are allowed to exercise 
their voices, as the rest of their franchises, with- 
out check. They put them to the full stretch of 
their powers, and consequently shout when they 
should talk. Thus their utterance becomes ha- 
bitually loud and impetuous, and necessarily 
shrill and monotonous, for high and sharp and 
hasty are unmodulated tones. A little more 
rigidity of discipline in childhood would do 
much, we think, to correct these vocal defects. 

Let our damsels bear always in mind that 
there is nothing so charming in woman as a low, 



1 64 



TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 



sweet voice, and strive accordingly to evoke some 
variety and softness of tone from their vocal or- 
gans. 

The practice of reading aloud is a good means 
of learning to modulate the voice, and in pro- 
nouncing each word the mouth should be fairly 
opened, that the guttural sound may be heard, 
and not lost in a predominating nasal twang. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 165 



CHAPTER XIX. 

GENERAL CARE OF THE HEALTH. 

The ignorance of hygienic laws, which affects 
so disastrously the health of the rich as well as 
the poor, exists chiefly in regard to dress, ablu- 
tion and ventilation. Of the two former we 
have spoken at some length; a few words now 
in connection with the latter subject. 

The Italians have a proverb, that where the 
sun does not enter the doctor must, and with 
them the first point to be considered in the 
selection of a house is, what is its exposure to 
the sun? And they are careful to locate their 
sleeping-rooms on the side of the house where 
there will be the most sun. 

Every housekeeper knows the necessity of 
giving her woolens the benefit of the sun from 
time to time, and especially after a long rainy 
season or a long absence of the sun. Many 
will think of the injury their clothes are liable to 
from dampness, who will never reflect, that an 
occasional exposure of their own bodies to the 
sun-light is equally necessary to their own health. 
The three things most necessary to health — sun- 
light, fresh air, and pure water — are free to all. 
You can have them in abundance, if you will. 



166 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

If you would enjoy good health, see to it that 
you are supplied with pure air to breathe at all 
times. 

As nothing can wash us clean but pure water, 
so nothing can cleanse the blood, nothing can 
make health-giving blood but the agency of 
pure air. The great fact that those who are out 
of doors most, summer and winter, day and 
night, rain or shine, have the best health, does of 
itself falsify the impression that out-door air is 
unhealthy, as compared with in-door air at the 
same time. 

Many persons complain of always getting up 
tired in the morning. This is very often due to 
defective ventilation of the bedroom, or from 
using an undue amount of bedclothes and bed- 
ding. The habit of lying with the head under 
blankets is also very pernicious, by reason of the 
carbonic acid exhaled by the sleeper being 
respired. Again, it is a common error to sup- 
pose that by simply opening a window a little 
at the top a room can be ventilated. People 
forget that for proper ventilation there must be 
an inlet and outlet for the air. In bedrooms 
there is often neither, and if there is a fire-place 
it is generally closed up. Again, it is a mistake 
to suppose that the foul air goes to the top of a 
room. Certainly the heated air goes to the top, 
but the chief impurity, the carbonic acid, falls to 
the bottom. There is nothing so efficacious in 
removing the lower strata of air as the ordinary 
open fire-place, especially if there is a fire burn- 
ing. The usual defect in ventilation is the want 
of a proper inlet for the air. If the window be 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 167 

open, the cold air, being heavier, pours down 
into the room, causing draughts; if the door be 
open or ajar, the same thing occurs. 

The perfection of ventilation in any room 
may be obtained with a fire-place, by simply 
providing proper inlets for the air, and nothing 
answers so well for the purpose as air tubes. 

A constant supply of fresh air is thus secured 
without the slightest liability to draught. The 
same principle can be carried out in any room 
with a sash window, by cutting out two or three 
holes an inch wide and three inches long in the 
woodwork of the upper sash where it joins the 
lower one. The columns of air ascend directly 
upward, just inside the window, and mix with 
the heated air in the upper part of the room. If 
this system were universally carried out, we 
should hear less of rheumatism and chills caught 
by sitting in draughts. 

In connection with this subject there comes in 
naturally the ventilation of clothes on the body. 
The necessity of maintaining a free ventilation 
is imperative. Whatever impedes the evapora- 
tion of water from the body, leads of necessity 
to some derangement of the body, if not to dis- 
ease; for the retained moisture, saturating the 
garments, produces chilliness of surface and 
checks the action of the skin. Then follow cold, 
dyspepsia, and in those who are disposed to it, 
rheumatism. For these reasons the so-called 
waterproofs are sources of great danger, unless 
they are used with discrimination. It is true 
they keep the body dry in wet weather, but they 
wet it through from its own rain; and when the 



168 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

body is fully exercised and perspires copiously 
during rains, shut up with its own secretion on 
one side of the waterproof covering, and chilled 
by the water that falls on the other, it is in a poor 
plight indeed. The body had better be wet to 
the skin in porous clothing. Hence I would ad- 
vise that the waterproof should only be used 
when the body is at rest, as when standing or 
sitting in the rain. During active exercise a good, 
large, strong umbrella, none of your finikin 
parasol-like pretenses, is worth any number of 
waterproofs. 

The essentials to sound health of mind and 
body are a constant supply of pure, fresh air 
for the lungs. 

An abundance of wholesome and well-pre- 
pared food. 

All the exercise daily that can be taken with- 
out great fatigue. 

Scrupulous cleanliness. 

Clothing adapted to the changes of the sea- 
sons, and the habit of keeping your mouth shut 
when out in the nignt air, or on a cold day, and 
when sleeping. 

If you keep your mouth shut and walk rapid- 
ly, the air can only reach the lungs by the circuit 
of the nose and head, and becomes warmed be- 
fore reaching the lungs, thus causing no de- 
rangement; but if you keep your mouth open, 
large draughts of cold air dash directly in upon 
the lungs, chilling the whole frame almost in- 
stantly. The brisk walking throws the blood to 
the surface of the body, thus keeping up a vig- 
orous circulation, making a cold impossible. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 169 

Always shut your mouth before you open the 
street door, and keep it resolutely closed until 
you have walked briskly for some ten minutes; 
then if you keep on walking, or have reached 
your home, you may talk as much as you please. 

No one can be well whose feet are habitually 
cold. We often hear persons complain of hav- 
ing cold feet, not only in winter but at all 
seasons of the year. 

If a person cannot have the feet warm, in 
spite of warm shoes and of woolen stockings, 
and these moreover in a warm room, and the 
feet are cold in bed, during the night, there is 
a condition of chronic malady, which is the 
cause of many other maladies. What is the 
cause of such cold feet? The physiologist 
would say that animal heat depends on the 
blood which gives out its heat to all parts of the 
body, and if the circulation is sluggish in any 
part, there is in that a sensation of cold. In 
that cronic condition which consists in having 
the feet cold we have then a defective distribu- 
tion of the blood. As the cold feet do not re- 
ceive a sufficient quantity of blood, therefore 
they do not get a sufficient quantity of warmth, 
the nutrition of these extremities is perverted, 
some of their functions are arrested and organic 
troubles follow. 

It can safely be said that ninety times in one 
hundred, diseases of the lungs are due to cold 
feet. The blood repelled from the extremities 
goes very often to congest the lungs. Cold 
feet often induce difficult respiration and asth- 
ma. The congestion reaches the head; from 



170 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 

there the trouble extends to the brain and to 
the eyes. 

All these affections disappear when the feet 
are kept warm. 

It is to our own carelessness that habitually- 
cold feet are due. Even from the cradle they 
raise us to have cold feet. The stockings are 
thin and the shoes narrow, so that the blood 
cannot circulate in the feet; add to this the evil 
custom of having garters, and the general want 
of care for the feet, and it is easily seen why 
there organs revenge this treatment later. 

What is necessary to avoid cold feet, and to 
cure this infirmity when it exists? 

It is not well to give baths too warm to chil- 
dren; it is well to continue baths to all ages. 
If the feet have become habitually cold, it is 
necessary to have patience and not think that a 
trouble that has required twenty years or more 
to establish can be cured in one night. 

There is no specific for the cure of chronic cold 
feet. The cure consists in rubbing, vapor baths 
and walking. In this way warmth comes to 
the feet, and with it health returns. When the 
feet are warm it becomes easy to talk, for then 
the head is cool and the blood circulates 
freely. 

The old proverb which said that " Head cool, 
feet warm and waist free may laugh at the doc- 
tors," finds here confirmation. 

Wear woolen, cotton or silk stockings, which- 
ever keeps your feet most comfortable; do not 
let the experience of another be your guide, 
for different persons require different articles* 



ON HEAL TH AND BEA UTY. 171 

what is good for a person whose feet are nat 
urally damp, cannot be good for one whose feet 
are always dry. 

If when the feet are cold and dry, the feet 
should be soaked in hot water foi ten minutes 
every night, and when wiped and dried, rub into 
them well ten or fifteen drops of sweet oil; do 
this patiently with the hands, rubbing the oil 
into the soles of the feet particularly. 

If the feet are damp and cold, at night, after 
removing the stockings, hold the feet to the fire, 
rubbing them with the hands for fifteen min- 
utes, and get immediately into bed. Under any 
circumstances, as often as the feet are cold 
enough to attract attention, draw off the stock- 
ings, and put on a dry pair, leaving the damp 
ones before the fire to be ready for another 
change. Pieces of newspaper wrapped around 
the feet over the stockings keep the feet re- 
markably warm. Cold feet arise from the want 
of a vigorous circulation in them; this is often 
remedied by putting them in hot water in a 
wooden vessel so as to cover only the toes, in 
about ten minutes, put the feet in cold water, 
the colder the better, of the same depth, for half 
a minute, the object being to produce a shock, 
calculated to draw the warm blood to the soles; 
this may be done on retiring and rising. Noth- 
ing should be considered a trouble, which can 
have even a slight tendency to keep the feel- 
warm, because there never can be recovery 
from disease or substantial good health without 
it. 

The following is a simple cure for cold feet; 



T72 



TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 



All that is necessary is tc stand erect and very 
gradually to lift one's self up upon the tips of the 
toes, so as to put all the tendons of the foot at 
full strain. This is not to hop or jump up and 
down, but simply to rise — the slower the better 
— upon tiptoe, and to remain standing on the 
point of the toes as long as possible, then grad- 
ually coming to the natural position. Repeat 
this several times and by the amount of work 
the tips of the toes are made to do in sustaining 
the body's weight, a sufficient and lively circula- 
tion is set up. A heavy pair of woolen stock- 
ings drawn over thin cotton ones is also a recom- 
mendation for keeping the feet warm, and at 
the same time preventing their becoming tender 
and sore. 

The daily food and drink of every person 
should be in accordance with the well-known 
principles of healthy diet. The habit should be 
established, and never swerved from, of living 
properly, so that no one, as she takes her seat at 
the table, and prepares to satisfy her appetite, 
need be distracted from the fullness of its enjoy- 
ment by any vexatious questions. 

She should not be forced to set up a debate 
in her own mind as to the digestibility of every 
bit of bread she breaks, or of each plate of meat 
set before her. The appointed hours for the 
meals may vary, according to circumstances, 
but the intervals between them should be of 
uniform length. Five or six hours, at most, 
ought to be allowed to intervene between two 
repasts. 

Long abstinence from solid food is exceeding- 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 173 

ly dangerous. It is a well-established law of 
dietetics that the meals should be taken at fixed 
periods, and no food eaten at any other time. 
Nothing so weakens the power of digestion as 
the habit of picking up a snack here and there 
as chance may offer. Even if it be but a bit of 
bread thus taken, it is not safe. 

The quantity and the quality of food required 
in each individual case, depends on the size and 
health of the person, and on the occupation. 

A person of sedentary habits should regulate 
the diet to the requirements of the system, re- 
membering that it is safer to err on the side of 
eating hardly enough, than too much. Over- 
eating produces accumulations of fat, which is 
a disease of itself, and paradoxical as it may 
seem, insufficient food tends- to produce the same 
diseases. Either condition causes derangement 
in the circulation that may induce the same 
troubles. 

y Variety is the spice of life. In nothing is this 
more applicable than as to foods. Select a list of 
foods that experience has taught us are most 
acceptable, and then from the list get a variety 
for each day of the week. Salt meats should be 
used sparingly, because they are more indigest- 
ible than fresh. Pies and rich puddings try the 
digestive organs severely, and cannot be safely 
indulged in by adults, except they have vigor- 
ous out-door exercise. The quantity and qual- 
ity of food should depend upon what is required 
of the individual, just as the amount of fuel 
requisite depends on the work a steam-engine 
has to perform. 



174 TALKS WI TH HO MEL Y GLRL S 

A wise regulation of the food supply can be 
made to supersede the use of medicines to a very- 
great extent. 

Insufficient light, perhaps more than any 
other cause, produces disease of the eye and de- 
rangement of the vision. Twilight reading is 
much practiced and is very pernicious. That is, 
prolonging the study or reading after daylight 
has begun to decline. The change is?so stealthy 
that, when the interest is excited, and the mind 
absorbed, the growing darkness is unheeded or 
unobserved, till serious mischief is done. 

You are earnestly cautioned: i. To be sure 
that you have sufficient light, and that your po- 
sition be such that you not only avoid the direct 
rays upon your eyes, but that you also avoid the 
angle of reflection. In writing, the light should 
be received over your left shoulder. 

2. That you avoid a stooping position and a 
forward inclination of the head. Hold the book 
up. Sit erect also when you write. 

3. That at brief intervals you rest the eyes by 
looking off and away from the book for a few 
minutes. 

4. And you are further cautioned to avoid as 
much as possible books and papers printed in 
small type, and especially such as are poorly 
printed, also to avoid straining or overtaxing 
the eyes in anyway. 

5. Do not allow yourself to read a moment in 
any reclining position, whether in bed or on 
the sofa. 

Reading on steam or sail vessels should not 
be largely indulged in. 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 1 75 

A sudden change between bright light and 
darkness is always pernicious. 

6. Very great injury to the eyes frequently 
comes from wearing the cheap and inferior glasses 
usually sold by peddlers. Were persons to ob- 
serve the same caution in selecting glasses as 
they usually do in the selection of articles of 
trivial importance, we should have fewer cases 
of impaired eyesight. 

Many who are troubled with weak eyes, by 
avoiding the use of them in reading, sewing and 
the like, until after breakfast will be able to use 
them with greater comfort for the remainder of 
the day. 

7. Frequently pass the balls of the fingers over 
the closed eyelids toward the nose. This carries 
off any excess of water into the nose itself, by 
means of the little duct which leads into the 
nostril from each inner corner of the eye. 

If cold water is used for washing the eyes, let 
it be flapped against the closed eye with the 
fingers of the hand, not striking hard against 
the balls of the eyes. 

Spectacles are rarely becoming to women, and 
great care should be taken of the eyes to pre- 
vent a recourse to their use. 



176 TALKS WITH HOMELY GIRLS 



CHAPTER XX. 

IMPORTANT DETAILS. 

It is everybody's duty to cultivate the mind; 
this is a truism, I think, which provokes no dis- 
sent. It is everybody's duty to keep the body 
healthy; this is a correlative truism which, if it 
provoke no dissent, does not command a uni- 
versal acceptance; at least, if accepted, it is not 
acted upon, and the highest truth is valueless un- 
til it is reduced to practice. Even among the 
better classes, even among those to- whom this 
book is specially addressed, the neglect of the 
body is manifest, and not less serious than 
manifest. 

"How can that be?" exclaims a fair lady; 
" do I not devote a couple of hours every day to 
personal adornment?" But the adornment of 
the person and the health of the body are two 
different things, as wide as the poles asunder. 

You and your maid are engaged, as you say, 
two — I think it will be more correct to put it at 
three — hours daily in the details of the toilet; 
in dressing and undressing, in endeavoring to 
submit yourself to the requirements of fashion. 
But what has this to do with health? Do you 
take regular and and moderate exercise? Do 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UT Y. 177 

you keep reasonable hours? Do you strike a 
just balance between recreation and work? Do 
you live in a wholesome atmosphere? Do you 
retire early and rise early? Can you answer 
these questions in the affirmative? Or is it not 
true that you spend long hours in the vitiated 
atmosphere of the ball-room, that your retire to 
bed at a very late hour exhausted with the toil 
of pleasure, that you do not rise until near mid- 
day, that your time is wholly devoted to what 
you are pleased to call amusement? 

If this is the case, you are not taking care of 
your health; on the contrary, you are sowing 
the seeds of disease, and, it is to be feared, will 
gather the harvest in the shape of premature 
death or prolonged debility. 

Of the necessity of cleanliness it would seem 
superfluous to enlarge, yet the reader will 
doubtless have met with persons having a very 
imperfect notion of what it is and means. 
Cleanliness is by many regarded as a purely 
personal matter, as a something which affects 
only the individual; but, in truth, in concerns 
the individual's neighbors, and everybody has a 
right to protest against dirt. Cleanliness rend- 
ers us agreeable to others; at all events, it pre- 
vents us from offending them. 

Addison speaks of cleanliness as a mark of 
politeness, and it is universally agreed, he says, 
that no one unadorned with this virtue can go 
into company without giving a manifold of- 
fense. 

I must touch lightly upon an unpleasant sub- 
ject. Everybody knows how disagreeable a 



178 



TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 



thing is bad breath. There are some persons 
whom, for this reason, we avoid as we would 
avoid malaria. Physiologically, it is a matter 
of no small importance, as it is a sign of good 
health. Sufferers from bad breath should be 
careful in their diet. The condition of the teeth 
should also receive constant attention. After 
meals the mouth should be well rinsed with 
tepid water. A few drops of tincture of myrrh 
may be added to the water with advantage. 
When the vitiation of the breath is caused by 
the teeth, the following compound may be 
recommended: Mix eight ounces of the best 
honey in two ounces of rose-water over a gentle 
fire for a few minutes, and then add sufficient 
Armenian bole and powdered myrrh to make a 
soft paste or cream. This is applied to the teeth 
with a brush two or three times a day. 

But, as I have already said, health is the real 
sweetness of the breath, and palliatives, after 
all, are of very slight advantage. 

The benefits of exercise to those whose social 
condition obviates the necessity of continuous 
physical exertion as a means of gaining a liveli- 
hood, cannot be overestimated. A certain 
amount of bodily fatigue must be undergone if 
our natural strength is to be maintained, and 
our muscles and organs are to be preserved in 
bodily vigor. 

In this way the circulation must be equalized, 
and the blood more effectually distributed 
through every part. Cold feet or hands, or a 
feeling of chill, warn us that the circulation is 
impeded. During exercise the muscles press on 



ON HE A LTH AND BE A UTY. 179 

the veins, and by quickening the vessels into ac- 
tivity, promote the regular movement of the 
currents; the valves of the heart are relieved of 
unnecessary or injurious labor, and assisted in 
their work of sending onward the stream of life. 

When exercise is neglected, the blood collects 
too much about this central region, and we be- 
come sensible of oppression, a difficulty of 
breathing, lowness of spirits, and a general 
heaviness and anxiety. 

We often find persons complaining that they 
are too weak and too breathless to take exercise. 

But this is a delusion. The weakness, the 
quick and short respiration arise from want of 
exercise. The heart groans under its burden, 
and yet you do nothing to help it to impel the 
blood forward to the extremities. The lungs 
are similarly oppressed, but you refuse to re- 
lieve them from their trouble. 

Be certain that the less exercise you take, the 
less you will be fitted for, and yet the more you 
will need it. Your muscles will grow flaecid, 
your nerves disordered, your blood thick and 
slow. You are committing suicide, and deserve 
to suffer all the penalties attaching to such 
perversity. 

There are open to ladies other forms of exer- 
cise besides walking, and these are not to be neg- 
lected, though I decline to look upon any of 
them as a satisfactory substitute for it. Some 
of them may be accepted as supplementary — 
such for instance as rowing and swimming — 
both being pastimes in which ladies can now 
indulge freely without fear of provoking cen- 



i8o TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

sure or gaining notoriety. Croquet is not so 
fashionable as it was; but lawn tennis has taken 
its place, and is perhaps more beneficial. Danc- 
ing most not be omitted, though pursued in a 
crowded ball-room, it does not exercise an ex- 
actly sanitary influence. The good done by the 
play of muscle and limb is probably more than 
neutralized by excitement and the respiration 
for some hours of an unwholesome atmosphere. 
There can be no doubt, however, that it pro- 
motes a graceful carriage, and an ease and 
litheness of motion, converting many a lubber- 
ly youth into a polished and elegant cavalier, 
and many an awkward lass into a refined young 
maiden, whose bearing and movements please 
by their facility and self-possession. 

Says Jean Paul Richter, in his " Levana," 
"Women, it is well-known, cannot run, but only 
dance, and every woman would more easily 
reach by dancing than by running, a post-house 
to which instead of a straight poplar alley, a 
lordly row of trees planted in the English fash- 
ion, conducted." The gymnastics of running, 
walking on stilts, climbing and the like, steels 
and hardens individual powers and muscles; 
whereas dancing, like a corporeal poetry, em- 
bellishes, exercises and equalizes all the mus- 
cles. Further the harmony connected with it 
imparts to the mind and affections that material 
order which reveals the highest and regulates 
the beat of the pulse, the step, and even the 
thoughts. Music is the meter of this poetic 
movement, and is an invisible dance, just as 
dancing is a silent music. 



ON HE A L TH A ATZ> BE A UTY. i S i 

Riding, whether for men or women, is a 
noble exercise, and its therapeutic effects must 
be frankly recognized. Some one has carefully 
studied the increase in the quantity of air in- 
spired that takes place in a variety of move- 
ments, with the following result: 

Taking the recumbent position to represent 
unity, i; then, in standing, the quantity of air 
inspired rises to 1.33; in walking at the rate of 
one mile an hour 1.9; at four miles an hour, 5; 
riding raises it to 4.05 and swimming to 4.33. 

Along with this increased respiratory action 
will be an increase in the number of respira- 
tions; that is, in the number of alternate acts of 
expansion and contraction of the chest. In a 
healthy adult these average from fourteen to 
eighteen a minute, but with exercise they are 
greatly increased. 

But the more quickly the movements of res- 
piration take place, the smaller the proportion- 
ate quantity of carbonic acid contained in each 
volume of the expired air. 

" A good head of hair " is no slight ornament 
to a man; to the completion of a woman's 
beauty it is indispensible. 

Where would be the heroines of our novelists 
if they wore wigs? Terrible thought! How 
much fine poetry, how many exquiste similes 
would the world have lost? For to celebrate in 
prose or verse a woman wanting woman's 
greatest personal charm would have been, mus 
ever be, an impossibility. 

Therefore let every woman pay due attention 



182 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

to " that robe which curious Nature weaves to 
hang upon the head." 

Here, by the way, I am reminded of Romola's 
hair " which was of a reddish-golden color, en- 
riched by an unbroken small ripple, such as 
may be seen in the sunset clouds on grandest 
autumnal evenings," but if she do not neg- 
lect it, she will have enough to frame a comely 
face, enough for a lover to swear by. As for its 
color, that she cannot help, and must not en- 
deavor to change by the use of any abominable 
pigments or decoctions. 

There is a good deal to be said for almost 
every hue under the sun. Even red has its 
admirers, and if it be not a fiery red, 
but with a touch of gold in it, well will 
it harmonize with a snowy complexion; with 
one of those fair white skins which show 
every azure vein, and on the forehead seems 
like the hair to be suffused with a warm golden 
light. Jane Eyre, you know, had red hair, 
though hardly such red hair as this. 

Brown and black and the dark chestnut shade 
between, and the light brown which is bathed 
in sunshine — each has its heroines and its 
poets. 

Spenser endows the false Duessa with " gold- 
en locks," but he gives them also to the gentle 
Lena. As a contrast, Dryden's Iphigenia is 
decked with " raven-glossy hair." Tennyson's 
Adeline has " floating flaxen hair." Of his 
Eleanore, he simply tells us that she has "tresses 
unconfined." And if we turn to his Arthurian 
beauties, the stars of that famous court, which 



ON HEAL TH AXD BEA UTY. 183 

held its state at many-towered Camelot, we read 
of Elaine, the lily maid, and of 

"Her bright hair blown about the serious face;" 

And in that exquisite picture of the voyage of 
the dead, when in the barge palled all its length 
in blackest samite, she lies upon her bier; she 
comes before us — " in her right hand the lily, in 
her left the letter — all her bright hair streaming 
down." 

But fair-haired or dark-haired, our readers 
will desire to preserve their crowning beauty; 
and it may do to repeat that this is best done by 
frequent washing. The water should be tepid; 
soap seldom used, or if used it must be non- 
alkaline. After the hair has been thoroughly 
cleansed, it should be as thoroughly dried, and 
then well brushed (with a soft brush, not one of 
these bristle-machines which tear up one's locks 
like a harrow) in the sun or before the fire. A 
little simple pomade or perfumed oil may be 
rubbed well into the roots as a final stage of the 
process; but let it be a little. What is more un- 
pleasant to the sight or the smell than a mass of 
curls glistening with grease? 

Some hair is naturally so dry that it requires 
the occasional application of an unguent, but I 
repeat that the application should be very care- 
fully regulated. As to the washes advertised 
for changing the color of the hair, or for bring- 
ing hair, by some miraculous spell, on places 
absolutely devoid of it, I would warn you to 
beware of them. Either they are composed of 
materials passively noxious, or of materials 



184 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

totally incapable of producing the desired effect; 
in the former case, they are ruinous; in the 
latter, useless. When the hair germs or roots 
have once perished, no oil, wash, essence, extract, 
or pomade can restore them. There is much 
good sense in the following remarks: 

" The constant and persevering use of the 
brush is a great means of beautifying the hair, 
rendering it glossy and elastic, and encouraging 
a disposition to curl. The brush produces 
further advantages in propelling and calling 
into action the contents of the numerous vessels 
and pores which are interspersed over the whole 
surface of the head, and furnish vigor and 
nourishment to the hair. Five minutes at least, 
every morning and evening, should be devoted 
to its use. Two brushes are necessary for the 
toilet of the hair — a penetrating and a polishing 
brush. 

The penetrating brush should be composed of 
strong elastic hairs, cut into regular lengths, 
but not so hard or coarse as to be in any danger 
of irritating the skin; after being passed through 
the hair once or twice, to insure its smoothness 
and regularity, the brush should be slightly dip- 
ped in eau-de-cologne, or sprinkled with a little 
perfumed hartshorn, as either of these prepara- 
tions is beneficial in strengthening the hair. The 
polishing brush should be made of fine, soft 
hairs, thickly studded. Combs should only be 
resorted to for the purpose of giving a form to 
the hair, or assisting in its decoration, as their 
use is more or less prejudicial to the surface of 
the skin and the roots of the hair. 



ON HEAL TIT AND BEA UTY. 1S5 

The growth of the hair is best promoted by 
keeping it scrupulously clean. I believe it is 
also promoted by being largely exposed every 
day (weather permitting) to the action of the 
fresh air out-of-doors, without any covering of 
hat, bonnet, or cap— of course for a moderate 
time, and net in excessive sunshine. Gypsies, 
fisherwomen and others whose occupations com- 
pel them to be much in the open air, almost in- 
variably possess an abundance of hair, glossy 
strong and wavy. 

In the multitude of counselors there may be 
safety, but in the multiplying of clothes there is 
no glory. We do not estimate our neighbors by 
the number of dresses they possess, nor is an 
additional hat or so an additional claim on our 
esteem. 

Next, we should dress according to our age. 
To the thoughtful observer, it is painful; to the 
caricaturist, ridiculous, to see a lady of uncertain 
years flaunting about in the fanciful and free 
garments of sweet seventeen. 

Gray hair, crow's-feet about the eyes, and bent 
shoulders, do not harmonize with light colors 
and fanciful costumes. The combination is not 
according to the eternal fitness of things. 

We should dress, also, according to our social 
position. There is a certain uniformity to all 
dress nowadays, it is true, and no such class 
distinctions exist as were recognized even as late 
as the last century. 

The lady and her maid alike figure in dresses 
generally of the same form, if indeed it happens 
that the material of them varies. Yet a differ- 



186 TALKS WITH HOMEL Y GIRLS 

ence does still obtain, and we are continually 
meeting with persons of whom we say, " they 
are dressed above their station," or, in reality, 
above their means. 

No woman with a limited income should 
aspire to a fashionable appearance. Let her be 
"point-device in her accoutrements;" let neat- 
ness stand impersonated in her; let her clothes 
be of good texture and admirable cut, but let 
her keep within a limit, which is easily rec- 
ognized though not easily defined. Yet it must 
be a trifling mind which can allow itself to be 
absorbed in trifles; and the man or woman who 
devotes all his or her time and thought to dress 
should make it, not wear it. 

Inventions in dressing should resemble Ad- 
dison's definition of fine writing, and consist of 
"refinements which are natural, without being 
obvious." 

Men and women endeavor to attract notice by 
their dress only when they are aware there is 
nothing attractive in themselves. 

Avoid many colors, and seek by some one 
prevalent and quiet tint to sober down the 
others. Appelles used only four colors, and 
always subdued those which were more florid 
by a darkening varnish. 

It is one of the few things for which we have 
to thank the aesthetic craze that the love of 
showy, vivid colors has died out, and a wise 
partiality crept in for soft, cool hues and quiet 
neutral tints 

" The fine full tones of blue and green, the 
bright pinks, the orange-yellow, which once 



ON HEAL TH AND BE A UTY. 187 

made our wives and daughters look like walking 
bits of rainbow, or as if they had heaped on 
their raiments the loudest colors on the paint- 
er's palette, are no longer to be seen, and 
harmony of tints is more highly prized than 
violent effects." It is possible to err in this 
direction, and one does not wish to see society 
dissolving away into vague neutral shades 
which almost escape the eye; still even this 
would be better than the old extreme which 
attired it in all the showiness of a kaleidoscope. 

There may be more pathos in the fall of a 
collar or the curl of a lock, than the shallow 
think for. Should we be so apt as we are now 
to compassionate the misfortunes and to forgive 
the insincerity of Charles I., if his pictures had 
portrayed him in a bob-wig and a pigtail? 
Vandyke was a greater sophist than Homer. 

The most graceful principle of dress is neat- 
ness. The most vulgar is preciseness. 

It would be better, I think, to dress so as to 
call forth no remark at all. A popular journal- 
ist acutely remarks that " When the woman is 
very pretty, one never looks at her dress; and 
when the toilet is very striking, one forgets to 
look at the wearer. In the first case, the dress 
is an adjunct to the woman; in the latter, the 
woman is an accessory of the dress." And he 
proceeds to relate an experience of his own at a 
ball: 

" There was present," he says, " a perfect 
costume of dark sage-green and velveteen, and 
old-gold plush, the latter in small quantities. 
The manner of the whole get-up was as excellent 



188 TALKS WITH HO MEL Y GIRLS 

as the coloring. But what was the wearer like? 
Well, though I looked at her several times, I 
have not retained any idea of her. The dress 
effaced her. On the other hand, a very charm- 
ing woman with dark eyes and hair of real gold, 
whose figure was absolute perfection, appears 
now, in my recollection of her, to have walked 
about in a kind of cloud of creamy whiteness, 
with a halo of the same, which I suppose must 
have been a bonnet, or a hat, or perhaps a par- 
asol," and in this one paragraph. is the key to the 
whole subject of proper dressing. 





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